Alex was warm, and she snuggled down hoping to continue her bliss. She opened her eyes and found herself outside Aeoferth Hall with the warm summer sun beating down on her skin. She was lying on a blanket beside the lake, watching the ripples that the slight breeze produced across the lake’s surface. Shimmering silver patterns danced and played before her eyes.
She looked into the patterns and observed that there were actually tiny reflections in them, like microscopic pictures and images of lives lived and adventures too vast to be recorded. Alex moved closer to the surface and beheld that they stretched out as far as the eye could see. The harder she concentrated on the pictures, the more she could make out herself in the host of memories, for that was what they were.
Alexandria became aware that someone had come to stand beside her, and she turned, startled to find that she was looking into her own eyes. It was Arianna, come to gaze out across the ripples with her. Alex was shocked because she had expected Ganymede. Arianna turned to look at her and smiled, taking Alex’s hand in hers, and then turned back towards the lake.
“There is so much to behold, isn’t there, Alex?” she asked gently.
“All of this is you? Your life?” Alexandria surmised.
“Yes, though I think this is only a small portion, a sampling if you will.” She laughed with such joy and mirth that Alex found herself smiling in response.
Arianna sighed. “So many events, and so many people I’ve known, so many I’ve loved. All of this is you now too, Alexandria. Though you’ve yet to decide whether to embrace an immortal life or not, you have access to all of this as well.”
“I still don’t really understand how any of this is possible or real, Arianna. I am growing and discovering here, but how are you me and I you? I have a family, and I have my own name. I’m me, aren’t I?” Alexandria pressed, wanting desperately to understand.
“Yes, you are Alexandria, and you are me.” She smiled at Alex’s confused face. “Come and sit with me while we talk.”
Alex turned and followed Arianna to the blanket, and the two sat cross-legged and looked at one another.
“Alexandria, when I was here on this earth before, I lived alone for a long, long time. I grew and trained with Ganymede when I was young, and then after two hundred years, give or take a few, he returned to the Lord, and I was left here to begin my work. I always knew I could call on my father, just as we can call on the one true God, but I had to find it within myself to endure.”
“Humankind is full of promise and hope, but it is also weak and fallible. There needed to be a strong force of good, hope, and Light to lead man through some of his darkest hours when civilizations were first being created. Someone to guard over them and nurture them. I was that force. At least I tried to be.” Arianna shrugged her shoulders slightly.
“The more success I had in caring for God’s people, the more I wanted to do for them. Because I didn’t try to change them, only nurture what was good and right, it was determined that more Nephilim could join me. Finally, I wasn’t so alone in this anymore.”
“As the ages passed and the Fallen’s children were born, our work became ever more difficult. It was because of them that I had to take my first life.” Arianna paused and looked sadly into Alexandria’s eyes.
Alex instantly saw Aagon’s face flash before her, and she bowed her head in shame and regret. Arianna reached forward and took her hand, offering comfort at a shared ache and lament.
“I know, Alex. I know. There are no words for the internal pain and damage it does to one’s soul to take another’s life. The regret and hurt never go away, no matter what the other did to provoke the act. And that, you see, is what sets us apart. We feel the pain and loss, and the Fallen’s children do not.”
“Or at least they pretend as if they don’t, and it doesn’t matter. I searched within myself, long and hard, before I offered Kronis the chance to repent. I knew it was a risk, but at my core, I believed it was a risk worth taking. For how could I preach the message of God’s enduring and everlasting love to humans for millennia, and not offer it to the most lost of souls I had ever seen?”
“When I lost my battle, all that I was and all that I am remained. It was, what was. All those events, all those actions of kindness,” she gestured out to the scenes within the ripples, “they were and are true. They did come to pass.”
Alexandria thought back to Archimedes’ napkin analogy. The past was there, recorded and real for her to behold.
“Yes,” nodded Arianna, “exactly like that. All that I was, all that I am, is still there.”
“My absence from this world created an imbalance in the weight of immortal power on this earth. Once I was gone, and the Fallen’s children knew that I was no longer here to hold them back, they became more determined than ever to cause anger, betrayal, murder, and war within mankind.”
