Anna might have understood the realities of sacrifice and work, but she didn't know how it felt to lose friends. She hadn't watched her parents’ faces as everything they’d ever known or loved was ripped away from them. She hadn't seen what Russian occupation had done to Karelia. And she didn't understand how it felt to board a train and look back at beloved hills and valleys for possibly the last time.
No, Anna didn't understand anything about this war. But he wouldn’t be the one to explain it to her, not after the little fit she threw.
Well, at least his family was safe. He would only have to manage Anna's narrow-minded drama for two more weeks. Then he could go back to the front and forget all about her.
As if that were even possible.
9
Kalajoki, Finland
Even after a good night's sleep, Anna was so seething mad that she could hardly paint, which was the one activity that calmed her emotions.
She grabbed her paintbrush off of the easel and dipped it into fiery red paint, allowing a slash of red to cover the orange that she had already thrown across the canvas.
How could he do that? He had no right to drag her brothers or anyone into this war. Sure, she felt sorry that he’d lost his home and friends and was headed off into an unknown country to fight a ruthless enemy. But that wasn’t her problem. Couldn't he see that dragging her brothers off to fight in Russia would cause more heartbreak and pain?
Of course, he didn't see it that way. He was all gung-ho about some brand of patriotism that they must have been selling by the flaskful in Helsinki. He was angry. And he wanted to fight.
She squeezed a few drops of green paint onto her palette and did her best to calm down the scene she was painting. Closing her eyes, she tried to picture a distant meadow—somewhere in South America or Africa maybe. Somewhere wildflowers grew without worry of frost and the sunrise brought warmth instead of just light. Somewhere peaceful and warm and far from here where angry, war-mongering soldiers tried to drag her brothers off into cold trenches.
She banged her hand against the table next to her, instantly regretting her impulsivity as a splattering of red paint leapt up and covered her face with flecks of paint.
She rushed to the kitchen to grab a towel to clean up the mess and ran smack dab into Matti. She couldn't escape the man.
He grabbed her by the shoulders. "Anna." Her name came out huskily.
"Let go of me." Anna ducked out of his grasp, trying to give herself space from those eyes that repelled and summoned her at the same time.
"I'm sorry, Anna. I know I made you angry and that wasn't right of me. I just…you can't understand what I've seen." Matti trailed off, as if there was more but he wasn't sure he could say it.
She waited.
"I'm just sorry. Down in Karelia, men are dying. People are being forced out of their homes and, well, I lost…a few months ago." His voice was pinched. "I lost my best friend. They never found his body. There's just something in me that feels the need to fight for Finland."
An image of Henrick's face flashed into her mind and her heart softened a little. If anyone understood what it was like to lose someone, she did. "I think I do understand, Matti."
"How? How could you understand what it was like?" He stared at her with eyes that shimmered like ice on the lake in January. Dark and cold.
"My fiancé…Henrick. He was a pilot. He flew one of the Bristol Bulldogs."
Those icy eyes widened.
Anna took a deep breath and continued. "He was shot down last fall."
A cloud of regret inched across his face. "Oh, Anna. I'm so sorry. I didn't know."
"I didn't tell you." She flashed what she hoped was a convincing smile, hoping he wouldn't ask her more. She couldn't let him find out that Henrick's death was her fault.
Matti sighed deeply. "I just can't let their sacrifices be in vain."
Anna bit her lip. "But Matti, not our brothers. They are too young."
"I know. I should never have involved them." Matti frowned. "I regretted bringing that up as soon as I’d said it. If I promise I will go tell him right now that they can't fight until they are conscripted at eighteen, will you forgive me?"
Anna paused. If she could get him to promise that, at least she wouldn't have to worry about Arvo going to Helsinki. "Do you promise?"
"I promise."
"And you'll stop warmongering out in the barn?"
"What exactly do you mean by warmongering?" His tentative smile cut through the tension that had filled the room a few minutes before.
