"I can drive you."
"I know."
Gabriel followed her to the hall where she put on her jacket and shoes. She looked at him sadly as she lifted her face and gave him a light kiss on his cheek. It felt like a goodbye kiss, and she didn't know why.
What on earth should she say to Sofie and Noah? How could she tell them their father had died in an explosion, together with his mistress? She might leave out that last part. No, she couldn't. They'd read about the accident in tomorrow's newspaper. The names of the deceased would most likely be mentioned. It was best to be honest. It usually was. She dreaded it and knew tears weren't far away. But she'd soon be home and had to be strong for the children's sake. She had to concentrate on them. Her own sorrow would have to wait.
Miranda unlocked the door and heard music from the rooms upstairs. She went into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine. She took a hefty sip, but it wasn't what she needed now. She had to be clearheaded when she told the children what had happened. Pouring out the wine, she tried to pluck up her courage instead. Then she went upstairs to the bedrooms and knocked on Sofie's door. She felt guilty about leaving them alone all day. But what else could she have done? Should she have dragged them with her to the hotel and then the hospital? Having the sole responsibility for two teens wasn't easy. And now she was a widow as well. Imagine being a widow at thirty-five years old. It was almost impossible to comprehend.
"Hi, sweetie, did you have a nice day?" Miranda looked at Sofie, who was sitting on her bed with her PC on her lap.
"It was a little boring. It's a long way to my friends."
"I know. I'll get Noah. There's something I need to tell you." Miranda called for her son, and they sat on Sofie's bed.
"Why do you look so down, Mom?" Noah looked at her, and she ruffled his hair.
"Because I'm very sad. As you know, there was an explosion at the beach house outside the hotel. I just learned that your dad died in the accident."
Miranda didn't know who cried the most during the next hour, but it wasn't important. What mattered was that they got to talk together. The children were naturally grief-stricken and inconsolable, but in the early hours of the morning, they fell asleep at last, embracing each other in Sofie's bed.
32
Miranda woke up the next morning feeling stiff and sore all over. Her head still ached, either from lack of sleep or too much tension in her neck muscles. She decided to stay home from work with her children. They couldn't face going to school today and would need her here.
She texted Gabriel. Then she called Isabella, told her what had happened and asked her to inform the rest of the family. Miranda had enough on her mind. Vidar was an only child, and without living parents, it was up to her to arrange the funeral. He had many friends in Oslo, where he'd lived most of his life, so it was natural to bury him there. He didn't have a connection to Solvik and would have disliked being lowered into the small town's sacred ground.
Miranda put on the water for a tea and toasted a slice of bread. She didn't have an appetite but forced herself to eat. She'd need all her strength today. The children had taken their father's death extremely hard, and she had to help them through this difficult time. She would consider herself later.
Miranda's thoughts slipped back to the horrible sight of Vidar's burned face. She couldn't get rid of the image, it kept popping up. Would it ever disappear? Or would it haunt her for the rest of her life? Hopefully, the pictures on her retina would diminish in time, but she couldn't be sure. She hoped so, or it would drive her insane.
It occurred to her that this accident was, in fact, her fault. Sitting alone in the kitchen, chewing on dry toast, she moaned. If she hadn't asked Vidar to move out, this would never have happened. He'd assured her that his affair with Olivia was over. She'd believed him. But she'd had no influence on his life after he packed his suitcase and left. Then he was free to do as he wished. And he had, indeed! The fact that he'd resumed his relationship with Olivia was proof enough. And yet, it was her fault. If they'd tried to straighten out their problems, rather than giving up at the first sign of adversity, they'd both be alive today. They could have gone to counseling. That was popular these days. Wasn't it what everyone did, before eventually giving up?
