by Alex Slorra
Jessica went rigid. “I see… It’s probably time I left anyway.” Her own words chilled her soul.
“Whoa. Hang on a sec! That wasn’t what I meant. The opposite, in fact.”
A few seconds passed, and Jessica allowed herself to unwind. “What did you mean then?” She took a sip from her cup, hoping the caffeine would give her some clarity.
Anna turned to face her. “I want you to sleep with me.”
Jessica choked on her coffee and was forced to clear her throat. “Now?”
“No… Well, yes… I mean, it’s not like we haven’t most nights, and Abbie doesn’t have a problem with it as far as I can tell. And I felt that, well—am I being weird again? Asking before I should… Maybe we should talk first? I mean about us. Let’s do that.”
Jessica let out a sigh of relief. She walked around the coffee table and dropped down beside Anna, before kissing her on the lips. “You’re adorable.”
“Adorkable, more like. Is that a yes? You’ll share my bed, bedroom…me?” Anna batted her eyelashes at Jessica, emphasising the last word.
Jessica wasn’t about to say no, but, in the context of the police finding her, this idyllic proposal was analogous to a mayfly’s existence. She needed to expose the feelings stuck to her sleeve. “Anna, I’m head over heels crazy about you. You must know that. So, yes. But, I can’t promise anything will last, not with the police after me. I could say a lot more…much more about how I feel about you, but I don’t want to hurt you when it’s likely I won’t be able to stay for long. I need to really face up to things.”
Anna responded straight away. It was as if she already knew what Jessica had planned to say. “I understand all that. And I’ve not said the things I want to say as well, for the same reasons. So, we’ll need to sort out your problem.”
Jessica tilted her head down and rubbed her eyes. After a moment, she turned back to Anna. “I was going to try to find a lawyer tomorrow, but I forgot it was the bank holiday.”
Anna put down her laptop, twisted her body, and tipped onto Jessica so that she was pressed up against her chest. Her hair flopped over Jessica’s face, and she gathered the strands, tucking them to one side.
“I have a lawyer for you, my ex-husband. He studied law at Oxford. He deals mostly with medical litigation. I’ve called him, and he said he’ll be over Tuesday. He’s really not someone I’m keen to see again, but I’m sure he can help.”
Jessica blinked, and tears rolled down her cheeks.
Anna wiped them away with her fingertips. “He’s in France, at the moment, with his whore-ific fiancé.”
The lump in Jessica’s throat made it hard to speak. She nodded, before muttering, “Thank you.”
Anna smiled, but it didn’t hide the concern in her eyes.
“Jess, I care about you. We’ll sort this out.”
Jessica tried to slip out from under Anna.
“Stay.”
“I’ll take a look in the paddock for your watch.” Emotions overwhelmed her. She needed time to herself to think.
“Jess! It’s too dark, and if it dropped out of my pocket when I fell, it’ll be impossible to find. Besides, I want you here… Please, I want you close. I don’t want to be alone right now.”
Jessica hesitated. Anna was right. She wouldn’t find it. And the fact that Anna seemed fearful again meant she couldn’t leave.
Two coffee cups grew cold in the ensuing silence. A flicker from the fire travelled across the room.
“It’s not me, is it? Causing your nightmares?” This was something Jessica had wanted to ask for a while now.
A woeful frown formed on Anna’s face for an instant. “A bit maybe. You’re bringing me to life. And, well, that comes with baggage I’ve been avoiding.”
“I don’t understand.”
Anna shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”
They held each other while the world stilled. It was as though they were in the eye of a storm. If only we could stay this way.
Jessica wasn’t sure how to ask why Anna had her sister’s watch. But she was pretty sure the reason was a tragic one. “Where does your sister live?”
“She doesn’t.”
Taken aback by the response, Jessica gaped at Anna. She’d half-guessed this to be the case, but it was the way Anna had revealed the information. It was as if Jessica had asked if her sister smoked. “I’m so sorry…” She managed. “What happened?”
“She died when I was sixteen.”