"I mean…" she trailed off. She couldn't exactly tell him not to talk about the war at all, not when so much depended on it. “I mean, let the boys come to their own conclusions about the war. Tell them the facts, but don't try to convince them."
Matti let out a deep breath.
She had to admit that her soldier boy was a tiny bit cute when he smiled like that. Just a little bit.
"What if we were to start over?" He flashed that heart-stopping smile once again.
Anna stuck out her hand as if meeting him for the first time. "I'm Anna Ojala. I love to paint and read and I'm chairwoman of the Junior War Support Committee here in Kalajoki. You know, helping keep our boys safe on the front and all that." She stood as tall as she could and saluted him.
"Nice to meet you Anna. I'm Matti. And I have a complaint to make to the Kalajoki Junior War Support Committee." He leaned against the counter and tugged off his muddy black boot, revealing a black wool sock with a gaping hole in the toe. "You see, Anna Ojala, the socks that I received in my care kit were defective. In fact, I wonder if the women who knitted these forgot to finish off the toe section."
Anna grinned, stepping forward and pulling his sock off of his foot for a closer inspection. Running her hands up and down the length of it, she stretched it between her hands. "In my expert opinion, this is some fine workmanship. In fact, I can clearly see from the way the stitching has torn that the wearer is clearly to blame for any defect."
"And what makes you so sure of this, Miss Chairman?" His easy-going grin made her want to burst out laughing, but she bit her lip to keep a straight face. She was still mad, after all.
"Well, it's quite evident from my inspection that whoever has been wearing these socks has been using them incorrectly. Socks are meant to be worn on your feet, Soldier Boy. Didn't they teach you that at basic training?"
That smile.
Her heart went limp. She’d had a hard time resisting him when he was brooding, forlorn, and upset. But this Matti?The fun, teasing, and earnest Matti? She kind of liked him, as much as she hated to admit it.
His voice turned serious. "I—I wish we’d met under different circumstances, Anna Ojala."
Anna stared into those crystal-blue eyes, the ice having melted. She let the emotions wash over her. Goodness, he was handsome. And kind, and funny when he wasn't in one of those moods. Scowling at her own silliness, Anna turned away so she could collect her thoughts. She didn't want or need a boyfriend. She was perfectly capable and happy to forge her own path in life. She could forgive him, of course, it was the Christian thing to do, but that didn't mean she had to get carried away with him.
Biting her lip, Anna regained her composure. The last thing she needed or wanted was to get involved with Matti Ranta, which was probably a good thing since he wasn't offering. Instead, he leaned against the counter all suave and handsome with a crooked grin. Probably enjoying this.
Anna glanced down at her hands, now caked with dried red paint. She would be picking paint off of her skin for days. She scrunched her nose. Why was she thinking about painting right now anyway? Oh, yes, to distract herself from that heart-stopping smile and those sparkling blue eyes fastened onto her.
"I have to run back to the barn. I made a promise to this girl that I'd have a little chat with her brother about the merits of staying at home and helping Finland by harvesting a bumper crop of flax. But shall we resume this conversation tonight after dinner?
Perhaps over a hand of cards?"
Anna closed her eyes, relieved for a moment to catch her breath. "Talk to you later, Soldier Boy."
He winked at her and then walked out of the room.
She turned back to her painting and groaned. It was shaping up to be a lovely scene—a brilliant, albeit angry-looking, sunset was the backdrop for a picture-perfect landscape. Sighing, Anna closed her eyes and tried to drum up the familiar longing she often got after painting—the longing to paint herself into the picture and run away to some exotic scene she imagined.
Only today she couldn't do it. Instead, all she could see was herself, wrapped in the arms of a handsome, blue-eyed soldier right here in Finland.
A thought that made her stomach flip upside-down.
10
Kalajoki, Finland
"What is the matter with me, Kaino? His family moves into my house as refugees and a week later, I can't stop thinking about him."
