Zero F*cks (Violent Circle Book 4)

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Zero F*cks (Violent Circle Book 4) Page 9

by S. M. Shade


  “Of course.” I get out and lean down to look at him. “You’ve done amazing. I hope your mother is proud as hell, because she sure should be.”

  His whole face lights up at my compliment, and he gives a shy nod. “Thanks. See you at home?”

  “Yeah.”

  This day has been so surreal, so up and down. I know it’s a turning point in my career in one way or another, but it feels bigger than that. Are there times when you can narrow everything down to one pivotal moment that changes your life, that sets you on another path? Because this sure feels like a big shift. Not just in what I do, but who I am and how I look at the world. It feels larger, and my place in it tiny, but not insignificant. Hearing Denton’s story did give me perspective. I’m not struggling alone. Everyone is fighting alongside me, choosing their paths and hoping for the best.

  At least, the ones who never give up.

  As I pull out of the parking lot, I feel a little of the stress leave my shoulders. One way or another, I’ll figure things out. I can do this.

  Why did I think I could do this? What have I done? The last two weeks have blown apart my world. I’m excited and absolutely terrified.

  I own a tattoo shop.

  It happened faster and easier than I ever imagined but keeping it will be the real test. I mulled over my discussion with Denton for days, weighed pros and cons, and researched business loans. I wasn’t willing to go into debt for a degree that may never pay for itself, but this is different. This is a shot at a future I always wanted.

  Fortunately, the loan wasn’t necessary. I met with Zander when I was first considering it, just to see what the total overhead on the business was. I know what we spend on supplies, but I had no idea what the utilities, insurance, and taxes on the place might run. Or how much he was asking for the building and the contents.

  My plan was to try to get a small business loan. I may struggle, but I’ve always kept my bills paid, and my credit is good. Without tuition to worry about, I would’ve probably been capable of making the loan payments, but Zander offered me something better.

  He sold me the building and contents on contract, so I didn’t have to come up with a lump sum for the down payment, sparing me from spending the money I had saved toward tuition. The payments are very reasonable, but along with the other expenses on the place, I’m still going to cut it too close for comfort.

  Without school, I can get along without a car, at least for a while. It’ll suck, but I’ve dealt with worse. I may still spend weeks living on Ramen noodles and peanut butter sandwiches, but it’ll be worth it.

  I own my own tattoo shop.

  Sasha is relieved because she can keep working with me under the same deal she had with Zander. This is amazing and wonderful.

  And I might throw up from the stress.

  Denton, Noble, Trey, and Jani all look up at me from the couch when I enter the apartment. “Girl, you look like you’ve been dipped in milk. What happened?” Jani asks.

  Shrugging, I manage a dazed smile. “I bought a tattoo shop.”

  They all knew it was a possibility, that I was supposed to sign the contract today, but I don’t think they thought I’d go through with it. Fair enough, I wasn’t sure I would either. I second guessed myself every step of the way.

  I shouldn’t do this when I can’t even afford a car.

  I shouldn’t do this when I’m already splitting rent in a public housing apartment.

  I shouldn’t waste the money I spent on my first year of art school by not finishing.

  All of those doubts beat in my head constantly, but some other truths occur to me as well. It’s easy to get stuck in a cycle of poverty because of situations like this. A reasonable response would be to get a different job, try to save to pull myself out of the hole. That’s easier said than done. There aren’t exactly tattoo shops all over this small town looking to hire, which means I’d have to take a restaurant or retail job making minimum wage and live paycheck to paycheck. I’d still struggle just to keep my bills paid.

  Or I could take this chance, work my ass off, cut every expense possible, and maybe eke out a career. If I fail and end up in bankruptcy, that minimum wage life will still be there waiting for me, but I won’t have an opportunity like this one again.

  In the end, I couldn’t let fear win out, no matter how legitimate and justified it was.

  Jani jumps to her feet with a squeal. “I’m so proud of you!”

