I pull my gaze from Dimitri with effort and turn to Luisa. “I have only ever lost control of it when sleeping.”
She looks at me as if I have gone daft. “Yes?”
I shrug. “I simply won’t sleep.”
“What do you mean, you won’t sleep?”
“Just what I said. It is three days to Altus. I’ll stay awake until we get there. I am sure once we arrive, the Sisters will have some idea what to do.”
Luisa turns to Dimitri. “Will you talk sense into her? Please?”
He walks toward me and takes my hand before smiling at Luisa. “She sounds perfectly sensible to me. It is the best solution we have at the moment. I trust Lia with the medallion over anyone.”
She looks at us as if we are equally mad before throwing her hands in the air. “And what of Sonia? Shall we make Lia responsible for her as well?”
Dimitri’s eyes darken even in the dim light of the fire. “Of course not. Edmund and I have discussed it. He will ride at the front with Sonia’s horse tied to his. You”—he looks at Luisa — “will ride behind them, followed by Lia. I will ride at the back in case anything should go amiss. Should Sonia need to attend to personal matters, you will accompany her. Even in her current state, I cannot imagine her trying to escape.” He lifts his head, taking in the darkness that surrounds us beyond the light of the campfire. “There is simply nowhere for her to go.”
For a moment, I think Luisa may argue. She opens her mouth as if to say something, but closes it again just as quickly. “Very well,” she says, and I hear the grudging admiration in her voice.
Dimitri nods at her. “Lia may not be able to sleep, but you should. She will need us all in the coming days.”
Luisa’s nod is hesitant, and I know she does not want to leave me to face the sleepless night alone. “Are you certain you’ll be all right, Lia?”
I nod. “Of course. I already have half a night’s sleep, though tomorrow will be another matter altogether.”
“You needn’t worry, Luisa.” Dimitri puts an arm around my shoulders. “I’ll be here all night. Lia won’t be alone for a moment.”
The relief on her face is impossible to disguise, and with it comes the tiredness that has been lurking at the corners of her eyes. She walks over and wraps me in an embrace. “I’ll see you in the morning, then. Give a shout if you need anything, will you?”
I nod, and she turns to make her way back across camp.
“Come.” Dimitri pulls me down next to him on the ground near the fire. He leans against the log, drawing me back so that I may lean against his chest. “I’ll keep you company until morning.”
“That isn’t necessary. Really. I’ll be fine.” At first I fight such intimacy by holding my body a half inch from his. After a few minutes, though, I cannot resist leaning my head back against his strong shoulder. It fits perfectly, as if it was made to nestle into exactly that spot. “You should sleep,” I tell him. “Just because I cannot doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.”
His cheek rubs against my hair as he shakes his head. “No,” he says. “If you are awake, I’m awake.”
And all night, he is.
It is only later that I realize with a touch of shame how very long it has been since I have thought of James.
16
We have only been riding for an hour, but I already know that ignoring Sonia’s pleading will be the hardest part. It began as soon as the sun rose on the foggy morning.
I kept my head down as I passed the tent in which Sonia was brought her breakfast, but I could not avoid hearing her voice. And though it came to me in pieces, I did not need the entirety to understand how far she was lost.
“. . . please, I’m sure if you just tell Lia…”
“She doesn’t understand… Samael is her ally…”
“. . . will only make things worse for her in the end.”
The sound of Sonia’s voice, the voice that has been my companion in things both wondrous and fearsome over the past year, pleading the case of Samael was almost more than I could bear. As if that was not enough, I was shaken by Dimitri’s insistence that I remain at the perimeter of the camp as Sonia was brought to her horse. I could not tell if he was keeping us so totally apart because he feared my lack of strength or Sonia’s power, but for once, I did as I was told.
I am not tired. Not yet, though I know that will come soon enough. For now, I am carried along by my own taut nerves and the awareness of the medallion humming through my body. I have not worn it since leaving New York. Since acknowledging the danger of wearing it with the limited power I possessed at the time.
