by S. C. Ellen
Even though a part of me knows it isn’t just the sex I’m in it for.
I set my coffee on the nightstand and begin to get ready for work. Monday mornings are tough enough, and I’m sure running on little sleep isn’t going to help that. Do I mind, though? Absolutely not. I’d lose countless hours of sleep if it meant I could have more nights of Carson inside of me all night.
I’m picking out an outfit to wear from my closet when I feel strong hands wrap around my waist and inhale the side of my neck. “You’re intoxicating, mio angelo.”
I lean against his body, letting him claim my neck with kisses. “Carson…” I whisper out, “You’re going to make me late for work.”
“I know.” He turns me around and claims my lips with his. His hands trail down my body and firmly grab onto my hips, pulling me against him. Our tongues find one another, and soon his hands are snaking their way inside of my panties.
He lets out a guttural breath when he finds how wet I already am for him. “You naughty woman. All ready for me to take you again.”
I let out a moan, “I’m serious, Carson. I have to get going.”
He lets out a breath and steps back. “I’d already have you in six different positions by now if I didn’t know how much you care about keeping your job. I do have half a mind to call you in sick, though…”
I softly let out a chuckle, “You wouldn’t dare!”
“Try me.” He smirks.
And he does exactly that.
I spend most of my unplanned day off back in bed with Carson, freshly fucked, with no regrets.
“You’re insatiable,” I joke, lying breathless in his arms.
And he gives me a look that says, ‘Can you blame a guy?’
After a few minutes, he gets up and starts putting his clothes back on.
“Going somewhere?” I ask, turning onto my stomach, admiring his physique.
“As much as I would love to keep you in bed and underneath me all day… I’m starving,” he states, buttoning up his dress shirt, “What do you say about going somewhere for dinner? Do something normal for once.” He shrugs.
“Like a… date?”
He pauses briefly, “Alayna…”
“What?”
He runs a hand through his hair, taking a seat back down on the edge of the bed. “Don’t complicate this, Alayna. We may have established that we have a strong physical attraction toward each other, but thinking any more into it, is dangerous.”
My heart sinks, and anger erupts inside of me. I knew something was finally going to give, I just didn’t think it would hurt so bad in the process. “More dangerous than fucking the boss’s daughter?” I spit.
He gives me a sharp look.
“Don’t worry, Carson. I won’t complicate it any further than what it already is.”
Realizing how harsh he sounds, his tone turns gentle. “No one gets hurt this way, Alayna. This isn’t one of your romance books that you read. This is real fucking life, dealing with real-life consequences. We live in a world where acting on feelings and emotions can get you killed.”
“Then why did you give in to us, Carson? It’s not making any sense.”
Releasing a long and defeated breath, he finally answers, “Because there’s a selfish fucking part of me that doesn’t give a damn about the consequences.”
I stare at it him for a moment, waiting for him to elaborate.
His expression is unreadable. Is he mad? Is he angry? Hell if I know. He always seems to be in a mood. “Do I look like a man who is afraid of death, Alayna? I welcome it. But if something ever happened to you because of me…death would be too easy of a punishment, and I am not willing to risk your safety for anything.”
I fidget nervously on the bed. “Do you regret what we did, then?”
“No,” he states firmly. “I live with no regrets.”
I let out a long sigh. “I wish it wasn’t so complicated.”
“Yeah, well, nothing ever comes easy, does it?”
No, not at all. “So what now?”
He runs a hand through his hair. “Fuck if I know. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing anymore.” He lets out breath. “The only thing that I do know for sure is that now that I’ve had a taste of you, I can’t let you go.”
“You did what!” Tessa shouts, almost spewing out her wine.
“Shh! It’s not that big of a deal!” I whisper, biting my lip. It totally is.
“You mean to tell me you’ve had epic and freaky sex with your bodyguard?”
My eyes widen, and I glance over to the room next to us, making sure the boys in the kitchen didn’t hear. “A little louder, would you?” I sarcastically chastise, nervously playing with a strand of my hair.
“You know how bad this is, don’t you, Al? If your dad ever found out…” She shakes in her seat, not finishing the thought.
“He won’t. Carson will make sure of it.”
She looks at me for a brief moment, before nodding. “Have you two at least been careful?”
I roll my eyes, “Of course, Tessa. I’m not completely suicidal. I’m on the shot.” Which reminds me, I needed to set up another appointment soon for my next birth control injection.
“Good.” She takes another sip of her wine, eyeing me over the rim with a suspicious glint like she’s waiting for me to say something.
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” I ask.
She rolls her eyes with a giggle. “Details, Al. I’m waiting for the juicy details! How was it?! I want to know everything!”
Excitement bubbles in my stomach. “Well, for starters…amazing. Mind-blowing. Huge!”
“Does he know you’ve only been with one other guy before? What was his name again? Robbie? With the terrible sex face and all of his minute-man glory?” she teases.
My ears tinge pink. “I don’t think my eleventh-grade, Catholic school boyfriend needs to be brought up, under any circumstance. Trust me, I like to believe it never even happened in the first place. Besides,” I shrug, taking a piece of popcorn from the bowl in front of us and popping it into my mouth. “It would just make his head big knowing that he was the first man who actually brought me real pleasure.”