Miranda felt tears blinding her eyes. The worst part was that she'd been with Gabriel the last two days, while Vidar had lain carbonized and lonely. Well, he hadn't been alone, since Olivia was there, but still. She felt guilt sweep through her body, like unexpected flu hitting her too fast. Not only had she let herself be comforted by Gabriel when her thoughts should have been with Vidar, who was looking for a new place to live. Oh no, they'd also kissed and been lost in their own dream world. She'd taken pleasure from it, too. How could she, when Vidar's coffee cup had barely dried on the counter? She was ashamed, and gave up finishing her toast. Going forward, she'd focus wholly on her children. She wasn't ready for a new relationship. Perhaps she never would be. Sofie and Noah would get her full attention, they'd need it. To them, it was insignificant that Vidar had been unfaithful several times, and that he may have a child on the way. They loved their father, and now he was gone forever. And no matter how much they wanted him back, their wish would never be fulfilled.
Miranda started thinking about Jasmine and the child she was expecting. The accident might have unexpected consequences for her too. If Vidar were the father of the unborn baby, then the child would be without a father throughout its entire childhood. Not only that, Jasmine wouldn't receive child support. She couldn't get monthly payments from a dead person. Or could she? Maybe Miranda would end up paying for the child the next eighteen years. You never knew, there were many regulations nowadays.
Miranda's vigor and efficiency came in handy now. During a few hours, she organized the funeral, memorial for family and friends with sandwiches and cakes, and terminated the lease of their house in Oslo. She knew she'd never move back, not with all the memories it represented. Better to sell it and use the money to buy a bigger house here in Solvik. She was happy in the small town, and her job was here. She was convinced the children would come to like it, they just needed some time. It would be good for them all to start afresh in a new house where they could make new memories.
At last, there were signs of life upstairs. Miranda heard the shower being turned on, and she decided to make them something appetizing. She found flour, milk, butter, and eggs to make pancakes, and started mixing the ingredients. It was a long time since they'd savored a treat. Usually, breakfast was eaten on the run to school or work. And on weekends, they all got up at different times. When the children were ready for their breakfast, she was hungry for lunch. She needed to pull herself together, now that she was alone. Not that Vidar had contributed much in the kitchen, but still. Food should be eaten and enjoyed together, and she would do her utmost to make it happen.
Noah entered the kitchen, and she hugged him. "How are you holding up?"
"I'm alive."
"Are you hungry? Fancy pancakes?"
"Yes."
"You can set the table." It was time to make a few changes in several areas while she was at it.
He got plates and cutlery. Shortly after, Sofie came and sat down. She yawned widely and looked as tired as Miranda felt.
"Did you sleep well?"
"Not really." Sofie fetched a pack of orange juice from the fridge. "I lay there thinking about Dad."
"It's hard for all of us," Miranda said, as if that was some consolation.
"Not for you. You wanted him to move out, remember? It's all your fault." Sofie started crying again.
Although Miranda had had similar thoughts herself, it hurt to hear it from her daughter. Deep down she knew she wasn't to blame, but felt strongly that Vidar would have been alive if it hadn't been for her.
"Sofie, we all have to take responsibility for our actions. Your father chose to be with other women than me, and I couldn't accept that."
Sofie didn't answer, and Miranda
hoped it had given her something to mull over. She put the freshly made pancakes on a tray and placed it on the table. Then she opened a jar of blueberry jam and picked up a spoon. "Help yourselves."
Noah took a pancake, but Sofie stared suspiciously at the tray. "Not hungry. Won't ever be hungry again."
Miranda had to hide a smile amid all the tragedy. Her daughter sounded like a three-year-old and not a fifteen-year-old.
"But I am." Miranda took a pancake to lighten the mood and hoped she would be able to eat it.
The meal wasn't the most laid-back, but it was to be expected. Miranda packed away the rest of the pancakes, in case Sofie would be tempted later in the day. "Should we make pizza today?"
"Sure." Noah made a brave attempt, which she appreciated. Sofie shrugged and ran upstairs to her room.
