I’m not a stupid man. “Let me guess, Kara called you?”
“Of course she did. Right after she berated her husband for giving you the alarm code to my home.” Maris plunks her bottle right next to mine. “At least you had the good sense to listen to him about food. I’m starving.”
“You didn’t eat?” I frown when she shakes her head. “Why not?”
“I spent the afternoon at Eagle Beach.” She pops a cracker laden with cheese in her mouth and lets out a small moan. “Good bribe so I don’t kill you. Really good.”
I rest my elbows on the counter until our eyes are on the same level. “Thanks. What did you do at the beach?”
“Sunbathed nude?” comes her smart-ass remark.
“Considering the high today was sixty-eight, you’d have frozen that sweet body. Try again.”
Her lips twitch. “I just wanted to think. And that’s always been my place to do that. It was my place to go with my family. We’d take a picnic there and look for whales, sea lions, and seals.”
“And you wanted to be close to them.” I reach over the counter and take her hand.
Maris allows the touch for just a moment before jerking away, her frustration palpable. “Why does it have to be you who understands me?”
“Why did it have to be you who understood me all those years ago? Did you think I wanted to feel what I did for my best friend’s little sister?” I counter.
That jerks her up short. “Boy, did you have a funny way of showing it. Forget the fact I never heard from you, when I did the humiliation I experienced was beyond anything, Nick.” The edge to her voice is so deadly, I’m surprised I’m not bleeding out on the floor.
I bow my head, but I swear I will do whatever it takes to make her understand. I’ve conquered my past. It may be too late, but she needs to know. “I was disgraced by my past, Maris. If we couldn’t afford it, I stole food to survive. I slept in that ratty-ass station wagon most nights. And if it weren’t for the showers they have at laundromats, I’m not entirely certain I would have bathed. I was supposedly homeschooled, but…” I turn away, finally ashamed.
“But what?” There’s no censure in her voice, not even encouragement to go on. But something in me breaks. I need her to understand.
“But I fell through the cracks. The system isn’t perfect. Somehow between what my birth mother knew and I gleaned, I could get by. They kept passing me though I barely knew shit. What I knew was how to avoid being hit when my father came home, and that was by not being there.” I glance over my shoulder and find Maris’s fists are clenched.
In fury but not at me. For me.
She looks like a warrior goddess, an ancient who’d fight for the life of her young. “You’re going to make an incredible mother. Don’t let anyone ever tell you any different.” The words slip out, but when they do, they transform her face like the wash of the ocean crashing on the shore. Gone is the fire and anger. In its place is a softness and pleasure.
She takes a step closer. “Tell me the rest, Nick. Tell me all of it.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat. “The foster homes were better than what I had before, but it wasn’t until I met Jed the second time around that I began to see there was…more…to a family. And I betrayed that.”
“How?” She takes another step to me.
Flawless. Perfect. Not meant for the likes of someone like me.
I wrench myself away and go back to the story. “Jed and your dad made me want to be a better man. I earned my GED. I worked so hard to eliminate my past.”
“You mean to run away from it.” God, she’s right behind me. If I turn around, she’d be right in my arms. So, I just bob my head up and down.
“Yes. I left. I had to. Don’t you see? Do you finally understand?” I chance a glance over my shoulder, and my eyes meet her blue ones.
“Tell me why, Nick. Tell me the truth. You’re not the same man you were back then. And we both know I’m not the same woman,” she demands.
No, she’s not. She’s stronger. She’s more captivating, if that’s even possible. She’s more beautiful, both inside and out. And she still has a hold of my heart.
I slowly face her. Our bodies brush against one another. Inside, my heart gives a small shudder and sigh. “I left because I had to make something of myself. I stayed away after Vegas because I thought I was giving you what you wanted. What you needed.”
“Well, you learned differently, didn’t you?” I ache as she backs away. “Nothing stays the same, Nick. People, places, love. It’s just like the sea—constantly changing. You should be fucking grateful mine was mired so deep it didn’t go very far.”
