"I'm happy to. I want to share everything with you, both the good and the bad. Sharing makes it easier." She pulled her closer and placed a kiss on her temple. "I want you to know that you can tell me anything. You don't have to hide from me."
Alex closed her eyes as a wave of guilt swept over her. "I know and I'm trying. There are things I need to tell you, but I'm afraid." She rolled away and sat up on the edge of the bed. "Part of me wants to just leave the past in the past, but I know that's not possible. I just hope you can–" Her head snapped up at the knock on the door. "Damn it." She grabbed her robe and headed for the door. "I'll get this if you want to get cleaned up." She watched as Nikki slipped from the bed and disappeared into the bathroom.
Chapter Twelve
Alex pulled into the cemetery and parked the car along the narrow road. After a deep breath, she took the flowers from Nikki, and climbed out of the car. She looked across the green, precisely mowed grass, at the rows of headstones in various shapes and sizes, and felt her heart skip a beat. They were far enough away from the main road that a peaceful silence had descended upon them, and the only sounds heard were the joyful chirping of birds. She nodded at Nikki, where she stood waiting patiently, and led the way towards her mother's and sister's graves. Their shoes were soon damp from the early morning dew that still clung to the grass under the shade of the trees. Nikki hung back slightly as Alex stopped in front of a gray stone with a white angel perched on one corner.
She dropped to her knees and tenderly placed the flowers at the base of the stone. She removed her sunglasses and bowed her head as she whispered, "Hi Momma, hi Ray. I'm sorry I haven't been by for a while. I still miss you both so much, and think of you often. I love you." She kissed her fingers and traced the names in the stone. "I'm finally doing better, Momma. I think you'd like Nikki, and I'm sure Ray would. She reminds me of you just a little bit, sis. Always looking out for me, just like you did." She sat quietly for a moment as a wave of happiness swept over her, bringing tears to her eyes. Alex wiped her cheeks and smiled up to the heavens as she said, "Thank you." She replaced her sunglasses, stood, and turned to Nikki. "Thank you for coming with me today. It really means a lot."
Before she could respond, a woman several years younger than her pushed off of the nearby tree and walked up to them. "Hello." She gave them both a friendly smile. "My name is Paige Williams. We've always wondered who it was that brought flowers on the anniversary of their deaths. I thought I'd come out here early this year to see if I could figure it out." She grinned. "I think I just missed you last year."
Nikki stepped between Alex and Paige, shielding her slightly. "Who's 'we', and what's it to you?" she asked.
Paige raised her hands and took a small step back. "Easy. I mean no harm." She pointed down at the graves and said, "That is my aunt and cousin. The 'we' is her family. Now, care to tell me who you are and why you visit every year?"
Nikki felt Alex clutch her arm, her fingers digging in at the mention of her mother's family. She looked down at her and saw the firm set of her jaw. She was surprised when she finally spoke. "I don't believe you."
Paige was surprised by the change in the woman before her. She'd witnessed the grief expressed as she knelt before the grave, and the smile as she'd risen. Now the woman was clearly angry. "I have no reason to lie to you. I can take you to my family if you'd like. They are just a few miles away." She saw the look the blonde gave the taller woman beside her. "Look, I realize you have no reason to trust me, but look at it from my perspective. I don't know you, yet I'm offering to get into the car with you and take you to my home."
At Alex's nod, Nikki turned back to Paige and said, "Very well." She led the way back to the car and helped Alex climb in behind the wheel. "You may have the front," she told Paige as she opened the back door. "I'll sit back here."
Paige climbed into the car, buckled her seatbelt and turned to Alex. "I'm curious to know why you visit their graves every year. It is you every year isn't it?" When Alex didn't respond, she sat back and began to direct them towards her house. After just a few minutes, Alex pulled into the long driveway beside a large two-story farmhouse. She parked the car and sat for a moment looking around. Both the yard and the house were well kept, with a large flower garden containing several varieties of lilies. "If you don't want to go in, I can have Mom come out."