“My fellow Nephilim of the Light prayed that I be restored and help shift the power back. Once I was in God’s presence, I did not want to be removed, but The Great I Am knew what was better for His people. I beseeched Ganymede that I might return as a human this time, and actually have a choice about my future.”
“But if God sent you back,” asked Alexandria, “how is there even a choice about any of this?”
“Ah, Alex. That is one of the most amazing gifts from our Lord. He gives us free will to carve out our own destiny. He’s no grand puppeteer in the sky, pulling our strings for every movement we make. He allows us to seek out a path that, hopefully, will be filled with righteousness and goodness towards our fellow man. That is all the praise He could ever want – our love for one another and for Him.”
Arianna looked out over the water and smiled at some of the ripples. She remembered past friends and humans never recorded in history, long since forgotten by the world but not by her. Still looking at the water, she spoke again to Alex. “There is so much more that you do not know, so much more that you have yet to learn, and the coming days and weeks will be the toughest yet.” Arianna sighed heavily.
“Kronis and his brethren are seeking to annihilate all that we hold dear, your family and mine, and all those countless humans out there who will pay the price. A great deal has been held back because I didn’t know how much to give you without harming you, Alex.”
Arianna stood and walked over to the water’s edge, scooping up two handfuls of water, and walked back over to Alex. She poured the water slowly into Alex’s palms. Alexandria gasped as the water soaked into her flesh and pores, and she beheld flash after flash of different people’s faces and lifetimes as they passed into her. The depth of just that little bit was overwhelming. Alex refocused her eyes and looked up at Arianna.
Arianna extended her hand and helped Alex rise to her feet, and the two faced one another again. She brushed Alex’s hair off of her face and smiled at her lovingly. “The more you take in, the more you become me, Alex, for we are the same soul. Within you, my soul was reborn to a human family, with all my gifts intact and with all of the past, present, and future full of endless possibilities.”
“You can do so much good with what I offer, but understand it is an offer. You can say no to all those memories, all that you’ve seen and learned over the past few days, and wipe the slate clean. We can take all of this away, and you can just be human. The scale will have to right itself without you.”
“Or you can embrace the mantle that is the greatest wealth of knowledge and power anyone has ever been offered, and see what good you can make of it. The choice is yours: mortality or immortality. It is the choice I never had.” She smiled wistfully, looking back out at the water.
Alexandria turned back towards the lake too, thinking of what a blank slate would mean to all those who were depending on her being in her place and helping stop Kronis and his horde. What if Arianna had not been in those ripples, she wondered. How many would have been lost or harmed without her there standing gu
ard through the ages, Alex questioned silently.
Finally, she spoke her thoughts aloud. “I can no more abandon them than you could, Arianna. It is not within my character to see harm come to others when I know I could have helped prevent it. I will embrace this the best I can. I know I can find a way, though right now I am terrified.”
Arianna turned to Alex and smiled at her, understanding and compassion flowing from her. So much so, that Alex could tangibly feel it.
“You are about to leave me for now, but know that you and I will become more of one another every day if you speak the words to Ganymede. We will flow one to another, like this water, and you will be filled and fortified with my being. But you will still be Alex, with Alex’s mind and free will, and the freedom to determine how you use these gifts and memories.”
“Forgive me, Alexandria, and forgive the others for the memories and knowledge we have held back. Some things had to be presented to you as you were ready. You’ve come so far in such a short time, but you will receive more knowledge, the more you demonstrate you can handle the weight of it. I believe you’re ready for the next step, and I pray peace and understanding for you.”
She leaned forward and kissed Alex’s head, and Alex felt herself becoming sleepy and lethargic.
“Goodbye, for now, Alexandria,” whispered Arianna.
Alex could feel that she was succumbing to sleep. She was drifting down towards the soft grass, but she never touched the blades.
Opening her eyes, Alex found that she was lying on her bed. She was still atop the comforter, but there was now a blanket covering her, keeping her warm. She looked over at Jack to see if he, too, still slept. But his eyes were open, and he was watching her.
“Hey,” he said softly, reaching out a hand and smoothing her hair back. He let his hand come to rest on her cheek and brushed his thumb across her skin slowly.
“Hi,” she whispered back. Alex felt her throat constrict, and she took a deep gulp of air trying to steady her emotions. “How are you feeling?”