  “Remember that when my homeless ass asks to sleep at Scarlet Toys,” I laugh, hugging her.

  Denton grins up at me. “Let’s celebrate. What do you want to drink tonight?”

  “Coffee, since I’m pulling a late night at the shop. I have to really step it up now. I just came by to make a sandwich to take with me.”

  “Hey, are you going to keep the Eternity Ink name?” Trey asks.

  “No, but I haven’t thought of a name yet.”

  The guys start discussing names and Jani follows me into the kitchen as I throw together a sandwich and some fruit for later.

  She leans against the counter and grins at me. “Are you going to tell me what’s up with you and Denton?”

  “What?” I dig through the fridge for some lettuce. “Nothing is up.”

  “You two are always eye fucking each other, and you spend all your free time together.”

  “He’s just been helping me promote my business. You know, marketing, stuff like that.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  After shoving my food into a bag, I turn and face her with a sigh. “Fine, we kissed a couple of weeks ago and it’s all I can think about. If I don’t get laid soon, I’m going to fuck him until there’s nothing left.”

  Her laughter fills the room. “And that would be bad because?”

  “Because we live together, and I sure can’t move now. Neither of us wants to risk things going bad. We agreed to be friends. It’d be easier if he wore a damn shirt sometimes,” I grumble.

  Jani shakes her head with a smile. “Stop in Scarlet Toys. A nice B.O.B. could at least take the edge off, unless you already have one.”

  A quick glance toward the door assures me our conversation about battery operated boyfriends isn’t being overheard. “I’ve never had one. Will you be at work tomorrow afternoon? I have a gap between one and three.”

  “Yes, come in and I’ll help you find something to hold you over until you two come to your senses.”

  “Thanks a lot,” I snort.

  “We got a perfect name for your shop,” Trey tells me when I walk through the living room, and Noble nods enthusiastically behind him. “Pimp my hide!”

  Jani rolls her eyes, and I shake my head. “Keep working on it, guys.”

  A few minutes later, I’m climbing out of my car that managed to get stuck at every single stop on the way to work. I really should go ahead and junk it for the couple hundred it’s worth in scrap, but once I do, I have no idea when I’ll have a car again so it’s hard to let go.

  The feeling of walking in the shop for the first time, knowing it’s mine, makes it worth it. There’s so much I want to do. Redecorating is right at the top, but there’s no way I can spend any money that’s not absolutely vital right now. Instead of focusing on what needs changed, I sit at the desk and soak it in.

  My place. My shop. My dream. It seems I’ve always dreamed in ink.

  The name for my shop smacks me in the face. Dreams in Ink.

  Nothing can wipe the smile from my face as my next client enters and I get my area set up. I can’t wait to call Denton and tell him the name.

  Warmth surrounds me and a contented hum slips out of my throat. Whatever I was dreaming fades away as I pull my way up through layers of sleep. Arms tighten around me, and I snuggle close to the warm body.

  Wait.

  Not again.

  My eyes fly open, and yep, I’m in Denton’s bed again. Damn it. I should’ve known to lock my door since stress is my trigger for the sleepwalking. This has been the most stressfu
l week of my life. Maybe this time I can escape without him knowing.

  As soon as I try to scoot away, I’m pulled back against his chest. “No, stay, you’re all warm and soft.”

  I don’t want to leave this bed if I’m being honest, but I know my self-control around him is not to be trusted. “I’m getting a latch for my door today. Or I’ll start piling stuff in front of it. Or something,” I sigh.

  “Nah, I like these little wake up surprises.”

  His hand caresses my stomach through my thin tee shirt, and I can feel his breath on my neck. Red alert. That’s a penis poking me in the back. Time to move. He groans as I sit up and scoot to the edge of the bed, trying to shake off the embarrassment.

  I don’t have long to dwell on it before we hear Trey shout from the hallway. “This isn’t funny, you assholes!”

  Denton grins at me. “What did you do?”

  “No idea.”