For a second I’m frozen by her words. But in the next, I’m sweeping her into my arms, my lips crashing down on hers when her words penetrate.
Maris
“I don’t want to imagine my baby sister having sex. Ever.” - From the journals of Jedidiah Smith.
“Be certain,” Nick demands against my lips after he lets me up for air.
“I was certain years ago,” I taunt. I back away and move toward the stairs. “Maybe you should take a few moments to think. Just don’t take twenty years this time.”
I walk away and climb the steps to the beginning of us. Or it will be the end. My head bows wearily as I realize I hear footsteps but not the creak on the stairs signifying Nick’s following me. Pretending my heart isn’t trying to pound its way out of my chest, I make my way to my bedroom. And then I close the door.
At my dresser, I slip off all my jewelry—even the gold cross. I let out a small snort of amusement. If Nick comes through that door, Jed has no place between us in bed. Once that’s complete, I move to the window to pull the curtains.
And my heart withers inside my chest.
Nick is striding from the house toward the borrowed Outback purposefully. I pull the blinds, unable to witness him actually pulling away. “Well, that answers that question.” I slip off my shirt and walk into my en suite to fling it into my hamper. I pause at the mirror and just brace my hands on the sink. “I found a love that will make me happy, Jed. Now, take your friend and fuck off.”
Leaving the bathroom, I realize I forgot to take off my watch. Fiddling with the band, I’m not looking up. I crash into something hard that shouldn’t be there. When hands catch me from falling backward on my ass, I let out an ear-piercing scream.
“What the fuck, Maris?” Nick glares at me.
“What are you doing here?” I accuse.
“What do you mean, what am I doing here? Did you change your mind?” Vulnerability crosses Nick’s face.
“Me? You’re the one who left, you dick.” I slam both hands against the solid wall of his chest.
“Well, that explains why you just blew out my hearing. Sunshine, I didn’t leave.”
“The hell you didn’t, Champ. I saw you.” I fling an arm out toward the window, my breath coming in shallow pants.
Nick comes closer, trailing his fingers along my extended arm as he does. Reaching my fingertips, he bends it at the elbow and twists it up and behind me. I slam against his body. “I went to the car to get something we need.”
Oh. My lips part. I know I can’t get pregnant, but yeah. I didn’t even think about that.
“Last chance, Maris.” Nick’s breath fans over my lips before he kisses the corner of one lip. His free hand plays with my bra strap, sliding his fingers up and down. The skin he touches is branded.
Scored.
Desperate for more.
“It’s too late, Nick.”
“Thank fucking God.” His head jerks slightly before his lips cover mine. His one hand threads into my hair. He releases my arm so he can do the same with the other.
Not being a fool, I take advantage to wrap both around his waist, binding him as tightly to me as I can. I yank up his tee in the back, desperate for the feel of his skin however I can get it. Nick rips his mouth away, before quickly tugging his shirt over his head with one arm. He then qui
ckly dispenses with my bra so when our bodies slide against one another, we’re flesh against flesh.
Oh. My. God. I can’t be saying it as the only air I’m getting is in between kisses, so I know the thought is running on repeat in my mind. His nipples are buried in his dark chest hair. When I find them, I pinch and twist them slightly as I explore the ripples and planes of his magnificent body.
Nick’s reaction is to pick me up and wrap my legs around his waist as he makes his way swiftly to the bed. His kisses before were hungry, but now I feel like I’m being devoured. It’s wild, raw, and uncontrolled.
And I love it.
As soon as my back hits the spread, I try to roll him over. His head shoots up and the blaze in his dark gaze pins me in place. The devastating curve of his lips leave a trail down my neck before he cups my breasts and lifts his head. “Do they ache for my mouth, Sunshine?” comes his dark whisper.
“Throb. Make it go away, Nick.” I lower my lashes until the only thing in my vision is his dark head lowering.
