by R. A. Spratt
Up ahead, April was doing her best to keep up with Maya, but she was no match for the athlete’s long legs. When Maya leapt over a bus bench, April tried to follow but tripped and tumbled headfirst into the gutter, landing awkwardly on her other leg.
‘Quick, after her!’ April ordered Pumpkin. But as much as the little dog loved biting people, he loved April more. He didn’t want to leave her. April blinked back tears of frustration as Pumpkin stayed where he was and licked her face instead.
Joe streaked past, not even noticing his sister sprawled on the ground. He was hot on Maya’s heels.
‘Don’t worry,’ April told Pumpkin as she gave him a hug. ‘Joe will bite her instead.’
Joe was running as fast as he could, but he couldn’t gain ground on Maya. She was just too fit and fast. He realised the only reason he had been so close behind her in the race was because she had stopped to rob the bank. Unless Maya tripped or fell, there was no chance of him catching her.
Joe could hear a thundering sound behind him. The sky was bright blue. It didn’t make any sense for a storm to be coming. The thundering grew louder. Joe didn’t look around. He didn’t want to take his eyes off Maya for a second in case she disappeared among the mud-stained obstacles scattered all over the town.
‘Grab my hand!’ Loretta cried from behind him.
The thunder was deafening now. And Joe heard a loud snort of breath. Daisy the water buffalo was literally breathing down his neck as she hurtled towards him. Joe leapt to one side to get out of the animal’s way. His arms flailed as he tried not to topple over. Loretta leaned over the side of the water buffalo and latched hold of him. ‘Jump up!’ she ordered. Joe instinctively did as he was told. The next second he was sprawled across the back of the galloping buffalo as Loretta guided her to follow Maya.
Joe was going to be shaken off by the rumble of the beast’s feet. He was being jiggled about everywhere.
‘Grab hold of me or you’ll fall,’ ordered Loretta.
Joe did not like touching girls. He didn’t want them to get the wrong idea. And by wrong idea he meant right idea about all the inappropriate things racing through his mind. But he didn’t like toppling headfirst onto the ground at high-speed either, so he did as he was told and grabbed Loretta’s waist.
Joe heard the whizz of an engine behind them. He looked back to see Fin, Tom and Neil racing towards them on a quad bike. Neil noticed April and Pumpkin sitting in the gutter and, without a second thought, or really even a first thought, he gallantly leapt off the back of the quad bike to come to her aid. Fin and Tom kept on with their pursuit.
Maya had vaulted over the fence into the school grounds. The water buffalo came to a skidding halt, but not quite soon enough. Daisy slammed into the school fence, putting a water buffalo-sized dent in the cyclone wire.
‘Quick, after her,’ Loretta urged Joe.
Joe couldn’t see that there was much he could do, but Loretta was not the type of person you ignored.
He slid off the buffalo, scrambled over the fence and took off after Maya. She was heading towards the school’s bowling greens where her light plane was parked out the back. He couldn’t let her get to it. Maya was flagging. Joe had had a rest while riding the water buffalo, whereas she had sprinted the whole way from the gardens. Joe put on an extra burst of speed.
But it wasn’t going to be enough. Maya reached the bowling greens. One green had been covered in a mud obstacle. But Mr Popov had saved the other before Fin’s work team could get to it, so it was still as flat and smooth as a sprint track. Once Maya got to the plane there would be no way he could stop her. He could see someone sitting behind the joystick. A pilot must be getting it ready for her.
Joe ran down the hill. Maya was twenty metres away, on the far side of the green. Joe reached down and grabbed the first thing to hand, a lawn bowl. He gave it a big underarm swing and rolled it as hard as he could at her ankles.
Now Joe was the best lawn bowler Currawong High had seen for sixty years. In his hands a lawn bowl could do magic. The bowl raced across the manicured grass in a big arc, away from Maya at first but then arcing back in, getting closer and closer until WHACK! It scuttled her. She was knocked off her feet by the bowl and toppled headfirst into a bench on the far side of the green.