  He’s right behind me when I walk out of his room to find Trey fuming and pointing at Beulah. My doll sits in the hallway right outside his room. He probably could’ve tripped over it coming out.

  Denton hoots with laughter, and I scoop it up. “Sorry, Trey. I was sleepwalking again.”

  His expression is doubtful. “And you just happened to leave that monstrosity outside my door?”

  “Or Beulah loves you and wanted to watch over you as you sleep,” Denton suggests. He takes her out of my hands and holds her up. “Aw, look at her, Trey, she just wants to play.”

  “Yeah, with my esophagus,” he mutters, stalking away.

  I smack Denton on the arm and take Beulah back. “You aren’t helping.”

  “I’m not trying to.” I can’t help but smile back at his cheeky grin.

  Shaking my head, I push past him into my room. “I’ve got to get to work.” I’ve also got to make a stop at Scarlet Toys today because something has to give. No amount of personal finger work is going to take away the urges I have around him. Even in my damned sleep.

  Scarlet Toys isn’t really what I expected. I’ve never been in an adult store before and on movies they’re always seedy places crawling with creepy people. Scarlet Toys is bright and welcoming. It looks like any nice shop you’d visit, you know, if you don’t pay attention to what’s on display.

  An older lady gives me a smile from her place behind the register. “Let me know if I can help you find anything.”

  “Thank you.” The wall to my right is vibrator heaven. Well, some of them I’d put more in the vibrator hell category just judging by the size. Good god, if I put some of these inside me, you’d be able to see it when I yawned. Ouch.

  Across from the vibrators is a rack bearing an equal assortment of dildos. There’s every shape and color you could imagine. A black package catches my curiosity, and I pick it up. There’s a picture of a weird, alien…thing printed on the back. It looks like something right out of a horror movie. When I flip it over to the clear front, it’s a massive dildo with an opening on both ends.

  “Kinky. Not what I expected you’d be into. I’m impressed.”

  Jani’s voice from right behind me makes me jump, and I almost drop it. Laughing, I hold it up. “I’m not even sure what this is.”

  “It’s called a Creature Breeder. Some people have an alien fetish. There’s a whole subculture that likes the idea of an alien or creature depositing an egg inside of them.” She points to the box. “You make the eggs out of gelatin. See? It comes with a couple eggs, but also a mold so you can make them at home.”

  “How…economical.”

  She grins as I return it to the shelf. “Is there anything in particular you’re looking for or did you come to talk to me?”

  “Both, well, I don’t know what I’m looking for.” Something to take the place of a man and stop me from fucking Denton’s brains out. My smile is sheepish. “I’ve never really had a vibrator or anything.”

  Jani claps her hands and rubs them together. “Ah, a beginner. I’m going to help you find something, but be warned, these things are addicting. Don’t blame me if you’re in here in a few months giving the Creature Breeder more consideration.”

  She turns and gestures toward the vibrator wall. “Most beginners start with the small, metal vibes or a bullet, but it really depends on what you’re comfortable with.”

  “I’d rather have a more…real feeling one than metal.” My gaze travels over the packages. “Not too big, though.”

  Jani removes a bright blue vibrator from the wall and hands it to me. “This one isn’t a cervix buster and you can control the vibrations either on the base or with a little remote control. The tip is curved just enough to hit the G-spot without being uncomfortable.” She points to the tiny rubbery prongs that extend out one side. “And these vibrate against the clit, so you get the best of both worlds.”

  “Is it loud?” The last thing I want is the guys hearing.

  She gives me a sideways grin. “Not really. If you have music playing or your TV on, they won’t hear it. And here’s what I really like about this one. Instead of batteries, it plugs into the wall to charge and has a really long cord so you can use it when it’s charging as well, or if you don’t want to leave it plugged in where those assholes might see.”

  I’m already sold on it when the older lady approaches. “Oh, that one is wonderful. I nearly set my husband out with the trash after one night with it.”

  Jani grins and nods in her direction. “Becca, this is Martha.”

