* * *
• • •
A beam of sunlight across her face woke Lexa the next morning. She’d forgotten to pull the shades before they went to bed. She turned her head and saw only the top of Maddie’s blond head peeking out of the comforter. She’d never understood how Maddie could sleep with her face covered.
Maddie had stayed with her the night before, and they’d talked long into the night. Lexa had really wanted to go back to Hsu-Ling’s hotel and get Pong’s letter, but in the end, she hadn’t. She was too tired, and she honestly didn’t think her system could take any more shock that day. Instead, she and Maddie had their first honest talk in a long time.
Maddie told her about her growing dislike for Mike. Everything he did drove her crazy. She wasn’t sure if she even loved him anymore. No, he didn’t cheat on her, and she didn’t cheat either. She was too tired from taking care of the kids and their life to even think about an affair. She wanted something but didn’t know what. She only knew she couldn’t live with Mike anymore.
Lexa studied Maddie’s face, thinking about Maddie’s words from the night before. She flushed as she realized she’d been so wrapped up in her own problems, she hadn’t seen that Maddie’s marriage was in trouble. She’d just assumed Maddie was being her dramatic self when she complained about Mike. As if sensing Lexa’s scrutiny, Maddie’s eyes opened.
“Hey, sleepyhead. Good morning.”
“What time is it?” Maddie struggled to sit up in Lexa’s queen-sized bed. She dragged Lexa’s light blue down comforter up with her.
“It’s seven.” Lexa pushed back the comforter and got out of bed. “You want coffee, or do you want to go back to sleep?”
Maddie yawned without bothering to cover her mouth. “Coffee. I’m up already.”
Lexa crossed to the tiny kitchen and prepped the coffeemaker. Once she had two cups, she brought one back to Maddie in bed.
“Mmm.” Maddie took a sip and closed her eyes. “I can’t remember the last time someone brought me coffee in bed.”
Lexa settled herself on the couch next to the bed. “Mike doesn’t do that for you?”
Maddie opened her eyes and glared at Lexa. “I don’t want to talk about him.”
“Fine. What do you want to talk about?”
“I can’t believe Hsu-Ling’s mother is the one who kept you away from Taiwan. Where’s the Lexa I know, the Kung Fu warrior who’d fight anyone who gets in her way?”
Now it was Lexa’s turn to glare at Maddie. “I don’t want to talk about it.” They’d talked the subject to death the night before.
“I just don’t get why you didn’t tell Dad and me.”
Lexa clenched her jaw. She could still remember pleading with her mom on the plane ride back from Taiwan that summer not to tell Greg or Maddie. “I was embarrassed and ashamed. I felt so . . . gross. I didn’t want Dad to think I could have possibly done any of that.”
“Are you kidding me? Dad would have never believed that.”
“I was fourteen. I was humiliated. I thought I was so grown-up, and then to have that happen . . .” Lexa looked at Maddie. “Besides, you hated my Taiwanese family. I didn’t want you to know that they hated me too.”
“I didn’t hate your Taiwanese family.” Maddie’s eyes were full of remorse. “I just hated that they took you away from me.”
Lexa gave her a small smile. They drank their coffee in silence, until Maddie put her mug on the night table and reached for her phone. “Guess what Mom’s up to these days?”
“What?”
“I was on Instagram yesterday. Guess who popped up?”
“No!” Lexa drew out the word. “Mom’s on Instagram?”
“Yup. She’s posted five photos so far and has over two hundred followers already.” Maddie clicked on the Instagram icon on her phone. “They’re all yoga poses.”
She held out her phone, and Lexa grabbed it from her.
“She looks good.” Lexa stared at a photo of their mom in reverse warrior pose. She was wearing formfitting yoga clothes in a pretty shade of purple and looked relaxed and happy.
“But she’s not wearing a bra!” Maddie said, taking the phone out of Lexa’s hands. “You can see her nipples! She’s over sixty. She should not be posting half-naked pictures of herself on social media.”
“She’s not half-naked, you prude.” Lexa snatched the phone back to take a closer look. “She’s wearing a yoga top with a built-in bra.”