Anna flung herself backward into a pile of hay in her father's hayloft and let her body sink into the itchy pile. Frowning, she allowed herself a few moments to let it all sink in.
After Henrick, she had sworn she would never again allow herself to feel like this for a man. Yet here she was, doing it again. Only this time it was worse. Every time Matti came near she got all sweaty and fluttery. She pictured the large words she had scrawled across the pages of her journal just last week.
Forget about getting married. Make your own plans. You don't need a husband anyway.
Good advice. Advice that Anna should probably heed right now, because she wasn't about to give up her plans to move to America for anyone.
Even Matti Ranta.
"I've never seen you like this, Anna. Your Soldier Boy must be handsome."
"Yes, Kaino.Handsome.And stubborn and pig-headed and dead set on fighting in a war that will do nothing but bring pain and destruction to Finland."
"And tall and blond and walks with a smooth swagger, as if he just knows what he wants and how he'll get it?"
"That's about right. How did you guess?"
"I'm pretty sure he's swaggering toward us right now."
Anna shot up onto her elbows, quickly brushing yellow strands of hay off of her dress. She turned toward the direction Kaino stared.
Matti walked straight toward them, wearing a pair of military-issue khakis and a white shirt, looking as dreamy as ever.
She moaned.
Kaino laughed. "He is handsome, Anna."
She tucked that wayward strand of hair behind her ear. For the ten thousandth time, you’re not looking for romance. Not now, not ever. She pasted an all-business smile onto her face and vowed to be calm and collected around Matti.
"Hello, Matti. This is my friend Kaino Korkonen."
Kaino stood, tossed her long, blonde braid behind her shoulder, and leapt down out of the hayloft before doing a quick curtsy. She held out a slender hand. "It's good to meet you, Matti. I've heard a lot about you."
Anna glared at Kaino, blushing. Matti now knew she had been talking about him. As if this situation could get any more awkward.
"Hello, Kaino. It's a pleasure to meet you." Matti shook her hand and then turned to Anna. "Your brothers are taking me out to the river to go fishing, and I was wondering if you would like to come along."
Anna's mouth dropped open as she tried to think of an excuse that wouldn't sound as desperate as she felt. As nice as it would be to spend the afternoon by the water, her fragile emotions couldn't withstand an afternoon with Matti. Especially if just being around him for two minutes made her feel all giggly and irrational. "I can't. My mom needs me in the kitchen."
"I already asked her. She said you could come along as long as you promised to bring back some fish for her to fry up for dinner."
She quickly turned to Kaino, pleading with her eyes. "Kaino was just telling me that we hadn't had much time together recently so I would hate to leave…"
Kaino interrupted before Anna could finish. "I'll come with you guys. Let me just run home and grab my fishing pole. My mom would love some fish for dinner tonight."
"Great," Matti shouted, already turning to head back to the barn to grab poles and bait. "Come on, Anna! Your mom said she was packing us a picnic lunch to eat while we fish."
Less than an hour later, Anna sat wrapped in a hand-knitted afghan in the shade of an old spruce tree next to the Kalajoki River. She pulled the blanket tighter and shivered in the cool spring air. Anna tried not to stare at Matti, standing less than twenty meters away with a fishing pole leaning against his knee.
At least they would have plenty of fish stored up and canned for next winter. And they'd need it, too, since it was looking as though the Rantas would be staying with them for much longer than any of them had previously expected.
There hadn't been any retractions to the peace treaty. No one was admitting a mistake or calling for all Finns to return to Karelia as Anna had hoped. Instead, the news was full of tragic stories about families like the Rantas losing everything. With each passing day, it became clearer. Finland would get sucked into this war. That or half of her population would be left homeless.
Anna turned her gaze toward Matti and her heart ached for him. He had lost so much. And he had so much more to lose. Anna was a bit proud of him.
