Shifting Tides

by Caitlin Ricci

“So tell me.” Blaine crawled in his flannel-lined bag and slid closer so they could talk without being overheard.

  “Aunt Claire is a real bitch. She doesn’t want Mom to ever let Adam near her again. Can you believe that?”

  After what he’d endured with his own family, Blaine had no trouble whatsoever believing it. “Surprising, but believable.”

  Seth huffed. “Well, neither does Uncle Steven. He’s too worried about what his new wife and her family will think. You know, he always did give the crappiest Christmas presents.”

  “So which one of them told your folks Adam would stay with you guys?” Blaine lay back and stared at the dark nylon tent above them.

  “Aunt Claire. She and Mom had a real knock-down, drag-out fight. I’ve never heard Mom call a family member a bitch before, but she did. I stayed in the tent and just listened, but I think they may have come close to blows. Dad and Uncle Steven were shouting at them to break it up.”

  A sad smile broke Blaine’s face. He didn’t really feel like smiling, but he couldn’t help it. “After your aunt being such a bitch about this, I would’ve liked to see that.”

  “Right. That really would’ve been a Dr. Phil moment.”

  “You need to stop thinking this is a way to get on TV and start trying to think of ways we can help Adam through this.” Blaine rolled over and looked toward Seth. Since they’d turned off the flashlights, he couldn’t make out much of his friend’s face. There was just the silhouette caused by the dying fire in the center of camp.

  “It helps me get through. Plus, wouldn’t a trip to Dr. Phil’s help me pay for college?”

  Blaine shook his head at the stupidness of the comment. “I doubt Dr. Phil pays people to be on his show.”

  “Really?” Seth’s tone conveyed the confused look that must’ve been on his shadowed face. “Why would any of those people go on that show if they weren’t paid?”

  “Seth, please stop being an idiot for a few minutes and let me know what else happened after I left.”

  A heavy sigh came from Seth’s direction. “Okay. So after they pulled Mom and Aunt Claire apart, Aunt Claire and Uncle Steven were shouting about who was going to take care of Adam. Mom finally stepped in and said she would. They got quiet then. I tried to hear everything possible, but it was hard. I think they were working out the details. Didn’t you say something a while back that your folks had to sign guardianship papers or something so that your grandmother had proper legal rights in raising you?”

  Blaine nodded and stared back at the darkness above them, broken only by a seam of yellow stitching. “They didn’t even want to see me then. Gran said she tried to get them to agree to let me in the lawyer’s office, but they refused. Said if she wanted everything worked out properly, she had to do it on their terms or she could just figure it out on her own. She might’ve been a crazy hippy in her younger days, but Gran wanted to play it all legal with me. She wanted to make sure we wouldn’t have any problems, so she played it their way.”

  “You know, my folks might want to sit down with your gran and make sure everything’s set up right, for Adam’s sake.”

  “That’s one of the first sensible things you’ve said all night. So anything else that you overheard?”

  “Uncle Steven had another fit when he was missing three beers. Dad told him to shut up and get out if he wasn’t going to stay around for Adam.”

  “Yay for your dad.” Blaine would never tell Seth, but sometimes he felt that he stayed around Seth as much for his parents as for Seth. Even before his own folks had kicked him out, Seth’s had seemed like a second set for him. They never made him feel like an outsider, always going out of their way to make him feel like part of the family.

  “Yeah, Dad’s kinda cool, isn’t he?”

  “Both your folks are. So that was it?”

  “Other than Mom and Uncle Jerry also having a shouting match about Jerry and Sarah leaving in the morning. Jerry said Adam had ruined everything for everyone and they’d be gone before the sun cleared the ocean. She called him a prick and said that if my grandmother were still alive, he and Claire would’ve both gotten the belt. I can’t believe my grandmother would’ve hit any of them.”

  Blaine had met Seth’s grandparents on several occasions over the course of the years, mostly at Christmas. They weren’t as laid-back as his gran was, but they’d both been nice. He couldn’t imagine either one of them ever spanking their kids. “Sometimes you never know.”

