by Alex Slorra
JESSICA HAD BEEN woken by a woman’s voice mumbling in distress. The room was pitch-black, and the absence of light scared her. She listened, sitting up on the edge of her bed. But there was only silence. It was possible she’d dreamed it. It took a moment before she was able to establish where and when she was. It was the early hours of Friday, and she was in Anna’s spare room located in the single-storey wing of the house.
Floorboards creaked. A minute later, she heard glass smash on the floor. Jessica donned a pair of slippers and darted out of her room, dressed in a black T-shirt and sweatpants Anna had lent her.
In the kitchen, wearing a pink robe, Anna was using a dustpan and brush to sweep up broken shards.
“Are you all right?” Jessica asked.
Anna turned and gasped, dropping the dustpan. Her hand reached up and gripped the table’s edge to steady herself.
“Sorry, Anna, did I scare you?”
“Just a bit.”
Jessica bent down to pick up the brush and pan. “You’ve got bare feet. Let me do this.”
Anna nodded, straightening as her fingers clenched the top of her robe together. Deep shadows under her eyes showed her fatigue.
“What were you getting?”
“Just water. I was going to take an aspirin.”
“I’ll get you another. Now, out, please.”
“Okay.” Anna tiptoed into the lounge.
A wave of concern flashed through Jessica, tightening her chest. She doesn’t look well. As she swept, she tried to understand this emotion. She liked Anna. She was easy to like: assertive, gregarious, beautiful and kind. But she couldn’t remember ever feeling such a rush of empathy for someone before. Gut-wrenching guilt, yes, but not this.
In the lounge, Jessica passed a glass of water to Anna and sat beside her. “You can’t sleep?”
Anna shook her head.
Jessica watched as Anna swallowed two pills with shaking hands that caused the water to slosh in the glass. “What’s keeping you awake?”
“Nothing new. I should take my sleeping pills, but it’s too early, late, whatever, to take them now.”
Jessica shuffled beside her and put an arm around her waist. “I heard you talking in your sleep. Nightmares?”
Anna nodded. “Trauma when I was young. Never really got over it. But it seems to be worse now.”
“Do you know why?”
Anna nodded and put her hand over Jessica’s. “It’s kind of you to try to help, but I don’t want to talk about it, or think about it, if that’s okay. To me, it’s better to forget than try to remember.”
“Sure.” Anna looked as if she was on her last legs. “Maybe try to go to bed again.”
“I need to be up in two hours, so—” Anna ran her hand over her eyes. “I may as well stay up now.”
“Come here.” Jessica knew sometimes the obvious solution was the best one. She gathered Anna and leaned back. “Put your feet up.”
Anna shifted, tucking her feet onto the sofa, as Jessica flipped a tartan woollen blanket over them both.
“This okay?” Jessica asked.
“Yes,” Anna muttered. A few minutes passed. Jessica listened as Anna’s rapid heart rate slowed and her breathing synched with hers.
“You know what bothers me about you?” Anna said softly.
“No,” Jessica whispered. She withdrew her fingers from where they were stroking Anna’s hair.
“Nothing. And that’s unusual.” Anna let out a sigh of contentment. “Keep going with the hair thing. It’s…well, really nice.”
Chapter Seven
“HEY, EARTH TO Anna,” Linda said. “Too much milk.”
Anna re-entered the troposphere, noticing the milk she was pouring was overflowing the customer’s coffee cup.
She checked her watch. It was mid-morning, and Priory’s Cup was quiet with one customer sipping a latte and another waiting patiently.
After redoing the order, Anna asked Linda if she could make a quick call.
“Of course, honey. We’re not exactly packed at the moment.” Linda was mostly reasonable, but she tended to snap at some of the younger staff during peak times. Anna wondered what she would be like when the tourist season was in full swing. She inwardly tensed at the thought. The knowledge that she had agreed to only work until the start of the summer holidays helped her to endure the day. But the job wasn’t the problem. Today, the problem was a beautiful, mysterious Englishwoman who had set up residence in her brain and, to Anna’s shock, in other places she didn’t think possible.