“Remarkably well, considering.” He smiled slightly at her. “I think that’s the hardest I’ve slept in ages, but I feel okay. How are you, Alex?” Jack breathed out, and she could feel the gravity behind his question.
Alex drew in a shaky breath and closed her eyes in shame. “I killed someone, Jack. I took his life, and I didn’t save you in time.”
“Alex, open your eyes and look at me,” he coaxed her.
When she looked up into Jack’s kind gaze, it was her undoing, and the tears began to flow again.
“How can you look at me like that? When you find out what I did to him, you’ll hate me for it.”
“No,” he said reverently, still stroking her cheek now damp with her sorrow. “I could never hate you. You did save me, Alexandria, and you gave me everything you had to get me back here. I felt it, you know? All the love and tenderness inside you, pushing away the darkness and pulling me back to the here and now. I could see your aura, and it was so dazzling. I couldn’t have turned away from it if St. Peter and all the hosts of Heaven had been calling me on.”
“You took a life, Alex, to save a life. I know what that feels like, and I’ll bet that Rohan and the others do, too. When I had to take someone’s life for the first time, I thought I’d never get over it. And I’m still not sure that I have or ever will,” he whispered, sadness echoing in his words.
Jack’s eyes looked moist as he continued. “It makes you feel less than whole, like their parting rips some of you away. But anyone who’s ever faced war or battle knows that there are those terrible moments that seem to happen in almost slow motion, when you have to decide if your life or the lives of your team are worth the sacrifice of another who wants to destroy you.”
“There is no good day after, and no happy feeling to write home about. There’s just the silent gratitude that you were spared and you get to be here another day to try to protect those around you. It’s why they say war is hell, Alex, and why it feels like it.”
“You’ve been through more in the last week than most people, even in my line of work, have to deal with in a lifetime. You’ve been attacked, watched your brothers tortured in Archimedes’ mental training session, witnessed me almost die, and had to take another’s life.”
Alex nodded and sniffled.
“I know you’re hurting, but know, too, that you are one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. If anyone can find a way through this, it’s you, Alex. Don’t give in to it, baby, because the weight of it will crush you.” He lifted his blanket and pulled her to his body, wrapping his arms around her. Jack tried to give Alex what comfort he could offer while she quietly cried and mourned the choice she had been forced to make when Aagon crushed and gutted him.
Alex did not know how long they stayed that way, and she did not care. At that moment she was safe and so was Jack. She wanted to stay hidden away in their cocoon, but Alex knew that was not really an option. The ripples in the water called to her. There were so many others out there who might suffer needlessly as Jack had, and she could not abide the thought of their pain.
Finally, Alex leaned away a bit so she could look into Jack’s blue eyes, still moist from his own tears. She kissed his lips softly and briefly. “Thank you, Jack. Thank you for not judging me, and thank you for your friendship. Somehow, I feel it’s what’s fortifying and holding me up through all of this.”
“I had not considered that all the training would have to be put into action so soon and so violently. And I’ve only just touched the surface of what’s possible. But after Bertrand’s attack, I should have been more prepared, less naive. I won’t make that mistake again,” Alex said somberly.
“Alex, don’t harden yourself because of this,” Jack cautioned. “It’s one thing to have the kind of power and the abilities you possess, but another to wield it.”
“I know, and I feel that now, Jack. I’m not going out on a crusade; I just mean that if another comes for my family or my friends, I won’t hesitate again. I can’t. You are all too precious to sacrifice.” She raised her hand and placed it on his chest to feel his heartbeat, and what a gift it was. Alex looked back into Jack’s eyes and took a deep breath before she found the words she wanted to say.
“There’s more, Jack. More to what Aagon said and what Arianna shared with me.”
“Oh? She’s been here, too?” he asked, lifting his eyebrows.
Alex nodded against the pillow. “Yes, while I slept. I finally met her and got a better explanation from her as to what was and what is to come, if I so choose it,” she said pausing, waiting to see if Jack really wanted to hear this.
“Why do I get the feeling it’s going to make the last few days feel like child’s play?” he said, sighing.
They both remained silent for several minutes, contemplating his question and the gravity of all that lay before them.