  “Oh, I’ve heard all about you,” Martha gushes before I can reply. “You’re either brave or crazy moving in with those Frat Hell boys.”

  “Probably leaning more toward crazy,” I laugh. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  “You too. Tell me, does Denton still have the dino costume? Funniest thing I ever saw.”

  Jani laughs at my expression. “I’m sure he does.”

  “I haven’t seen a costume, but you can bet I’ll be asking now.”

  The front door opens, and two women walk in. Martha greets them, and they wave away her offer of help, talking to each other as they browse the store. We head toward the front counter and Martha puts the vibrator in a bright pink bag. Jani grabs something else and tosses it in, grinning at me.

  “Lube. Makes everything better.”

  “Is that their slogan?” I giggle.

  “It should be.”

  The door opens, and I’m again reminded that the universe despises me as I look into Noble and Denton’s grinning faces.

  Jani folds the bag over and staples it shut just in time. I don’t doubt for a second Denton would’ve been trying to get a peek inside. Martha disappears into the back office, and Denton walks up to the counter. Still wearing an insufferable grin, he leans against the counter and looks at the bag in my hand. “Did you get me something good?”

  “Depends. How do you feel about gelatin eggs up your ass?”

  Jani snorts, and Denton blinks, surprised. “Is that…like a real thing?”

  “Yep. Don’t worry. They dissolve. It’s all perfectly safe.”

  “Pass. I have no desire to shit Jell-O.”

  Martha returns, and Jani nudges a box toward her. “These need to be tossed, Martha. They’re the new warming lubes, but the company is recalling them. They didn’t dilute the heating agent correctly so they’re far too concentrated.”

  “Ouch.” Martha blanches. “Can it cause a chemical burn?”

  “No, they aren’t dangerous, but it sure wouldn’t be fun. I don’t need a bunch of calls from people trying to figure out how to put out the fire.”

  Denton’s eyes light up. “If you’re throwing them out, can I have one?”

  Jani gives him an exasperated look. “Who do you plan to torture?”

  Denton gives Noble a sideways glance. “I know it’s Kenny that keeps borrowing my lube when I’m not home, then putting it back.”

  “Gross!” I exclaim.

  “Right? Who does that? So, if the next time, he just happens to find thi
s tube instead…”

  Shaking her head, Jani hands him a tube.

  Martha leans on the counter next to us and murmurs to Jani. “I just called the cops from the office. Those two are shoplifting everything they can fit.”

  The two women from earlier are still browsing around the store but haven’t chosen anything. They don’t look particularly suspicious.

  “Are you going to say something?” I whisper.

  “No, the cops should be here any moment. They might run if I call them out,” Jani says.

  Martha scoffs. “Not with where they’ve been sticking stuff. Running with a full crotch pocket isn’t easy.”

  It takes a second for me to realize what she’s saying. “No way,” I breathe, and they all laugh.

  “So innocent,” Denton teases.

  “There are some things I really don’t need to know.” Call me nosey, but there’s no way I’m leaving before I see how this plays out and the guys must feel the same because they loiter as well.

  Two uniformed officers enter, and Jani nods toward the women who are now making a not so subtle beeline for the door. I recognize Officer Green since he regularly patrols Violent Circle and chats with the residents. The officer who accompanies him looks too young to be in college, much less be a cop. He must be new.

  “Ma’am,” Officer Green barks, stepping in front of them. Jani heads over to deal with the situation while the rest of us stay at the counter, out of the way. We have a great view but can’t really hear much.

  “How are they going to prove they put things…you know,” I whisper.

  “It’s okay, you can say vagina in here,” Martha whispers back, and Denton grins at me.

  Martha nods toward them. “Looks like they won’t need to.” The officers have pulled more than one stolen item from each woman’s purse. Martha marches over to the area where she must’ve noticed them taking stuff and produces some empty packaging they stuffed behind other merchandise.

  I sidle closer to hear what she says when she carries it over to the officers. “They opened these and stole the contents.”

 

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