We sat in silence for a short moment, and I played absently with the bracelet on my arm. “Toni?”
“Yeah?”
“Patrick told me everything. About my . . . death.”
I felt him nodding next to me. “Yeah. I know. He told me he told you.”
I looked to him. “What did he say?”
Toni was squinting at the sun. “That I’m not allowed to let you use my memory, no matter how you threaten me. He’ll kill me a million times over if I do.”
“He didn’t say that.”
“Fine, not the last part. But he probably would. If I gave him the idea.”
I continued to stare at him until he looked at me. “How does it happen?” I asked. “How do I die?”
“Geez, Kate.” He looked away quickly, shaking his head. “Are you morbid or what?”
“Patrick said I was covered in blood. He didn’t tell me how, though.”
“Probably for good reasons.”
I continued to stare at him until finally he rolled his eyes. “You should probably stay away from guns,” he muttered.
I swallowed.
He saw the nervous action and groaned. “Man, Patrick’s going to kill me.”
“I won’t say anything if you don’t,” I said, trying not to picture what it would be like to die from a gunshot wound. Unfortunately, I’d had too many experiences with gunshots. Grandpa’s life had been stolen by a bullet. Quick, probably almost painless. But I’d seen Patrick suffer from a gunshot wound. It had been anything but painless. And since the future me had had the time to travel through a memory and have a conversation, I could expect my death wouldn’t be quick and easy.
Toni patting my knee brought me out of my thoughts. I blinked and faced his narrowed eyes. “Kate, really. You shouldn’t be thinking about this. It totally can’t be healthy.”
“What’s it like?” I asked in a small whisper, ignoring his words. “Dying? You were shot, weren’t you?”
He frowned. “Yeah. So?”
“What does it feel like?”
“What do you think it feels like?” he huffed. “It hurts. And then you’re dead. I was shot in the head, though, so . . .”
“Where was I shot?”
“Sheesh! I don’t know. There was a lot of blood . . .” He looked beyond uneasy. “I really don’t think you should be worrying about this.”
“Honestly, Toni? How can I not? Wouldn’t you be if it were you?”
He thought about that briefly. “Fair point,” he finally agreed.
I pressed my lips together. “What’s dying really like? What happens after you die?”
He shrugged a single shoulder, still not comfortable with the conversation. “I can only tell you my own experience. I felt pain and fear. Lots of fear. Romero made me kneel on the ground, in front of his manor. Selena was there, watching everything without pity. Romero pointed his gun at me. And then he pulled the trigger.” Toni shook his head, dispelling the awful memory. “It was like waking up. I was lying on a really soft bed in a white room.”
“It was white?” I’d always imagined death to be dark, despite all that talk of light and tunnels. Death had to be dark, empty; that’s how it felt every time I’d lost someone I loved.
Toni was still talking. “Yep. Completely white. And it was really empty, but not in a creepy way. The space was . . . almost calming. There was a little girl sitting at the foot of my bed. She was probably only six or seven.”
“A little girl?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
“Yeah. I’m not making this up. She gave me this really nice smile and asked how I was feeling. I said something like, ‘I’m dead, so it can’t be good, right?’ She didn’t think that was very funny. She told me that I should feel perfectly normal. Surprisingly, I did. Better than normal, actually.”
“And then?” I prompted, after he paused.
“She said she was my sister. That when we die, our last relative to reach Heaven comes to greet us, to present us with the choice.”
“She was from Heaven?”
“Yeah, with some special pass or something, so she could meet me on this half-plane. She gave me the choice, and I chose to return to earth. To be a Guardian. We talked for hours, though, before I finally decided. ”
“I’m sorry, Toni. I thought you were an orphan; I didn’t realize you had family.”
“I didn’t think I did. We never knew each other in life. She was my older sister, actually. She died at that age, so that’s how she appeared to me. Apparently, she’s twenty-five in Heaven.”
“I’m glad you got to meet some family, Toni.”
“Yeah . . .”
“What happened next?” I prompted, sensing he didn’t want to linger on this moment.