In the kitchen situated through a door behind the counter, she dug out her cell. Mobile, I mean mobile.
She made a call to her friend in London. “Hi, Sarah, it’s Anna.”
“Hey, Anna! How’s you, awesome girl?”
“Fine,” she lied. “It’s all totally fine… Is it okay to talk?”
“Yeah, it’s calm. I’m just between venues, so, go ahead.”
Sarah was an old friend of Anna’s from her high school days in Michigan. She had made use of her dual citizenship to move to London and get a job at a music and live-events agency.
“You know how we’d planned for the first week of June—well, I was wondering if we could make it sooner?” Anna hoped she didn’t sound too desperate.
“It’s possible. I’d have to check my calendar. Is there a problem?”
“No, but it’d be useful if you could.” Anna touched the tip of her nose to see if it had grown. She wasn’t used to this lying thing. For most of the morning, she had been regressing back to her teen years, trying to remember if she’d ever felt this way about other women when she was younger. She could find no point at which the thought, I’d really like to kiss her, had popped into her head. And, perhaps worse, Anna certainly had never felt attracted to men in the way she was to Jessica.
“Okay. So, when should I visit?” There was an edge of suspicion in Sarah’s slow delivery.
“How about tomorrow?” Anna asked, as sweetly as she could.
“Like tomorrow, this Saturday? Swear down. I know it’s your birthday on Tuesday, but are you that desperate for a present?”
“No, don’t be silly. It’s just… It’s not the sort of thing I can talk about on the phone. I’m at work.”
“Work?”
“Yeah. I had to take a job in a coffee shop to make some extra money before the holidays start. But if you can’t make it tomorrow, it’s okay. I’ll—”
“Annamaria, what’s going on?”
“Sexuality crisis. Can you make tomorrow or not?” Anna raced the words out.
Sarah’s gasp bounced over the cellular network and echoed in Anna’s ears. “Um, when you say sexuality, what do you mean?”
“Sarah, I can’t discuss this now,” Anna whispered into the phone. Her cheeks flushed. She regretted calling her friend. “Let’s keep the original date. Everything is perfect.”
“Allow it. I can tell you’re lying. If you want me to try this weekend, I’ll try. Let me see what I can swap.”
“Thanks so much, Sarah.”
“I can’t promise it’s doable. I’ll send a text in a bit.”
“Thanks.” Anna ended the call, hoping the redness in her cheeks would be put down to steam from the coffee machine.
JESSICA HAD TO admit completing the roof was easier with David around. The young man had turned up in the morning, offering to help again. By dinner time, they had replaced all the tiles, using the originals and some spares Anna’s ex must have ordered at some point.
Astride the roof’s peak, she was cementing ridge tiles in place while David hefted them up the ladder and shifted them to where they were needed.
“Just a couple more,” Jessica told him. Her arms ached, and she could barely lift the trowel as she gathered more cement from her bucket to finish the last two tiles as they were dropped into place.
Jessica scanned her surroundings. A few clouds, as white as cotton, drifted by. She envied their freedom. The roof was done, a
nd perhaps Chris would call with the news that would help her get home. But did she want her old life anymore? It would be nice to stay here. She shook her head. Are you a fucking idiot? First, it’s unlikely Chris will find anything. So, guess what—you’re going to jail! And second, Anna lives in a different world. Create as many fantasies as you want, they will never become real. Stop being delusional.
She sighed. She’d been daydreaming about Anna with every placed tile and Jessica had started to believe her fabricated happy-ever-after bullshit.
“So, are you coming tonight?” David asked. He stood atop the ladder waiting for Jessica to descend from her elevated perch.
“That’s like the billionth time you’ve asked me. Oddly, the answer is still the same.” It sounded harsh even to her own ears. He had done a lot of work for her.
“Is that a yes? It’ll be fun. There’s an indie band playing, doing covers.”
She had to hand it to David, he was persistent, but she wasn’t going on a date—except with Anna, if she asked. Get real, there is a better chance of Kermit asking you.