My back arches as his lips cover the straining tip. His tongue rubs it back and forth, rolling it along the roof of his mouth before letting it out with a pop. He shifts over me to take the other one in while his hand skims up my body to pinch and twist the first in much the same way. My legs wrap around his hips. My hips begin to rotate, seeking relief from an agony much worse.
“That’s it, Sunshine. Show me how you burn.” Nick holds my hands pressed to the bed as I undulate beneath him.
I arch again, my nipples dragging against his chest, and my pussy rubs against the firm column of his cock trapped behind his jeans. “Please, Nick.” I don’t know what I’m asking for.
“What do you want?” He bends down and presses a kiss to the inside of my breast.
“More, everything.”
Nick releases me and sits back.
“Come back.” I curl up so I don’t lose the warmth of his body.
“I will. Just as soon as I get these damn clothes out of the way.” He mutters something about scissors, and I grin before sliding to the end of the bed.
“Strip,” I order him.
Nick’s hand goes to his waistband while mine go to my boots. I quickly undo the laces before standing up. Nick’s frozen in place. Hoarsely he says, “Keep going.”
I pop the buttons on my pants, and nabbing my panties, I slide them off. Within moments I’m nude, and Nick’s still standing there half-dressed. Nick starts to lunge for me, but I step back. “Your turn.”
He mutters under his breath, but I crawl quickly onto the bed. Flopping over to my back, I spread my legs. Nick’s got one boot off when he catches me drag my fingers through my wet folds. “Fuck this.” Nick crawls onto the bed with one boot still on, one pant leg still trapped. He grabs my ankles and pulls. Cupping my ass, he lifts me to him as his head lowers.
Each lash of his tongue against the swollen bud of my clit is sheer torture. “I’ll never survive this,” I manage to gasp.
“You will. Now just go over,” Nick orders before he suctions his mouth over my lower lips and gives me a particularly devastating kiss that sends shivers coursing through me.
I cry out as I come, unable to keep in the sound. But nothing, I swear nothing, feels better than Nick Cain’s smile against the entrance of where he’s about to thrust his cock right before he mutters, “That’s my girl.”
Twisting around, still hampered by the jeans and boot, Nick finds a condom and slips it on. He tries to toss the wrapper over the side of the bed. I giggle as it flutters and lands right next to my head.
He just shakes his head. Lifting one leg up over his shoulder, I feel on display—as if Nick could see inside my body all the way into my heart. When he presses his chest forward and lines up his cock with my opening, dragging the heated flesh against my still-clenching entrance, I close my eyes to give myself some sort of shield.
Nick merely blows past it by notching his cock against the entrance at the same time his lips crash into mine. My eyes fly wide open. At that moment, he pushes inside me.
Physically, emotionally, I’m spread wide open for him. His cock is penetrating me in long slow thrusts much as his tongue is. But it’s nothing in comparison to the way his heart claimed me years ago. I’m certain it all shows on my face as I do what I can to mark him in the same way he’s done to me—with emotion, with my body.
“Harder, Nick. I want to feel you whenever I move,” I gasp into the air after I tear my mouth from his.
It’s like setting a caged lion free.
Leaning all his weight down, he shifts his weight to his knees. My eyes grow round as his thrusts become harder, deeper, more intense. “Fuck, Maris, take more,” he bites out.
“All of you. Give it to me, love.”
Like it was some sort of secret incantation, Nick sets the animal that lives inside him free. His eyes narrow. The arm beneath me pulls me into his thrusts as he tips my hips into receiving them. When I feel myself start to go over, he holds me in position before curling his lip and sliding his hand up my body and pinching my nipple.
My breath catches as the clenching starts again. My head whips back, and my hips lock against his.
And then I feel him go over.
He thrusts once before he buries his pulsating cock inside me. As he leans forward, the depth of his penetration sets off another spasm.
For long moments, I can’t form a coherent thought. Nick has shifted his weight to the side, though he’s still resting partially on me. But just as I’m about to pass out, I whisper into the air. “That was worth waiting for.”
