“Thank you,” I mumbled after he helped me to my feet and got me situated back on my crutches. Humiliation washed through me. I hated feeling like this.
I found Brittney waiting for me in the hallway, her mouth drawn into a tight line, leading me to assume that the doctor must’ve spoken briefly with her. She didn’t say a word as we were kindly escorted from the building, the once smiling receptionist refusing to even make eye contact with me now.
“Are you going to start the car?” I asked once we were settled inside, unable to look at the disappointment on her face.
“Are you going to tell me what happened?” she asked. The slight hitch in her voice made me realize she was crying.
“He was an ass, Britt. I wanted to beat the shit out of him.”
“Oh, so that’s how it’s going to be now? Any time someone upsets you you’re just going to get pissed and beat them down with the wrath of Chase?” She sniffed loudly, her voice continuing to tremble as she spoke. “How do you expect to get past your pain if all you do is hold it in and use it as an excuse to lash out at others?”
I didn’t know what to say. There was nothing I could say. “I’m sorry,” I finally muttered, for what seemed like the billionth time since this whole mess had begun. That’s all I was ever doing lately, apologizing for something.
She started the car and pulled out, signaling that this conversation was done for the time being. Lost in my own thoughts, I continued to ponder what she’d said. True, there’d been plenty of fights in my past, but they’d only made me feel better in the moment, usually leaving me full of regret after a few days had passed.
I knew exactly when my angry outbursts had started—after the death of my father—only to be extremely aggravated by Nikki’s death. I wondered if this was how everyone felt after the loss of loved ones. Maybe I was simply destined to be stuck here in this place for eternity—feeling dead inside. Maybe I wasn’t the great person everyone bragged about, or thought me to be.
One thing I knew for certain was I didn’t want this hollow feeling inside me anymore. I needed help.
Chapter Ten
We arrived home where a crisp wind and a mildly cool snap of air hit me in the face, as I made my way toward the house. Cool wind was a scary thing in the Valley of the Sun, so I paused to glance around at the sky, noticing the wall of dust gathering at the far end of the valley. It appeared we were in for another famous Haboob storm.
Brittney didn’t seem to notice, continuing on inside, leaving the door open as she disappeared down the hall toward our bedroom. She’d been painfully silent since we’d left the therapist’s office.
Pausing to shut the door, I jumped when I felt a strong vibration against my man parts. Apparently my pocket had shifted over into the vicinity of the baby maker during my earlier scuffle. I shoved my hand inside to retrieve it, completely surprised at the number that was showing on the screen.
It was Barney, my roommate from camp.
“Hey, man!” I answered happily, unable to stop the grin from spreading across my face as I spoke.
“Cowabunga, my friend! What’s happening?”
I laughed, enjoying his islander voice. “Oh, nothing. I just got back from an evening jog,” I answered sarcastically. “You know how I am—always working out to maintain my fabulously ripped bod. Why? What’s up with you?”
“Well, I’m in the area for a party tonight at the Inverness Baller’s Club. Come tag along with me and get out of the house!” He invited excitedly.
I shook my head, even though he couldn’t see me. “Dude, I have four legs to carry around now that I’m stuck on these damn crutches,” I answered in a sad tone. There was no way I could shuffle around a crowded event. “I really wish I could, though.”
Staring at the empty hallway in front of me, still devoid of Brittney, I realized this was the complete truth. I’d love going out for a stiff drink. My nerves were starting to get the better of me, as was clearly evident from my earlier encounter.
Barney laughed. “I already got you covered, white boy! I bought a wheelchair for you from the thrift store. I’ll be your personal chauffer for the night.”
“Ah, man! How am I supposed to say no to that?” I asked, truly touched by his thoughtfulness on my behalf. It was clear he’d thought this through.
“There’s no way I’m letting you get out of this,” he replied.
“When are you headed over?”
“I’m only ten minutes away, so get ready. It’s about to be Gucci,” he added with a chuckle.
