by B C Morgan
“Get out of your head Hen, I can’t see anything good coming from it right now,” he says and as usual he’s right on the money with his assumption.
“Before we leave the car and leave the past where it belongs, can I ask you one thing?” I can’t help but sound hesitant as I ask this, I’m downright nervous as fuck.
“Go for it,” he replies with a kind smile and I’m intrigued to see how his face will change as I pose my question to him.
I stare up at the building that we’ll be going into, watching as the flashing sign flickers and stutters before finding its brightness once more and throwing its soft glow upon the car and part of its interior.
“Why did you help Amias and are you still telling him shit about me?” Did I sound bitter then or just suspicious, maybe it was a mixture of the two, I have no idea.
“I was worried about you, scared for you and Amias seemed like the best bet to keep you safe so when he approached me I didn’t even think twice about it,” he doesn’t sound sorry at all and it isn’t sitting right with me. “What I did was wrong. I know that, but I don’t regret it. I like to think it helped to keep you safe. As for the second part I’m still talking to Amias but I refuse to talk about you,” he grabs my hands and I have to fight myself to not pull away from him. “I want you to trust me and I won’t jeopardise that again.”
His words feel heartfelt and I think I need to give him the benefit of the doubt. If I don’t, then what’s the point in even being here with him tonight? I give him a smile as I slowly pull my hands away and climb out of the car.
Sawyer doesn’t waste any time to join me and I know I need to tell him and the guys how much I appreciate having him around. I feel safer now and although I want to be able to protect myself, I’m just not there yet.
Elijah places his hand on my elbow and I grit my teeth and breathe through the tightening in my stomach and the stiffness taking over my neck. It’s Elijah for fuck’ sake, he isn’t going to hurt me.
“I’m sorry, I keep telling myself not to touch you but I still do it. I’m sorry Henleigh,” he pulls back and I hate the relief that washes over me. I don’t want to be like this anymore, it’s breaking me down into nothing and I can’t bear it.
“It’s okay, I’m doing better than I thought I would, guess there’s a bright side to everything,” I reply but my words are lacking conviction.
His smile is sad but we’re still going inside, I am determined to enjoy tonight and I won’t go home until I have thoroughly thrashed his arse at pool.
“YOU’RE A HUSTLER,” he says with mock anger and I can’t help but give him my most innocent smile.
“You never asked if I’d played before,” I reply as I bat my lashes at him.
I’ve had a couple of beers and I’m not even close to being tipsy but it has helped to relax me just a little. After my eighteenth birthday I haven’t let myself get drunk and I don’t need to, not so I can have a good time, but there’s a reason they call it Dutch courage.
“Good thing I never put a bet on it, you’d probably have the shirt off my back,” he says laughing and my own smile is as genuine as they come.
“No, I would have let you keep your shirt,” I say with a wink as I put the pool cue back on its stand and take a seat.
“Have you spoken to any of the girls since you moved here?” He asks before taking a swig of his beer.
“They were down a little while back and I’m thinking about going away with them for a little while. Noah thinks it will do me some good,” I’m tracing my finger around the rim of my glass, staring at the bubbles that work their way through the beer. “I’ve seen Ivy the most though, it’s not awkward between us anymore. Probably because she tried to save my life, how could I stay mad at her after that?” I say it with a laugh, but I don’t know why.
“What about the others, are they any different with you?” I’m not sure why he’s asking this but I’m sure it’s leading up to something.
“Roxie is her usual self, she was a little off but I guess that’s to be expected. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without her. I mean I adore them all, but I’m not sure I can trust them or at least, there’s one who may not be on the level,” bitterness seeps out like a thick plume of smoke, threatening to choke me under its blanket of toxicity.