And what does Nick do? He lifts his head and kisses me. “Yeah, it was. Let me know when you’re up for round two.”
Faintly, I ask, “Round two?”
Nick pulls out and rolls completely off me. The pants whip against the nightstand. He curses before stripping off the boot and his jeans. Nabbing a tissue off the nightstand, he wraps up the spent condom and tosses it in the trash basket. Spinning around, he faces me.
My heart stops beating. I actually feel it stop when I check out his well-muscled shoulders, flat stomach with those damn Vs, narrow hips, and thighs I want to ride just to see if they can make me come.
Fuck, I want to ride him.
“Did you hear that?” Nick asks as he crawls across the bed.
“Hear what?” I start to sit up, but Nick puts a hand to my chest to hold me in place.
“That was the sound of the second round.” Then he lowers his head.
I have a feeling I’ll never be able to forget feeling him inside me after tonight.
Maris
“Pain isn’t always physical. Anguish is often harder to deal with than the scars. If I were to psychoanalyze him — hell, it’s my thoughts, so why can’t I? — I’d guess that’s why Nick chose to be a fighter. He can’t deal with abandonment. It’s why he backs away from all of us.” - From the journals of Jedidiah Smith.
Nick trails his fingers along my spine. “Will you talk to me about the surgery?”
I stiffen briefly but relax under his ministrations. “Bad circumstances,” I try to joke.
“Maris.” Just my name. From anyone else, I’d have stormed away. But not after what Nick and I shared in this bed, the physical exchange of emotions that have always lived between us.
Tucking my arm beneath my head, I swallow my pride and declare, “I made a foolish mistake, and it cost me something infinitely more precious.”
“I doubt it was that cut-and-dried, Sunshine.” His hand tangles in the ends of my long hair.
Instead of answering him right away, I release a pressure valve I didn’t know was still ready to blow. “I used to dream about having a little girl with my hair. I’d remember how my Mom would curse every day trying to run a brush through it. She’d say, ‘One day when you have a daughter…’” My eyes sting with remembrance. “The last time she ever said it, I was in the hospital room. Dad and Jed had stepped out to get food. I couldn’t brush my ow
n hair. I almost borrowed scissors from the nurses’ station to hack it all off. Mom knew me too well, or there was a note on my chart to keep sharp implements from me. They refused to give them to me when I asked a nurse for them.”
Nick doesn’t say a word, just continues to let me speak. But my next words shock him. “Jed told me about the guys’ get-well wishes. I was so glad I never heard from you.”
His fingers clench against my scalp.
“But Nick, that wasn’t because I hated you. I would have hated for you to have seen me like that. I was worthless as a woman.”
He releases my hair and rolls me to my back. “Don’t you ever say that. Ever.”
My shame drips from the corner of my eyes. “I lost everything trying to give up on what my heart knew it couldn’t do. It was my punishment for trying.”
His thumbs brush back and forth, smoothing away the wetness. “What was that?”
“Saying goodbye to you. I tried to let you go since you’d walked away from me, us, without a glance.”
His head bows. His shoulders heave. “Stop talking.”
“Then, a year later, I got your letter. I thought it was a sign that maybe everything was going to be okay. That my time in purgatory was over.” Now that I’ve opened the dam, the floodgate of my emotions is pouring out.
“Maris.” Nick’s voice is shredded.
I turn my head aside. “I felt so small in those days. I was still learning who I was all over again.”
“And I fucked up.”
I face him. It’s time to relieve him of his guilt. “Maybe yes, maybe no. We’re not the same people today we were then. I’d have followed you anywhere, been anyone, done anything, but is that the kind of woman you need?”
“Who I’ve always needed in my life is you. And no one has ever come close to filling the gap in my heart not having you in my life left. Not any woman, not the guys, not your brother. There’s only one you, Maris. No one else can invoke these feelings in me.”
I cup the ball of his shoulder and drag my fingers down his arm. “Annoyance?”
Return by Sea (Glacier Adventure Series Book 3) Page 17