  For a few minutes they fell silent. Blaine studied the yellow stitching above him.

  “It’s going to be weird on a few levels, isn’t it?” Seth said sleepily.

  “What?”

  “Adam living with my family. I’ve been an only child until now. Sure, he’s been my cousin, and still is, but now he’s going to be more like a brother. I always figured my brother would be like me. I hoped we could go be each other’s wingman in bars and stuff like that. Do we know if Adam is going to like guys or girls?”

  “Not for sure, but I think guys,” Blaine muttered, not sure how much to share.

  “See, not the brother I was hoping for. I guess between the two of you maybe you could be my wingman from time to time and help me get girls.”

  A weak chuckle escaped Blaine. “Seth, you’ve got the looks. You get girls just fine. Your problem is keeping them. I’m not sure either Adam or I can help you with that.”

  “Okay. So if we’re playing basketball in the driveway, is this going to mean he never has to be skins? He still has tits. That would be awkward.”

  “I’ll give you that one. But I bet as soon as he can find a way to afford to transition, he will.”

  There was a rustle from the other side of the tent. “Not sure I want to talk about that right now. Shit, if she really becomes a he does that mean Dad’s going to have to teach him to shave? He was awkward enough with me when he showed me last year.”

  Sleep was getting heavy in Blaine’s eyes. He yawned. “If not your dad, then it will probably be one of us. Hell, my dad didn’t do such a bang up job with me. Just that whole, ‘make a steady motion with your hand.’”

  Seth laughed softly. “Dude, your dad has a long beard, what does he know about shaving?”

  “Exactly. I mean there are pictures of him without the beard, but they were ages ago. Before I was born.” Blaine tried to fight it, but he yawned again. “So that’s all the good info you’ve got for me?”

  This time a yawn came from Seth along with the sounds of him getting into his sleeping bag. “That’s it.”

  “Then I guess we’ll see what tomorrow brings. Will you please try and not be yourself with Adam for a while? At least until he works through tonight.”

  “And just who am I supposed to be?” Seth yawned again.

  “Someone smart and caring.” Blaine rolled over.

  “I guess I can try.”

  “Good, or I’ll take you out into the ocean and drown your ass.”

  “You and what army?”

  “Maybe the ponies would help.” Blaine scrunched his pillow and tried to get comfortable.

  “Fine. I’ll be good.”

  “Great. Good night, Seth.”

  Seth beat his pillow a couple of times. “Night.”

  Blaine lay awake tossing and turning, trying to figure out some what he could help Adam so the blow from the abrupt changes in his life wouldn’t be so hard. He also didn’t want to hear what his mother would say about the situation when she appeared in his nightmare.

  Chapter Nine

  Adam loved his aunt for trying to make him happy, and to distract them all from the storm he had brought into their lives. But it was hard to ignore the way his uncle Jerry and his aunt Sarah left without saying a word to him the next morning. Blaine hugged him just a little harder after that, but it didn’t really help. They’d always been a tight family and he couldn’t believe him being himself had destroyed that. More than that, Adam couldn’t believe how quick they’d been to abandon him. If
it hadn’t been for Aunt Amy and Uncle John, he would have been left completely alone to fend for himself on the beach. It wasn’t an enticing prospect in the least.

  His aunt Amy made them all omelets with bacon, loads of cheese and bits of basil. Adam was pretty sure she kept looking over at him to make sure he wasn’t crashing out. He was okay, though, and only breaking apart on the inside. Outwardly, he was pretty proud of how he was managing to hold himself together when everyone else was around. It was only at night that he let himself really cry, and even then he made sure to stuff his jacket into his mouth so that no one else would hear him being miserable.

  And as much as he tried not to think about the adults who had abandoned him, or listen in on his aunt Amy and Uncle John talking, he heard their quiet arguments late at night while he, Seth, and Blaine sat around the fire, making s’mores. With just the five of them left, it hardly seemed like it was worth staying the full week at all. It wasn’t really a vacation anymore anyway.