Finally, Alex cleared her throat and asked, “Jack, are you okay to talk about what happened with Aagon?” She did not know if it was still too new and fresh for a recounting for either of them.
“Yes, I think we need to, Alex,” he replied soberly.
“Do you remember what he was saying before he…” Alex closed her eyes against the image of Jack’s throat being crushed in Aagon’s hand. Jack reached over to caress her face again, silently encouraging her to go on. “Before he hurt you so badly?”
“I was picking up most of what he was saying. I tried to hold on to the conversation because he was cutting into my airflow so badly. I was afraid if I didn’t hold on to something, I was going to lose consciousness. He asked you how you had come back and if you had met all of the council.” Jack paused for a moment, then added, “And he asked if you’d had a happy reunion with one in particular. That I remember.”
“Yes, he was perversely happy that he had information which I did not.” Alex looked pensively into Jack’s eyes,
hoping that her next words would not disappoint or hurt him. “Jack, Arianna came to me in my dreams this morning. She compared her lifetime to the lake we’ve seen near the castle, each drop full of people’s lives which she had impacted in one way or another. She poured some of that water into my hand and it was overwhelming, the amount of knowledge and weight that just that small amount contained.”
“She told me that most of it has been held back from me so that the incoming wave of it all wouldn’t drown me. I’ve been receiving abilities and her power – mine if I want them – drop by drop as I hold out my hands ready to receive it. She also asked me to forgive her for holding back some of the most important information that I’ve yet to learn because she wanted to see me more prepared for it first.”
Alexandria reached down and took hold of Jack’s hand and held it tightly. “I think I have an idea what she was referring to now, after Aagon’s words,” she said softly.
Jack’s eyes held regret as he answered her. “I think I do, too.”
The words hung between them as they just stared into each other’s eyes, holding one another, and savoring the warmth and the quiet before the coming storm.
Finally, Jack voiced both of their thoughts aloud. “Are you ready, Alex, to go down and speak to the others?”
She nodded slowly, and he tried to pull away from her, but Alex held fast and kissed him with all her might. Jack moaned softly against her lips as if he was fighting desperately to stop the emotions that they both felt, but it was of no use. He had never felt that way for anyone, and now that Jack knew Alexandria, he doubted he would ever feel that way about another.
He gathered her body up to his and tried to give Alex what was in his heart through his lips and his touch, just as she had for him when he lay dying in the snow.
“Alexandria,” Jack pleaded against her lips. “I have to get you downstairs, I know I do. Please, Alex.”
She found the will to pull back and tried to catch her breath, worried that she had finally overstepped with Jack. He reached up and touched her bottom lip, which trembled under his delicate caress.
“No, baby, no more tears. Believe me, I want to stay up here and hide away too, but I can’t be that selfish. You have to face this if you’re ever going to know which path to take,” he said softly.
“I’m not leaving you, just trying to help you find your way. And to do that, I have to get you downstairs.” Jack squeezed her tenderly once more, then added, “I’ll be right beside you, Alex. We’ll talk to them together. Okay?” He nodded slowly and encouragingly.
“Yes.” Alex nodded gradually in return.
This was going to be the hardest trek she had made down those stairs, she was sure, but then the day was early.
Alex and Jack got up, and each went to their waterclosets to get ready. Finally, dressed and freshened, they met one another in the hall. Alex closed her eyes and imagined herself talking to the council members who were there in attendance at Aeoferth, calling them together. She knew that they had heard her summons, and she looked up at Jack.
“They’ll meet us in the library,” she said quietly.
He took her hand and squeezed it.
“Courage,” he whispered.
Together they headed down – down to face the new day and all that it held.
Alexandria and Jack made their way into the library and found all eleven assembled and awaiting their arrival. She quietly made her way over to a chair within their circle, and Jack took the seat adjacent. Alexandria looked around and felt the stillness of the group, felt as if they held a collective breath, unsure what she might say or do.
She cleared her throat and began, not wanting to prolong the dreadful anticipation for them or for herself. “I am here this morning with a heavy heart. Last night was, most assuredly, one of the worst of my life. To be hurt by Bertrand was very difficult to endure, but it was me that he was hurting. Seeing the damage Aagon wrought on Jack’s body made Bertrand’s attack pale in comparison.”