There was the thundering sound of Daisy approaching. Loretta must have somehow got her through the fence. The water buffalo galloped past Joe. Loretta leapt down and grabbed hold of Maya firmly.
‘I’m citizen’s arresting you for robbing the Currawong Bank,’ said Loretta with great authority for a fifteen-year-old.
‘Ugh,’ said Maya. She rolled over with a glazed look in her eye and it was clear she was concussed. The impact of the fall had also made the contents of her sports crop top escape. Bank notes where tumbling out of her shirt.
April and Pumpkin finally caught up with them. Neil was giving April a piggyback. ‘You got her!’ April exclaimed. Neil might have said something too if he wasn’t gasping for breath and too deliriously happy to have carried April five hundred metres to be able to speak.
Pumpkin raced forward and jumped excitedly on Loretta.
‘You can’t outrun a water buffalo,’ said Loretta proudly, giving Daisy a pat on the nose.
Constable Pike arrived on the scene moments later, but then he had to figure out what happened so he could be sure he was arresting the right people. Maya was clear-cut. The $10,000 in her crop top was pretty conclusive evidence that she had robbed the bank, so Constable Pike put her in handcuffs in the back of his car. But it turned out there were more misdeeds than he had imagined.
‘You’ve got to arrest Brad too,’ said Fin.
‘What?’ said Constable Pike. ‘Why?’
‘He was in league with Maya,’ said Fin. ‘Look over there, he’s sitting in the plane.’
Everyone turned to look at the small biplane. Brad’s hulking figure could be seen crammed into the pilot’s seat. He seemed to be desperately searching for something down by his knees.
‘What’s he doing?’ asked April. He looks like he’s having some sort of fit.
‘I think he’s looking for these,’ said Fin, holding up a set of keys.
‘What are they?’ asked Loretta.
‘The keys to that plane,’ said Fin.
‘Why have you got them?’ asked April.
Fin flushed before admitting. ‘I may have briefly considered using the plane to drop mud on contestants.’
‘You went power mad, didn’t you?’ accused April. ‘Being course master totally went to your head. You became so deluded you seriously considered stealing a plane to dump dirt on people.’
‘Not steal, borrow,’ said Fin sheepishly.
‘Short man syndrome,’ said April, shaking her head sadly. ‘Everyone says I’m the crazy one, but I’m average height. Whereas you give a short man power and he loses his marbles every time. Napoleon, Mussolini, now Fin.’
‘Statistically everyone was short in the past,’ said Fin. ‘Compared to now, the diet was nutritionally poorer which meant that the average height was much shorter. So all leaders were “short” by modern standards. Except for George Washington, he was six foot three and Henry VIII was six foot four …’
‘Pumpkin, be a dear and bite Fin. Otherwise I don’t think he’ll ever stop talking,’ said April.
This was Pumpkin’s favourite command to follow. He barked once then leapt teeth-first at Fin.
‘Aaghh!’ screamed Fin, before taking off across the mud-covered bowling green at such a speed he would have been a serious contender in the mud race if he had entered.
Constable Pike waded through the mud to the biplane, slapped a pair of handcuffs on Brad and pulled him out.
‘It was all her idea!’ declared Brad hysterically. ‘I didn’t want to trick Mr Chelsea into paying all that prize money. It was her idea.’
Maya was rubbing her head. She still looked groggy.
‘The plan was to win the prize money and rob the
bank,’ said Brad. ‘That way we’d be robbing the same town twice.’
‘That’s really clever,’ said Loretta admiringly. ‘Because winning the race would be your alibi for robbing the bank. Nobody would imagine that you could do both.’
‘To rob a bank when you’re a famous athlete, you’d need a disguise,’ said Fin. ‘And what better disguise than covering yourself in mud in a town where there are five thousand other people also covered in mud.’
‘It would be genius, if it weren’t so stupid,’ observed April.
‘I tried to tell her it wouldn’t work,’ said Brad.
‘So that’s what you were doing at boot camp,’ Tom remembered. ‘We thought you were telling her to give up the race. But you were telling her to give up the plan to rob the bank.’