“She gave me a hug. I got really sleepy. I woke up in a regular old hotel room, a really dingy one. I knew I was back in Mexico, so I almost thought I’d imagined the whole thing. I started looking for the things I’d managed to steal from Quin Romero—the things I must have stolen, if I were alive—but I couldn’t find them. Then this guy named Pablo came in. He was a Guardian, and he let me know that dying hadn’t been a dream. I started working for them right away. The rest is history, I guess.”
“I wonder if Seers go to that room?” I speculated aloud.
“Ella, my sister—she said the room was a way station. A place to adjust to death without having to rush. I bet you’d still go there, when you eventually kick the bucket. And I mean eventually. As in, don’t start buying funeral flowers and complimentary cookies, because you’re going to live a long life, Kate.”
I sighed but gave him a weak smile. “You don’t have to lie to me, Toni. I know how this is going to end, just as well as you do.”
His brow furrowed. “Yeah, maybe. But not if I can help it. And despite what you think, Kate, you don’t know everything.”
I hoped he was right. But I still had my doubts.
Seventeen
I decided to skip school. I didn’t feel like getting up when morning rolled around. I was too comfortable to move, too focused on the future to stand the thought of going to class. I was sick of pretending.
Though Claire had offered the use of Maddy’s now-empty room upstairs, I’d chosen to stay in Patrick’s instead. He hadn’t been here for a while now; he’d stripped it of most of his things when he’d moved into my dad’s den. Still, the room managed to smell like him. Even the bare mattress seemed covered in his comforting scent. I hadn’t actually made his bed; I’d just slept on the mattress with a couple blankets on top. I texted Lee, letting her know I wasn’t going to be able to pick her up for school. She promised to come by and see me afterward.
I could hear Toni moving around in his bedroom, which was next to Patrick’s. I figured Toni was planning on following Lee around today, just in case she’d become a target for the Demons. A few minutes later, I heard him close the outer door, and I knew he was gone. Like Patrick was gone.
I firmly told myself to get a grip. I’d gotten my way. I’d been the one to send Patrick away with the twins. I needed to get past my own depression so I could fulfill my promise to him. To keep fighting. To try my best to get rid of the Demon Lord, once and for all. I owed it to Patrick, my sisters, my friends, and myself.
When I finally stepped out of bed, I dressed slowly. I really needed to talk with Hanif and Dr. Radcliffe so they could fill me in on the mission details they’d been learning for the past week. But I wasn’t the only one behind—I needed to get Peter Keegan on board so we could learn together. Looking at the clock beside Patrick’s bed, I saw it was just past ten. I frowned, debating the best course of action. I’d been planning to approach Peter with Lee at my side, but she was in school. And the sooner I could talk to Peter, the sooner we could get started on the mission. The sooner I could put all this behind me.
I wondered if Patrick was right to believe I’d survive this. If I lived through the mission, if I could stop the Demon Lord, I would get Patrick back. Some
how. That’s what I needed to focus on.
I wanted to call him, hear his voice. Apologize for the way I’d treated him yesterday. I fingered the phone in my hand, but the memory of his stiff kiss on my cheek, the way he hadn’t even said a real good-bye . . . I pocketed my phone. I would face him later.
I left his bedroom behind and entered the living room/kitchen area. The run-down furniture and dusty space seemed even more desolate without Patrick and Toni around. I decided I wasn’t hungry enough to linger in the oppressive room, so I hurried to the outer door.
Claire must have heard me climbing up to the fourth floor, because she was just stepping out of her room when I rounded the corner. “You’re not at school? I thought I heard Toni leave with you.”
“I decided it wasn’t worth it,” I said quickly, hoping she wouldn’t see the depression in my eyes. I didn’t want her to gloat that she’d been right all along, that my relationship with Patrick wasn’t a positive thing for either of us. I cleared my throat, still heavy with disuse. “I was wondering if you’d come with me to the elementary school, actually. There’s someone I need to talk to about the mission.”
