by Alex Slorra
Anna surveyed the bar. The audience, and even the staff, were mesmerised. Beyond David’s table, there was a group of older blokes overtly ogling Jessica. A surge of anger hit Anna, and she wanted to go over and slap them. Instead, she moved her focus back to the stage and the spine-tingling music.
“I know I’ve heard her before,” Sarah said next to Anna’s ear.
Jessica did a circular motion with her hand. “Repeat. Abbie, come up, please. I need help with the singing.”
Abbie shot a quick glance to her mum, and Anna nodded.
“Go. You know the words. You have an awesome voice,” Anna reassured her.
Abbie quickly passed her phone to Katy. “Keep filming!”
“Sure.” Katy seemed relieved she hadn’t been asked to join in.
A few seconds later, Jessica and Abbie sang the chorus together.
I listened, so we can share our eyes
You touched, and we found our ride
To somewhere under an Unst sky
Where the northern lights bound our lives
My girl, you loved my low-rise denim
We kissed, until I felt unthreatened
Now somewhere above an Unst sky
Where the northern lights became our heaven
As they transitioned into the verse, Jessica slid notes across the frets of the guitar, bending strings and cascading through a sequence of harmonics. She seemed able to perform the complex manoeuvres while singing in perfect pitch to the melody.
“That’s really hard to do,” Sarah said. “She’s good. Really good.”
“Apparently so…” Anna mumbled and wiped away tears of raw emotion.
When the song ended, Abbie returned to the table, and the band moved onto Winter Girl. Seeing her daughter singing her heart out with Jessica was the most magical moment of her life. She could say that with absolute certainty. Others might have said the birth of their child, but for Anna, that wasn’t something she’d experienced.
A VIBRATO ON the fifteenth fret of the B-string ended the second song. Jessica was ready to call it quits. Her hand was hurting where she had injured it changing the tyre on the Saab, and she wasn’t sure if she had pulled the stitches. She twisted the volume on the Stratocaster to zero and lifted the guitar strap over her head.
“Hey, stay!” the bass guitarist shouted to her.
She shook her head. She’d just wanted to ensure Abbie got the songs she’d requested. It was fortunate Jessica had heard them before. Both were straightforward pentatonic progressions, allowing her to improvise throughout.
Off to one side, propped against the bar, she noticed the lead guitarist had returned. He came over to her, halted, and pushed his hand through his hair. “That was sick. Awesome sound.”
Jessica handed him his instrument. “You have to lead, not leave, you know.”
He nodded. “Yeah… A bad day.” He took the guitar from Jessica. But rather than putting it on, he set it aside and went over to talk to the bass player.
She left them to it. But a stocky guy blocked her path.
“Come and have a drink with us.” He pointed to a table where three other brooding men sat. He was half cut, and his eyes hadn’t fully focused.
“No thanks.” Jessica tried to duck round him, but he had stepped in front of her.
“Come on, babe. I’m Carl. One of the nice ones here. I’ll look after you.” He crossed his arms to exaggerate his tattooed biceps.
David appeared to the left of the man. “Carl, a drink? My round,” he said.
“Go back to your silage,” Carl snapped, not removing his gaze from Jessica. “He’s not a nice one, babe. Come on, just a drink with me, a real man.”
A flash of fear hit Jessica. She was back in Enfield fifteen years ago. First, it was the pub, and then he had followed her and—help me, to the Chinese restaurant. She felt trapped, her throat went dry, and her chest constricted to the point she couldn’t breathe.
Suddenly, a hand grabbed her wrist, and she was yanked beyond the Neanderthal. Anna was leading her back to their table, David and two of his friends blocking Carl from pursuing. Rather than confrontation, David offered drinks again, and Carl was manoeuvred to the bar.
Now seated with the others, Jessica was still trying to calm her fears. She knew it had been a mistake to play. Terrible things always happened when she did. Anna’s hand slipped into hers, holding it firmly, and it hurt—partly due to the fervency of Anna’s grip, but also because it was her injured hand.
