CHAPTER TWELVE:
Truth
Sunday afternoon, Johnny and Jennifer go out on their first official date. He goes with her to church in the morning, and in the afternoon they have a picnic at Logoria Memorial Park.
“This is really good,” Jennifer confesses with a smile as she bites into the sandwich Johnny made.
Johnny smiles at the compliment, taking a huge bite out of his own sandwich. “Well I did try to tell you I make a great sandwich. But no, you said, ‘Sandwiches are easy. Anybody can make a sandwich.’ How do you feel now?”
Jennifer rolls her eyes, but Johnny stares her down. “Okay! I admit it! I’ve never had a sandwich this good. Happy?”
“Uh huh,” Johnny smiles smugly and sets his sandwich down. “But, do you know what would make me happier?”
“What?” Jennifer asks as she wipes her mouth with a napkin.
“If you let me have a kiss?” he replies with amusement.
Jennifer smiles shyly and Johnny leans in close to kiss her. Just before his lips reach hers, Jennifer turns her head and takes another bite of her sandwich, forcing Johnny to kiss her on the cheek.
“Cheater,” he whispers in her ear. Jennifer only smiles and takes another bite of her sandwich.
“So, I’m curious,” Johnny begins speaking as Jennifer finishes her sandwich. “You’re Hispanic, right?”
Jennifer nods and gives him a sideways glance. “Puerto Rican. Why do you ask?”
Johnny shrugs. “Your last name is Smith. It just seems kind of odd to me that it’s not Gomez or Hernandez or something.”
Jennifer raises an eyebrow at him. “My father was adopted by his stepdad and took his last name.”
“So I guess he wasn’t Hispanic?”
“No, German,” Jennifer’s tone changes. “Johnny, do you have a problem with me being Puerto Rican?”
“No, of course not!” Johnny kicks himself internally. “I was just curious, that’s all.”
“Are you sure?” Jennifer looks unconvinced. “Because you said something to Martin last year…” Jennifer doesn’t finish and Johnny exhales in frustration. He knew that would come back to bite him one day.
“Jen, I don’t know why I said that,” Johnny tries to explain. “I’m not that kind of guy, though, ok?”
“Why did you fight with Martin?” Jennifer asks abruptly.
“Jen, he started it,” Johnny doesn’t like where this conversation is headed.
“The second fight,” she clarifies.
Johnny shrugs in nonchalance, but his insides twist with dread.
You want to know why? he thinks. My stepfather gave me no choice.
“I guess I thought I had something to prove,” he finally answers. Jennifer stares at him a long time, measuring his words.
“You remind me a lot of him,” Jennifer states softly. “It’s hard to imagine you being anything else but the sweet guy I know. It’s hard to believe you’d actually be violent… or vindictive. The other night, when you were talking about your stepdad, you were trying to tell me something. I don’t want to push you, Johnny, but if you want to talk to me about it, it’s ok.” Johnny runs a hand through his hair. He has to turn this around.
“Have you ever done something you wish you could take back, Jen?” Jennifer frowns, nodding yes.
“I have regrets, no doubt,” Johnny takes her hand in his. “But you know what I don’t regret? Meeting you.” Jennifer smiles and closes her hand around his.
“We can’t change the past, so let’s just enjoy the present, huh?” Jennifer nods and leans her head against his. Johnny enjoys her closeness, wishing they could stay like this forever. But eventually the sun goes down and they’re forced to part ways.
•••
Johnny walks home on clouds. He barely notices his stepdad’s truck in the driveway as he walks inside. He makes his way to his room, but stops when he hears a noise coming from the garage. Johnny freezes when he hears his brother Matt’s distinct voice.
“I don’t like dis game,” Matt’s muffled voice travels into the house.
“Hush now,” Johnny hears Mr. Reese’s chastisement. “Do as I say!”
Johnny’s heart fills with dread and he rushes into the garage. Mr. Reese is sitting on a stool with Matt in his lap. Matt is only wearing his underwear and Mr. Reese has his pants unzipped.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Johnny hears himself scream at his stepfather. He pulls Matt away from him before the shock wears off. He’s literally been caught with his pants down.
“Matt, go to your room. Now!” He pushes his brother through the garage door and faces Mr. Reese, who’s begun to fluster.
“What are you doing?” Johnny repeats, trying to calm his breathing. He suddenly thinks of the other children, and his mother. “Where’s everyone else? Where’s mom?”
