That Which is Unexpected

by A.L. Bridges

  Chapter 11: Meth Addicted Bunnies

  I open my eyes and see full-sized Cheza sitting to my left, smiling warmly at me.

  “How do you feel?” she asks. Something is off, but I can’t quite place it.

  “Like somebody has been digging around in my stomach for the past few hours, but other than that, good,” I answer with a smile. I just can’t shake this feeling…

  “That’s great! This means I can interrogate you without feeling bad,” Cheza mumbles.

  ‘Did she just say interrogate? Nah, she couldn’t have. My little sister doesn’t go around interrogating people!’ I think, smiling to myself.

  While still warmly smiling, Cheza stands up, hops onto my bed, and sits on my legs, effectively trapping me. I feel my heart rate pick up.

  “So… who’s Amy?” Cheza asks while still smiling, but with a slightly homicidal glint to her eyes.

  “To whom might you be referring?” I ask nervously.

  I have a really bad feeling about this. My heart starts beating a little faster. Cheza reaches behind her back and pulls out a small gift bag and hands it to me. Not daring to take my eyes off Cheza, I reach into the bag and feel a small cloth bundle.

  Oh dear god no.

  I close my eyes and pull out the small bundle. I’m almost too afraid to open them to confirm that this bundle is what I think it is. I open my eyes and immediately wish I hadn’t. Currently clutched in my hands is a pair of white and turquoise striped, cotton panties. I unfurl them and a business card sized piece of paper slips out that simply says ‘Amy’ with her phone number. My heart monitor suddenly goes off and starts beeping loudly. I guess it was on silent mode and set to beep when it gets above or below a certain rate. I look over at the annoyingly loud box and see that my heart rate is currently at 192 beats-per-minute. A brunette nurse wearing pink scrubs rushes into the room, then stops and gives me a surreptitious smile.

  “I was wonderin’ what had yer heart rate jacked up like a meth-addicted bunny in a rattler’s cage, but I see what’s goin’ on. Let me just unhook ya’ from this for a li’l while. Now, don’t be too rough with him dear. Ya’ don’t wanna rip his stitches and have blood squirtin’ everywhere, ruinin’ the mood. Oh and please clean up after yerselves so we don’t have to. Have fun!” the nurse says with a twang to her voice while having completely misinterpreted the situation and my pleading eyes.

  During the nurse’s little speech, Cheza had been looking at the ground with a smattering of embarrassment across her face. The second the nurse leaves the room, her switch flips back and the interrogation begins once again.

  “So who is she?” Cheza asks.

  “W-Who?” I answer again, stuttering from my increasing nervousness.

  “Amy. You know, blonde girl with blue eyes, about three inches taller than me and probably about sixteen? You know, the girl willing to give you her panties and phone number as a ‘get well soon’ gift and asked me to tell you to call her!” Cheza exclaims, her voice getting increasingly louder

  “Oh, yeah. Her. Funny story, actually. I kind of saved her from becoming a hostage at gun point. The crazy terrorist guy was going to take her as a hostage, right before I smashed his face into my arm rest repeatedly,” I respond to her question.

  Something still isn’t sitting right with me. I look at Cheza and finally notice what it is. Through Cheza’s white, glittery star t-shirt, I can see her bra: a white and turquoise striped bra. Still at little confused as to the why, I press the issue.

  “What does it matter to you if she gave me her panties or not anyway!?” I sternly ask, making full use of my deep voice to sound loud and authoritative. Cheza flinches and then comes back with more fire than ever. Uh-Oh. Looks like I made the wrong move.

  “BECAUSE I DON’T WANT MY STUPID BROTHER TURNING INTO A LOLICON!” Cheza shouts at me.

  “A what?” I ask.

  “A PEDOPHILE!” She yells as I remember what she is talking about.

  I never should have let Jason introduce her to anime. It was bad enough when he got her that book for her thirteenth birthday. She went on and on about sparkly vampires for months. It took so much willpower not to interrupt one of her rants and scream ‘VAMPIRES DON’T SPARKLE DAMMIT!’ Thankfully, she got bored of it quickly.

  “I ALSO DON’T WANT HIM TO GO TO JAIL FOR STATUTORY RAPE!” Cheza adds.

  “WELL THEN, MAYBE I WILL JUST CALL HER, TAKE HER BACK TO THE HOUSE, AND HAVE HER SHOW ME A GOOD TIME FOR SAVING HER! MAKE SURE TO WEAR EARPLUGS OR YOU MIGHT NOT GET ANY SLEEP!” I yell, a little insulted that she expected I would do something like that.

  “FINE! GO AHEAD!” Cheza screams with tears forming in her eyes. I nearly crack, but I stand strong to teach her a lesson.

  “FINE!” I shout grabbing my phone from the table to my left, and the slip of paper with the number.

  With my face expressionless, I act like I’m dialing the number, but I go over to my favorites list instead. I look up at Cheza, whose tears are close to falling. This damn phone better hurry up or I’m going to feel like shit later. A cellphone starts ringing a moment later and it takes Cheza a few seconds to realize it’s hers.

  “You should probably put these back on or you will catch a cold or something,” I tell her expressionlessly and hand her back her panties when surprise registers on Cheza’s face.

  I’m aware that she can’t get a cold by not wearing panties, but that explanation is easier than telling her that I don’t want to take the time to think up the female equivalent of free-balling… Free-petaling…? Free-lipping…?

  “How did you know?” Cheza sniffles, back to her usually quiet demeanor.

  “I can see your matching bra through your shirt. Since you obsessive compulsively match them when you fold your laundry, I figured that the chances are pretty good that you also match when wearing them,” I explain. “But this was pretty elaborate. I mean going to buy a bag specifically for this… it’s not something you usually do.”

  My eyes are drawn to the door where I see Tia standing with the door cracked, holding a video camera and trying really hard not to laugh. I don’t remember her owning a video camera, which means she went out and bought a video camera specifically for this, but where in the hell did she get a video camera at six am…? Oh fuck you, Walmart!

  When Tia sees me staring at her, she just starts laughing and then enters the room.

  “YOU’RE BEHIND ALL OF THIS AREN’T YOU, TIA!?” I scream. “HAVE YOU JUST BEEN CORRUPTING HER WHILE I’VE BEEN GONE!?”

  “Please, she’s a grown woman! She was mad about that cute little piece of ass and wanted to get back at you, just like before,” Tia responds, presumably referring to the time I learned that I shouldn’t try to date my little sister’s friends.