“You’re already on the way?” I said surprised. “Thanks for the heads up. Maybe I should’ve reconsidered giving you my address and phone number. I have nowhere to hide now. The last I knew you were promising me you were going to kick my ass.”
“Yeah, I’m still going to do that. Now get ready, you pansy.” He hung up the phone before I could reply. I couldn’t stop smiling.
“Britt!” I hollered out as I made my way down the hall. “I need you to help me change. I’m going out tonight!”
She appeared in the doorway to our room, scowling at me. “Where are you going? And with who?” Clearly, she was still angry with me. Maybe some time apart from each other would be a good thing. It would give her a chance to cool down and me a chance to get out of here for a while. Home was starting to feel like a tomb lately. I was suffocating; and I hated that no matter what I tried, things seemed to be growing more strained between Brittney and me.
“Barney just called me. He’s in town and he’s taking me to a party at Inverness Baller’s Club. He’s on his way here to get me, right now.”
“Chase! You’ve got to warn me about these things!” she exclaimed as she hurried past me. “I need to straighten the living room.”
I laughed. “Barney isn’t going to care about that. Just come help me get ready.”
She disappeared around the corner, but her voice still carried easily to me. “You can go pick out what you want to wear yourself, and I’ll help you in a minute with whatever you need. This is my first time meeting Barney and I don’t want it to look like I’ve been raising a pig in the front room.”
“You have been,” I joked, trying to ease the tension between us. I’d been spending a lot of time eating take out on the couch and I hadn’t been too great about picking up after myself. Poor Brittney was exhausted between taking care of me and working herself to the bone, so she’d been letting a few of the house things slide. It didn’t look bad though. Nothing a quick pick-up wouldn’t fix.
I ambled my way into the closet, staring at my wall of clothes. I wanted to look good; but casual too. Pulling out a white t-shirt, I grabbed a pair of pants, as well. There was no way that my huge brace would fit underneath them, but maybe it wouldn’t be too obvious over the top. Then again, I was going to be carted around in a damn wheelchair, so it really didn’t matter either way.
Hanging the clothes on my crutches, I hobbled to the bed, laying them down before returning to the closet to grab some casual shoes and my favorite watch.
Brittney reappeared to help me. “Well, I got the trash picked up, at least. I wish I had time to vacuum.”
“Babe, honestly, you worry too much. He won’t even notice.” I changed my shirt and Brittney helped me with my pants and shoes, until we heard a sound from the other room.
“White boy? Where are you?” Barney’s accent echoed through the house.
“Go on,” I said to Britt as I picked up my watch and put it on. “I’m right behind you.”
She quickly paused by the mirror—wiping at some smudged mascara under her eyes, and patting her hair. I knew she wasn’t happy about not having more time to get ready, but I thought she looked as beautiful as always. I simply wished I could find a way to remove the sadness from her face. Rounding the corner, she disappeared down the hall and I hurried to grab my crutches and follow after her.
“You must be beautiful Brittney,” Barney said. I arrived just in time to see him looking over he
r appreciatively. I had to stop myself from laughing at his attire, made up of bright green board shorts and a red and orange flowered Hawaiian button up—accessorized with sandals and a lei draped around his neck. “I can see Chase wasn’t lying when he talked about how gorgeous you were to everyone at camp.”
She blushed and glanced over toward me. “You did?”
“Of course. I needed to give people some reason to be jealous of me.” I winked and smiled at her.
“We were already jealous of him,” Barney laughed. “The boy has mad skills on the field. You were just icing on the envy cake.”
I broke in abruptly, not wanting to get on the subject of football. “I see you’re dressed for the ladies tonight.” I eyed his clothing with a grin. “You look . . . irresistible.”
“We all can’t be as pretty as you, white boy,” he replied, his Samoan smile widening to show the gap between his front teeth.
“Chase better not be picking up any ladies tonight, however,” Brittney added, arching her brow at me.