I can’t talk about Bella not right now. I don’t want to think badly of her, she’s the reason I even have the girls in my life but ever since I saw that text on Bella’s phone, things have felt different. I only figured it out that it was hers when I saw her pick it up the next morning, I guess I could still be mistaken but I doubt it. I keep thinking back on my time at Padstow, how she inserted herself into my life and the way she acted as though we’d been friends our whole lives. How she would show up when I got blindsided by one of the vicious girls who tried to rule the school. Maybe her sweet act is exactly that, an act. Why else would someone send her a text like that, it’s another reason why I’m going to go. I’ll have Sawyer with me so I’ll be safe and maybe she’ll trip herself out and reveal her duplicity for the whole damn world to see.
“I’m guessing you don’t want to talk about that so I’ll leave it for now,” he says staring at me, letting me know that I will be questioned about it at some point.
“How’s Amias?” What the hell, why would I ask that? I hadn’t even meant to and by the way his eyebrows have shot up, he clearly wasn’t expecting it either.
“He’s... different. Angry all the damn time and I don’t know if you ever noticed but his eyes always had a darkness in them, in my opinion it’s gotten worse. There’s a hardness to him that wasn’t there before, I think he’s lost and I can’t figure out how to help him,” I can hear the worry in his voice, he’s concerned for his friend and although I won’t admit it, so am I.
“Do you think you could forgive him? You’re giving me a chance after all,” he says softly but the fact he can even compare himself to Amias, just shows how little he understands my reasoning.
“You all lied to me in a way, Noah was about his own health and although it hurt, once I calmed down I got it. It was easy to let him back into my life, I was never angry with you but Dante threatened to hurt you guys if I didn’t let you go so I did. I sucked at it clearly, every time I wanted to run to someone I would contact you, but everything got fucked up and you started telling Amias where I was and how to find me. You even gave my damn number out,” my hands slam into the table and we’re garnering a few stares but I couldn’t give two shits right now.
I keep one of my hands on the table while I drag the other through my hair, I can feel my eyes narrowing slightly as I look at him.
“Do you know how scared I was, knowing that someone was following me. I didn’t know he was trying to keep me safe, I thought he was working for Dante. The thing is, despite all that I know you did it because you cared, even if you did go about it the wrong way. I can appreciate the sentiment behind it. Clearly I’m not over it but I think I can get there,” taking a deep breath I notice his hand on mine and I don’t even know when he did it but I don’t want him to let go. Not yet anyway.
“What Amias did was different, maybe he did fall for me the way I did for him but I can’t trust him on words alone. He didn’t watch and get close to me for noble reasons, he did it because he was ordered to. Can’t you see how messed up that is? He made me trust him, he let me…” my voice is cracking and I take another mouthful of my drink as I close my eyes and try to close my heart to the world of pain he still causes me.
“I understand Hen, I don’t think he does but that’s his issue, not yours. I’m just glad you’re giving me another chance and I won’t mess it up this time, there’s no one else for me,” he says as his fingers brush against my cheek and I lean into it, just for a moment.
The spell is broken when I see his eyes drop to my mouth though and he knows it too, he pulls away but he doesn’t lose his smile. It's right here, at this moment that I finally know. We’re going to be okay.
TEN
15TH JUNE 2009
Two weeks of sneaking around, how did I let it get to this point. I was so convinced I could ignore him and move on, but he wouldn’t let me and I wouldn’t let him go. I know I’m going to have to tell Devon but I’m scared, it would kill him to know it but the BHMC comes first. Yesterday they threw me a surprise birthday party, knowing that I would spend today with pipsqueak and I loved it but I couldn’t stop my heart from missing Damon.
He’s a damn Shaw but he doesn’t want to be, he doesn’t want to be a part of any of this. He wants to get away as badly as I do, maybe even more so. We’ve spoken about it, but we can’t be making plans like that, it’s so early on. Although I already know, when me and Hen leave, I want him to be with us.
