by Casey, L. A.
CHAPTER FIVE
ELLIOT
“Irish?”
I jumped as AJ’s voice interrupted my thoughts. I pinched the bridge of my nose as a slight pounding formed in my temples. I felt like crawling under a table and rocking myself back and forth until the images of what I’d seen left my mind, but they never did. They were always there. Silently haunting me.
“You were thinking of that night again, weren’t you?”
I drank down another glass of water that appeared in front of me.
“Leave it alone,” I said, my voice sounding husky to my own ears. “I don’t wanna talk about it, mate. I really don’t.”
“I know you don’t, and that’s why you have to talk about it,” AJ pressed. “You did everything you could, mate. Every little thing. It’s not your fault.”
But it was my fault. I should have moved faster once I got Noah free, I shouldn’t have lingered for those few seconds after I made sure that she was breathing, and I definitely shouldn’t have wasted time by kissing her.
“I hovered with Noah when I got her free.” I cleared my throat. “Those precious seconds could have saved me sister.”
“Elliot.” AJ moved closer to me. “You read the coroner’s report and you saw Bailey for yourself. She died on impact. She was gone long before the fire had the chance to claim her, brother.”
I looked into my empty glass.
“If you hadn’t of stayed with Noah for those few seconds you’d be dead too, your parents would have buried both of you.”
“Please, bud.” I swallowed, not being able to listen to his reasoning. “I can’t talk about it; it rips me apart inside when I think about her. I’m barely holdin’ it together. Please.”
“Okay,” AJ said, his hand giving my shoulder another squeeze. “Come on, let’s get you home. Being here isn’t helping you tonight.”
Unfortunately, AJ was right about that. Tonight, the drink didn’t black out my demons or bring me the numbness I craved. All it seemed to be doing was giving me a headache, and that was one thing I could do without. I downed another glass of water AJ got me then got to my feet. Out of the corner of my eye I watched as AJ held his hands out as if he was preparing to catch me should I fall. I wanted to laugh but found my throat couldn’t quite figure out how to do that any more.
“I’m grand, AJ,” I sighed as I lifted my arm and patted his. “Barely tipsy. No need to be me shoulder to lean on, the drink didn’t hit the spot tonight.”
“I’m always here with one to lean on whether you need it or not,” he said with a grunt. “I’m always gonna be here for you, mate. You’re my brother and I love you.”
“I love you too, brother.” I gave him a hug. “I’ll be okay,” I lied with ease. “I’m just in a bad place right now. I’ve never . . . I’ve never felt so lost before, man.”
Before AJ could say a word, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Hurriedly, I took it out and my pulse spiked when my mother’s face flashed across the screen.
“Ma!” I answered, panicked. “What’s wrong? Are ye okay?”
“I’m fine,” she answered hurriedly. “I’m okay, honey.”
I gripped AJ’s arm as relief flooded me. “Ma, it’s late. What—”
“Elliot,” she interrupted tentatively. “Samantha just called me. It’s Noah.”
Fear just about stopped my heart beating at the mention of Noah. Her mother wouldn’t call so late unless it was something serious.
“What, Ma?” I rasped as my free hand clenched into a fist at my side. “Please, don’t say it. She can’t be dead too. Please.”
AJ placed his hands behind his head as he stared at me with unblinking eyes.
“No, she’s alive,” Ma sniffled. “She’s awake, but somethin’ awful is wrong with her.”
She was alive. I could have vomited with relief. Whatever was wrong with Noah didn’t matter because she was alive. I wasn’t going to bury her like I’d had to do with Bailey. She was alive.
“What is it?” I demanded. “Is she paralysed?”
“No, physically she’s fine. It’s her mind, honey.”
“Her mind?” My frowned deepened. “What the devil d’ye mean, Ma?”
“She can’t remember anythin’.” Ma began to cry. “She thinks it’s 2015. Samantha and John are so worried.”
I tried to digest my mother’s words, but it seemed too far-fetched to be real. I shook my head, trying my best to clear it so I could think. I repeated what my mother had said in my head before I spoke out loud.