“Whatever.” Maddie took her phone back again and studied the picture.
“So did you follow her?” Lexa asked. She hadn’t been very active on Instagram lately, so she had missed that their mom had gotten an account.
“Maybe.”
“You did, didn’t you? Why can’t you just admit you miss Mom? Don’t you want her to be happy?”
“You’re not dealing any better with Mom’s new life.”
“Yeah, but at least I’m making an effort. I met Phoenix, and I’m talking to her.” Lexa took a sip of her coffee and let the flavor linger in her mouth. “Tell me why you’re so mad at Mom.”
“Because I always thought Mom and Dad had such a great relationship. They liked each other. They were friends. I wanted Mike and me to have what they had.” Maddie picked at her fingernails as she talked, an old habit she hadn’t quite kicked. “They were equal partners. They both worked. They both looked after us. They took turns cooking dinner and doing laundry.”
“I didn’t know they were having problems either.”
“I was going to tell you and Mom about Mike that day when she asked if we could all meet for lunch. That’s why I suggested my place. I thought it was the perfect time to ask for her advice, since it had been a while since the three of us got together. You canceled our dim sum the month before.” Maddie shot Lexa a look full of accusation.
“Oh.” Lexa thought back and remembered that a client had asked for an emergency session because she had to face an ex that night at a wedding. At the time, it had seemed important. But now, looking back, Lexa wondered why she’d let a client’s desire to look good win out over her own family.
“Anyways, Mom told me her news before I could tell her about Mike.”
“Ouch.” Lexa’s face screwed up in sympathy. “No wonder you were so upset.”
“When she said she was leaving Dad, something just snapped. All this time, I thought they had such a great relationship. It was what was giving me hope that maybe Mike and I could get past this.” Maddie hunched her shoulder. “I couldn’t take it. If they broke up, then what chance do Mike and I have?”
“I’m sorry. I’ve been so involved in my own life that I didn’t know you were unhappy.”
“It’s okay.” Maddie picked up her coffee mug again and wrapped her hands around it, as if trying to warm them. “You had good reason.”
“Are things really that bad?”
“I don’t know. All I know is that I’ve been so mean to him lately, but I can’t seem to stop. Everything he does is wrong. Everything he says irritates the hell out of me. He’s miserable, I’m miserable, and if we keep this up, the kids are going to be miserable too.”
Lexa looked at Maddie. She didn’t have any advice for her sister. She’d never been married. Their mom was the one who’d know what to say. But she wasn’t here.
“I wish Mom was here.” Maddie voiced Lexa’s thought.
“Are you mad she didn’t come back last night?”
Maddie’s sigh was resigned. “Yes. She’d rather go to a fundraiser for abused women with Phoenix than be with her daughters, who need her.”
“It’s not like that. She was going to come back. She just forgot they had tickets already.” Even to her own ears, the excuse sounded lame to Lexa. “Besides, I told her I wasn’t going to get the letter from Hsu-Ling until today.”
“But what abo
ut me?” Maddie turned her blue eyes on Lexa.
Lexa crawled back into the bed with Maddie. She put an arm around her sister, and Maddie laid her head on Lexa’s shoulder. “I know, Mads. But she’s always put us first her whole life. Maybe it’s her turn to be first.”
Maddie’s voice was small. “I wish she hadn’t decided to get a life right when I need her.”
“Yeah. Her timing sucks.”
Maddie was quiet for a moment. Then she turned her head to look at Lexa. “You always came first with her. Ever since you got back from Taiwan that summer. I was so jealous.”
“Oh, Maddie.” Lexa wanted to protest, but she knew Maddie was right. She’d made her mom pinky swear on that plane ride back from Taiwan to keep her secret from Greg and Maddie. Now she wondered if it had been unfair of her to make her mom choose between Lexa and the rest of the family.
30
Hsu-Ling handed a sealed white legal-sized envelope to Lexa, who stood just inside Hsu-Ling’s hotel room. Lexa had stopped by to get the letter after saying good-bye to Maddie. She’d canceled her Wednesday morning clients the night before after her mom had left to get Phoenix, knowing she needed to spend time with her sister. She never canceled last minute on her clients and had felt guilty doing so. But after Christy’s near-accident the previous morning (had that only been the day before? It felt like so long ago, after everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours), she knew it was better to take the personal time off.