When Mr. Reese doesn’t answer right away, Johnny grabs him by his shirt and hauls him out of the stool. Apparently, working out has paid off. Mr. Reese loses his balance and falls to the floor. Johnny’s vision blurs with rage, and he lunges at Charles Reese. He pushes him into a shelf mounted on the wall, and several items crash to the floor. Johnny grabs Mr. Reese by his shirt and slams him against the concrete floor.
Mr. Reese flails his arms wildly in defense as his head collides with the ground. Johnny thrashes his fists into Mr. Reese’s head, blind with fury. Mr. Reese gropes for something to defend himself and finds the handle of a shovel. He brings the shovel down hard against Johnny’s head. Johnny groans before crumpling to the floor. Matt returns to the garage, eyes alight with fear.
“What’s happening?” he asks with tears streaming down his face. He looks frantically from Johnny to his father.
“Don’t worry about it,” Mr. Reese waves his hand in dismissal as he attempts to rise. He’s seeing double and he’s bleeding from the back of his head.
“Come with me, we’ll go back to your room.” Mr. Reese reaches out his hand, and Matt reluctantly takes it. Mr. Reese hobbles down the hallway until they get to Matt’s room.
“Come lay on your bed,” Mr. Reese orders him to his bunk bed. Matt sniffs, hesitating as he watches his father.
“What are you waiting for?” Mr. Reese asks him gruffly. Matt jumps nervously at his father’s voice and climbs the small ladder to the top bunk. He sits on the top of the bed and coughs. Mr. Reese watches him silently for a moment. Matt sniffs and wipes his nose, glancing back at him.
“Dad, did you hurt Johnny?” he asks.
“Probably,” Mr. Reese shrugs.
“Why?” Matt asks.
“Because he was trying to hurt me.”
“Why?” Matt asks with child-like innocence. Mr. Reese feels his face become hot.
“Enough questions!” he growls. “Just get into bed before I-” Mr. Reese freezes as he feels something cold against the back of his head.
“Get away from my brother,” Johnny hisses.
“You don’t want to do that, son,” Mr. Reese tries to speak calmly, but can’t disguise the tremor in his voice.
“Back up slowly,” Johnny commands. Mr. Reese obeys and they both move slowly until they are out of Matt’s room. Matt watches in horror as Johnny and his father leave. Johnny orders Mr. Reese to shut Matt’s bedroom door.
“Don’t shoot him!” Matt cries as the door blocks his vision.
“Now turn around!” Johnny barks. Mr. Reese turns around. Johnny has tears streaming down his face and a trickle of blood trailing down the side of his neck.
“Put the gun down, Johnny,” Mr. Reese takes a step toward him.
“Back up!” Johnny barks.
Johnny tilts the gun toward the living room and Mr. Reese sidesteps to the left until his back faces the living room. Johnny follows, the gun pointed directly at Mr. Reese’s head.
“Just take it easy!” Mr. Reese keeps his eyes on the gun as he speaks.
“Shut up!” Johnny cries. “You stay away from us!”
“Okay, son
, just calm down,” Mr. Reese pleads.
“I’m not your son!” Johnny fumes through clenched teeth. “Now get out of here you sick-”
Johnny and Mr. Reese both turn as the front door opens. Mrs. Reese walks in with Mark and Susan at her side. Mrs. Reese is smiling as she chats with the children, but freezes when she sees the gun in Johnny’s hand.
“Johnny!” she gasps, the blood draining from her face. “Where did you get that?” his mother trails off, and Johnny turns just in time to see Mr. Reese lunge forward in attack. The gun goes off as Mr. Reese grabs Johnny’s arm, and Mrs. Reese screams. Johnny cries out in pain as Mr. Reese twists his arm.
He hears the gun go off again and feels a sharp pain in his left temple. His stepfather is in front of him, but Johnny feels himself falling. Charles Reese looms over him, and his vision blurs to gray and then black before he loses consciousness.
•••
Max jumps from his bed and onto the floor as sounds of gunshots echo outside, breaking into a cold sweat as he tries to calm his pounding heart. The shots sounded far away. After a few more minutes of silence, he decides it’s safe enough to get up.
He’s had the same dream for the past week. Every night he finds himself in the woods. His mother leads him to an abandoned house, engulfed in flames, in the middle of a clearing. He goes to the window and sees a body trapped inside. He doesn’t know what it means.