‘But w-w-why?’ asked Joe. ‘Why resort to crime when you’re an Olympic silver medallist?’
‘The medals aren’t made of solid silver, you know,’ said Brad. ‘She needed the money. We both needed the money. I’m being sued by the last town where I staged a mud run for causing irreversible mud damage to their giant alpaca.’
‘Okay, everyone, save it for your official statements down at the station,’ said Constable Pike. ‘I’m never going to remember all this, I need to get it down on tape.’
‘Plus don’t you need to caution a suspect and read them their rights?’ asked Fin.
‘Stop telling me how to do my job,’ grumbled Constable Pike as he led his prisoner away.
The Peski kids all spent the afternoon making official statements at the police station, then doing that all over again when the police from the city arrived and had to have everything explained to them from the beginning. So it was the early hours of the following morning when Joe, Fin, April and Loretta were finally able to head home.
‘I’m exhausted,’ said Fin as he trudged out the front door of the police station, where Dad and Ingrid were waiting to take them home.
‘Why are you exhausted?’ said April. ‘You’re the only one here who didn’t do the mud run.’
‘Operating heavy machinery isn’t easy, you know,’ said Fin.
‘Better than being on the r-r-receiving end,’ said Joe. He still hadn’t entirely forgiven Fin for the mud-flinging catapult.
There was a squeal of tyres that halted their conversation mid-insult. This was probably a good thing because April had been considering trying to shove Fin in the nearest rubbish bin.
A familiar navy blue Mercedes pulled up in front of them.
‘Ooh, it’s Henrietta,’ said Loretta. ‘I love it when she visits. Things are never dull.’
The diminutive yet fear-inspiring lawyer got out of her car and declared, ‘Excellent, perfect location. I’m glad I found you all here.’
‘At the police station?’ asked April, confused by the lawyer’s seemingly random statement.
‘No, right outside the courthouse,’ said the lawyer.
In Currawong, like many country towns, the courthouse had been built next door to the police station. There was not a lot of crime in Currawong, so the building was never used for its original purpose. But technically, the small unused timber shack was a courthouse.
‘That’ll make it all look more official on the paperwork,’ said Ms Klaus. She opened the rear door of her car and the Cat Lady got out.
‘What’s she doing here?’ asked Fin. He was slightly scared of the Cat Lady ever since he was briefly forced to be her apprentice.
‘She’s the only registered marriage celebrant in Currawong,’ said Ms Klaus.
‘It used to be a service we offered at the circus,’ explained the Cat Lady. ‘For $10 you could get married during the interval in the Big Top. For an extra $5, the bride and groom got fairy floss.’
‘Why did you bring a marriage celebrant?’ asked Dad nervously. He asked even though he was pretty sure he knew. He just desperately hoped he had misunderstood.
‘We need to expedite your wedding to Ms Bjorg,’ said the lawyer. ‘The Department of Immigration have lodged their own counter claims with the immigration court. We want to pre-empt that by finalising the marriage contract.’
‘What do you mean?’ asked April.
‘Your father needs to marry Ms Bjorg right now, today,’ stated Ms Klaus.
Silence fell for two seconds. Until Loretta yelled ‘Catch him!’ because Dad had taken off running down the street.
It only took five minutes to catch Dad and bring him back to the courthouse. Dad wasn’t a fast runner. He ate too many of his own homegrown potatoes for that. So Pumpkin soon caught up and playfully sank his teeth deep into Dad’s ankle, which made Dad stumble, trip over a water meter and land in Mrs Hazelmere’s rose bush.
So as they gathered ten minutes later inside the dusty, rarely used courtroom with Constable Pike and Tom’s grandmother as the two witnesses, Dad made for a very bloodstained bridegroom. While Ingrid, standing there in sweaty, muddy activewear, looked fantastic.
‘Rightio, can we get on with this?’ asked the Cat Lady. ‘My cows don’t milk themselves. Their udders get painful if I haven’t seen to them by eight o’clock.’
‘Please proceed,’ encouraged Ms Klaus, checking her watch. ‘I want to lodge the paperwork asap.’