“Oh, darling, that must have been really hard for you.” Jessica wrapped her arms tighter around Anna.
Anna let out a sorrowful sigh. “I think of her every minute of every day.”
Jessica nodded slowly. “Because you have her watch?”
“No… Because I have her daughter.”
“Sorry?” Jessica needed to make sure she completely understood. “Abbie?”
“Yes.” Anna put a hand over Jessica’s. “Don’t say anything to her. She doesn’t know.” She turned her head to catch Jessica’s eyes, seeking reassurance.
“I won’t.” They looked so much alike she’d assumed Abbie was Anna’s child. She now understood the age difference. Anna didn’t have a daughter when she was fourteen; Abbie was her niece.
“Maybe I should tell you the whole story,” Anna said a whisper.
“Only if you want to.”
“It’s time I told someone other than Sarah. John knew a bit. But I never felt comfortable opening up to him.”
Jessica waited for her to continue. But Anna unwrapped herself from her arms and stood. “We’ll need lots of wine for this.”
“I’ll get it.”
Jessica returned with a bottle and two glasses. It wasn’t until Anna was on her third that she started to talk about what happened when she was just sixteen.
“Emma lived in Detroit with her boyfriend. I was too young and self-centred to tell her to leave him.” She paused and took another gulp of the red wine. “She was five years older than me.” Anna closed her eyes and leaned back.
When she spoke again, her words came tumbling out in a tempest of release. “She called me once. She needed to leave him. I’m not sure if it was forever… Mom wasn’t around, so I drove over. Mike was beating her, I think. Not for the first time. I had picked up Abbie, and Mike came at me. Emma grabbed a knife and protected us.” Anna was crying now. “He was drunk. He got the knife from her. He stabbed her. Then me.” Her hands were pulled into the cuffs of her light blue sweater, and she used them to wipe her eyes.
Jessica remembered the scars she’d seen on Anna’s torso.
“I woke up in the hospital. They told me I had lost a lot of blood, my sister was dead, and Mom had Abbie.”
Wanting Anna to say everything she needed to, Jessica waited. Red eyes found and held hers. The story had connected the dots: Anna’s fear of knives, her scars, her sister’s watch, and learning Abbie wasn’t her daughter.
“You know, what happened was horrific.” Anna emptied her wine glass. “But the effect it had on our lives, especially Mom’s. That was a lot worse. I’m thankful Abbie was too young to remember.”
Jessica nodded slowly, trying to mellow the rage that had suddenly bubbled up. Noticing her arms were crossed tightly around herself, she made an effort to untangle them. She needed to be somewhere for Anna to hang her emotions and fears rather than reflecting them back at her.
“After,” Anna continued, “it took a long time before things got back to normal. Well, they never really did. But I managed to get through high school and applied to go to Michigan State. I was there for a month before I dropped out.”
“Why did you leave?”
“So many reasons. I guess first I couldn’t really cope. I was still having flashbacks, but also because of my mom. She was struggling to look after two children.”
“Two children? You have another brother or sister?”
“No. My dad.”
Jessica blinked in confusion. “Your dad?”
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p; “He had Parkinson’s disease. There wasn’t much left of him. He couldn’t dress and needed help to go anywhere. A toddler really. We didn’t have insurance or money to pay for private care.” Anna paused and stared off towards the wood burner where the dying embers glowed faintly through the glass. “So—” she glanced back to Jessica. “After my mom had a breakdown, I dropped out, cared for Abbie, and went to work full-time as a barista. I thought I’d go back at some point. But that never happened.”
Don’t pry, Jessica told herself, but there was one question she needed to ask because she suspected it was linked to Anna’s fears. “What happened to the evil fuck?” she blurted out.
“Yeah… Well, he’s not someone I like thinking about.” Anna gave a pensive smile.
“Of course not.” Jessica kissed her temple.
Anna swivelled so she could tuck up against Jessica. “He got twenty years. But was released after fifteen. A few months ago.” Anna tipped her chin up, and her anxious eyes searched Jessica’s. “What if he comes here after Abbie?” Her words were desperate and pleading. She was near breaking point again.