Alex looked over at her and was surprised to see the corner of her mouth lifted slightly. She felt her own respond in kind. "That won't be necessary." She grabbed her purse and climbed from the car. She slowly followed Paige up the path towards the front porch, Nikki following closely behind.
Paige opened the front screen and stepped inside. "Mom, I'm home. I've brought a couple of guests."
Alex stepped inside and took off her sunglasses, slowly looking around. They were standing in what appeared to be a front parlor. The furniture was polished and appeared to be older, but not worn. She looked up as a woman stepped into the room and said, "Good Lord child, who've you hauled home now?" The woman stopped abruptly when she saw Alex.
Alex dropped her purse and stumbled backwards. "No…it's not…not possible." She fell to her knees as the tears began to run freely down her cheeks. "How?" She felt her world stop and everything she thought she knew crumble as she looked up into the face of her mother. "Momma?" Nikki rushed to her side and held her as she sobbed.
The woman turned to a shocked Paige. "Get the albums, quickly." She knelt in front of Alex and said softly, "I'm sorry child, but I'm not your mother." Alex looked up at her, and saw her pain reflected in the woman's eyes. "I can see it in you, but need to hear it. Was Lizzy your mother?" She saw the confusion in her face and said, "Was Elizabeth Rossi your mother?" Alex nodded as she tried to control her tears. "Oh thank you God. Thank you for bringing a piece of her home to us," the woman whispered before telling her, "I'm your aunt, honey." Paige rushed into the room carrying several photo albums, and handed them to her mother. She opened the first one and pointed to a picture of two teenage girls, identical twins, hamming it up for the camera. "That's Lizzy and this is me." She looked at her, "You didn't know she was a twin?"
Alex slowly shook her head as she finally calmed her racing heart and flowing tears. Her voice cracked as she replied, "No, I didn't even know she had a sister." She slowly ran her fingers over the picture of her mother's smiling face.
"Oh, honey, hang on to your hat because this is going to be a bumpy ride." She turned the page, revealing several more photographs. It was the one in the center of the left page that immediately captured Alex's attention. It was a family portrait containing several other siblings. "That's Mom, Karen. Our Dad, David." She slowly pointed out each person in the portrait in order, providing names as she went. "This is David Junior, he's the oldest. Then there is Joanne and then Brian. We were the babies. That one is Lizzy, and this one is me."
Alex looked up at the woman, and gave her a small smile. "And what is your name?" she asked.
"I suppose that would help, wouldn't it?" she chuckled. "My name is Alexis, but you can call me Lexi." She smiled at her look of surprise. "Now then, what would you like us to call you?"
Alex climbed to her feet, and offered her hand to Lexi. Once they were both on their feet she said, "My name is Alexis Mohr, but you may call me Alex."
"It is an absolute pleasure to meet you, Alex. Why don't you two come inside and make yourselves at home?" She led them through the house to what was obviously the gathering place in the home. It was a very large, yet comfortable room that had a lived in feel. There were several couches and chairs scattered about, clustered in groups convenient for socializing. "The powder room is right there if you'd like to wash up." She turned to Nikki and smiled. "I'm sorry dear, I didn't mean to ignore you like that. I'm Lexi."
Nikki shook her hand and replied, "Nice to meet you. I'm Nikki. I'm a friend of Alex's."
Alex turned and slipped her arm around Nikki's waist, much to her surprise. "Actually, Nikki is my girlfriend." When
Lexi raised her eyebrow and Paige began to chuckle, she said, "Is that going to be a problem?"
"No dear, not at all." Lexi replied as she scowled at Paige.
"Nope. This family has absolutely nothing against homosexuals. In fact, they felt like the world really needed a few more, so they started breeding them. You'll fit right in with this family." Lexi glared at her as her chuckle turned into a laugh.
Alex felt some of her tension ease and the corner of her mouth lift in the beginnings of a smile. "Excuse me a moment please." She stepped around the group and quickly headed for the powder room to clean up after her crying bout. When she returned, everyone was sitting around the living room.