“2015?” I said, feeling bewildered. “You’re tellin’ me that Noah can’t remember the last five years of her life? She thinks she’s twenty-four again?”
“Amnesia,” AJ muttered, lowering his arms. “She has amnesia.”
“Worse than that. She thinks you’re still her boyfriend, she had no idea John was sick . . . she doesn’t know about the accident that killed . . . that took our Bailey and almost her too. She doesn’t even know her own husband. She’s doesn’t know about anythin’ and she’s really, really scared. She’s askin’ for you, honey. Samantha and John need ye to go to King’s College Hospital. Noah needs ye, Elliot. Will ye go to her?”
“I’m comin’,” I said as I looked at AJ, who gave me a nod. “I’m comin’ to her, Ma.”
I wasn’t sure who hung up first, me or my mother, and I didn’t care.
“My car’s outside, Irish,” AJ said as he jogged after me. “I’ll get you to Noah in twenty minutes, brother.”
I didn’t answer him or acknowledge what he said in any way. The only person on my mind was Noah – she was hurt, and she needed me. That was all that mattered. I forced all of the scary thoughts of what might happen to her out of my head and focused on the sweet memory that began it all. The moment she became mine without even realising it.
CHAPTER SIX
ELLIOT
Eighteen years old . . .
“Fifty quid says you puke on her instead of kissing her.”
I cut AJ a look before I returned my gaze to Noah. She sat across from me at the bonfire looking like a goddess under the orange glow of the flames. She wasn’t wearing anything special – blue jeans, a baggy black hoodie and a pair of roughed-up black runners. Her golden locks were pulled up into a ponytail, and wisps of golden-blonde hair hung down around her face as a gentle breeze flowed by.
“I’m shittin’ meself.” I rubbed my sweaty palms on my jeans. “What if she laughs in me face?”
“Mate,” AJ sighed as he passed me a can of cider. “I know women, okay? Trust me. Noah likes you.”
I didn’t respond but I couldn’t stop my heart from leaping at his words. He’d known I was into Noah before I said the words out loud, and a huge part of me wanted to trust his intuition that Noah liked me too, but my stomach was a mess of nerves and I refused to allow myself to hope. I had been playing it cool around her since the moment I first met her, and if she knew what went on inside my head when I thought of her, she’d probably shove her foot up my arse.
“The suspense is killing me and I’m just a bystander,” AJ snickered as he took a swig of his drink. “Go over there and kiss her.”
My eyes slid to his as I scowled. “I can’t just kiss her, ye eejit.”
AJ hesitated a moment, then said, “Ask her permission first, then kiss her.”
“That’s a bit better,” I snorted, shaking my head. “Look, I’m just gonna go and speak to her and ease that I’m interested in her into the conversation. I’m thinkin’ practically. Kissin’ is like the fifth step or somethin’.”
AJ downed his cider and crushed his can in his fist.
“That’s your problem – you think too much.”
“Says the man who thinks too little.”
He punched my arm and I laughed. I felt eyes on me in that moment, and my gut told me they were the colour of emerald and jade. I turned my gaze towards Noah, and when our eyes locked I saw that she visibly flinched, but she didn’t look away from me.
I realised that this was my moment to speak to her and tell her how I felt. I lifted my hand and crooked my finger at her. Her eyes widened ever so slightly and I felt my lips twitch, and I nodded when she pointed to her chest and mouthed the word “Me?”
“Good luck, bud,” AJ murmured as he got to his feet and jogged around to the seat on the log that Noah had vacated. He got stuck into chatting up some girls from our year and forgot all about me. I forgot about him too when my eyes moved back to Noah as she came over and sat in the spot AJ had just left.
“Heya, Elliot.”
She didn’t look at me as she spoke; she busied herself with adjusting her jumper and clasping her hands together and resting them on her knees, before changing her mind and folding her arms across her chest. I blinked when I realised that she was nervous. This knowledge calmed me immensely.