“Open it,” Hsu-Ling said. “I want to know what it says.”
Lexa grimaced and took the letter from her. “For some reason, I’m scared.”
“It can’t be that bad.”
Lexa slipped a finger under the flap and opened the letter. Taking a deep breath, she unfolded it and looked at it. It was written in English and dated almost two years earlier.
Dear ChiChi,
If you’re reading this, then I’m gone. Most likely from the lung cancer that I just found out I have. Hsu-Ling was right, smoking is bad for me. I should be afraid of dying, but I’m not. I feel as if it’s what I deserve. Chinese karma?
First of all, I need you to know how sorry I am for what I did to you. I know you won’t believe me, but I never meant to hurt you. I was so in love with Pin-Yen back then, drunk on her, even as I was so miserable and hated myself that I was in love with my best friend’s wife. But you were an innocent child, you trusted me, and I broke that trust when I lied for Pin-Yen. And even more, I broke the bond between you and your father, and for that I am so sorry. There are not enough apologies in the world to make it right to you.
I tried so many times to tell Jing Tao the truth. When I saw how much he suffered over the years after you left, I wanted so badly to tell him I lied for Pin-Yen. A few times, I even started telling him about how Pin-Yen asked me to lie for her. But I never did. I’m a coward. He’s the only family I have. I was an orphan and grew up in orphanages and foster homes. I met Jing Tao when we were ten. He rescued me from a gang of older kids who were beating me up. He was almost as big as them, and he wasn’t afraid. He’s the only person who’s ever stood up for me. Ever since then, he’s been the brother I’d wanted all my life. I couldn’t imagine telling him that I was in love with his wife and lied for her, driving you away. I couldn’t lose his trust and his love.
I’m not telling you this to make you feel sorry for me. I just want you to understand, even a little bit. ChiChi, he loves you. You have no idea how happy he was when he found out he’d fathered you. I think he loved you from the minute he saw your picture. He’s so proud of you, his American daughter, and had such big plans for you. His only fault is that he chose to believe his wife because I backed her up. I know if I had told him Pin-Yen was lying, he’d never have believed her.
The doctor says the cancer is advanced. We may be able to beat it, or we may not. I may have six months left, or a few years. It doesn’t matter to me. I’m ready to go. But before I go, I have to try to make things right between you and your father.
I may not have known you for long, but I know you would never take money from me, not after the lies I told about you. But I think you may take it to save your father. His family fell into financial difficulties about ten years ago. You know his whole family lives in that building. When his father died, Jing Tao thought he’d inherit the building, as the eldest son. But he soon found out that his father, your ah-gong, was living in debt. He was borrowing against the building in order to keep the façade of their lives. Jing Tao was shocked. The bank owned the building, and unless he could come up with the debt plus interest, the bank was going to take back the building, and three families plus their widowed mother would be homeless.
That’s when I stepped in. I started buying buildings when I was young, investing in them and turning them into apartments or shopping centers. I saved the money I made from the ice-cream shop, and since I don’t have a family, I took risks and bought buildings no one else would have. They paid off, and I ended up making a lot of money. I bought the Changs’ building, allowing the entire family to continue living there. I only charged Jing Tao a pittance in rent and told him I’d leave the building to him if I should die first. Jing Tao decided not to tell his siblings and the rest of the family that his father had lost the building. Even his mother doesn’t know. I was the only one he told.
When I found out I had cancer, I changed the will slightly. Jing Tao will still get the building, but only if you accept my gift of some money and a brand-new apartment in one of the buildings I recently acquired. I’m hoping you will use the money and apartment to come back to Taiwan and get to know your father again. It’s my fault you’ve been apart all these years. This is the only way I know of to make sure you come back to Taiwan. If you don’t accept my gift and come back by my final prayer ceremony, then the building will be sold after my death, and your father and his whole family will lose their home.