Jessica took a deep breath. She needed to show strength and security. She adopted her voice normally reserved for talking to executives about critical issues.
“Does he have a legal right to her?”
“No. I adopted her after I married John.”
“You think he’ll do something vindictive?”
“Yes,” she whispered without hesitation. “It’s what keeps me awake at night and why I keep a hammer under my bed. And… It’s why I married John. It’s why I moved to the UK. It’s why I live on an island surrounded by the sea. It’s why I’ve done so many stupid things.”
“None of that is stupid.” She gripped Anna’s shoulder. “You’re a smart survivor. Don’t question yourself. To me, you’re pretty much perfect.”
Anna ran the fingertips of both her hands along the line of Jessica’s jaw. She repeated the motion while focusing on her eyes. When she stopped, she left her hands in place and inched forward to kiss Jessica deeply.
“I think I’m—” Anna muttered.
“Sorry?” Jessica mouthed when Anna didn’t continue.
“Nothing… Wine speaking.” Anna halted any further questions when her lips pressed firmly against Jessica’s.
When they separated, they both were panting, needing to breathe.
Anna stood, took Jessica’s hand, and tugged. “Let’s go to our bed. I need you to touch me.”
She said our bed, and all Jessica could do was follow.
Chapter Seventeen
DEW COATED THE long grass of the paddock as Jessica brushed through it. She had gone with Abbie, who had been eager to ride Daisy in the morning so she’d have time later for revision.
The far corner of the field offered a view of the sea, and she could hear the waves rolling onto the shore. She kept an eye on Abbie as she took Daisy through her paces.
Anna’s birthday was tomorrow, and Jessica didn’t even have money to buy a card. She thought if she could find Anna’s watch, cook a meal, and maybe get the hot water working, then those might at least be considered gifts of sorts. It hadn’t slipped her mind how much she owed Anna for taking her in. But more than that, she couldn’t shake the feeling she needed to do all she could for her.
Collecting one of the plastic uprights from the jumps, she walked to where Anna had been knocked over. She placed the standard down to mark the edge of where she would search. Taking small steps, Jessica scanned the ground. After ten minutes, she decided it was hopeless. The grass was too long and wet.
She stood and placed her hands on her hips. Abbie trotted towards her and slowed to a stop. “What are you doing?”
“Your mum thinks she lost her watch around here.”
“That would be hard to find.”
“Maybe, but I think I should…”
Abbie wasn’t listening and pointed beyond Jessica. A black and white collie blasted past, turned to a noise that sounded like a bird call, and darted back the way it had come.
David was walking towards them. He blew a whistle, and the dog stopped in its tracks and lay down. “Stay. Fairweather.” Behind him in the next field, a tractor was hitched to a trailer loaded with fencing material. His father was inspecting the weatherworn posts that ran along the field’s edge.
David waved as he approached.
“Treasure hunting?” he asked. “There’s supposed to be a lot of old relics in these fields, but I’ve never found any.”
Jessica smiled. “I’m trying to find Anna’s watch.”
“You’ll be lucky.” David fumbled in the pockets of his muddy overalls. “Here.” He handed Jessica a crinkled envelope.
“What’s this?”
“The guitarist from the band on Friday gave it to me to give to you. Suspect it’s a thank-you note. You were much better than they were.” He pointed to the back of the envelope. “That’s his number. He said to call them if you want to join the band.”
Jessica half smiled and tucked the letter into her jeans. “I don’t think it would work out.”
David shrugged. “I tried to learn the guitar once. I bought an electric one on eBay and even bought lessons online. But I found it way too hard to play.”
“Do you still have it? Abbie wants me to teach her.”
“No.” He laughed. “I put it under the wheel of the tractor and drove over it…ten times.”
“Ah.”
Jessica looked around David, to Mr Foster, some fifty yards away. The collie was no longer flat in the long grass but racing towards the older farmer.
David crossed his arms. “Did you see the lightning the other night?”