“Heya,” I replied with a chuckle. “Ye looked a little lost over there.”
She tucked tendrils of stray hair behind her ear. “I know. I’m friends with a lot of the girls, we just never hang out outside of school. I feel a little awkward being here.”
I had noticed that about her. At first, I thought she was being made an outcast by our classmates, but I quickly learned Noah was the one who decided to keep to herself. I only worked my way into her tiny circle because she was table-partnered with AJ in almost every class.
“I’m glad ye came,” I told her. “I’d have been sad if ye didn’t show up.”
The glow of the fire illuminated Noah’s cheeks as they flushed a soft red. I felt my pulse increase at the sight. Her blush-stained cheeks only elevated her beauty in my eyes. I wanted to kiss her so badly that it made my throat run dry.
“I’m sure you’ve said that to all the girls.”
She chuckled and still wouldn’t make eye contact with me, so before I could stop myself, I reached out and tipped her chin up with my fingers until her eyes snapped to mine.
“Why won’t ye look at me?”
She swallowed and parted her lips in a sensual little O.
“I am looking at you,” she blurted. “This is me looking at you.”
Her entire face was crimson now and it made me smile, which seemed to fluster Noah altogether. That was the moment I began to believe what AJ had been telling me all this time. Noah liked me . . . she liked me like I liked her.
“I have to tell ye somethin’, Noah.”
Her eyes widened, and before I could say anything else, she exclaimed, “This is for you!”
I dropped my hand to my thigh and blinked as she reached into her hoodie pocket, pulled out a small box and thrust it in my direction. I stared down at it for a moment before I cleared my throat and took the box.
“For me?”
“Of course,” Noah said, her voice a little breathless. “You are the birthday boy.”
“Thank you.” I looked up at her. “I love it.”
“You . . . you haven’t even opened the box, Elliot.”
“Doesn’t matter,” I said. “I still love it.”
I looked down at the box again to give her a moment to herself, because her skin was still flushed and she looked completely out of sorts from sitting in front of me. I wanted to calm her like she calmed me.
I lifted the lid of the box and stared down at a little silver flower.
“It’s a calla lily, otherwise known as the Easter lily in your country,” Noah explained. “I didn’t know what you’d like so I got something I liked and put it on a necklace. I love flowers, and I didn’t want to get you something as common as a shamrock or a four-leaf clover, so instead I picked a calla lily. I read it’s used in Ireland as a symbol of remembrance for those who died in the 1916 Risings.”
I brushed my finger over the small pendant.
“You hate it,” Noah murmured. “I’m sorry, it was stupid—”
“I love it.” I looked up at her. “I absolutely love it. Me great-great-granda almost died in the Risings. He passed away long before I was born, but when me granda was alive, he told me stories about his granda . . . I think of the man I knew through those tales when I look at this. Thank you, sasanach.”
Noah ducked her head, but I saw her smile.
“Put it on me.”
I took the necklace from the box and handed it to her before she could say no. I turned my back to her and waited. Over the laughter and shouting of our friends, I heard Noah’s breathing shift as she moved closer to me. I clenched my hands to keep myself still when I felt her hot breath on the back of my neck. She placed the chain around me and carefully secured it with the clasp.
“There.”
Her voice was barely a whisper. I turned to face her and found we were face-to-face. I looked down at the lips I wanted to kiss so badly before looking up into the eyes I was coming to adore. I had never felt such an attraction to a girl before, but it wasn’t just physical – I liked how quiet she was, how she looked away and smiled when she received a compliment, and I definitely liked that she put so much thought into giving me a gift that had meaning.
“Noah—”
“What does sasanach mean?”
I hadn’t realised I had called her it.
“It means ‘English’ in Gaeilge. When someone addressed an English person with sasanach in the old days, it was usually said with disgust.”
Noah raised an eyebrow. “When you call me it, what do you say it with?”
“Fondness,” I answered instantly. “Me little sasanach.”