Alex noted that several bowed their heads before looking back at her. Sabina already had tears in her eyes.
“I have tried to begin learning what I could here over the last few days but when it came to an actual fight, I faltered, and Jack almost paid for it with his life. So I can falter no longer, for I cannot bear to see another suffer so.”
Alexandria took in a deep breath and then recounted in precise detail what had transpired between her and Bertrand. Then she told them all of what Aagon had said and done in the woods. Alex heard E-We and Tomoko’s sharp intake of breath as she repeated his insults word for word. And finally, she told them every detail of her dream and conversation with Arianna.
Alex let her words soak into the group, still feeling dirty and damaged from what she had chosen to do to Aagon, but sharing it nonetheless. She prayed they would forgive her and said so to them all. They all tried to reassure her that she already had it, though she did not require it from them, but Alex just shook her head at their denials.
She felt Jack reach over and take her hand, squeezing it gently, but Alex did not look at him, afraid she would not be able to go on with what she knew she had to do.
“I have had three dreams or visions this week about a man that I cannot see, but who appears to be tied to me in some way. Aagon was surprised that I had not yet had a joyful reunion with this twelfth council member, and I see that he is still not here. I cannot fight the wolves if I don’t know their game. And I most assuredly feel them encircling me,” Alex breathed out, looking around the group and noting the looks of strain and disquiet gazing pointedly back at her.
“And though I understand Arianna’s words that if all of the past were to come rushing in on me, it would be too much, this is one piece of knowledge I am ready for. Tell me, who is this man, this twelfth councilman and what is he to me?” Alex looked from one to another and finally, it was E-We who spoke.
“I came to this council, Alexandria, after Arianna’s death. I held her place until her return, one that we all believed would come to pass. There is another who has been unable to stay with us because his pain and grief were too great. He has used his time and energy to track Kronis, hoping to exact revenge for what was taken from him. His wife.”
E-We paused, gesturing to her temple with her hand, asking Alex’s permission to share a memory with her. Alex’s eyes were wide, but she closed them and slowly pulled back a piece of her internal armor and allowed her ribbon to connect with E-We’s.
She inhaled and tightened down on Jack’s hand as she found herself back in her room, standing just where she had before in her earlier vision. He was there on the balcony. Alex took a step forward then stopped, afraid of what she would see or how to handle this.
And then he turned, and Alex gasped for air so desperately that she thought her lungs would explode. His face, oh heavens, she knew his face. He moved forward and stood before her, looking down, his eyes shining brightly with love and joy now that she was with him once more.
He was beautiful in every way a Nephilim could be. He was tall with broad shoulders, dark chestnut hair that came to the top of his collar, just as she had noticed before when he would not turn. He had high cheekbones and a sculpted chin with a small cleft in its center. And his eyes… Alex knew those deep pools of blue and green mixed together. She knew that she had looked into them for so, so long.
“Gaius,” she whispered his name, finding it now on her lips. Alexandria pulled her ribbon back in and restored her armor, more thoroughly than she had ever before. She opened her eyes and felt the silent tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Where is he now?” she asked softly.
“He is at your home, Alexandria. Your true home,” said Sabina, silently crying with Alex. “You helped to construct Aeoferth Hall and lived here before you married Gaius. You built another home on the northeastern shore of Holy Island, Northumberland. The two of
you would travel from that home to this one when you were in country.”
Alex started to get a visual image of what the home looked like. She could see the drive leading up to a large, gray stone castle that had ivy and plant life clinging to its surfaces, softening the appearance of the hard stone. Cypress and sculpted hedges lined the lane in, and trees held the castle away from prying eyes.
Alex knew that this place was slightly out of sync with the reality humans knew. Like Aeoferth, it was hidden away for them, a refuge and safe haven.
“Elysium,” Alex whispered aloud.
“Yes,” said Elrick, “that’s what you both called your home, for the word meant a paradise in the ancient Greek and Roman cultures. Gaius is from Rome, his mother bore him there. Your home became your place of perfect happiness, you said. And when you went away there for small bits of time, you were in your own world together.”
Alexandria looked at Rohan and finally understood his reaction to Jack. “Gaius is your closest friend, isn’t he, Rohan?”
He nodded his head once but did not comment.