She contemplates something for a moment, “You know, I knew it was only a matter of time before one of you finally made the move.”
I lean back on the couch, eyeing her warily. “How so?”
“The sexual tension between you both was so strong I felt like I was suffocating in it whenever I was in a room with you two!”
My eyes widen. If Tessa noticed that, is it possible that anybody else did, too? I nervously fiddle with my glass, the thoughts in my mind running rampant.
“You like him, don’t you, Al? Like, really, really like him?” she voices quietly.
My heart drops to the pit of my stomach at her question. I know the real reason why I asked her to hang out with me today, and it wasn’t because I felt guilty for not telling her about Carson. It was because she’s the only person who fully understands how to have feelings for somebody you know you could never be with.
I bow my head and nod tearfully.
“Oh, you poor thing.” She cuddles up next to me and lays my head against her shoulder. “Do you think he feels the same way about you?”
“Yes? No? Maybe? He’s just so shielded, Tes, I don’t know how to get around it. Every time I think we’ve made some progress, he knocks me on my ass again. It’s like he’s adamant on keeping me away.”
She runs a comforting hand down my arm. “You can have any man you want, Al. A man you wouldn’t have to worry about keeping a secret from your family. So why do you keep torturing yourself like this?”
I look at her, really look at her like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Because when I’m with him, I feel like I matter. Like I have a voice.”
Tessa looks at me with question, “You’ve always had a voice, Al. You’re not afraid to speak your mind, and I’ve always admired that about you.
”
“I know it sounds ridiculous Tessa,” I let out a long, drawn-out sigh. “But you know how this life is, a woman’s opinion is as valuable as dirt. I can speak my mind until I am blue in the face, but at the end of the day, is anyone really listening to me and what I want for my life?”
“And Carson does?”
“Yes, and he has been since the second we met. He doesn’t hold me back, and he makes me feel like I am worth something, and I can’t let go of that.”
My words hang heavy in the air between us, because our situation is relatable when it comes to the men in our life. We sit in silence staring mindlessly at the blank TV screen like it somehow holds the answers for us.
I knew my feelings for Carson ran deep, but hearing my confession out loud, I know that it’s much deeper than that. I let Carson see my most vulnerable side, and that’s something I have never let anyone see before. I was raised to be a strong and confident mafia principessa, who was never allowed to show weakness in front of others. Yet, here I am, opening my heart up and letting my walls down to a man whom I am forbidden to be with, but it didn’t stop me anyway. There’s a part of me that holds on to that one-percent chance that maybe, just maybe, if I played my cards right, I could break down his barriers. I know hope is a silly thing to rely on, but it’s all I have at the moment, and I won’t give up on it just yet.
She leans back on the leather sofa, crossing her feet on the glass table. “We are helpless, aren’t we?”
I nod in agreement, “I say we become nuns, and live out our days scolding naughty children.”
Tessa turns up her nose, “I don’t think I could go without sex for the rest of my life.”
Suddenly an unwanted question pops into my mind, and I can’t help myself from asking. “Have you and Jase…”
Her cheeks turn a bright red. “Of course we have, and let me tell you, it’s not just the emotional aspect I’m so hung up on, it’s the huge—”
“Okay! Okay! Enough! My ears are bleeding.”
She giggles beside me, lightening the mood. “Well, it’s the truth.”
I decide to change the subject immediately after that. “Have you found a dress yet for the Christmas Gala?”
She lets out a curse, “That’s next week, isn’t it?”
I nod, “Don’t worry, I haven’t got a dress for it either.”
Her eyebrows wiggle together. “I smell a shopping trip coming soon if you can stop having sex long enough!”
We both burst out in a fit of giggles, unaware of the men who are now standing in the room staring suspiciously at us.
“What’s so funny?” Jase asks, looking over at me and then at Tessa.
“Oh, nothing, just talking about Alayna’s new favorite rollercoaster ride.”
I can feel my cheeks turn a concerning shade of red.
“Really? Which amusement park?” Jase asks again, clearly naïve about what she’s actually talking about.
“It’s local, actually. Typically moves between Michigan and New—”
“Wow, would you look at that? Tessa and I were just about to head upstairs!” I stand up in haste, nearly dragging her out of the living room and up the steps.
“Hold on, I need more wine!”
“Oh, no, you don’t!”
I drag her up the staircase and into the bedroom, closing the door more loudly than I intended to. “You, my friend, are evil!”
And Tessa just smirks like she doesn’t know what I am talking about.
Alayna
The Christmas season is always one of my favorite times of the year, and the annual Christmas Eve Gala is a great way to end it on a positive note.
A strum of violins greets us as we make our way inside of the beautiful banquet hall. Lights and decorations are hung in streams of white and gold, ringing in the Christmas spirit. Waiters and waitresses carry trays of the finest champagne, and the party is in full swing with beautiful men and women dressed in their very best.