She exhaled a breath that fanned my face. I smelled mint in the air and I wanted to taste it.
“You’re beautiful.”
Noah’s lips parted.
“You’re so beautiful that I can’t stop thinkin’ about ye. I like how reserved ye are, how thoughtful and at peace ye always seem to be. I love your smile. Ye remind me of a still ocean, calm and collected but underneath there is so much more to you.”
“Elliot,” she whispered.
I lifted my hand to her cheek and gently ran my thumb over her soft, glowing skin.
“Noah,” I murmured. “Can I kiss ye? Please?”
She was trembling. “Yes.”
The word had barely passed her lips before I covered them with my own. Noah’s sharp intake of breath gave me the chance to explore further. I slid my tongue inside her mouth and almost groaned when hers gently moved against mine. Her lips were soft to the touch; I wanted to spend the rest of my days kissing them.
I reached out and gripped her waist and tugged her closer to me. Her hands went to my shoulders before she slowly slid them up my neck and into my hair as she gave up complete control of our kiss to me. I felt her trust in me and I knew that this kiss was going to be one of many. We parted when cheers and whoops sounded. I heard AJ’s voice over everyone’s, and I silently swore to bash him later for ending the moment I had craved.
“Oh my God.”
I pressed my forehead to Noah’s, feeling the heat of her skin and basking in it.
“Ignore them,” I told her. “I am.”
“How? They’re all looking at us.”
“I only see you.”
Noah’s eyes shifted to mine. “Elliot . . . I like you so much. I didn’t think . . . I had no idea you liked me back.”
“Green eyes, I was in the same position. I thought ye didn’t know I existed.”
“Me?” she blinked. “Elliot, I wasn’t sure if you knew I was a girl or not. You were always so chill around me.”
“I was playin’ it cool.”
“Cool?” Noah repeated. “More like bloody freezing.”
I laughed and so did she. I felt her body relax under my touch as she got used to being close to me while also having an audience. She was still nervous and unsure of herself and the situation, so she lifted her hand to my necklace and played with it. I liked that it seemed to calm her just like she calmed me.
“I had no idea how blue your eyes were,” she murmured, more to herself than to me. “Blue like the ocean.”
&nbs
p; The look on her face as she searched mine made me tense.
“I want another kiss,” I almost groaned. “It is me birthday, y’know?”
Noah’s eyes darted back to mine as laughter and cheering sounded around us. A smile teased the corners of her lips, and with her eyes gleaming, she said, “You can kiss me any time you want, paddy. I could use the luck of the Irish.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
NOAH
Present day . . .
All eyes were on me. I felt the stares of everyone in the room burning a hole in me, but I was only focused on one person. This man who stood before me was a stranger, one I had never laid eyes on in the entirety of my life.
“My husband?” I could hear the disbelief in my voice as I spoke the words. “You’re not my husband – I’ve never been married.”
He stared at me unblinking, and I watched as confusion filled his dark eyes. I was surprised when an expression of deep hurt marred his features. He shook his head as if not believing what he was hearing. He took a step forward but he looked a little unsteady on his feet.
“Noah, baby.”
I flinched at the endearment. I had never liked that pet name, but this man seemed so comfortable with calling me it, like he had done it a million times before. He looked from me to my parents and back again. I didn’t look away from him once.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t know you, mister.”
“Baby,” he repeated, his face having lost all colour. “I’m your husband.”
I nearly collided with my mother as I attempted to sit upright.
“What is this?” I demanded, groaning as my arm suddenly stung. I looked down and noticed I had pulled the IV out and was now bleeding.
“She’s hurt herself,” Mum said to Doctor Abara as she gently eased me back against my bed. The doctor removed the line completely and pressed a cotton ball against the wound and held it in place with a bit of tape.
“A new line will need to be placed in your other arm,” he said to me. I nodded and tried to look around him to the stranger who claimed he was my husband.
“Where’s Elliot?” I demanded. “Where is he?”
“Elliot?” Anderson almost gaped at me in shock. “Your ex?”