Miranda cleared the kitchen and sat in the living room, which didn't have any other view than white wooden houses. They were charming, but she wished she could rest her eyes on the sea or nature. She felt trapped here. Today it was close to claustrophobic. She opened a window and let the fresh air in. What was she supposed to do now? She'd sorted out the critical issues. She had a strong desire to clear out Vidar's clothes. But she couldn't do it when the children were home. They'd most likely feel hurt, as if she was trying to get rid of all the memories of their father. And they'd be right. It was precisely what she wanted. Maybe everything would feel better then.
Miranda glanced at her laptop lying on the table. Opening it, she had an idea. She could check what was available on the property market in Solvik. The children didn't like this house, so why not look for something else? Her mood brightened instantly. She was willing to try almost anything to get their thoughts away from the accident. It was worth a try.
Miranda searched for houses and found a couple for sale. They were the same size as the one they were renting. She wanted something bigger and preferably with a view. Browsing through the pictures of the different ads, neither of them appealed to her. At last, she found one that might be suitable, but it had a somewhat unfavorable location. It was next to the square, so there would be noise from the grocery stalls and the customers shopping there.
She looked at the photos of the rooms. It required a few coats of paint. The view, however, was stunning. One of the photos was taken from the terrace and showed the marina. She remembered this house. Passing it every day on her way to work, she'd never seen a "For Sale" sign. The price wasn't daunting either. Property values in the capital hadn't yet reached Solvik, but it wouldn't be long before they started rising. Oslo wasn't far away, and the half-hour bus ride was bearable for commuters.
Miranda grabbed her phone and dialed the number to the real estate agent located on the town's main street. She introduced herself and inquired about the house in question.
"How long has it been for sale? I haven't noticed any sign outside."
"That's correct," John Akselsen said. "The older woman who lived there died a while ago. Her relatives have spent some time dividing her belongings before reaching an agreement regarding the house."
"I see. Is it possible to have a look at it? I can't find any information about a viewing," she said.
"We've got one scheduled in a couple of weeks, but you're welcome to have a look."
"That would be great. Can I do it on my own?"
"Sure. You can pick up the key whenever it suits you," said Akselsen.
"Perfect, I'll stop by shortly." Miranda ended the call and felt invigorated. She had another splendid idea. Why not ask if the teens wanted to join her and have a look at the house? She doubted they were engrossed in homework in their rooms, even if exams were imminent. She went out into the hall and called for them. They came shuffling into the living room.
"I know you're not excited about this house," Miranda started, "so I've been doing some thinking. There's a big house for sale by the square. Would you like to go have a look at it?"
They both looked at her, uncomprehending. "But Dad's things are here," Sofie said. "His clothes and everything."
Miranda realized she may have acted too hastily. She wasn't usually this spontaneous, so it shouldn't come as a surprise that they didn't get it. "We'll take care of that later, of course," she said diplomatically. "I thought it might be nice for us to have a new project to work on right now. And you do want a larger house..."
"I'll come," Noah said.
"You don't have to join us if you don't want to, Sofie. No worries."
"I don't want to stay at home alone."
They picked up the keys at the realtor's and walked through the streets to the town square. The weather was warm, and Miranda wished she'd put on a pair of shorts. Passing Sweet Temptations where Sara worked, she noticed the amusing furniture outside where people were enjoying themselves.
"Fancy an ice cream later?"
Both nodded. The bakery had a view of the square and lay diagonally from the house they were checking out. The square was sizeable, but it was only a stone's throw away from the bakery. Miranda was surprised to see that the house lay in front of Gabriel's apartment, blocking his view of the sea. She'd tried not to think of him but hadn't succeeded. Their delightful kisses were impossible to forget. However, she remained firm in her belief about the decision she'd made during the night. She'd tell him there couldn't be anything more between them, but this would have to wait until she saw him at work tomorrow.