  The second night in as they said good night, Blaine hugged him a little longer than he had before. No one said anything about the prolonged contact, but Adam kind of expected them to. Maybe his aunt and uncle were okay with it, since Seth probably dated a lot. For Adam, though, the experience was new, but he wasn’t about to push Blaine away. Not when he needed the reassurance Blaine’s hug provided so much.

  Blaine gave him one extra squeeze then let him go. “You know you don’t have to sleep in your tent alone, right? The one Seth and I share is a four person so there’s plenty of room for you too if you wanted some company.”

  “Uh…” Did he want to sleep next to Blaine? Sure. Maybe. But also next to Seth? It wasn’t like they hadn’t grown up together and done plenty of sleeping in the same bed as little kids when they were toddlers, but not anytime recently. Adam was pretty sure that would be weird. “Thanks. But I’m pretty sure Seth snores or something.”

  Blaine laughed. “Yeah, he actually does. Or sometimes he farts so loudly he wakes himself up. Then I come out of the tent and go down to the water with my sleeping bag. And I walk past your tent. Last night I heard you still awake really late.”

  Had Blaine heard him crying when he’d thought everyone else had been asleep? Adam was very glad that his blush was hidden by the dark night. “Sounds gross,” he managed to squeak out.

  “If you’re awake again tonight, maybe you want to join me down there.”

  Adam looked up at him and slowly nodded. He loved what Blaine was offering, even if he wasn’t saying the words. Adam knew Blaine was offering to let him cry with him and that was huge. He was upset and it was hardest when he didn’t have to pretend to be okay anymore. And Blaine saw through that and was saying it was okay to not be perfect and to let it out on his broad shoulders.

  “Um…” Adam looked away as he dug his bare toes into the sand. “You know, if you wanted to just join me in my tent, you could. It’s tiny, but I’d move over. You have to bring your own sleeping bag, though. I get kind of cold at night with the wind coming off the ocean.”

  Blaine ruffled Adam’s short hair and Adam looked back up at him and caught Blaine smiling right back at him. “Deal. If I get woken up again by Seth, I’ll come join you. It’ll beat spending a few hours out in the open. I’m always afraid of one of the ponies coming over and chewing on my hair or something.”

  Adam actually managed a little chuckle at that. And, as he said good night to everyone, he hoped Blaine would be joining him later in his tent. He even pushed all of his stuff over to the side to make room just in case.

  * * * *

  A few hours later Adam got his wish as Blaine unzipped his tent, stepped inside and zipped it back up against the wind. He’d covered up the patches of net that let in the breeze with the rain flap to keep the cold air out, and he shivered as Blaine interrupted his heat.

  But he wasn’t cold for long as Blaine got comfortable behind him and stretched his arm out around Adam’s stomach. “Hey.”

  “Hi. Seth being obnoxious?”

  Blaine yawned and curled up a little closer against Adam’s back. “Naw. He was okay, actually. I wanted to make sure you were okay so I didn’t wait for him to get bad.”

  Adam smiled into the darkness. “Yeah. I’m…” He didn’t want to lie and say that he was fine. And he was pretty sure Blaine would be able to see through that anyway. He could somehow tell things like that. “It sucks. You know? Like, I had this whole big idea planned out that everything was going to be fine and my parents were still going to love me because that’s what parents do. And the stupidest thing is, I keep replaying this one thing my mom said a few years ago. I got a D in a class and I remember her saying the low grade was okay because she still loved me and she always would. Not matter what. Only, she was wrong and that hurts so much to realize the thing I did to lose not only my parents but my aunt and uncle as well was just to stop pretending to be someone I’m not.”

  “It’s crap,” Blaine instantly agreed. And he tightened his arm around Adam’s stomach a bit. That connection between them, even though there was Adam’s sleeping bag in the way, mattered so much. He hadn’t been held like that in years and he just wanted to stay like that for as long as he could. A feeling of safety and security filled him.

  “Please don’t desert me too,” Adam quietly whispered. He hoped Blaine hadn’t heard him, since that wasn’t something he would ever expect Blaine to agree to, but Blaine surprised him by kissing the back of his head.