Standing there all strong and confident by the water, stubbornly dead set on fighting, Matti was passionate. She would give him that. And honest and kind and…well, his blue eyes were so light that they almost looked violet. His pale skin almost glowed in the early afternoon sunlight. His blond hair was mostly straight but curled a tiny bit above his ears. Would his commanding officer require him to cut it so it wouldn't curl out from under his uniform cap?
He carefully strung a herring head onto his hook, explaining to her brothers that fresh fish heads and guts were the very best bait when it came to catching the biggest trout.
"Eww!" they all screamed, but then followed Matti's lead and strung their own hooks with a variety of fish entrails. No one seemed to ever doubt a word Matti said.
Except for her, of course. Fish guts. Gross.
Anna turned her head toward Kaino, who dozed on the blanket, her unused fishing pole propped against a tree. A lot of help Kaino was today.
She must look pretty silly sitting on the blanket staring at them while they fished. She was a perfectly capable woman…who was scared away from the water by a few fish heads. Standing, Anna buttoned her coat, grabbed her pole, and found a spot far enough away from the boys so she wouldn't have to smell their fish guts. She dug a chunk of dried herring out her dad's bait bag and strung her hook with civilized bait before dropping her line, hoping that maybe the peace and quiet of the river would clear her racing mind. It did nothing of the sort.
She quickly went through her mental list of the reasons she didn't want a man like Matti. He was a down-home Finnish country boy who planned on living his whole life here. He wanted to settle down, have a family. He wanted to fight for home and country and all that.
She had different plans. Bigger plans.
She wouldn’t stay in Finland. Not where war had stolen everything she had dreamed of. No, she would move to the United States and go to art school. She would get a great job and settle down in a cozy house somewhere and…well, there was no room in that plan for a man like Matti. Even one who made her heart race with a crooked smile.
"Catch anything, Anna?" Matti's calm voice interrupted her racing thoughts.
"Nope. Not a thing."
He held up a string with seven beautiful trout. "Well, we caught more than enough for dinner tonight, plus several to can for winter."
Anna tried to smile, slightly annoyed that his fish guts were actually working. No wonder he was so confident. It seemed as if he was always right about everything.
"Mom will be happy to have fresh fish for dinner."
"Yes. I'm sure…" The conversation trailed off, neither of them knowing what to say or how to say it.
The air seemed to flicker whenever Matti was next to her…as if the bright lights from the aurora were flashing around them, in and out through their conversation. She couldn't breathe when he was around. He turned toward her, giving her that heart-melting smile she had come to know as Matti's gentle hello.
"Anna." He plopped down beside her in the damp grass, careful not to get tangled up in her unmoving line. The trickle of the river seemed to go silent. As if time stood still for them, for their conversation.
She waited for him to finish his thought, the cool breeze making her wonder if summer would ever come to Kalajoki. Certainly not today.
"I know you don't like this war. I know you don't like anything about it. And if I'm being honest, I don't either. But I've always felt it was my duty to fight. To fight for Finland, for my family. Until…"
"Until what, Matti?"
"Until you. Now I wonder if it's all worth it."
Anna's heart sped. What might it be like to be in his arms? To be safe, protected, loved. She should get up and run far away. But she couldn't.
Not when she had never felt like this before.
11
Kalajoki, Finland
Anna sat up tall in the pew and tried to focus on what the pastor was saying instead of on Matti who sat beside her, close enough to hear his every breath. Of course, it didn't help that every time she looked over at him, he winked as though he knew exactly what he was doing.
It was driving her crazy.
Actually, having a handsome, blue-eyed soldier sitting next to her felt pretty great. Straightening out the skirt on her blue flowered dress, Anna traced the words on the cover of her Bible, trying to concentrate on the pastor's words.
"Bear one another's burdens and thus fulfill the law of Christ."
Anna smiled. She couldn't have picked a more fitting verse herself. Nearly everyone in town had taken in someone from Karelia in the last few weeks.
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