As for the guns, well, I went to target practice again today and I’ve improved a lot. This made Devon’s old man really happy but Devon looked as though he wanted to kill someone. Surely he knows I have no intention of ever pulling the trigger, I don’t believe in guns but I needed to know how to handle one. It would kill me if I made a foolish mistake, and it cost someone their life.
Anyway I’m going to take Hen out for our birthday treat, it may be my day but she always deserves to be spoilt. Best damn sister in the whole world, I may have got shits for parents, but she makes up for it all.
BIG GUY: Hey beautiful, can I just say that Uni sucks. The people here are either stuck up, know it alls or only interested in getting shit faced and laid. I’d much rather be in Cornwall with you and I know you’re rolling your eyes right now but it’s the truth. Mum says if I hate it that much then to leave but we both know I won’t do that, I’m not going to quit. I do wish I chose college instead though, I mean you’re doing photography there, why do I have to go to Uni for the same damn course. *insert over dramatic sigh*
ME: Hey big guy, I’ll have you know I did not roll my eyes... much. That’s just the way some people are, they’re carefree, and it’s not a bad way to be even if it isn’t for you or me for that matter. I agree that you shouldn’t just quit and we know your mum isn’t encouraging you to, she’s just supportive and there for you. I know that sounds so bitter but hey ho, what can ya do? Besides, I’m doing photography yes, you’re doing a whole journalistic course my man, stick it out. Get the life you want to live, can we skip the rest of this deep shit now, pretty please. *flutters lashes at you*
“Is that Lija?” Noah asks as he drops his bag down on the table and gives me a sweet kiss.
“Yeah, he’s just bitching about Uni life,” I say with a smirk and a squeal slips out as he pulls me into his arms and spins me around.
“What’s got you in such a good mood?” I ask, throwing my head back and laughing.
“I heard from my dad today, he thinks it’ll be okay for me to go back and visit while you’re away,” I can see the relief in his entire being and I’m beyond happy for him.
“Does this mean you’re finally ready to tell me what went down between you guys? You never talk about it and I didn’t want to push,” I say, flicking the kettle on and getting all the fixings for a sugar overload in a mug.
“Okay, you make your special chocolate and we’ll go sit in the garden, I feel like being one with nature today,” he drops a kiss on my head before going into the garden and this kettle cannot boil fast enough.
I SET our hot chocolates down on the table we have in the garden, all with whipped cream, marshmallows, shavings and flakes. Yeah, nothing healthy about this.
I sit down beside him and he wastes no time in wrapping his arm around me and pulling me into his lap.
“You don’t have to tell me,” I say as I feel him sigh deeply into my hair, I didn’t mean to push him into it.
“I know that my love, but I want to,” he sighs again as he starts running his fingers through my hair and I can’t deny the contentment that’s filling me. “I went home after we finished school and mum was getting worse, shaking more and being more forgetful than usual. We knew it was coming but it didn’t make it any easier, anyway I jumped straight in and helped anywhere I could. Making meals, helping her to eat and drink when her shaking got too severe for her to hold her own cutlery,” he’s pressing his head against mine and I can hear the anguish in his voice, I can feel it as clearly as if it were my own.
“I’d been home for over a month and we had a system going, dad wasn’t around much but I expected that, what with me being around and the carers there to help where I couldn’t,” he pauses again and I take the chance to ask him something.
“Why would your dad be around less with you there, don’t you get along?” I wonder if I sound as confused as I feel, his dad didn’t come across as uncaring in the few times he’s spoken about him.
“We get on great, our minds are so similar that we can chat for hours and never run out of things to say. It’s just, he runs his own company, and he’s always been the hands on kind of business man. But as mum has gotten worse, he had to take more and more time away from the office. With me there he could make the time up, it didn’t assuage his guilt but I think it lessened it slightly,” I can hear how much affection he has for his parents, he sounds proud and I wonder how that must feel, to be proud of your parents.