“Never,” I responded, leaning to kiss her on the cheek. “You’re the only woman I need. I won’t do anything I’ll regret tomorrow.”
She rolled her eyes as if she didn’t believe me. “It better stay that way too; but I do want you to go out and have a really good time. Make some good memories and laugh a little. You’ve been stressing way too much.”
That is the understatement of the year, I thought as I laughed and smacked her on the butt. “Love you, babe. Try and enjoy your free time. You need some rest as well. Barney can be my babysitter, tonight.”
“I promise to take good care of him,” he said, raising his hands in an incorrect Boy Scout salute.
Shaking my head, I smacked the back of his leg with one of my crutches. “Let’s go, Barney.”
Brittney watched us as we made our way down the sidewalk toward Barney’s old school hippy van.
“What’s with the crazy weather, here?” he asked when we got inside. “I swear I can taste the dust in the air. Starting the engine, he pulled away from the curb and I quickly waved one more time at Brittney, before settling back into my seat.
“Meet the famous Arizona Haboob,” I replied, answering his question. “It’s going to start raining soon, something fierce—lightning—the whole works. Watch out for falling power poles and trees.”
He laughed heartily.
“You think I’m kidding? These things can get scary. It’s almost tornado activity.”
“Really?” he asked in surprise.
I nodded. “Brittney and I got stuck in one when we were out hiking one time. We had to be rescued by helicopter.”
“Wow! That’s insane!” He leaned forward and glanced around out the window. I could see a healthy respect for Mother Nature in his eyes. It wasn’t good to mess with these storms.
“We need storm music, not this island crap you’ve got playing,” I said, suddenly sitting up, disconnecting his phone, and slipping the cord into mine. Rap music, from my latest favorite band, filled the air. “This is real music, right here.”
Barney snorted. “You’re white-boy rappers don’t even compare to my islander’s heavenly voices. Besides, where I come from, the driver always gets to choose.”
“And where I come from, the cripple gets first pick.”
He stared over at me and chuckled. “Damn. I guess you got me there. You can pick the music tonight.”
Laughing, I relaxed back into my seat and let the heavy rhythm of the music fill my soul. Already I’d started to feel some of my stress slipping away. I needed this night out. Maybe I’d get totally wasted and just escape completely for a while. I’d love to spend some time without a care in the world.
Voices surfaced in my head, ones from my days of substance abuse therapy after Nikki died, reminding me to watch for my triggers that would lead me somewhere I shouldn’t go. I shoved them roughly aside. I wasn’t going to think about any of that tonight.
Before too long, we pulled into a strip of clubs and bars with flashing neon lights. Despite the weather, there were people crowded around everywhere. Glancing in all directions, I quickly noticed there wasn’t one girl with a skirt longer than the curve of her butt. I sighed to myself and wondered where all these chicks were when I was in high school. I would’ve had a lot of fun with these girls.
“Well, I’m sure there’s got to be at least one woman here who’s into your unattractively cute style,” I said, my eyes roaming over his hideous get-up, again.
“Oh, I’ll show you. Ladies love the island boys!” He laughed and punched me in the shoulder with his big meaty fist.
“Hey, watch it, now.” I rubbed at the tingling spot.
He opened the door and slid out. “Have you lost your balls already, Chase? I know you can take a hit much harder than that.”
“No, you don’t,” I replied in a defensive tone. “You were never able to catch me, remember?” I grinned widely.
He shook his head, soon appearing at my door with an uncomfortable looking, old, leather wheelchair. Putting the brakes on, he helped me slide into it and I could feel the heat from the eyes staring at us.
“You should be nice to me. I’m in complete control of your wellbeing tonight.”
I pondered this for a second. “This is true.”
“Ladies are gonna love that I’m pushing you around, brutha. They like to see a caring guy helping out his buddy.” We both knew he was right. I guess I was the wingman this time around.
