by Katie Ginger
‘Wow, this is amazing.’ Stella pulled out a delicate grey silk evening gown that could have been haute couture it was so beautiful. ‘What will you do with it all?’
Lexi shook her head. ‘I don’t know.’ It was like being given one last present from Vivien, and Lexi closed her eyes and gave thanks. ‘I mean … I really don’t know.’
‘You should sell it,’ said Stella, running her fingers over a gorgeous but tiny sequined gown.
Lexi turned to her. ‘Sell it?’
‘Yeah.’ Seeing Lexi’s shocked expression, she added, ‘Not in a horrible get rid of things way,’ she reassured her. ‘But you could start that online vintage clothing business you talked about.’
‘What?’ Lexi’s brain had paused. It was all so overwhelming.
Stella continued and it was wonderful to see the same enthusiastic woman Lexi had met when she first arrived in Swallowtail Bay. The one who was never daunted by hard work or problems. ‘All this combined with the clothes you make yourself – you could be a huge hit. You could sell online, have a rail in the shop, do fittings from home—’
‘Me?’ asked Lexi.
Stella nodded and placed a hand on her shoulder. ‘Yes you. You probably couldn’t give up the café just yet, but you never know, maybe one day. This could be the start of something wonderful.’
‘Just like living here?’ Lexi felt her breath leave her chest. ‘Do you think I could really do it?’
‘Of course you could.’
Overwhelmed by the sudden changes in her life, Lexi sat down on the edge of the bed and felt the tears fall down her face. Whenever she was with the kids she’d swallowed them back down, putting on a brave face, but now she was with Stella she could let them fall. ‘I can’t believe this is happening. For so long I’ve felt like I was being punished for everything I did.’
Stella joined her and placed a hand on her back. ‘Punishment for what?’
Lexi wiped her tears away with her fingertips. She knew she should have used waterproof mascara today. ‘Nothing. Never mind. I’m just tired.’ But she couldn’t stop the tears from coming now she’d started.
‘Please tell me, Lexi.’
Lexi studied Stella’s face through misted eyes. For so long she’d been alone without someone to talk to, someone to confide in. Could she take the final step and open up completely to Stella? She trusted her, and no one could blame her any more than she blamed herself. Sucking in a breath she said, ‘It was my fault Will and I split up. I ruined my family.’
‘No,’ said Stella, now rubbing her back in gentle, soothing circles. ‘Sometimes things just don’t work out.’
Lexi shook her head. ‘You don’t understand. I cheated on Will. I—’ The words fell away. Her friendship with Stella meant so much to her, she didn’t want Stella to think less of her but she couldn’t bear to lift her head and see her response.
‘What happened?’ Stella’s voice was gentle and kind, carrying no judgement or reproach.
‘It was after Ralph was born. There’s only two years between the kids and I felt rubbish after having two kids so close together. My body felt gross and not my own – I’ll save you the gory details. And I was so tired with a toddler and a newborn. I was exhausted all the time and I felt so low. My self-confidence was through the floor.’ Lexi pulled a tissue from her pocket and twisted it in her fingers. ‘Will was working all the time because we needed the money as I didn’t have any coming in. But then, within weeks of Ralph being born, he started going to the pub after work. We hardly ever saw each other and when we did we were both either so exhausted we hardly spoke or all we talked about was the kids. I began to resent him going out to the pub instead of doing his share at home. I hardly left the house because I didn’t have time for a shower or anything. I’d always think, “I’ll have one when Will gets home,” then he’d go the pub and I never got the chance. I just felt so low. Then Ralph got colic and was up all night. Taylor joined in too because Ralph would wake her and I was surviving on pretty much an hour of sleep a night if I was lucky. I didn’t know what day it was and honestly felt at times like I was going mad. I asked him to stop going but he said he worked so hard he deserved to unwind.’
‘But what about you?’ asked Stella. ‘You deserved to unwind too. Did he stop going?’