Something wasn’t right. David’s father tottered backwards and bumped into the large rear wheel of the tractor. His hand was against his chest while Fairweather barked and circled him.
Jessica took flight, running past David in the direction of the tractor.
“What’s up—” David yelled after her but was soon in chase.
When they reached the fence, she ducked under the wire and towards the floundering man.
“Dad!” David yelled and bent down to him.
“My chest,” he muttered, before tipping over onto the ground. The collie barked incessantly, before settling down next to him, whimpering.
“Shit!” Jessica had to push the dog away before she could start to undo his shirt “He’s having a heart attack! Call 999!”
David hesitated, his face ashen, apparently unsure what to do.
“David! Call it in.”
Coming to his senses, he pulled his phone out of his pocket.
Jessica leaned down, put her cheek beside Mr Foster’s mouth, and watched his chest. No movement. She pushed her fingers against his neck, checking for a pulse from his carotid artery. There was none.
“Ambulance,” she heard David say.
“Tell them your father has had a heart attack. That he’s unconscious and has stopped breathing. Tell them I’m starting CPR.” She shifted herself over the top of the elderly farmer and began chest compressions.
“David Foster. It’s my dad, Iain Foster. We’re a mile northwest of Lindisfarne in a field. Beside a tractor… Yes… Yes… I’ll stay on.”
Jessica slipped to Foster’s side, tipped his chin up to make sure his tongue was not blocking his airway. She pinched his nose and gave a breath, checking his chest was rising. She did another, before returning to straddle him and begin thirty compressions.
“They’re sending the air ambulance.” David was visibly shaking and barely able to speak.
“How long?”
David asked on the phone. “As soon as they can. Whatever that means. They’re at a traffic accident.” He patted the collie who had its snout resting on Mr Foster’s leg. “It’ll be okay, girl.” But there was no conviction in David’s words.
It was too long. Jessica wanted to swear, but that wasn’t going to help anyone. She could keep the blood
flowing, but she wouldn’t be able to get his heart started again. She glanced over to Abbie, who was sitting on top of Daisy on the other side of the fence with a worried expression. Jessica needed a defibrillator. The green box by the café came into her head. She had spotted it the other day when she’d searched for Anna.
“Abbie!” Jessica called. “You know the café in the village, the one with the garden?” The name had escaped her.
“The Oasis Café?” Abbie shouted, her tone puzzled.
“I think so,” Jessica prayed it was the right one. “There’s a defibrillator there. But it might be labelled AED.”
Abbie’s expression was one of puzzlement, before being replaced by a resolute tensing of her lips and brows.
“I’ll fetch it,” David said quickly. “I can go on the tractor.”
Jessica didn’t like what she was about to do, but it was the best course of action. “No, David, I need you here.” She continued to count, trying not to miss out any numbers while speaking. “I won’t be able to keep doing the compressions for long.”
The cycle repeated, and, after two breaths, Jessica started the compressions again. “Abbie, ride to the café. Bring the defibrillator here. Fast as you can!”
“Okay!” Abbie called back and immediately tugged on the left rein before compelling the pony into a gallop with her heels.
“You’ll need to call a number,” Jessica yelled, but Abbie was already ripping across the paddock with clumps of grass flying from Daisy’s hooves. Mr Foster’s collie barked and let out a bone-chilling howl, before settling back down beside her master.
“Be careful,” Jessica said to herself.
THEY WERE OUT of bread and running low on coffee. The last had given Anna the incentive to attempt to walk to the village, deciding it would be better to exercise her leg than allow it to seize up.
Her thoughts went to last night with Jessica. She shook her head. They weren’t the kind of moments to relive when meandering through the holy town of Lindisfarne—they were overtly arousing. She flushed, then dampened the pangs of desire by refocusing on the throbbing pain from her damaged leg.
As she turned into Green Lane, a blur of white and brown nearly knocked her over. She watched, dumbfounded, as a Welsh part-bred cut the corner and jumped over a low stone wall into the car park on its way out of the village.