Alex did not know if she could speak her next question without her voice betraying the tremors she felt running through her body. Once she thought it would not fail her, she said slowly, “Will he see me?” Alex said no more, only waited to hear someone’s reply.
It was Archimedes who answered for them all, and for Gaius in his absence. “He has been waiting a long time to see you, Alexandria. He knows all about what has been taking place here, and he’s been waiting until you were ready to meet him once again.”
He rose from his seat and came to kneel before her. “Alex, listen to me closely. Though this has been very hard for Gaius, he understands that you are no longer his wife. Yet as you can imagine, in his heart, he still thinks of you in that way. He has been counseled to show restraint and to not overwhelm you with what was in the past.”
“He understands that the choice of immortal life and the path you choose is your destiny, to determine of your own free will. And with regard to that, whom you choose to spend your life with, rather it be a mortal or an immortal. But for him, Alex, he lost his soul mate, his wife of nearly two thousand years, and this meeting will be fraught with emotion for you both.”
“Yes, he will see you. If you are really ready, I will go and let him know you’re coming.”
Alexandria closed her eyes and saw his face once more. She had to know the entirety of the choice Arianna had laid at her feet.
Alex looked back into Archimedes’ soulful eyes and nodded her agreement. “Tell him I’ll meet with him. I’ll come to Elysium.” She looked to the others then and asked that they leave her alone with Jack for a few minutes before she departed.
Once they had all taken their leave, Alex stood and turned to Jack. He stood as well and smiled down at her, his eyes looking moist again.
“I am so proud of you, do you know that?” he asked tenderly.
“I don’t know what I’m doing, Jack. God help me, I feel so lost.” Alex gasped as she stepped into his arms. She cried quietly as he held her and stroked her back.
“Yes, you do,” he said gently, pulling back and looking down into her eyes. “You are doing what you must, as all great leaders before you have had to do. You cannot let the Fallen’s children harm you with knowledge from your own past. You cannot defend those you love until you know them all by name and aura and heart. You have to continue on this journey, and today it is taking you to meet another.”
Jack cupped her cheek in his hand and stared down at her lovingly. “Alex, I’m not going with you to Elysium.”
At his words, Alex felt the world tilt off of its axis, and she felt adrift.
“What? Of course, you’re coming! Why do you say this?” she pleaded, placing her hand over his heart. Oh, please do not leave me, Jack, she silently prayed.
“Because if I go, I will stand in the way of what you need to learn next. I cannot distract you from what you are about to experience. And if I were Gaius, I wouldn’t want me there, not at the initial reunion.” Jack exhaled heavily.
Alex was shaking her head, trying not to hear his words. “But what about what I want, Jack? You haven’t asked me what I want. No, you have to come.” But despite her pleas, she could see he was resolute in his decision.
Jack shook his head at her, not willing to budge from his decision. “Alex, I’m not leaving you. I’m going to stay right here at Aeoferth Hall and await your return, no matter what it brings. I’m not going to place any demands or restrictions on you, either.”
“You go and be who you are meant to be, and know that I will always have your back no matter what. I’m proud of you. Keep doing what you’re doing, and it will all work out in the end, I’m sure of it.” Jack nodded. “Besides, it'll be fun to mess with Rohan a little while you’re gone. I think he likes me a bit since I almost died,” he quipped and chuckled.
“Oh, Jack,” she whispered. “What did I ever do to deserve your friendship and trust? Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me yet,” he whispered back, his eyes turning a lighter shade of blue.
Alex stared into them, confused at his last words to her. Jack cupped her face in both of his hands and pulled her closer.
“God forgive me, Alex. I know this is childish and somewhat petty on my behalf. But please, when you go, remember this, and then I’ll say no more.”
Alex began to ask Jack what he meant, but she could not get out the words as his lips settled on hers with such possession and passion that she could not think or breathe, only kiss him back in her desperation to not lose what was growing between them.
Again and again, they each thought to separate themselves from the other, but the attraction was too strong. It was finally Alex who pulled back. She traced his lips with her fingertips, trying to commit them to memory and smiled sadly at him. Then she turned and walked out of the library, not looking back, because Alex knew if she did, she would never be able to turn from him again and leave.
Chapter 22
Immortal Reborn - Arianna's Choice Page 26