“Ignore him,” Anna said softly. “We’ll go in a minute.” She kissed Jessica’s cheek. “You were incredible. Just so awesome. You’ve made Abbie’s life, so she says. And mine.” The words and contact helped Jessica to return to the present.
David sat down as he had done earlier. “Sorry about that. Didn’t think he would be here. He usually drinks in the King’s Head on the mainland. He’s all right sober; best avoided after a few.”
Jessica wanted to say, “It’s okay,” but it wasn’t. She whispered to Anna, “Can we go?”
“Of course.” There was concern in Anna’s blue eyes. “All right,” she announced to the table, “it’s getting late and too late for you to be here, Abbie.”
“Yes. Time to go,” Beth added, handing Katy her coat. “That was amazing,” Beth told Jessica, before saying goodbye to the group.
Jessica didn’t respond. She was tired, weary beyond words. It wasn’t all the effort on the roof that had exhausted her, but the encounter with Carl had brought forward terrible memories from her past. She needed to get out of the pub. It was like this every time she played. Something would be tainted and the world a worse place for it. At least, that’s how it felt to her.
“Let’s go,” Anna said. Her tone was decisive and urgent. David darted up, allowing Jessica to stand, and Anna slid out after them in a hurry.
They were outside before Jessica registered that David had said goodbye.
As they walked, for the third night in a row, Anna hooked her arm into Jessica’s and led them home.
Chapter Nine
THE HOUSE WAS cold, and Anna considered lighting a fire. She slumped onto the sofa beside Sarah, deciding the wood burner wouldn’t make much difference this late in the evening. Besides, she was running low on logs and, like everything else, they cost money she couldn’t afford to spend. The bankruptcy timebomb was ticking. She had to make the pony trekking business viable while knowing one extra pony wouldn’t be enough. The stress of the financial facts was too much, so she relegated them to the back of her mind. Am I fabricating the romantic attraction to hide from my money worries?
She gathered herself. Sarah was ready to talk and sat to attention. Anna poured two glasses of wine from a bottle John had left behind. He had been the connoisseur, and she still had a case of his preferred Rioja. But Anna didn’t feel like a heart-to-heart. She was concerned about her mysterious lodger. As soon as they got in, Jessica had gone straight to her room without saying a word.
Anna tucked her feet under her bum. “I’m sorry it’s cold. Heating’s broken. I could light the fire?”
“Forget that. Spill your guts. What’s going on?”
Anna picked up her glass and watched tears of dark wine slip along its inside, informing her it was high in alcohol. She didn’t even like red wine, but there was nothing else in the house. “You’re in my room tonight,” she said.
Sarah’s mouth curled down. “Okay, but you’re deflecting. Why? What’s upset you?”
Anna sighed. “I don’t know. I guess I’m annoyed. That guy in the pub really rattled Jessica.”
“You get them everywhere. It can’t just be that bothering you.”
“No.” Anna took a gulp of her wine.
“So, what is it then?”
“More or less everything. There’s no hot water. I’m broke and about to lose the house. I can’t see the business working with the stables in ruins. I’m upset about always fighting with Abbie, and I’ve not yet spoken to her about m
y sister. I’m worried about Jessica, who goes from superstar to lost soul in an instant. I’m as lonely as hell. And to top it all off, he’s out—”
“Stop… He’s out? When?” Sarah’s round features had become more angular as she donned a rare serious expression, narrowing her lips into a hard line.
Anna wrapped her arms tightly around herself. “A month or so ago.”
“I see.” Sarah put down her wine, shuffled up beside Anna and put an arm around her. “And that’s why you’re trying to stick it out here, on this island in the middle of nowhere, rather than going back to the States?”
“It’s the main reason. I have plenty of others, if they’re needed.”
Sarah shook her head. “No. That last one is good enough.”
Her friend’s response surprised her. She’d thought, like her mum, Sarah would dismiss her fears as nonsense.
“For the other things, we’ll have to talk through each problem and work something out.” Sarah continued, “On the money side, I’m not sure how much I can help. My cards are maxed out. But if I can, I will.”
“Sarah, no money. I just need someone to talk to. That’s all.”