‘No. After that we ended up arguing all the time. Then one day I met this guy in the park and it all snowballed so quickly. He was so nice to me and kept paying me compliments. When I was with him I felt like more than just a mum and a wife; I felt like a person again and one someone wanted to be with. I just got swept away in this made-up world and – and I slept with him. It was only once and as soon as I did it I regretted it. I knew I’d risked everything and that underneath it all Will was a good man. He was just tired and stressed like me. But the guilt was too much. After a month I came clean to Will and he said he could never forgive me.’ She wiped another escaping tear away. ‘I threw everything away including the love of my life because I’m stupid.’
‘You’re not stupid,’ said Stella. ‘And we all make mistakes.’
‘Do we?’
‘Of course. You should see some of the things I wore in the Nineties.’ Lexi laughed and Stella continued. ‘But seriously, you can’t keep beating yourself up about something that happened in the past. I can’t even imagine how you must lose yourself when you have kids. Isaac and I couldn’t make our marriage work and it was only the two of us. Throw in kids and I can imagine it’s even harder to remember that you’re a couple. And it sounds like Will didn’t exactly help matters, disappearing to the pub instead of being there for you. He has to take some blame for this too, Lexi.’
Lexi sniffed again. Unburdening all of this felt so good, but the guilt remained and she suspected it always would. ‘Do you really think so?’
‘Yes, I do.’
‘I think I’ve had to keep this all bottled up for so long I just made it all my fault. In my mind, Will was blameless and I put it all on me.’
‘Sometimes circumstances force us into making the wrong choice, but that doesn’t make you a bad person.’
Resting her head on Stella’s shoulder, Lexi said, ‘Thank you, sweetie.’
‘Things are changing for you now, Lexi. And I know it’s scary, but you’re not on your own anymore. I’m here for you and so is Raina. And maybe Will realises the mistakes he made in the past too. Time to start afresh.’ They sat unspeaking for a moment while Stella rubbed Lexi’s back, then in her usual cheerful voice she tried to chivvy her up. ‘Right, come on. We’ve got a whole lot of work to do today so no more lazing about. Let’s do the bathroom together. The shower screen’s got more limescale than a scaly lime.’
Lexi stood, feeling like a load had lifted off her chest. For the first time she could see that she hadn’t been completely to blame for the situation her family was now in. Both she and Will were equally responsible that things hadn’t worked out. She’d always regret that night and feel a certain level of guilt for it, but Will wasn’t the angel she had decided him to be. His disappearing off to the pub instead of being there for her had a huge impact on their situation too. Hearing someone else say it made all the difference. Maybe this new start was a chance to leave some of the past behind and start afresh. Though he’d never said anything, she knew Will felt sorry for neglecting her and not realising the depth of her isolation. They could both have a fresh start. It was what Vivien wanted for her.
Closing her eyes, she took a second to ground herself in this moment of freedom before starting the cleaning again, but as she left the bedroom she glanced again at the wardrobes full of gowns. Thank you, Vivien, she said to herself. And thank you, Stella.
Chapter 29
A week later and it was finally time for the gallery exhibition. In between recovering from her shock over the horrible family dropping their case and helping Lexi sort out some of Vivien’s house, Stella had spent every spare minute preparing the shop to exhibit paintings rather than everythin
g she normally sold. She cleared the dressers and moved them to the corners of the room to give as much wall space as possible. She’d slowly been clearing the stock away too to fit in more paintings. Stella yawned as a moment’s tiredness weighed on her eyelids. She’d been up late hanging pictures, but the gallery, as she was calling it today, was nearly ready to go.
When she’d first had the idea, the family were still suing her for thousands of pounds and she’d felt like she was just going through the motions. All the while there’d been the possibility of losing the shop and having to sell up, she’d lost her normal energy. A draining lethargy had stolen the movement from her limbs and everything had seemed such hard work. Even her walks with Frank felt like a chore and she’d stopped enjoying the smell of the sea and the feel of the pebbles beneath her feet. That had changed now though and she was feeling more and more like her old self. Back to jumping out of bed in the mornings, Stella was once more savouring the feel of the cool breeze on her cheeks and breathing in the fresh sea air, enjoying its salty tang.