I’m sorry if this seems harsh to you, but I had to make sure you’d return once I was gone. Please see this as my last effort to make things right by you, a way to help you come back to Taiwan, to your heritage, and to know the father who grieves for you every day.
Like I said, I am a coward. I saw Pin-Yen for who she really is years ago, a manipulative woman who enjoyed having me at her beck and call, and held it over me that I was in love with my best friend’s wife. I should have told Jing Tao, but I couldn’t face him. His respect means everything to me, and I couldn’t lose face in front of him and admit I’d lied and accused his innocent daughter, all because I was in love with his wife. I will never forget the look of anguish on his face that last day when your mother came and took you away. I will go to my grave knowing I was the one responsible for his pain. I hope in my death, I can help the two of you become father and daughter again.
With my deepest apologies,
Pong
Lexa looked up from the letter, and the room spun. She was filled with so many emotions, she couldn’t even begin to articulate them. There was anger, along with shock and disbelief that he had had the audacity to place her in the position to decide the financial ruin of her estranged Taiwanese family.
Hsu-Ling stared at her, her eyes filled with questions. Without a word, Lexa handed the letter to her sister. Her ears rang, and a strange chill went down her back, causing her to shiver. She watched Hsu-Ling’s face as she read the letter change from polite interest to affection, and finally to confusion and horror when her mouth opened and her brows knitted together.
Pong’s words echoed in Lexa’s head as Hsu-Ling looked up and caught her eyes. They stared at each other, the full meaning of Pong’s letter sinking in.
Coward . . . ChiChi, he loves you . . . so proud of you . . . come back to Taiwan . . . if you don’t accept . . . building will be sold . . . lose their home . . . look of anguish on his face that last day . . . coward, coward, coward.
31
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You can show yourself out.” With a nod, Mrs. Lockwood dismissed Lexa and disappeared into her bedroom. Lexa was left standing alone in the lavish bathroom, complete with gold fixtures and a crystal chandelier hanging from the high ceiling. Mrs. Lockwood liked to work out here instead of their fully equipped gym whenever she was in a bad mood.
Lexa let out a breath of relief and rolled her shoulders to release some of the tension that had accumulated after training her most difficult client a few hours after reading Pong’s words. It was like pulling teeth trying to get Mrs. Lockwood to do anything.
Lexa had gone home after getting the letter from Hsu-Ling and curled up on her couch with Zeus nestled at her side, stunned into immobility for two hours. She kept glancing at her phone, waiting for Mrs. Lockwood’s personal assistant, Olivia, to text, canceling Mrs. Lockwood’s noon appointment. Lexa hadn’t canceled it herself because eight times out of ten, Mrs. Lockwood canceled at the last minute but still paid her as per her twenty-four-hour cancellation agreement. But wouldn’t you know it, the one day Lexa needed her to cancel, she hadn’t.
So Lexa had dragged herself off the couch and gritted her teeth through the appointment, wondering all the while why she kept difficult clients like this, ones who drained her so completely in each session. But then she thought of the money Mrs. Lockwood paid her even when she canceled, and she knew she couldn’t afford to give her up as a client.
Unless you accept Pong’s conditions and take the money he left you.
The thought came unbidden into Lexa’s mind as she went toward the connecting dressing room to let herself into the hall from that door. She halted.
Could she take the money from Pong? Deep in thought, she walked into the dressing room, forgetting about the extra moving racks of evening gowns one of the maids had wheeled in during their session, until an Oscar de la Renta smacked her in the face. Swatting the black dress aside, she tripped over the leg of the rack, falling face first into a sea of designer clothing. Grabbing at a Valentino (or maybe it was a Christian Dior), she tried to right herself without impaling her leg on an overturned red-soled Louboutin heel. But her arms flailed, and she found herself in a heap on the floor with a piece of lace ripped off a gown in her hand. Sweating profusely from the attack of the designer labels, she tried desperately to get off the floor while looking toward the door to Mrs. Lockwood’s bedroom. She was relieved to see it was still closed, and Mrs. Lockwood hadn’t seen the assault on her beloved clothing.
The Tiger Mom's Tale Page 16