They walked into a spacious but overgrown garden. It must have been a while since the older woman had taken care of the flowerbeds and lawn.
"Look, there's a view of the marina and the beach," Noah said, squinting against the sun. "And the hotel."
"Sure, we can see the hotel on the headland. It won't take long to walk there. Let's go inside." Miranda unlocked the door, and they entered a long hall. The living room and kitchen were on either side of the hallway, and both rooms had views of the boats. The dining room lay beyond the kitchen, and the bathroom and closet were in the hall.
"What do you think?" Miranda looked at them expectantly.
"Nice, but there's a lot that needs to be done." Noah had already taken on the role of man of the house. He studied the walls and floor as an expert would.
Miranda felt her throat constrict but chose to ignore it and focus on the positive instead. "A lot to paint, you mean?"
"We'll get far with some paint tins." Noah sounded as if the house was theirs already, and she hid a smile.
They went upstairs to four bedrooms and two large bathrooms. Miranda noticed that Sofie liked what she saw but was hesitant and not ready to admit it. She hugged her daughter, and thankfully she didn't resist. "How do you like the house?"
Sofie shrugged. "Don't know. Not sure if Dad would've liked us to move."
Miranda swallowed hard and blew her nose to cover how moved she was. "This is about you, Sofie, about us, and what you want."
She nodded but didn't look convinced. "It's not half bad. The rooms and bathrooms are much bigger than the ones we have now."
Miranda smiled warmly at her daughter. "And there's an attic and basement as well. Let's have a look at it while we're here."
After the tour, they went outside to the garden. "You can have your car there, Mom." Noah pointed at the garage.
"What are you going to do about Dad's car?" Sofie looked at her uncertainly.
"I haven't thought about it yet. But we don't need two cars," Miranda said.
None of them replied, and they headed for the bakery. The square was lively and full of customers wandering about, looking at the products for sale. Miranda came to think of today's paper, which was still in her mailbox. It had an article about the accident, so Sara must have heard about it.
The children picked the biggest ice creams and went outside while Miranda paid. She followed Sara into the break room and told her what had happened. You couldn't keep this kind of information a secret in a small town. Besides, she liked Sara and regarded her as a friend.
"How dreadful," Sara
exclaimed and hugged her. "Let me know if I can help you in any way."
She nodded, grateful. "We've been looking at the vacant house by the marina. It would be nice to have a place which doesn't remind me of Vidar constantly."
"That's smart. I hope it works out."
They said their goodbyes, and Miranda went outside. "Mmm, Italian treats." She licked the caramel ice cream.
"Can we visit the bakery every day if we move here?" Noah looked at her innocently.
She smiled. "Ice cream every day may be too much. But if you want to, you can run over and buy fresh bread or rolls in the morning."
"Better than dry bread."
Miranda agreed, but she had no plans of starting to bake bread herself. She remembered the house wasn't theirs. And they hadn't even decided what they wanted. "There might be many people making an offer. They haven't had a viewing yet. But we have to figure out what we want first." Miranda looked at them. She knew it wouldn't be that many years until they moved out. Then she'd be left alone in the big house. How would that be?
"I vote for," Noah said, starting on the cone.
Miranda hadn't anticipated a poll, but why not. "How about you, Sofie? What do you want?" She looked at her daughter, who only had eyes for a handsome guy walking by. Gosh, did she have to worry about that too now, as if she didn't have enough already?
"What did you say, Mom?"
"Would you like to move?" She stroked her daughter's back and longed for the time when they were little, and everything had been much simpler.
"Don't know. Yes, maybe."
"Sofie, you've got to be sure what you want. We can't buy a house and regret it later. It'll be too late." Miranda watched the sparrows tripping about, enjoying crumbs people had spilled on the ground. "Perhaps it's better if we wait. There'll be other houses for sale. There's no rush." It may be the sensible thing to do. It was a hasty decision.
"No, let's move now," Sofie said decisively.
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