"Would you like something to drink?" Lexi asked as she hastily rose from her chair. "We have tea, lemonade or water if you'd like."
"Tea would be lovely. Thank you."
Lexi walked back in and handed a glass to Alex before returning to her chair. "So I take it you are the one who has been leaving flowers on their birthdays and the anniversary of their deaths?"
She dipped her head in agreement. "Yes. It took me a while to find out where they were, but once I did I made sure they were recognized on those days." Lexi tilted her head slightly as she listened, her eyebrows drawing down slightly. "I didn't say remembered because they will never be forgotten."
"Right you are my dear." Lexi acknowledged with a smile. "The family gets together every anniversary. We all go to the cemetery together to pay our respects, then we come back here for a meal." She looked up at the clock. "They will start arriving here in the next hour or so. I'd really like it if you would stay and join us today."
Alex looked down at her hands where they rested on her lap. She swallowed and bit her lower lip as her eyes darted around the room. Nikki reached out and placed a hand over her fidgeting fingers. "We'd be honored." She smiled gently when Alex finally met her eyes. "This fear serves no good purpose. It is time to let it go." Alex took a deep breath and slowly let it out as she nodded.
"Well, I've a few things to finish up in the kitchen. Paige, why don't you show our guests around?" She stood and turned towards the kitchen.
Nikki stood and said, "Please let me help. I'm pretty good in the kitchen, and with some help it will go much faster." She gave Lexi a smile. "That way you'll have more time with Alex."
Lexi acknowledged her offer with a slight dip of her head. "Thank you. I'd love the help and it will give me some time to get to know you as well."
Alex watched them walk into the kitchen before turning to Paige. "So Paige, do you live here with your family?"
"Yes. It's just Mom and me here these days. Dad died several years ago. My brother, Adam is in the Army, and is currently overseas. My sister Stephanie is in law school at NYU." She stood and offered Alex a hand up.
"What about you?"
"I received several softball scholarship offers, and decided to stick close to home. Mom was going through a rough time with Dad's death and I didn't want to leave her alone."
Alex followed Paige as she walked through the house. The tour ended in one of the three bedrooms at the back of the house. "I take it this one is yours?"
"Yeah, beats a dorm room."
She pulled out the chair at the small desk and sat down as Paige sat on the foot of the bed. "What are you studying?"
"I'm pre-med."
"Very nice." Paige gave an embarrassed shrug. "Don't make light of it. It’s a big deal. You and Nikki will get along just fine." At her questioning look, she said, "She's an ER doctor."
Paige stood and walked over to the bookshelf beside the desk. She pulled an old three-ring binder from one of the shelves before sitting back down. "I'll have to talk with her. I'm not sure which direction I want to go yet." She began leafing through the binder, coming to a stop on one page. She looked at the page then up at Alex and back down again. "I'll be damned."
"What's wrong?"
She looked back up at her and grinned. "I knew there was something familiar about you, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then I thought that it must just be family resemblance." She shook her head. "I was wrong. You're the reason I started playing softball, and why I became a pitcher." Alex just sat quietly waiting to hear what she had to say. "You're three-time Olympian Alexis Mohr."
Alex nodded and watched as her eyes widened. "Yes, I am."
"I can't believe it. You are so lucky." She dropped the binder on the bed and jumped to her feet as her excitement began to build. "Man, what I wouldn't give to be in your shoes."
Alex shook her head. "No, Paige. You don't want to be in my shoes. You are by far the luckier of the two of us."
"What are you talking about? You have Olympic medals, endorsement deals, money, and fame." Paige shook her head. "All I'll ever have is memories of college games. I'll never get to play in the Olympics."
Alex stood and started down the hall. As she reached the end she turned back. "There is so much more to life than softball."
"What are you talking about?" Paige's voice began to rise. "You've achieved more than I'll ever get the opportunity to."
"You just don't get it, Paige. I would give it all up for what you've had your entire life." She could tell by the look on her face that Paige didn't understand. "A family."
"Seriously? You'd give up everything?"