“Look, David, it’s very kind, but to repeat, first, I’m not into guys. That means, so it’s perfectly clear, I only date women. Second, this one is also important, you must be ten years younger than me. And last, I have no money to go out.”
“I’ll buy your drinks. It’ll be fun. Besides, I’m thinking you’ve just not met the right guy.”
Kermit and David had a lot in common. Both stubborn beyond stupidity. “It doesn’t work like that. Can you please move? I want to get down.”
Back on the ground, she walked away from the stable and inspected the completed roof. When David followed, she almost checked her pockets for a carrot. “Looks good. Thanks for your help, David.”
“No worries. It got me out of helping with the pigs on my brother’s farm.”
Jessica decided not to dig deeper; she didn’t want to know how he’d escaped his duties since it was clear his main objective had been to ask her out.
“So, see you at nine at the Anchor?” David persisted.
“Give it a rest. There must be other girls you can ask out.”
“Should I ask Anna?”
A twinge of annoyance prickled her. “No. Anna’s—”
She was about to lay into him when she guessed what had fired her anger. Jealousy? Jessica rubbed her temple. It’s none of my business.
David’s mobile rang. He pulled it out and answered. “Yes, Dad… Just coming home. Was helping Jessica with her roof… Yeah, Yeah, I’ll get them.”
He turned back to her. “So then, I’ll see you there at nine. I’ve got to go.” He jogged in the direction of his tractor that was parked in the next field.
“No!” she yelled after him.
Back inside the house, Jessica went upstairs to shower. With the boiler broken, another thing Jessica meant to look at, the only available hot water was from an electrically heated shower unit in Anna’s en suite bathroom.
It was getting late, and Anna still hadn’t come home. Now showered and dressed, she used Anna’s computer to try to work out what the error codes on the front of the boiler meant. She had tracked down its manual online but couldn’t concentrate. She was sitting in Anna’s house when Anna should’ve been home hours ago.
“She said she’d be back at her usual time,” Jessica mumbled to herself.
She glanced at the clock on the cooker for the umpteenth time, then again and again. 19:01… 19:14… 19:26.
She tried Anna’s mobile number, taken from on a Post-it stuck to the fridge. When there was no answer, she stood up, grabbed the MSU sweatshirt Anna had left for her, and clawed it on in a hurry.
Jessica paused. I’m overreacting. She’s just late. Maybe it’s taking longer to collect Abbie from her friend’s house? She frowned. Anna’s always on time and always says exactly what she’s doing. She didn’t think anything was wrong, but the sinking sensation in her stomach meant she couldn’t sit around and wait.
“To hell with this.” Snatching up the house keys, she darted out and locked the door.
Marching down the lane, she headed into the village, hoping to find the coffee shop where Anna worked.
The first café showed no signs of life. The second, the Oasis Café in Chare Ends, was equally as dark, except for an illuminated green box, housing a public defibrillator. Distressed and unsure which direction to head in next, she stopped a passerby who directed her to a third.
Peering in through a misted window of the Priory’s Cup coffee shop, she could see movement in the back of the café. She knocked on the glass. A moment later, a middle-aged woman appeared and unlocked the door.
“Yes?” the woman asked. She wore a water-soaked apron over a flowery dress and yellow kitchen gloves.
“Is Anna here?”
“She’ll be out in a moment.”
Anna’s not under any obligation to tell me if she’s going to be late. What am I doing here? She gripped her wrist then crossed her arms and waited opposite the café. She needed a plausible reason why’d she’d come looking for Anna.
INSIDE THE CAFÉ, Linda turned to Anna. “I’ll finish the rest,” Linda said. “Thanks so much for helping at short notice.”
Anna smiled and was inwardly relieved. When Linda had asked her to stay late to help with the cleaning in advance of a food hygiene inspection, she’d wanted to say no, but decided she wasn’t in a position to turn down extra work.
She collected her coat and stepped into the café proper, before leaving through the main door. She was surprised to see a pensive Jessica leaning against the wall opposite.