This morning, Stella had risen even earlier to take Frank for an extra-long walk; she didn’t need him getting bored during the day and pestering her. Plus it was party night and her sister and niece and nephew were coming down. When she hadn’t been sorting the shop, she’d been readying the holiday lets so her family could stay in one and Lexi the other. Though Lexi was as close as family now, even closer maybe.
Stella had taken a tennis ball with her and they’d walked up and down the beach with the sun slowly rising in front of her. It had grown from a pale and watery light shyly peering over the horizon to a fantastic blinding orb, promising a bright and sunny day. She threw the ball for Frank once last time and watched his big floppy ears flapping as he ran back to her with it in his mouth. More than ever lately her thoughts wandered to Miles, the wedding and the kiss. She hadn’t seen him for the past few days and hoped he would call in today. She’d missed him and wanted desperately to share her news that the case was dropped. Hopefully she’d get a chance to tell him later. As he knew it was the art exhibition today, she couldn’t imagine him not popping in. Calling Frank back to her, she clipped on his lead and headed home.
Just before opening time, Stella found the painting she loved most and placed it on Vivien’s chair. It was the one that she and Miles had both admired all those months ago. She couldn’t understand why it hadn’t sold before now. To her it was the most beautiful piece she’d stocked. If it was still there at the end of the day, she decided, she would put it in the flat and buy it herself in instalments. Maybe here was where it was meant to stay. Surveying the shop once more, checking everything was perfect, she switched on the radio, went to the door and flipped the sign to open.
Some of the artists had agreed to stop by to talk to the customers about their work, and a few arrived shortly after nine, but no actual customers. Stella made the artists tea and chatted to them, telling them it was always a little slow first thing, but inside she prayed hard things would liven up soon. She took her seat behind the counter in a funk, making idle chitchat as her favourite jazz radio station played out. Stella had secretly hoped, as she had on her very first day of opening, for a line of people waiting to get in, but for fifteen minutes no one had so much as walked past. Gradually, a few people called in, and a few more, and a few more. And before long the shop was full. Soon it was packed and she had to move sideways to get through to greet everyone and let them know she was here to help. The artists too seemed happy chatting to customers, describing their inspiration and techniques for the paintings.
When one of the artists called her over, Stella was worried it was to complain about something, but when the customer stood beside them asked to purchase the painting, Stella couldn’t stop a great big happy smile from taking over. All morning she was called here, there and everywhere to take down, wrap and sell paintings. The day was going better than she ever could have hoped for.
With so many people in, the shop grew hot and Stella wedged the door open, pausing a moment to feel the breeze on her face and take a big deep breath. Inside her was a mass of excitement and she felt almost shaky with it. With the sun out and the weather warm, the high street was busy and more and more customers were heading towards her. As she went back inside she looked out through the large side window and saw Miles coming down the street. He smiled when he saw her and Stella’s heart wriggled.
‘Wow,’ he said, edging his way inside the doorway. ‘This is going well.’
‘It really is,’ Stella replied, unable to hide her enthusiasm or relief. They made their way back towards the counter.
‘And I see you’ve kept Vivien’s chair out. That’s wonderful.’ He paused a moment, examining the piece and Stella wondered if he remembered it. ‘I’ve always loved that painting,’ he said slightly mournfully.
‘Why don’t you buy it?’ she teased.
‘I just might.’ He gave another smile that made her legs melt beneath her. She replayed the kiss at the wedding and swallowed. ‘This is amazing. You should be so proud of yourself, Stella. What an incredible thing to do. I can’t imagine there’s ever been this many people in here before and from the looks of it the paintings are selling fast.’
Stella savoured the compliment. ‘I owe it all to Lexi really. This was her idea. One artist has gone to get some more paintings. I’m just worried that I’ll sell so much to local people today no one will ever need another painting again.’
Miles gave a loud, easy laugh and it brightened his face. More than ever the hard edges she’d seen at first vanished. ‘No, you’ll turn them all into collectors and be made for life.’