Memories from his dream slowly slip away as anxiety takes over. Max rubs his temples and whispers a prayer of protection. Soon his fear gives way to the peace of God, and his heart slows to a normal rate.
Max gets up and heads to the kitchen. Just the night before, there was a drive-by shooting. His neighbors had warned Max and his father to crouch down on the floor whenever gunshots were heard; how far away they sounded or from which direction they came didn’t matter.
Max has taken the advice to heart, and puts the method into practice frequently. A year ago, he hadn’t been aware that this way of life existed in Logoria. In fact, he’d have laughed if anyone had told him a few months ago that he’d be ducking from thugs and drive-by shootings before the end of his junior year.
Max grabs a cup from the cabinet and pours himself a glass of water. Hardship is new to him. He never gave poverty any thought before, taking for granted that he’d always have the things he needed. His mother worried about those things and made sure they lived in a safe place. Despite the antagonistic efforts of Max and his father, she’d been determined to make a good home for them. Max misses her so much now that his heart aches. He allows a few tears to escape as he stares at his cup. It’s one of his mother’s crystal glasses; collecting crystal had been one of his mother’s hobbies. She would always get excited when a package full of crystal ware would show up at the house. It was the only thing she bought for herself.
Max shakes his head. He used to mock her for her excitement whenever she brought in a new glass. She’d unload everything with a huge smile on her face, carefully holding each piece as if the slightest bit of pressure could break it. And Max certainly broke his fair share. Sometimes he’d do it on purpose, just to be spiteful. His mother put up with so much. He’d be willing to replace every glass he ever broke if she were here. She deserved better.
Max sighs. He’s determined that, no matter what, he’ll make it up to her. Even though she’s no longer here, he can make her proud by becoming the man she wants him to be. He’ll be kind, and warm, and giving, just like her. Max tried to be all those things right after his mother died, but he constantly felt himself struggling. He didn’t have it in him before. Now, Max has the Holy Spirit guiding him. Every day he spends in his new faith teaches him something different. He is slowly learning to be led by the Spirit, though at times it hurts.
Max wonders if the dreams he’s been having are some sort of message God is trying to get through to him. Had it been a vision, like the dreams he’d had about Tammie? If Mr. Kent were here, he’d ask him for his advice.
Max decides if he has the dream again, he’ll call Mr. Kent. He left Max his number, assuring him that he would make himself available whenever Max needed him, but Max has never called.
Somehow, it seems childish to call Mr. Kent for every little thing that seems big for the moment. Max almost called him the day he was beat up by thugs just a few blocks from home, but decided against it. He’s being led by Spirit, and wherever the Spirit wills him, that’s where he’ll go.
•••
Johnny feels the coolness of a rag against his head as he stirs. He blinks several times to clear his vision. To his left, his mother looks at him, holding the rag in place. To his right, his brothers and sister stare at him with worried eyes. Susan is crying, but the boys are quiet. Johnny tries to get up, but his mother stops him.
“Don’t get up too fast,” she says quickly. “You’ll make yourself sick.” Johnny obeys. Remembering his stepfather, his heart skips a beat.
“Where’s Charles?” His mother begins to shake her head in bewilderment.
“I don’t understand, Johnny. Why did you do it?”
Johnny suddenly panics as he remembers the gun going off. He looks again to his brothers and sister, then back to his mother.
“Is he... did I shoot him?” he asks with a quiver in his voice.
“Johnny, he’s gone,” his mother cries. Johnny’s face pales. Charles Reese is dead?
“I... killed him?” Johnny asks. His mother looks at him with annoyance.
“No, Johnny! I mean he’s gone! He took off!”
Relief gives way to anger as Johnny considers all that took place. He shakes his head and scowls.
“He ran away so he wouldn’t have to take responsibility. He’s a coward.” He grabs his head, noticing for the first time the goose egg forming on the left side of his head.
His mother looks at him in shock. “Johnny, he ran away because you held a gun to his head! Your father! You threatened his life!”
“With your gun!” Johnny stares at his mother.
She stiffens. “Johnny, that gun was for protection for when your father was out of town. I don’t know how you found out about it, but if I’d known that you might try something like this, I never would have bought it!”
“I had to stop him!” Johnny shouts.
“Stop him from what, Johnny? What did he do?” his mother cries. “What could be so horrible that you would threaten my husband with a gun?”