“Hi, I didn’t expect you. Is something wrong?” Anna asked.
“No… No. I tried to call. I was wondering where you were.”
“Oh… Linda needed me to stay late.” A warm rush filled Anna’s centre. It was nice to have someone care about her whereabouts. But it did seem strange. Jessica was like two different people. Most of the time, she was confident and capable, but now, she was vulnerable and afraid, the same as when they’d first met. “You’ve got no coat,” Anna started to unzip her jacket. “Here, put on mine.”
“I’m good. And sorry. You must feel like I’m bloody stalking you now.”
Jessica was definitely not herself. Anna closed the distance between them and caressed Jessica’s cheek. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I’m being foolish.”
“Tell me.”
“It’s just, as you know…you’re really all I’ve got. I was concerned.”
Anna kissed Jessica’s cheek. It had taken quite a dose of willpower not to kiss her lips. “I’ll make sure I tell you next time. Okay?”
“You don’t need to.” Jessica glanced away, her eyes staring off into the distance before returning. “Like I said, I’m being stupid… It hasn’t helped that Chris hasn’t called.”
“Chris is your work colleague, right?”
“Yes.”
Anna took Jessica’s arm, as she had the other night, and they started down the street. “Even if I can’t help, it might be good for you to talk about your problem at work.”
“I…” Jessica sighed. “God, Anna. It’s complicated, and… It’s best if I don’t.”
“Sure. I won’t force you.”
Jessica squeezed Anna’s arm in hers.
“Come on, let’s get Abbie, then we can head back,” Anna said. “And tell me if you’re too cold.” But Anna knew she wouldn’t.
AFTER COLLECTING ABBIE from her friend’s house, to Anna’s frustration, she ended up arguing with her all the way back to the farm.
“Abbie, I’m not going out. I’m tired, and I don’t want to spend money in a pub listening to some crappy band.”
“Mum! Please! They’re called The 8-Balls. And they’re doing covers of my favourite group! We’re going,” Abbie insisted.
“Sorry, honey. No.”
“You never take me anywhere. All my friends go to gigs, and I’m stuck here!”
“Well, I’m going.”
Anna stopped, turned, and grabbed Abbie’s arm. “You’re fourteen. You can’t go to a pub on a Friday night. That’s final!”
“Katy’s going!”
“Tough!” Anna let go of Abbie and started walking again. She glanced at Jessica, who returned a concerned smile, but said nothing until she was beside her.
“David asked me to go with him to the gig as well.”
“David?” Anna glanced at Jessica.
“He’s the son of the farmer who owns the land next to yours.”
Anna remembered seeing him, but she had never met him properly. “He must be about twelve.”
Jessica laughed. “I think twenty, but his maturity might be around that.”
“He doesn’t know you’re a lesbian?”
“I told him,” Jessica half smiled. “You know, when I turned him down, he wanted to know if he should ask you.”
“Seriously?”
“I said you’d be happy to go,” Jessica joked.
“Oh, my God, you didn’t say that, did you?”
Jessica laughed. “No.” After a moment, she added, “I had been wondering if you might want to come with me. But, you’re right, it’s late, and I’m monetarily challenged.”
Anna almost tripped up. She recovered quickly and pretended nothing had happened. However, a kaleidoscope of butterflies had taken off inside her stomach. She wasn’t sure what to say. She couldn’t back out of telling Abbie no. She couldn’t say yes to Jessica without admitting something was going on beyond a simple friendship. She wasn’t even sure she had admitted to herself what her feelings towards Jessica actually meant. Why is this a problem? Because it is!
She was trying to squash her imagination from spinning a romantic candlelit table for two when they arrived in the courtyard to find a blue car parked next to the house.
A woman raced over. She had a fauxhawk haircut and wore ripped navy jeans and a black bomber jacket. “Anna! There you are! I’ve been trying to call for the last hour.”
“Sarah,” Anna shouted in surprise. The two women hugged and kissed cheeks. “I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow!”