Her lips pressed together. “Terence told me you’d volunteered. He mentioned you had another Special Seer in mind, but he failed to say it was a child.”
“A child? . . . Oh, no. He teaches at the elementary school.”
She frowned. “The Demon Seer? Are you sure that’s wise?”
“We really don’t have another choice. Besides, he cares about Lee, and whether he wants to admit it or not, helping the Demons is only hurting her now.”
Claire’s blonde head bobbed. “Perhaps the mission will work. I hope your attempt at assassinating the Demon Lord goes more smoothly than mine did.”
I had the distinct feeling she was blaming me personally for her failure, but before I could call her on it she was turning on her stiletto heel. “I’ll tell Dr. Radcliffe where we’re going and join you downstairs.”
I rolled my eyes at her attitude as I made my own retreat.
She reached my car a minute behind me, and then we were pulling out onto the street. The silence was beyond awkward. I knew she didn’t like me, but . . . something felt really off. She actually looked uncomfortable.
Finally, she broke the still air. “I know you think I dislike you, Kate. But that’s not true.”
“Um, sure. Okay. What’s up?”
Her lips drew into a tight line. “I don’t want to get hostile.”
“Hostile? Who’s getting hostile?”
She took a deep breath, her next words completely unexpected. “Joan of Arc was killed a couple short years before my birth.”
I glanced over at her. “Claire . . . ?”
She sighed deeply, head turned away from me. She let out a hard laugh. “I wanted to be just as she was. Noble, holy, and courageous. In the end, that’s why I became a Guardian. It seemed like my divine mission. A chance to make the sort of difference I’d always dreamed about making in my past life.” She glanced at me, but I kept my eyes on the road, afraid if I met her gaze she’d stop opening up to me. I couldn’t explain exactly why I was so interested in the inner workings of her mind. But I’d never understood why such a grumpy person would choose to become a Guardian.
Claire continued. “I’ve worked so hard to become a warrior that I’ve forgotten the most important traits Joan of Arc possessed. Compassion. Bravery. Faith. I simply wanted to tell you . . . Your courage has put me to shame, Kate.”
I had to look at her then, though I had no idea what to say when I realized just how serious she was. Her delicate face was more serious than I’d ever seen it. Yet, a vulnerability was there I’d never seen before.
She sighed and looked away from me. “Those are all traits I see in you, Kate. Goodness. Love. Sacrifice. You have these things, and they make you great. I . . . I wanted you to know you have my respect.”
She’d just compared me to her lifelong hero. I’d never felt so accepted by her. It was probably the closest to reconciling we would ever get, and I was grateful for the resolution. Still, I had no idea what to say. I settled for a lame, “Thanks, Claire. I really appreciate all you’ve done for me and my family.”
She didn’t respond verbally, but I felt my shoulders relax as the tension between us gradually dissipated.
Claire was invisible when we entered the school. Since I couldn’t do that neat trick, I tried to walk the empty halls as calmly as possible, hoping no one would appear to question my presence. I could say I was here for my sisters, but what would happen when it was realized they weren’t here?
Fortunately I knew right where I was going, and when I stepped through the open door, I found the classroom empty of everyone but the man I’d come to see.
Peter Keegan was wearing his usual brown suit, hunched over his desk and grading papers. The children must have been out at recess, and he was using the break to try and get ahead. He glanced up when he saw me, but he wasn’t smiling because he saw Claire. He gave her a nod and asked me to close the door. I did and then stepped up to his desk.
“We need to talk.”
My phone vibrated, distracting me. I knew without looking it would be Patrick. My heart started pounding in a mix of excitement and trepidation. But he’d have to wait. I needed to focus on convincing Peter to help us.
Peter didn’t seem to hear my phone. He brushed a nervous hand down his tie, which was already straight. His aura was anxious, uneasy. “Kate, this isn’t the best time.”
“Have you told Selena about my sisters leaving?”
He looked down at his desk. “No. But I need to. And I’m sorry, but there’s nothing you can say that can change my mind.”
