by Linsey Hall
17
Grey
The explosive force of the blast seemed to pulverize my insides. Pain like I’d never felt. An atom bomb inside my chest. My vision blacked, and my breathing stopped.
Dying.
There was no other end to this.
I dropped to my knees in a total state of shock. There was silence all around—deadly, deafening silence that had to be false. It was only this silent when you lost your hearing.
Or when you were dead.
A scream broke through the quiet, piercing my mind, dragging me back to the present. Agony still suffused every inch of me, but I managed to force my eyes open. Through bleary vision, I spotted a confused Rasla staring at me.
The charm that had been pinned to his lapel was gone, and he blinked in a slow, befuddled manner.
I’d torn off the protective charm and erased his memory right before I’d been hit. What about the sorcerers? I didn’t need them making hell for my former self. It was almost impossible to keep my thoughts in order, but I forced every ounce of energy that I had toward the task.
I might be dying now—I was definitely dying now—but if I didn’t clean up this mess for my past self, then history might change and keep me from ever meeting Carrow.
I couldn’t lose the time I’d had with her.
The thought gave me strength.
She appeared at my side a half moment later, dropping to her knees. “Grey!”
She touched me gently, her hands running over my body, searching for wounds. I leaned into her touch, drawing strength from her. She wouldn’t find any wounds on the outside, but I already knew that I was running on the fumes of death.
Still on my knees, I reached up and grabbed Rasla’s coat, pulling him down to face me. I used all the magic I had left to say, “Forget this ever happened or that you have any quarrel with me. If your men speak of it, they are lying.”
He nodded, his gaze unfocused and his mouth slack.
“Go.”
He turned and walked off, moving slowly.
“Grey.” Carrow moved around to face me, shoving a tiny vial into my hands. “Here. The last healing potion. Take it.”
The cork had already been removed, so I tossed it back.
The liquid ran down my throat and filled my belly, but I only felt a fraction of its power. The pain still surged, and nausea followed in its wake.
The curse had its hooks fully into me.
It had been trying to drag me away from this world for so long, growing stronger every time I was injured. This would be the last straw. I could feel the ether tugging on me even now, the curse determined to pull me away from Carrow and the life that I had almost had.
A life of light and love.
“Are you all right?” she demanded, her voice wavering. “Is the potion working?”
“I’m fine.” I had minutes left, maybe. We needed to get out of here. If I didn't survive, I couldn’t leave Carrow here with my body. Would my body stay behind when I left?
I had no idea. Couldn’t risk it. Too much to ask of her.
“Help me up, if you can.” The words tasted sour as they left my lips.
Tears rolled down her face as she pulled me to my feet. Every part of me felt broken, shattered beyond repair. The sorcerer’s magic had rent me inside, the blast doing irreparable damage.
Once, I might have survived it. Now, not a chance.
Carrow tucked herself under my arm to help support me, and I leaned on her, hating it. She shouldn’t have to do this. Shouldn’t have to be here for this.
I could only imagine what I would be feeling if I thought she were about to die. Utter devastation. The idea that she might hold that depth of feeling for me seemed almost laughable. But from the tears that streamed down her face, it also seemed almost possible.
My heart thundered.
Her scent wrapped around me as we walked, rousing the beast inside me. It wanted her blood, wanted me to drink to save us both.
This was my last chance. If I took her blood now, I would survive this. She would not, but her blood would not only break the curse, it would undo the damage of the sorcerer’s magic. It would make me whole again.
I forced the beast back, unwilling to even consider it.
“We’re almost there,” she said. “The library is right up here, and we’ll be home in no time. We’ll fix you right up with more healing potions.”
The sea could be made of healing potions, and it wouldn’t be enough. I said nothing.
We staggered toward the library, finding it locked at this late hour. Carrow leaned back and kicked open the door, hitting it so hard that the wood around the lock splintered and it swung open.
“I guess fear gives extra strength,” she said as she helped pull me inside.
The cavernous library was dark save for a few fairy lights floating near the ceiling. Our footsteps echoed as we staggered toward the back of the library. My strength was waning, and I could feel myself putting more weight on Carrow.
She plowed onward, dragging me behind her.
“We’ve got this,” she said, her voice trembling. “You’re going to be okay.”
“Of course.” The words almost took the last of my breath.
Finally, we reached the very back of the library. The empty aisle called to me, the glowing light a beacon of hope. Not that I’d survive this, but that we’d at least make it back to our time for Carrow.
She pulled the small book out of her pocket, and we entered the aisle. The magic pulsed around us, bright and warm. My heartbeat began to slow as we entered deeper into the aisle, my vision starting to go dark at the edges.
Not yet.
I wanted one last look at her face.
I fought the pull of the afterlife, grateful when I felt the ether tugging on me. It caught us both and spun us through time. I gripped Carrow hard, determined not to lose her here.
A moment later, solid ground appeared beneath my feet. I staggered, the ground calling to me. Carrow tried to keep me up, her grip strong. We managed to get out of the stacks and into the cavernous space of the main library, but I was too heavy. I staggered to my knees, going down hard.
“Grey!” She followed me down, trying to slow my fall.