Now it is only mine.
Its presence on my wrist makes me feel terrifyingly alive, as if every nerve ending is exposed and raw. I feel every sigh of the wind, every rustle of the leaves in the trees overhead, as if they are under my own skin. My very heartbeat pulses with a power that is almost painful for having to be restrained.
I try not to think of it.
All through the long day of riding, I focus in front of me on Luisa’s back and Sargent’s strong body carrying me through the woods. They stretch into a shady green sameness that I cease noticing after a while. As I ride, I wish for only two things: a quick arrival at the Isle and the ability to stay awake long enough to reach it.
The shadows are long and the air chilly when Edmund finally locates a campsite both near enough to water and sheltered enough to give us some semblance of cover should we need it. I walk Sargent to one side of the camp as Edmund and Dimitri escort Sonia to the other. The mistletoe Dimitri slipped into her tea at breakfast must be wearing off, for her voice is strong and carries to me on an increasingly cold wind.
“Lia! Lia! Will you speak to me? Just for a moment?”
It hurts me to turn my face from the sound of her voice, but turn it I do.
Tying Sargent to a tree, I drop to the ground, leaning against a neighboring trunk and closing my eyes as if doing so will blot out the sound of Sonia’s voice.
“Try not to listen, Lia.” Luisa settles next to me on the hard ground. Neither of us cares for comfort at the moment, and besides, even the ground is preferable to more time in the saddle.
I turn my face to look at Luisa and rest my head on my bent knees. “I have done little else but listen to Sonia these past months.”
She tips her head in sympathy. “I know. But surely you realize that it is not really Sonia who is calling to you now? Who put the medallion on your wrist in the dark of night?”
“I do. But it doesn’t make it any easier. I look at her face and see Sonia, but the words she speaks…” I do not have to finish.
Luisa reaches out and tucks a stray piece of hair behind my ear. “This will pass, Lia. It will. We will get to Altus and the Sisters will help Sonia find herself once more.”
“And what of me?” I ask. “I cannot stay awake forever, and yet the medallion will be my burden from this day forward. Where does that leave me?”
“I don’t know. But I do know that we have come a very long way already.” Luisa smiles. “Let us take one thing at a time. Let us get to Altus, and the rest will come.”
I nod, rising up from the ground. “I’m going to help with dinner.”
She glances back toward the one completed tent — the tent in which I know Sonia has been placed for safekeeping.
“Do you think it wise? Perhaps we should let the men take care of camp tonight.” Compassion is evident in her eyes. “She will not stop, Lia.”
“I need to do something. I’ll go mad if I sit still any longer.”
We make our way toward the fire, just lit by Edmund. I don’t know how Sonia knows of my approach when I make such a point not to speak near the tent, but she begins harassing me from within it almost immediately.
Edmund’s face softens when I reach the fire. “Are you all right?”
I swallow the sadness that rises like a tide with his inquiry. “I would like to help with dinner, please.”
He hesitates,
nodding slowly and proffering a knife and a bag of carrots. I take them to the small table we use for food preparation. For a while, I lose myself in cutting and chopping and manage to ignore Sonia, alternately pleading and railing at me from inside her tent.
Or this is what I tell myself as I try to block her voice from my mind.
Dimitri and I sit by the fire as Edmund keeps watch outside Sonia’s tent. Luisa has the other tent all to herself. She will likely be the only one sleeping well tonight.
“Are you warm enough?” Dimitri tucks the blanket tighter around my shoulders. He has insisted on keeping me company through another long night, and though I would not admit it aloud, it is nice to feel his sturdy chest behind me as I lean back against him.
“I’m fine, thank you. But you really should sleep. Someone in the group should be coherent, and I’m quite sure it will not be me.”
Dimitri’s voice comes from near my ear. “I need less sleep than you might imagine. Besides, lately when I sleep, I only dream of you anyway.”