  “I can’t promise that we’ll be together forever. But I can say I won’t walk out on you because of something stupid. I’ve wanted to have you as my friend for years so I know I’ll always be here for you, no matter what the future has in store for us.”

  That was enough for Adam. And in a way, the honesty from Blaine was better than any false hope he could have spouted. It was somehow more real this way and Adam thought it mattered more because of it. Like Blaine cared about him enough not to just flat-out lie to him and make him think that everything was going to be all perfect now. His life was still really messed up and he was worried and scared, and often angry and hurt too. But Blaine was willing to be real with him and that meant everything.

  “Thank you,” Adam said just loud enough for Blaine to hear him.

  “You’re welcome. Go back to sleep. I’m sorry I woke you.”

  Adam didn’t mind being woken up like that in the least.

  Chapter Ten

  The inside of the tent was still dark when Blaine woke. Adam had rolled a little away from him in the short time they’d been asleep. Still unconscious, Adam looked peaceful for the first time since he’d told the family who he really was. Blaine moved a lock of blond hair that had fallen in Adam’s eyes. He shook his head and sighed. First thing we have to do when we get back to the mainland is get him a real haircut. God, I butchered his hair but good.

  Although the urge to kiss Adam’s forehead was strong, he didn’t want to risk waking Adam. Blaine eased out of his sleeping bag, held it aloft so it wouldn’t make as much noise as it would against the nylon tent bottom and quickly rolled it up. He gave Adam a brief smile before he turned to the zipper and slipped out into the predawn darkness.

  “God, you’re noisy,” Seth muttered, half-asleep as Blaine went into the tent they shared.

  “No, I’m not. You’re just a light sleeper.” Blaine spread his bag next to Seth’s.

  “Yeah, whatever.” Seth rolled over and started snoring.

  Blaine eased down onto his sleeping bag. It would’ve been nice to wake up with Adam, but they weren’t sure how Seth’s folks would react and neither of them wanted any more drama on the trip.

  He was just starting to doze off when Seth’s mom’s voice rang out. “Okay, sleepyheads, if we’re going to go see the ponies walk from north to south, we need to get some breakfast now.”

  Seth rolled over with a loud moan. “Jeez, Mom, can’t we skip it this year?”

  “No, we’re not skipping it this year. It’s alwa
ys the highlight of the trip. We need highlights, so get out of bed and go grab a quick shower while I fix breakfast. Don’t be surprised if there’s no hot water—the other campsites filled up yesterday and I bet we’re the last ones up.”

  He glared at Blaine and mumbled, “Somehow, I doubt that.”

  “Me too.” Blaine got out of his sleeping bag. “Let’s get going. I want to see what all the foals look like this year. We’ve only seen a couple along the beach and that’s unusual.”

  “I bet they’ve been hiding.” Seth struggled out of his bag too.

  “Stop chatting and get going,” Seth’s mother called. “As soon as the griddle’s going, I’m getting the hotcakes cooking, so if you want them hot, don’t take long.”

  “It’s almost worse than Christmas,” Seth mumbled as he grabbed his towel and shower bag.

  “I heard that!” his mother shouted.

  On the short walk to the shower, Adam caught up with them. “Hey, do you two want to guard the door for me?”

  “What?” Seth asked.

  “I want to use the men’s shower today,” Adam replied. There was a note of trepidation in his voice. “I’m really a boy, so I should be using the men’s room, right?”

  Seth stopped on the sandy trail and looked at Adam. “I guess. But do we have to do this right now? You didn’t use the men’s room yesterday.”

  Adam glared at him. “I wasn’t thinking about it yesterday. It’s a reflex to just use the women’s room. I’m done with that. I need to be me, and that starts now.”

  Blaine put his arm across Adam’s shoulder. The contact felt good and natural. “Of course we can watch the door for you. I guess we’ll be doing that for a while.”

  “Until everyone’s comfortable with who I am.” A sly grin crossed Adam’s face. “You know, I bet it will be a blast to be able to pee standing up and not make a huge mess.”

  “What?” Seth wrinkled his nose. “Please don’t tell me you’ve been trying to pee standing up with your current equipment.”