“Okay. So, let’s start with the reason you called me up then. When did you meet Jessica?”
It was getting late. Anna didn’t want to delve into serious stuff. However, when she’d asked, Sarah had come up at a moment’s notice to see her.
Sarah gave a sympathetic smile. “You’re my best friend, Anna, but you do love avoiding things. It’s kinda why you always have that long list of woes. The list gets longer and longer and, in the end, you drown in it. Sooo, let’s deal with at least one of them now. Jessica.”
In the faint light of the lounge, Sarah’s understanding eyes were encouraging Anna to collect her thoughts and speak. “She just turned up. Like a lost puppy. Wet and hurt. She’s running from something. She’s not told me what it is exactly. It seemed like the only person who could help her was her ex-girlfriend who lives in Edinburgh. That’s where she was trying to get to. But she’s not returned Jessica’s calls. So, I said she could stay if she helped out.”
“And is she helping out?”
“Yeah. She’s looking after the animals while I earn extra money at a coffee shop in the village.” Anna paused. She hadn’t yet gone to see what work Jessica had been doing on the stables.
“And you like her?”
Anna raised her shoulders and let them drop. “You know how with some people, you click with them straight away. It’s like that but more so. It’s like she already knows me and I her. When I’m with her, I feel normal.”
“I’m not understanding.” Sarah’s eyes widened, and her mouth parted slightly. A second passed. “Come on, girl, explain.”
“I’m not sure I can. I guess it’s as if most of my life I’ve been driving in a car with everything in the wrong position, difficult and uncomfortable… With Jessica, the mirrors are big and easy to see out of, the windscreen is clear, the steering wheel is at the right position, and the seat is perfect, heated even.”
Sarah burst out laughing. “Heated seats. Oh my God, what are you talking about?” She was in hysterics.
Anna rolled her eyes and waited for Sarah to recover.
“Well, if she helps with your driving, she’s a miracle worker.” Sarah chuckled and slapped Anna’s thigh.
“That’s not what I meant. I’m saying I’d like to kiss—” God, the wine is talking! Anna ripped out its larynx. She twisted the ends of her hair into a single braid and stuck it in her mouth. “I’m just drawn to her. More than I have been with anyone.” Realising what she was doing, a teenager’s nervous habit, she flicked the strand of hair away. “Please, don’t make me explain in detail.”
Sarah grinned. “You mean you want to have sex with her?”
“Sarah!” Anna’s mouth stayed open for a few seconds. She’d not thought that far ahead. “I never said that.” What the heck did you think came after kissing?
“Calm down.” Sarah’s tone had become serious. “But you believe you might be gay?”
“I have no idea,” Anna stammered. “I don’t remember feeling like this before. Not even as a teen.”
Sarah bobbed her head from side to side. “Well, those years were taken from you. Maybe you’re having them now? Finding out who you are.”
“I doubt it. I was married to a guy for four years, for Christ’s sake. But I’ve not thought about—” Anna lowered her voice conspiratorially “—women like this before.”
“Well, you were never happy with John. Or anyone before that. Except maybe Trolly-Tom.”
Anna hit Sarah’s shoulder with the palm of her hand. “Trolly-Tom. You’ve got to be joking. The guy followed me around for all of tenth grade. He told everyone I was his girlfriend. Yuck.”
“But he’s a good example of how you procrastinate. You never told him you didn’t like him.”
“So?”
Sarah took a sip of her wine. “I’m saying you’re not good at dealing with things head-on.”
“I’m not sure that’s true.”
“Come on, you leave everything until it becomes serious. So, with this sexuality thing, are you sure you haven’t been blanking it for years?”
Anna stuffed a strand of hair in her mouth again. “Look, I know John was a mistake. I didn’t want to be alone. I wanted to feel safe while trying to bring up Abbie… I remember asking myself in the bathroom before we got married, Do I love him? The answer was no, but it’ll be okay. And, for the record, I’m not taking the blame for him having an affair.”
Sarah shook her head and half-smiled. “Whoa. That’s a lot for me to absorb. You got married when you didn’t love him? Hell, Annamaria, promise me you won’t do that again.”