“Hey sexy!” a voice called out behind us and we both turned to see Brett running towards us. “What are you doing here?”
“I didn’t know they allowed she-males in this part of town,” I said, reaching my hand out to do the man-to-man slap, slide, pound, and snap.
“They made an exception since I was helping to take care of a cripple,” he replied, grabbing my cheek like my grandma used to when I was a kid.
“Get off me, fag boy,” I added, shoving him good-naturedly away. I knew perfectly well that Brittney had sent him to watch out for me. I was glad she did. We hadn’t had the opportunity to hang out much lately. “Brett, this is Barney.”
“Nice to officially meet you,” he said, extending his hand. “I remember you from some of our games.”
Barney nodded. “We’ve got to get this guy healed so I can give him a long delayed ass whoopin’ on the field.”
“I agree, completely,” Brett replied, and each of them grabbed a handlebar and started pushing me along.
“Hey! You’re supposed to be on my team!” I threw the brake on Brett’s side, just to be obnoxious.
Falling on top of me with a groan, he yelled through gritted teeth. “Dude you just rammed that handlebar into my junk.”
I couldn’t respond, laughing as hard as I was, and Barney was gasping alongside me. We had to sit there for about ten minutes waiting for Brett to recover.
Brett wisely steered clear of pushing me after that, allowing Barney full control. I was surprised when Barney walked right past the line to the Samoan bouncer at the door. “Brutha, what’s happening?” he asked and they hugged one another and smiled. After chatting for second,, which led me to believe they must be old friends, the bouncer let us into the VIP door without even checking our ID’s.
The place was huge and the bass from the incredibly loud speakers vibrated through my chest. I vaguely heard Brett saying something.
“I can’t hear you!” I yelled at him, but he wasn’t paying any attention, clearly just as in awe with the cavernous building as I was.
Barney rolled my wheelchair to a corner table near the bar and they sat down. Barney signaled the bartender standing close by.
“I’ll take a double shot of captain,” I said before the bartender could even ask, and then proceeded to laugh as Barney and Brett ordered their girlie drinks.
“So, what’s up in your lives?” I asked, wanting to direct the conversation away from my current set of woes. It didn’t take long for the conversation to
shift back to football though, and Barney telling us he’d been signed by the Arizona Cardinals, which was why he was here in Phoenix.
I listened on with avid interest, happy for him and his success, while feeling more than a little jealous, as well. He was living my dream.
“Wanna go dance?” I asked sarcastically, knowing there was no way I could actually do it, but wanting to move onto a new topic. Suddenly, Barney jumped up and jolted the chair backwards, almost sending me sprawling out onto the floor face first.
“What the hell?” I yelled with a laugh, grabbing the armrests and hanging on for dear life, as he spun me out onto the dance floor, flinging me around in all directions.
I glanced up to find a beautiful blonde girl pushing me around at one point, and a few others moved to dance in front of me, grinding their bodies together. It was more than a little hot. Soon my handler changed it up again, and a big, buff black man with tree trunks for arms began spinning me in wheelies across the floor.
It was insane. People crowded around me—from all different walks of life—but all having an insanely good time. After a while, I found myself on the edge of the circle and I wheeled myself away from the group to take a break. I continued watching everyone party on, from the sidelines.
As I sat there, I became aware of an older man sitting in the corner. I noticed that he kept glancing over at me. I finally turned to look at him, curious as to why he was staring. He nodded at me and gestured for me to join him.
Slowly, I maneuvered the wheelchair in his direction and rolled next to him.
“Mr. Walker, how are you doing?” he said over the music, catching me completely by surprise.
“I . . . I’m good,” I replied hesitantly. “How did you know my . . . .”
“Your dad and I were college football players together, before he decided to go into business for himself. I’ve been following you since you played in high school—watching you in highlight videos and seeing your stats on the web—and, of course, on television for the past few years. You have talent, kid.”
Chased Dreams Page 7