“It was while he was at the office and the carers were getting something or other ready, that it happened,” I feel his throat bob against me and I have this gut feeling that I’m not going to like what he had to say. “She was having a bad day, her movements were more erratic, and she was getting frustrated. I don’t think she even realised it was me when she lashed out, she caught me off guard and my head hit the sideboard. The minute she realised what she’d done, she was beside herself. No one could calm her down and my dad had to come home early. He blamed himself and nothing any of us said could change his mind,” I can feel my head growing wet and I sit up so I can brush his tears away.
He buries his head into my shoulder and I cradle him against me and hum a random tune, anything to soothe the pain he’s feeling.
“They want to meet you but we never know how she’s going to be, I just don’t want to leave it until it’s too late,” he’s full on shaking now as his sobs grow stronger and all I can do is hold him and let him know that I’m here. That I’ll always be here for him.
LAST NIGHT WAS rough as fuck, H didn’t even question why Noah and I were already in bed at only ten at night. He just laid down beside me and made sure that I was okay while I held Noah and tried to make sure he had a good night's sleep. He was exhausted by the time we had finished talking and although I am dying for the loo, I don’t want to disturb him.
Maybe I’m thinking too loudly or something but he’s looking at me and I didn’t even realise he’s awake.
“When did he come in?” He asks, jutting his chin towards H whose fingers are dancing across my hip.
“Last night, you were asleep by then though,” I reply as my toes curl at H’s touch.
“Sorry mate, I’d had a shitty day and didn’t feel like being alone last night,” he says gruffly before dipping his head onto my shoulder blade and drawing his mouth up and along my collarbone.
“Anytime it doesn’t bother me, as long as you don’t start spooning me we’ll be okay,” Noah says with a grin as his fingers dance across my stomach and a warmth floods through me.
“Hold that thought,” I say as I jump out of bed and rush into the bathroom.
They’re both grinning at me as I shuffle back into the room and the warmth only grows hotter as their matching stares heat my blood and makes liquid pool in my underwear. Too damn sexy for their own good.
“Get your sexy little arse back on this bed,” H orders and it sends thrills shooting up my spine. He knows full well what that tone does to me and I know he gets a kick out of it.
I’m swaying my hips as I close the distance between me and the two impossibly gorgeous guys on the bed. I crawl up onto the mattress before placing my hands on H’s shoulders and pushing him until he’s flat on
his back. I look at Noah for a moment and he just smiles and nods his head. My fingers close around the waistband of H’s boxers and I waste no time in pulling them off.
My hand closes around his cock as I glide my thumb across his tip, swirling it in the pre-cum that’s beading on the top. I try to lower my head but his hand fists into my hair and pulls me backwards. He’s usually gentle with me, which I needed but I’ve missed his more dominant side and I really hope he’s about to unleash it on me.
Our eyes meet and I lick my lips before pumping his cock fast a few times, I hear the growl before his mouth slams onto mine and he swallows me whole. His tongue is everywhere and his teeth are nipping at my bottom lip, I can’t think about anything right now.
“Get on your hands and knees,” he commands before giving me one last bruising kiss and I waste no time in getting into position when he lets me go.
My heart is racing and my pulse is erratic as the excitement takes over. I am beyond happy that fear isn’t trying to take over, oh no I want to enjoy every single second of this.
“Where do you want me?” Noah asks, and it only increases my excitement, I am so weird but they seem to like it.
“Taste her but don’t let her cum,” H says as he kneels by my head and takes my breasts within his hands.
I arch my neck to look at him and a devilish smile is gracing his lips, making more liquid pool between my legs. I know Noah can see it as he pulls my knickers down and runs his fingers through my soaked folds.
“So wet,” he moans as his mouth closes around my opening and his tongue thrusts inside.
My fingers fist around the covers as my eyes flutter closed and my head falls to the mattress, but Harrison uses his grip on my hair to pull my head back up.
He releases one of my breasts and starts pumping himself as we stare at each other, he does it three or four times before he lets go.