“Have you seen Lee’s face?”
Peter looked up, grimacing. “Yes.”
“Did she tell you what happened?”
“Yes.” The word was a whisper.
“Then you know she’s in danger too. We’re all in the same boat now. We have to stop the Demon Lord, or we’re going to be living in fear for the rest of our lives.”
“Kate, it’s not that simple. I can’t just oppose the Demon population.”
“Why not?” My phone stopped trembling in my pocket. I hoped Patrick would forgive me for ignoring him.
Peter was shaking his head. “I understand you’re desperate; you’ve been living in constant fear for months now. But you can’t just throw away your life like this.”
“Peter, I need you. You’re Special. We have the power to stop him. And there are others. We have a plan. It can work. It will work. The Demon Lord will be stopped before he ever has a chance to begin. If we can alter the past, we might be able to stop you from ever becoming a Seer.”
He stood, walking over to the wall of windows. He looked out at the parking lot, his hands in his jacket pockets.
I continued unassumingly, trying to keep the desperation out of my voice. “Think of Lee. Think of Jeanette. Think of someone other than yourself.”
I worried I’d gone too far. I was almost ready to recall the words when Peter suddenly turned. His aura was fixed, decided. “What is this foolproof plan?”
I tried not to look too relieved. “We’ll get to that. But first, what year were you born?”
He frowned. “1972. Why?”
I nodded once. “It cuts it a little close, but . . . how would you like to visit 1971?”
***
I pulled out my phone, balancing it on my palm. Sitting in Patrick’s room, I knew I needed to call him back. But such a thing was easier said than done.
Claire and I had just returned from talking to Peter, and the whole drive back I’d struggled to figure out what I might say to him. He hadn’t tried calling me again, so what if he thought I was angry with him? I couldn’t stand that.
I blew out my breath, flipping the phone open. Facing his anger was better than this awful silence between us. If he was mad at me, he had reasonable cause. But he needed to know that I missed him. That
I loved him. And that I was confident I’d done the right thing in sending him away.
He answered on the third ring. I tried to ignore the pull in my gut that told me he’d hesitated, unsure if he wanted to talk with me.
“Kate, I called earlier.” His voice was soft, but the fact he’d skipped a greeting made me wince. He was definitely upset.
“I know. I was talking to Peter Keegan.”
A brief pause. “How did that go?”
“Good. He’s agreed to help us.”
“Are you sure you can trust him?”
I nodded, though of course he couldn’t see me. “Yes. I know I can. He wants to keep Lee safe, and he knows helping us is the only way to protect her.”
“Are you going to teach him to travel?”
“I thought I’d ask Toni for a memory.” I winced as soon as the words were out. “A safe one, of course. Not . . .”
“Kate . . .” He sighed heavily over the line. I could easily imagine him rubbing a long hand over his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the way I treated you.”
“Patrick . . . what are you talking about?”
“When I left yesterday. I was rude and extremely unfair to you. I wish you were a bit less selfless sometimes, but . . . I lacked the courage and trust you deserve from me. I’m sorry that I disappointed you, and I hope you haven’t lost all faith in me.”
I blinked in shock. “You couldn’t disappoint me. I’m sorry that I hurt you.”
“You didn’t.”
I knew his words were a lie—especially considering his proposal, which I wasn’t quite ready to discuss with him yet. “But you didn’t really say good-bye. I thought you were upset . . .”
He sighed heavily. “I was a fool. I shouldn’t have given up that chance to kiss you again.”
My lips tugged into a slight smile even as my cheeks warmed. “So you don’t hate me?”
“Never. Not for a second. I was merely upset with myself. I apologize that I caused you to doubt me.”
I pursed my lips together. “I wish you were here,” I breathed.
He groaned. “Kate, don’t you dare. You’ve got to stay strong. Because all you have to do is ask, and I’ll be in the car. I could be there within the hour.” He paused. “In fact, I don’t think you’d even have to ask . . .”
Guardians (Seers Trilogy Book 3) Page 27