"In a heartbeat, for a family that wanted me. Instead this family turned their back on me, and left me to be raised by the state. Do you know how many people want a four-year-old child that won't speak, and wakes up screaming every time she falls asleep, terrified her father is going to come and kill her too? Zero. No one wants that child, Paige. More than forty foster homes in fourteen years, as well as several trips to the mental hospital." She looked into Paige's wide eyes.
"Hanging a gold medal around my neck didn't change any of that. Somewhere deep inside of me that four-year-old child still lives, and every once in a while she still wakes up screaming. Think about that the next time you look at someone famous and think they have it all, and remember that you're the lucky one." She turned to leave and saw a small group of people now standing in the room behind her. Judging by the striking resemblance they had to each other and the tears they were each wiping at, these were her aunts and uncles. "Fuck." She spun on her heel and headed for the back door.
"Alex wait."
She fought with the back door for a few seconds, unable to get it open. She began to quietly curse the door, and herself for getting angry, in Italian. Paige walked up and placed her hand on the door beside her head, causing her to jump back, bow her head, and clasp her hands behind her back as she trembled in fear. "Let me, there's a bit of a trick to it," Paige said as she quickly unlatched the door and stepped aside. Alex hastily pushed through, stepping out onto the deck and down the stairs to the yard.
Lexi began to follow but was stopped at the door by Nikki. "She needs a few minutes to calm down. Please." Lexi nodded and went to comfort her sister instead as she wondered about Alex's reaction to Paige. Nikki stepped out onto the porch. She looked around and saw that the back porch was very much like the living room, covered in various rocking chairs and benches suitable for watching the children at play. She sat in one of the rocking chairs and watched as Alex paced. While unable to hear her, she knew she was talking to herself. Several minutes later Paige and Lexi joined her, sitting on either side of her as they watched.
"Tell me something." Nikki looked over at Lexi, waiting for her to continue. "What language was that?"
Nikki smiled. "Italian."
"It's beautiful."
She chuckled. "That's because you don't know what she's saying." Lexi looked at her questioningly. "I don't speak it either, not really. She's taught me a few words, some of which I heard earlier. They are the kind of words not to be spoken in front of a child without embarrassing consequences, but you can get away with it when they're in a foreign language."
Lexi watched her pick up one of the many softballs lying on the ground in the makeshift p
ractice pen Paige had set up, and begin to toss it from hand to hand. "Why did she cower from Paige when she helped with the back door?" She turned back to Nikki.
"Alex is a very private person, and it has taken me a long time to gain her trust. You need to ask her your questions, not me. They are her stories to tell if she wishes them to be told." She looked out at Alex and smiled when she realized the anger had drained. "The anger you saw was directed at herself because she revealed too much, and hurt you all in the process. I would recommend taking it very slowly."
Paige watched as she began to toss the ball into the small net they'd strung up. The net was strung tight enough to bounce the ball back towards the person that threw it, allowing her to warm up and pitch by herself. She watched as she caught the ball barehanded and threw it again, getting a feel for the netting. She stood, pulled a couple of gloves from the chest at the end of the porch and headed down the steps.
"You better mind your tongue young lady."
"Yes, Momma."
Lexi watched as Paige walked up and silently handed one of the gloves to Alex. Soon the two were tossing the ball back and forth in silence.
Paige caught the ball Alex lobbed, tossing it back, and could feel the muscles in her shoulder begin to loosen. She watched as Alex caught the ball and took a step back before tossing it back. "You sure do have a way with words." Alex raised one eyebrow as the corner of her mouth followed suit. "I never knew curse words could sound like that. Mom even thought they were pretty." She nearly dropped the ball when Alex laughed, and waited for her to regain her composure.
Lexi's breath caught in her throat when she heard Alex laugh for the first time. It reminded her so much of the beloved sister she'd lost so long ago. She looked up at the squeak of the screen door to see her siblings trailing out one after the other. They each had a tear in their eye at the sound so familiar, and so long missing from their lives. They each pulled up a chair and watched as Paige and softball worked their magic.
The Queen of Diamonds Page 18