I laugh nervously, caught off guard by so bold a declaration, and try to make light of the moment. “Yes, well, let us see if you still feel that way after a couple of days without sleep and me to blame!”
Dimitri twists his head to get a better view of my face. I hear the teasing laughter in his voice. “Do you doubt my ability to stay awake alongside you?” He continues without waiting for my answer. “Why, that sounds like a challenge! And I accept!”
I cannot help laughing, even under the circumstances. “Very well. It’s a challenge, then.”
He settles himself behind me, nuzzling his face into my hair, and I cannot help but wonder at my ease in his presence. Perhaps it is the mystical wood that makes it seem we are in another world entirely, but I feel as if I have known Dimitri forever. I experience none of the awkwardness I would expect from such close proximity to a gentleman I have known so short a time. My comfort is a distraction in and of itself, and I begin to wonder at my ability to stay awake while kept warm by the fire and his body against mine.
In an effort to stay alert, I propose a game of One Hundred Questions, and we take turns asking one another questions ranging from the absurd to the bittersweet. For a while, the prophecy fades into the background and we are like two normal people simply trying to get to know each other better. We laugh, whisper, and confide, and I feel us growing closer with every moment spent together in the dark. It is only when we become tired of asking and answering questions, well before either of us reaches one hundred, that we become quiet once again.
Dimitri buries his face in my hair, inhaling deeply.
I cannot help but laugh. “Whatever are you doing?”
“Your hair smells lovely,” he says in answer, his voice muffled from within my hair.
I slap his arm playfully. “Ugh. It likely does not. A journey such as this does hamper one’s efforts at hygiene.”
He lifts his head from my hair, pulling it back with one hand so that my neck is exposed. “It does smell lovely. It smells of the forest, icy river water… you.” He lowers his head to my bare neck, and shivers run up my spine as his lips touch my skin.
My head falls to the side of its own accord. Intellectually, I know it is scandalous to allow a gentleman such free rein, especially one I have known so short a time. But the rest of me, the unthinking part of me, wants his kisses to go on and on. It is this part that reaches back with one arm, entwining my fingers in his thick, dark hair and pulling his head more firmly to my skin.
A muffled groan erupts from his throat. I feel the vibration of it on my neck.
“Lia, Lia… This is not how I should be keeping you awake.” I hear the anguish in his voice and know that he, too, is struggling against the tide of desire and the expectations of polite society.
But we are not part of that society at the moment. Here in the forest on our way to Altus, we are on our own.
I twist in his arms until I am kneeling before him, grateful for the ease of movement in my breeches. Taking Dimitri’s face in my hands, I look into his bottomless eyes.
“This is not you keeping me awake.” I lower my mouth to his, lingering until his lips open under mine before pulling away just enough to speak. “This is us, staying awake together. This is me” — I touch my lips lightly to his — “staying awake with you because I want to.”
A rush of air escapes his mouth, and he pulls me down to the hard ground, cushioning my head with the bundled-up blanket. His hands travel the length of my body over my clothes, and it does not feel wrong. It does not feel scandalous or improper.
We shower each other with kisses of every imaginable variety, from the tender to those so passionate they steal my breath and cause Dimitri to pull away to compose himself. Finally, through some unspoken cue, we stop. We are in a state of complete dishevelment, and as I lay with my head on Dimitri’s shoulder, I note our skewed clothing and rapid breathing and am grateful Edmund is on the other side of the quiet camp.
I am not tired. In fact, the blood seems to rush with new fervor through my veins, and though I am confident and suddenly ready to take on the prophecy once and for all, I also feel the most tremendous sense of peace. As if, for the first time in over a year, I am exactly where I belong.
17
“Give me the medallion, Lia.” Luisa, hand outstretched, stands over me after breakfast. “Please?”
I sigh. “I cannot do that that, Luisa.”
“But… Lia.” She is clearly exasperated with me. “Look at you! You’re exhausted!”