Anna shrugged.
“And promise me you won’t be dumb about who you’re attracted to. Just know it and accept it.”
“Well, when I know, I’ll announce it in the local paper.” Anna stuck out her tongue.
“I’m taking notes.” Sarah tapped her head, stretched, and yawned. Her eyelids were now half closed. “So how long have you known Jessica?”
“A week.”
Sarah’s eyes zapped open. “Swear down! A week. Fuck, Anna. Stop. A week?” She sat up with her brows fused together.
“Yes, ages really. Do you think it’s about time I asked her to marry me?”
Sarah twisted her body at an angle and leaned away from Anna, before staring at her side on. “Jokes, right?”
For the briefest moment of insanity, Anna thought what if it wasn’t?
BEING BEYOND TIRED at 02:00 a.m. wasn’t a bundle of kittens. Anna had given her room to Sarah and, with Jessica in the guest room, she had two choices. She could try to squeeze in with Abbie. This was impractical given Abbie had a single bed. Or she could sleep on the sofa. The sofa should have been a perfect solution, but, at the moment, the lounge was scaring all reason out of her.
She didn’t like being so close to the front door, and shadows cast by moonlight on moving trees seemed to dance across the kitchen towards the lounge. From where she was stretched out, she watched them as they crept in her direction, carrying long carving knives.
She made an executive decision—perhaps answering some of the criticisms Sarah had raised against her about not dealing with things head on. She stood up and scurried down the hall, glancing back to see if the shadows had followed her.
“Jessica?” Anna knocked. She looked behind again, seeing a figure in the kitchen. She knew nothing was there. However, the coats hanging in the hall had morphed into a man with a blade held beside his leg. She opened the guest room door and darted in.
Under the duvet, Jessica was asleep, facing her. Anna covered the distance in one step and touched her shoulder.
Jessica raised her head. “Anna?” she muttered.
“Can I get in with you? Sarah’s in my bed. I tried to sleep on the sofa, but I’m weirded out now.” She said everything in a blur and didn’t w
ait for an answer before diving over the top of Jessica and slipping under the duvet. She wriggled back-to-back with her. “Sorry. I was seeing things in the kitchen.” Her words travelled on panting breaths.
“Like what?” Jessica asked gently.
“I’ll go; I’m being crazy. This is embarrassing.” Anna started to push herself up.
Jessica flipped and put an arm around Anna, threading her fingers with hers. “Stay. I’ve got you.”
Anna felt Jessica’s breath on the back of her neck and curled their entwined hands against her chest. “Thanks,” she whispered. Her breathing was now under control, and she started to relax. With Jessica pushed up against her, she was warm and felt cared for; a feeling she didn’t want to go away.
“Do you want to tell me about it?”
After hearing her sing, Anna recognised some of Jessica’s mezzo-soprano timbre in her words. She tugged their hands tighter between her breasts. “Not right now. I just want to enjoy you holding me… I feel safe here with you. Not sure what I’ll do when you leave.”
A kiss touched Anna’s exposed shoulder and a surge of heat pulsed away her fear. She waited, imagining a flurry of kisses along her neck and heading to her lips. But none followed. Thoughts spun through her mind. I could roll over and kiss her, touch her. I could ask her to make love to me—that would be weird. Very weird. Odder than you jumping into her bed? “We fit together, somehow.” The words slipped out of Anna’s lips as an axiom.
Another kiss on her shoulder and squeeze of her fingers. “We do. Sleep now, beautiful.”
THE MORNING CHORUS woke Jessica. Bleary-eyed, she glanced over to the digital clock which read 05:16 a.m. The dull light of dawn lit the bedroom, and the din of the birds made Jessica look up to ensure they weren’t building nests on top of the wardrobe. Her other senses kicked in, and she felt the pressure of Anna’s body against her. With her head buried in Jessica’s neck, Anna’s arm hugged Jessica below her breasts. Blonde hair tickled Jessica’s face. Raising her left hand, she stroked Anna’s hair, flattening it and eliciting a small contented sigh from the sleeping woman.