I take off my fur shawl and hang it over my arm, straightening out my gold designer dress. Carson’s eyes were glued onto me from the moment we left the house, and even now he makes no effort to be subtle with his stare.
We pass by a bunch of politicians and businessmen while making our way over to our table. My father and mother are occupied in conversation with other important couples, and I find Tessa looking as gorgeous as ever, talking to a cute waiter.
Jase stands close by the dancefloor, undoubtedly calculating every single way he could kill the man talking to her.
Her eyes caught mine, and she politely excuses herself from the man. “Alayna! You look like a million bucks!”
A smile makes its way across my face as I take in her gorgeous green gown that fits her curves perfectly. “I could say the same about you!”
Tessa’s wary eyes land on Carson, still uncomfortable by his presence. “You clean up well,” she politely compliments.
Carson gives her an acknowledging nod, “You both look very beautiful.” His eyes scan the crowd, brows furrowing as it lands on a certain man. “If you’ll excuse me.”
Before we even have time to respond, he’s gone in a flash. Tessa turns to me suddenly with a questioning look. “I can’t place it, but something about Carson… puts me on edge.”
I laugh, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. “Everything puts you on edge, Tess.”
She shrugs and grabs a glass of champagne from a passing waitress, handing one over to me, as well.
Elliot—who I learned is Carson’s business partner—and Jase suddenly make their way over to us. Jase’s eyes flick with appreciation over Tessa’s beauty, and her eyes mirror his own as she finally catches sight of him.
He puts a hand over her waist, leaning in close to her ear. “You look amazing, T.”
A blush forms on her cheeks. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”
“Care for a dance?” A moment of hesitation passes, but she takes a hold of his hand and follows him onto the dancefloor.
I stand awkwardly next to Elliot, not sure what to do, so I take a hefty sip of my champagne as I watch my brother and best friend dancing a little closer than what would be deemed appropriate.
I don’t mind it, though. I’m happy to see them enjoying each other and not fighting for one night.
“Would you like to join me?” Elliot asks, extending his hand.
His eyebrows rise together as his hand wavers in the air between us. “I don’t bite, Alayna. I promise.”
Giving a polite nod, I place my drink on the table and join him on the dancefloor. His hands rest on my waist, and mine awkwardly tense over his broad shoulders.
“Relax, Alayna, I’m not going to pounce on you. I’ve got sights on another Pentalini woman, thank you very much.”
I laugh, relaxing in his hold. “How exactly is that going for you?”
He lets out a breath, “Not so well. Liliana hates my guts.”
His eyes find hers sitting next to her father; she looks away as soon as she gets caught staring, and I smile at the way an embarrassed blush starts to form across her features.
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. You did save her life and all.”
Anger at the memory plays out in his eyes, “I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”
With the force of his words, I know it has to be true.
Elliot nods toward Carson having an intense conversation with someone I’m not familiar with. “I know he would do it for you, as well.”
Like we’re under a spell, our eyes find each other, but I pull away sadly. “He’s forced to do it because that’s his job. There’s a difference.”
Elliot lets out a low chuckle, “If there’s one thing I know about Carson, it’s that no one forces him to do anything. Trust me.”
I don’t take his comment honestly. Elliot is his best friend, so of course he’s going to defend him. “And if there’s one thing I know about Lili, it’s that she has the sweetest heart I’ve ever seen, despite all that s
he’s been through…so she keeps her guard up. I know what you did for her that day meant more to her than anything in this world. She’s a good girl, Elliot, don’t treat her like how you would the others.”
I then feel a heavy shadow creep over my shoulder. “Care if I interrupt?” Carson speaks, already dragging me away from Elliot.
“And if I said yes?” he mocks halfheartedly.
Carson’s eyebrow rise in playfulness. “I think you like your life too much for that.”
They both laugh, and even I giggle a bit. “Go ask her for a dance, Elliot, the worst she can say is no.”
Elliot gives me an appreciative nod, and in no time he and Liliana are dancing together, huddled in quiet conversation.
I smile up at Carson as we both step to the rhythm of the music.
“Playing matchmaker, I see?”
I shrug, “Everyone deserves a happy ending.”
“And what about you?”
I contemplate the question for a brief moment and reply honestly, “Everyone deserves it, but that doesn’t mean everyone gets one.”
Silence passes for a few minutes, letting the words seep into the air between us.
“I have to go to New York in a few days. I haven’t been there in a few months, and things are getting a bit out of hand with my absence.”
I peer up at him. “When will you be back?” I don’t mean to sound so intent on his return, but maybe one could say I’ve grown used to having him around.
“You mean when are we coming back?”
I suck in a breath, “You’re taking me with you?”
“Of course. You think I’d just leave you unprotected?”
I shake my head, as he guides us across the dancefloor. “No, I just thought—I don’t know, maybe send Lance or someone to watch me in your stead? Besides, how did you get my dad to agree to something like that?”
His voice lowers, and his grip on my waist tightens. “The only time you’re one hundred percent safe is with me, Alayna. Not that I don’t trust our men to protect you, but I just know that I wouldn’t risk even a slight chance of your safety. Not for anything, and your father understands that. Besides, it’s always been your dream, right?”