‘With any luck. Will we see you at the party tonight?’ She tried to keep her voice level but her heart was ricocheting around her chest in the hope he’d say yes.
‘Of course. I wouldn’t miss it.’
‘Stella!’ Lexi’s voice carried over the noise and she waved above the shop full of people.
‘Excuse me,’ Stella said to Miles and made her way over. She hoped he would stay but when she turned back he’d gone and from the corner of her eye she caught a glimpse of him walking back towards his house. She still hadn’t got to tell him about the email and cursed herself for forgetting. ‘Hey, Lexi.’
Lexi took her in a huge hug as did Ralph and Taylor who were right beside her. ‘It’s so busy!’ Lexi said.
The same huge grin appeared on her face. ‘I know. I’m so pleased.’
Ralph looked up with big round blue eyes. ‘Do you have any kids’ paintings?’
‘Sorry, Ralph, I don’t. But I could run some kids’ art workshops during the winter, couldn’t I?’
‘That’s a great idea,’ Lexi replied.
‘Can we come?’ asked Taylor.
Before she could answer, an Irish voice drifted towards them. ‘Now, I can see two little munchkins who look like they need some chocolate cake.’
‘Raina!’ they both called and Taylor jumped up and down on the spot, the idea of chocolate cake proving too much.
‘Pop next door when you’ve finished,’ Raina said to Lexi, ‘and tell Carol to get them both some cake.’ Lexi nodded in response and then eyed her kids as if to say, ‘Only if you behave yourselves.’
‘Can we go and stroke Frank?’ Ralph asked Stella.
‘Of course. You know where he is.’ Small enough to make their way through underneath the mass of elbows and arms, they scurried over to the counter and Frank immediately perked up when he saw them.
Raina gently laid her hand on Stella’s arm. ‘This is going grand, isn’t it?’
Stella nodded. ‘If things carry on like this for the rest of the day I might have been able to pay that horrible family off after all. I know they’ve dropped the case but do you think I should send them something to apologise?’
‘Absolutely not,’ Raina said sternly and Stella felt herself stiffen in surprise. She’d never heard Raina’s voice anything other than soft and lyrical, and from Lexi’s face,
she hadn’t either. ‘You don’t need to go doing that; enough money’s been spent already.’
‘What do you mean?’ asked Stella, a sudden pressure on her chest.
Lexi sharpened her gaze too. ‘What’s going on, Raina?’
‘Nothing.’ Raina started fiddling with the sleeve of her top and kept her eyes low, unable to meet their gaze.
‘What did you mean enough money’s been spent already?’ asked Stella.
‘It’s just a turn of phrase.’
Lexi cocked her head. ‘Umm, no it isn’t. And why did you get so cross?’
‘I’ve no idea what you’re talking about,’ Raina continued. ‘My tone of voice was perfectly normal.’
‘No it wasn’t,’ Lexi replied, her voice matching the noise in the room. ‘And you’ve got that look about you.’
This time Raina looked up indignantly. ‘What look?’
‘That look that says you know something no one else does and we’re all really thick for not working it out.’
‘I do not,’ Raina protested, her accent becoming fiercer as she defended herself.
‘You bloody well do,’ Lexi continued. ‘Come on, what do you know?’
Stella watched on with a strange feeling in her chest. What did Raina mean enough money had been spent already? Okay, the email Stella had received had been a bit vague on details but how could Raina know more? ‘Raina, if you know something, please tell me. I have a right to know.’ Someone called Stella’s name trying to get her attention, but she kept her gaze focused on Raina. ‘Raina, please. I have to see to that customer. If you know something, tell me now.’
‘You really should, Raina,’ added Lexi.
‘Oh, all right,’ she conceded. ‘You two are like the mafia. The family dropped the case because Miles paid them off.’
Stella’s face froze. ‘What? When? Why?’
Raina sighed and explained again to Stella. ‘He paid them off because he realised it was his fault the door didn’t shut. Josie, that hussy, was flirting with him and when he told her to go on with herself, she didn’t shut it properly. Probably too busy flouncing around like she owned the place.’