I hit the floor anyway, the tile cold beneath my feverish skin.
“Grey, you must drink from me.” Her voice broke as she held her wrist to my mouth. “You need strength. The blow was too much.”
I turned my mouth away, nearly insensible as the afterworld called to me. The beast within me roared, trying to force me to follow her commands. There was still time. Time to save us both. The beast and me.
Not Carrow.
I would never.
I looked up at her, wanting her face to be the last thing I saw. My voice rasped as I said, “I love you.”
Why hadn’t I said the words before? Why hadn’t I shown her more?
What wasted time.
“Please, Grey. Don’t go.” Tears sounded in her voice. Rolled down her face. “I love you. I love you.”
The words cloaked me in warmth as the darkness crept in. Nearly blind, I stole one last look at her. She was the sun, glowing golden above me, a promise of all that could have been and all that I didn’t deserve.
We’d almost done it.
Almost.
Carrow
Grey went limp on the floor. His energy disappeared from the air, and I was alone.
Alone.
Something inside me broke, shattering into a thousand pieces. My scream echoed in the cavernous space. Frantically, I pulled at his shoulders, trying to drag him back. To make him stand, healthy and whole. “I love you. I love you.”
I couldn’t stop repeating the words, couldn’t get ahold of myself. Everything was frantic inside me, everything terrible. I was pure energy, pure emotion.
On the ground, his body began to disappear.
I clutched at him, trying to keep him with me. Was this normal? Why was this happening? His form fa
ded even more, becoming nearly transparent.
“Grey, don’t go. Grey!”
Seconds later, he was entirely gone. I sat alone in the dark library, the air so still that it almost suffocated me. My mind went blank with pain and loss.
“Carrow!” Seraphia’s voice sounded from the other side of the library, concern in her tone. She hurried toward me and fell to her knees at my side. “Carrow? Where’s Grey? What’s happened?”
I looked up at her, vision blurry with tears. “Gone. Gone.”
“Where?”
“The curse took him. We were too late.” I pressed a hand to the cold stone tile beneath me. “He was right here.”
Seraphia looked down, as if she might see him. “It just happened?”
I sucked in a ragged breath, my throat so tight I almost couldn’t manage to get the air in. “He was hit by a sorcerer’s magic. It was too much. The damage was too much. He’s been weakening, the afterworld pulling harder. And it was just too much.”
I wanted to scream again, but Seraphia gripped my shoulders, shaking me hard as she commanded, “Breathe. In and out.”
I did as she ordered, my shaking beginning to subside.
“Keep going,” she said. “Get some oxygen into your brain so you can think.”
I nodded blindly, scrubbing away my tears as I sucked air into my lungs. As she’d promised, my mind began to clear. Thoughts returned in a more rational way, driving out the desperate fear and loss.
This wasn’t over.
I wouldn’t let it be over.
I’d brought back Beatrix. I would bring him back as well.
This was what fate had been maneuvering for all along. It was clear now.
I surged to my feet. “Where’s Eve?”
“Asleep, I suppose.” Seraphia rose, a frown on her face. “Why?”
“Grey. I need to find Grey.” I lifted the skirt of my heavy dress, barely feeling its weight, and sprinted toward the door.
Seraphia followed, but I didn’t wait for her to catch up. I raced out into the street and turned right, heading toward Eve’s. The night was quiet as I ran, the moon high overhead. Grey had to be there. He had to be with her.
Her building was dark as I approached, every window black.
“Eve!” I screamed, pounding on the door. “Eve!”
“I’m calling her,” Seraphia’s voice sounded from my side. “She’s on the top floor. Might not hear you.’
I looked down at her and saw her bare feet and legs. She wore sleep shorts and a ratty old T-shirt. No shoes. She’d run all the way through the city barefoot behind me.
My throat tightened again.
The phone in her hands rang, and I kept banging on the door. I was two seconds away from breaking it down.
Eve answered Seraphia’s call on the third ring, her voice annoyed. “What’s going on? It’s late as hell.”
I grabbed the phone. “I’m at your flat. Let us in.”
“I’m at the shop.”
Shit.
It wasn’t far. I shoved the phone back at Seraphia and sprinted down the street, headed the short distance to her shop. The lights glowed golden from inside, beckoning me with hope.
He would be there. Just like Beatrix, he would be there.
I shoved my way into the shop, finding Eve in her back room, potion ingredients spilled all over the tables. She looked up at me, eyes tired and questioning. “What’s going on?”
“Where is he?” I demanded. “Grey?”
“What?” Eve frowned.
“He’s gone. Dead.” The words tumbled over themselves. “Like Beatrix was. But my magic could keep him from death. He’d need a power source like Beatrix did, though. He’d need you.”
Confusion flashed across her face, and I realized that my partial sentences probably sounded crazy. She hadn’t heard the whole story from Evangeline like I just had. She didn’t understand.
I drew in a deep breath to calm myself. It didn’t really work, but at least I wasn't screaming anymore. I searched the room around her, trying to get a feel for Grey. Was he here?
Would he turn into a bird?
I had no idea.