I laugh, finding a moment’s dry humor in her observation. “I’m certain my appearance is less than endearing, but quite honestly, Luisa, it is the least of my worries.” It is true. I do not have the energy to worry about how I look, though it cannot be good. My eyes sting from lack of sleep and I cannot remember the last time I tended to my hair.
Luisa narrows her eyes at me. “You know what I mean. You cannot continue without sleep. It is dangerous for you to ride in your condition.”
“Yes, well, Dimitri has insisted I ride with him, so I will not be riding Sargent into a tree, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“It isn’t. You know it isn’t.” She drops next to me. “I’m worried about you. If you’d only give me the medallion for a few hours, you might rest enough to finish the journey. I would do it for you, Lia. I would.”
I hardly have the energy for the meager smile I offer her, but I offer it anyway and reach out to take her hand. “I know you would, and I thank you for it, Luisa. But can you honestly promise me that the medallion will be safe? That it will not find its way to my wrist so that Samael may use me as his Gate?”
A small line forms on her brow, and I know she wants to make the promise. Wants to make it and mean it. In the end, though, neither of us is surprised that she doesn’t.
“No. I cannot promise, but I can try.”
“It is not enough, Luisa, though I appreciate the offer of help. Truly.” I shake my head. “The medallion is mine. It will not leave my wrist again until this is over. Not voluntarily anyway. I will manage somehow.”
She nods, handing me her cup. “You better drink this, then. You are going to need it.”
I take it, sipping carefully from the warm cup. The coffee is biting, and I hope the horrifying taste of it will be enough to keep me awake for the first part of our journey today. I gulp it down just in time to hear Edmund round up the horses.
Luisa heads over to the horses as I rise to find Dimitri. I am halfway to the rest of the group when he trots over atop his magnificent mount.
“Ready?” he asks.
I nod, not trusting my voice. Even as exhausted as I am, Dimitri is ridiculously appealing.
He jumps down, holding on to the saddle horn. “You first, then.”
It hasn’t occurred to me until now that I have not ridden with someone since I was a child, and then, I rode between my father’s legs.
“But… how will I… That is, how
will we both fit?” I quell my rising embarrassment, and I know a blush makes its way to my cheeks.
His smile is rakish. “It’s simple; you mount the horse at the front of the saddle, and I will ride behind you.” He leans in, so close that I can smell the minty tooth powder on his breath. My mouth goes dry. “I hope that you will not object to such an arrangement.”
I lift my chin. “Not at all.” I shoot him a sly glance as I place my foot in the stirrup. “In fact, it sounds rather pleasant.”
I catch his admiring grin as I lift myself into the saddle, and then he is behind me, his thighs bracing mine and his arms holding the reins on either side of me. A thrill runs all the way from the top of my head to the tips of my boots.
As we trot over to the others, Sonia casts me a long glance from her horse tied behind Edmund’s. I expect her to call out, to beg, plead, cajole. She doesn’t. She is perfectly quiet, which is perhaps why the others do not try to shelter me from her, as they did yesterday. I know I should be relieved by her silence. But if I had to name what I feel as we begin another day, it would not be relief. Any consolation I might find in Sonia’s silence is stolen by the memory of her ice-blue eyes and that blank, mocking glare.
As soon as the horses are in order and a last check has been made to ensure we’ve left nothing behind, we head farther into the forest. We travel slower now that we must lead both my horse and Sonia’s, and it does not take me long to wonder at the wisdom of my decision to ride with Dimitri.
It is pleasant. That is exactly the problem. Were I on my own horse, I would be forced to stay alert, to pay attention to the group and our direction. As it is, I spend the day drifting in and out of half-consciousness, the mist in the wood growing thicker with every step, eventually becoming an all-encompassing shroud that blocks out nearly every trace of light.
With the sun missing, it is impossible to tell if it is midday or evening or somewhere in between. I do not want to bother Dimitri with such a question. In the end, it doesn’t matter. We must keep traveling, whatever the time, until we reach the sea that will take us to Altus. And I must stay awake until we get there.
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