“Your husband beats the crap out of us every day, mom! Isn’t that enough?” Johnny is livid. How can she be defending him?
“He’s not perfect, Johnny, but other people have it worse! He’s rough, I know, but he’s a good man!”
“No, he’s evil, and sadistic and he goes out of his way to make sure we’re miserable.” Johnny shakes his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe you’re still defending him after all he’s done to us, what he’s done to me! What he was trying to do to Matt!” Johnny feels his head swimming, but he is too angry to care.
His mother places a hand on her head. “Charles loves us, Johnny. He loves you and he loves Matt. He’s never laid a hand on him or Mark or Susan.”
“That’s not what I saw.” Johnny rasps.
“What are you talking about?” she asks, eyeing him warily.
“I’m talking about that sicko putting his hands on my baby brother, that’s what!” Johnny sits up and waits for the room to stop spinning.
“You don’t know what you saw Johnny! Matt told me they were playing a game and you walked in and started the whole thing!”
“I know what I saw, Mom!” Johnny raises his voice an octave. “That monster had his hands on my brother. I swear to God I wish I’d shot him dead before you got here!”
“You can’t mean that, Johnny,” his mother dismisses the thought.
Johnny looks at his mother. “I do mean it, Mom. And if I see him near any of them again, I’ll kill him.”
His mother rolls her eyes and throws up her hand
s. “Dear God, Johnny, they were playing a game!”
“No! That’s what he told Matt, but I know better. He had Matt on his lap and his pants were unzipped. He was fondling him, Mom. If I hadn’t come in, there’s no telling what he would have done!”
“I don’t believe this!” his mother replies. “Would you listen to yourself? Your father would never do that. He might be angry and even violent at times, Johnny, but he would never touch Matt like that!”
“You don’t know him like I do,” Johnny replies.
“You’re right, Johnny. I’ve only spent the last eleven years as his wife. Of course I don’t know him as well as you do!” she states sarcastically. “Give me a break, Johnny! What is it you’re after? You made a mistake, so now you’re trying to cover it up by saying something about him that I know isn’t true. He would never do what you’re saying.”
“Yes he would!” Johnny says quickly. “I know he would.”
“How do you know your father is capable of such awful things?” his mother snaps. Johnny swallows hard and looks away.
“He’s not my father.”
His mother realizes that the children are still in the room. “Mark, Matt, Susan out. All of you out, now!” The three children trail silently out of the room. As soon as they leave, Johnny’s mother lays into him.
“How dare you, Johnny? He may not have contributed to your conception, but he’s as good a father as you’re going to get! Do you think anybody else wanted someone like me? A homeless, high school dropout with a four-year-old son is not any man’s dream come true, Johnny. Wake up! Things will never be perfect, but I won’t have you accusing my husband of molesting Matt.”
“Mom, they aren’t safe around him,” Johnny shakes his head. “You don’t know what he’s capable of.”
His mother rolls her eyes. “And what makes you so sure?” she scoffs. Johnny looks at his mother with a pained expression before turning away from her. She watches him for a long time.
“Tell me, Johnny!” More silence.
“Answer me!” she turns Johnny around to face her. He looks at her angrily.
“What do you want me to say, Mom?”
“I’m just trying to understand,” she speaks softly. “Tell me why?”
Johnny exhales slowly, his eyes downcast. “Because he’s done it before. To me.” Tears run abruptly from his eyes and he quickly wipes them away. He knows she won’t believe him. Her next words prove it.
“I don’t believe you,” she whispers with trembling lips. “You’re a liar, Johnny. You hear me? A liar!”
Johnny looks up at her. “But, Mom, I’m telling the truth!”
Too quickly for him to react, his mother slams her hand across his face. “I won’t tolerate this, Johnny. Get out! You have no right to accuse him when all he’s done is take care of you the best he knows how!”
Johnny reaches for her hand and pleads, “Mom... ”
“Get out!” she shrieks. “I don’t care where you go! I want you out of my house!” She points in the direction of the door.
“Please, I’m telling the truth!” Johnny tries again.
His mother shakes her head. “My children aren’t safe around you, and I don’t feel safe around you, either. Get out!”
Johnny shakes his head, straightens himself and walks out. He passes his brothers and sister, ignoring their questions, and goes out the front door. It doesn’t matter now if his stepfather is out of the picture or not. His mother has taken sides, and he’s all alone.
Why Did You Hurt Me? Page 12