That had been part of Beatrix’s magic. Maybe a bat? He was a vampire, after all. Or were vampire bats just something out of old cartoons? It seemed too ridiculous. No way he was a bat.
“What’s going on, Carrow?” Eve’s voice was calm and clear, and I clung to it, trying to join her in the realm of the rational.
“In the last thirty minutes, have you felt another life force appear around you?” I asked. “An animal or something?”
She shook her head. “There’s been nothing.”
“Did you feel Beatrix when she arrived?”
“Um…” She frowned. “Not particularly, to be honest.”
I nodded. Okay. Okay. That meant he could still be there then. But where?
I spun in a circle, searching. Eve looked questioningly at Seraphia, who shrugged. I ignored them, trying to gather my thoughts. I had the power to bring him back. Not only had Evangeline told me so, but I could feel it. I just needed to figure out how.
There was more to this than I realized. I staggered to the shelf and sank to the ground, the floor hard against my butt. Blindly, I stared into space, trying to piece it all together.
This was a puzzle, and there was a missing piece.
I just needed to find it.
A half second later, Cordelia charged into the room, Mac at her heels. Beatrix trailed in last.
“What’s going on?” Mac demanded. “Cordelia freaked out, but I can’t understand her. What’s wrong?”
Cordelia sprinted to a stop next to me, tugging at my dress sleeve with her little paws. What’s wrong? I felt it. It’s terrible. What’s wrong?
“Grey,” I whispered.
“Oh, shit.” Mac leaned back against the bookshelves, clearly understanding right away.
“What?” Beatrix demanded.
“Tell us what you’re thinking,” Eve said. “Work it out with us.”
Cordelia climbed on my lap, heavy and warm. I blinked, looking at all of my friends. The words spilled from my mouth, the whole story. Eve was right. If there was a clue in there somewhere, they could help find it.
I told them all about the past, and Rasla and Evangeline, and my history with the Shadow Guild. They listened quietly, asking the occasional question.
When I finally finished, Mac frowned. “It’s obvious, isn’t it?”
“Is it?” I sank my fingers into Cordelia’s rough fur.
“Evangeline was clear that you haven’t embraced your role in the Shadow Guild yet. Or your magic. You haven’t believed in yourself. It’s exactly what I told you earlier.”
I nodded, sucking in a breath. She was right. That was the one big thing Evangeline had told me to do, and I hadn’t done it yet. Maybe that was the problem.
“I’ve got to get up,” I said to Cordelia. She scrambled off, and I stood. “Let’s go to the Shadow Guild.”
It called to me now, in the way that Grey had called to me. Maybe he was there. Or maybe he really was with Eve and I wasn't strong enough to sense him yet.
I was going to be.
If that meant visiting the Shadow Guild and finding a way to embrace my magic, then I was going to do it.
The five of us hurried down the street through the dark night. I could feel Beatrix’s confusion—everyone’s confusion, for that matter—but fortunately, none of them asked any questions. I didn’t think I could answer, anyway, especially since I barely knew the answers myself.
We reached the courtyard in front of our tower a few moments later. Quinn stood there, confused. He was dressed in loose sleep pants and a T-shirt, his trainers partially unlaced. His auburn hair was messy around his head, and he looked confused.
“Why are we here?” he asked. “I woke up and felt like I had to come.”
The Shadow Guild must have called to him. Because this was all of us now—our entire ragtag
little guild.
Through my grief and terror, the slightest bit of warmth filled my chest.
“Long story,” Mac said. “But we’re here for Carrow.”
He nodded and then turned, opening the door. We filed into the room, and I walked toward the big chair near the cold, quiet hearth.
Somehow, the sight of it made my skin chill even more. Either fear or doubt, I didn’t know. It was the same thing I’d felt before. But this time, I ignored it.
If that was the leader’s chair, then hell, I was going to sit in it.
I sucked in a deep breath and didn’t so much as pause, just spun around and plopped my butt into it.
Nothing happened. I gripped the arms and looked at my friends.
I wanted to ask them if I should really be there.
Me?
Me, with the wonky magic and history of being raised in the human world?
And yet, my history was more than that. It was generations of Soulceresses, leaders of the Shadow Guild.
I closed my eyes, drew in a deep breath, and called on my magic. I let it fill me, glowing warm within. Trembling, I gripped the arms of the chair. The wood was smooth beneath my fingertips.
I wanted to know more. Wanted to understand this role and my place in it. How I could embrace it more fully.
I used my power, trying to draw information from the wood beneath my fingertips. Generations of my ancestors had sat here. It might have taken me a long time to find my way home, but I had.
Finally, I was here.
The air warmed around me, vibrating with energy. I pulled out the book that Evangeline had given me, gripping it tight. I didn’t need to be able to read the strange symbols inside to feel their power and their history. It sang through me.
My magic turned inward, filling my soul and seeming to pull my consciousness away from the present. One moment, there was nothing behind my eyelids. The next, I stood at the entrance to a tunnel.
It stretched out in front of me, dark and cold. Beckoning. Fear sliced through me.
Could I do it?
Walk through that tunnel and find what was on the other side?
I had to.
Somehow, I knew that I had to. Answers were on the other side. Or maybe strength. Growth. Something.