‘Okey-dokey,’ said the Cat Lady, flipping through her folder. ‘Here we go … wedding ceremony. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to …’ The Cat Lady squinted at the page. ‘I can’t read this, I forgot my reading glasses. I’ll just paraphrase.’
‘Fine,’ agreed Ms Klaus.
‘Okay,’ said the Cat Lady, flipping the book shut and chanting something that she had clearly said many times in a singsong voice. ‘Do you, Harold Octavius Peski, take Ingrid Sara Bjorg to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love and honour her from this day forth and for as long as you both shall live?’
There was silence except for the scurrying of cockroaches in the dark corners of the room and the wind creaking the rusty iron roof. Everyone stared at Dad, waiting for him to speak.
‘Um …’ said Dad nervously.
Everyone leaned in slightly closer to hear what he would say next.
Dad turned to Ingrid, looking into her startling blue eyes. They looked like alpine lake water. Blue and pure. You could almost drown in them. Dad almost wished he could drown in them to avoid this excruciating moment of decision. But he had to say something. Dad drew a deep breath and said, ‘I …’
Suddenly the door burst open and a bedraggled, rake-thin woman staggered into the room.
‘Stop!’ cried the woman. She lurched towards them. She was clearly exhausted.
‘Who are you?’ demanded Ms Klaus. She had been expecting some sort of legal intervention, but usually legal intervention came from someone better dressed.
‘I am Svetlana Berovski,’ said the woman between panting breaths. ‘I am here to stop this wedding. I have been sent by …’ She struggled for breath.
The suspense was agonising. Everyone was desperate to know.
‘Who sent you?’ asked Loretta.
‘Professor Maynard?’ asked Fin.
‘The Department of Immigration?’ asked Ms Klaus.
‘No,’ rasped the thin woman. She lurched forward again and clutched hold of Dad’s forearm for support. ‘I have been sent to stop this wedding by … Dr Eleanor Banfield, your wife.’
Dad yelped with fear.
The woman collapsed with exhaustion.
April grinned triumphantly. ‘I knew Mum wouldn’t let us down.’
R. A. Spratt is the author of The Peski Kids, Friday Barnes and The Adventures of Nanny Piggins. In her previous life she was a television writer. Unlike the Peski kids, R. A. Spratt never fights with her brother, but only because he moved to Tokyo to get away from her. R. A. Spratt lives in Bowral, NSW, where she has three chickens, two goldfish and a dog. She also has a husband and two daughters.
For more information, visit raspratt.com
Books by R. A. Spratt
The Adve
ntures of Nanny Piggins
Nanny Piggins and the Wicked Plan
Nanny Piggins and the Runaway Lion
Nanny Piggins and the Accidental Blast-Off
Nanny Piggins and the Rival Ringmaster
Nanny Piggins and the Pursuit of Justice
Nanny Piggins and the Daring Rescue
Nanny Piggins and the Race to Power
The Nanny Piggins Guide to Conquering Christmas
Friday Barnes: Girl Detective
Friday Barnes: Under Suspicion
Friday Barnes: Big Trouble
Friday Barnes: No Rules
Friday Barnes: The Plot Thickens
Friday Barnes: Danger Ahead
Friday Barnes: Bitter Enemies
Friday Barnes: Never Fear
The Peski Kids: The Mystery of the Squashed Cockroach
The Peski Kids: Bear in the Woods
The Peski Kids: Stuck in the Mud
PUFFIN BOOKS
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Penguin Books is part of the Penguin Random House group of companies whose addresses can be found at global.penguinrandomhouse.com.
First published by Puffin Books, an imprint of Penguin Random House Australia Pty Ltd, in 2019
Text copyright © R. A. Spratt 2019
The moral right of the author has been asserted.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, published, performed in public or communicated to the public in any form or by any means without prior written permission from Penguin Random House Australia Pty Ltd or its authorised licensees.
Cover illustrations by Erica Salcedo
Cover design by Tasha Dixon
Internal design by Midland Typesetters, Australia
ISBN 9781760147082
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