by Mia Monroe
“It is not luck, Apollo.” His voice breaks as he speaks, pulling at my heart. “It is…” He shakes his head.
“You can say it.”
“You told me you felt your person was coming and it would be a man. I want to be that person, Apollo. I want to be your man for good.”
“You are, babe. You are. I know it.”
He smiles through his tears. “I have wanted…” He laughs, shaking his head. “I am so emotional.” He fans his eyes, exhaling slowly. “This is an amazing moment for me too. You must believe that.”
“I do. It was special.”
“Incredibly.”
I glance at the clock, in shock when I realize two hours have passed. It’s like I was in some alternate world where only Felix and I existed.
“What should we do the rest of the day?” I ask.
“Oh, we are not done, mon amour. We should shower and rest, maybe get a snack, because you are fucking me before the sun comes up. I cannot think of anything else until I can have that.”
“I can’t wait.”
After a snack of cheese and crackers, and a quick shower, the two of us fall into bed again, kissing and groping each other. Felix pins me, a devilish grin on his face.
“I want to get a piercing like yours.”
“Which one?”
“The Prince Albert, no? Would it look nice?”
“Anything would look good on you. Your dick is already awesome, so jewelry would only make it prettier.”
His smile widens. “Oh, my sweet Apollo. You have me so enraptured. You think my dick is pretty?”
“Everything about you is, Felix. You know this. You’ve told me yourself.”
He chuckles, shyly looking away for a moment. “I have practiced my self-confidence, no?”
“But you believe it, right? It’s not an act.”
“No, not anymore, but it was. When I learned there were expectations of how men look and behave, even gay men, that I did not fit, it unsettled me a little. I refused to let it change me or make me sad, but it was not easy. That was a long time ago though. Now I feel good about myself and my looks.”
“You should. I love everything about you.”
Felix searches my eyes, as if looking for a deeper meaning behind my words, and I hope he finds it.
“What is one thing you have always wanted in a relationship but could not find?” he asks.
“Lots of things.”
“Tell me some, please.” He plays with the hair on my chest. “I will tell you mine.”
I nod. “I guess the biggest one is feeling like I was important to that person. That I mattered more than casual hanging out. I never had that moment where I could see a future and feel like they wanted it back. Only once with Rachel, and even then, it felt like I was just going through the motions because I wanted to settle down.”
“I understand.”
“I want simple things, I think,” I continue. “Like a note or a text that I was thought of during the day. Favorite cake on my birthday. Little things to show the person cared.”
“Those are simple things.”
“You met Casper, right?”
“Yes.”
“Saint does things for him that I can’t even imagine someone doing for me. If he needs water, it appears. Food, Saint gets it for him. It’s like Saint is so in tune to Casper’s needs, it’s second nature.”
“Yes, I noticed at brunch. Casper comes to the bakery, and they go to Saint's office.” He smiles. “Genesis tells me he is making sure Saint has a good day.”
I chuckle. “I’ve heard that too. It’s awesome.”
“Yes.” He tickles my belly. “You have an office. I would gladly visit and make sure you have a good day.”
“I would love that. Now you. Something you've always wanted?”
“So many things. Connection, desire.” He sighs. “In my fantasies of you, we had very passionate, filthy sex, so check.”
I laugh. “What else did I do for you in your fantasies?”
His cheeks burst with pinkness. “Oh, I thought I was brave enough to tell you, but I am not. I should not have started this.”
“Babe. After what we did today, you can tell me anything.”
He nods. “Good point. Fantasy Apollo enjoyed gestures of…” He swallows hard, tucking his hair behind his ear and looking more nervous than I’ve ever seen him. “Gestures of love for me. Big and small. Sometimes privately and other times in public because you were so proud of me, even though…” His voice breaks as his eyes well with tears. “Merde.”
“What’s up, baby? Tell me. Why are you emotional?”
“I am confident, like I was saying, but I always thought you would only see me as a baby brother. Besides the fact that I thought you were straight.” He laughs, wiping his eyes. “I spent hours imagining that you could see me as a man. Desire me. The way that I am. A little chubby, a lot fem, sassy, and French. Obsessed with baking and lingerie. But I love hard, Apollo, when I love. What has been missing from every relationship was you. All I have ever wanted is to love you and have you love me back.”
“Felix…”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to feel that way about me yet. I know it’s so new for you, but for me…” He shakes his head, pausing to collect himself. “I worried that I was in love with an imaginary person. I thought maybe I created you in my mind, and in real life you were not a man I would want. I sometimes wished that was true because then I would be okay never having you.”
“Babe…”
“But you are not imaginary. You are real, and far better than my limited imagination could create.”
“Felix, are you in love with me?”
He looks terrified as he subtly nods. “I have always been in love with you. Now it’s just real, and vivid, and tangible. Now it is not unrequited with no hope in sight. Now I have a chance.”
I sit us up, gripping his hands. “I was afraid you would reject it.”
“Love? From you? You have not been paying attention, mon amour.”
“I always pay attention. Every movement, every word, every sigh. I have memorized every freckle dotting your face. I thought you would reject it if I told you while we were naked in bed.”
“Ah, yes, that is fair. Clarity is important when discussing matters of the heart.”
“Yes, that’s true.”
An idea settles over me as I gaze into the gorgeous green of his eyes. He wants gestures, big and public? He’s going to get them.
“Thank you, Felix.”
“For what?”
“Everything we’ve done together. Everything we will do together.” I kiss his hand. “But mostly, thank you for telling me what’s in your heart. I am moved.”
“I was afraid to tell you, afraid to scare you, but saying the words gives me the best feeling I’ve ever had. Even better than kissing you or feeling you in my mouth. Thank you for accepting it.”
“You’re safe with me, Felix. Your heart, your dreams, your fears. You can share all of them with me. I won’t let you fall.”
“I have already fallen.”
“Then I will catch you.”
“Merci. I am also glad…” His brow pinches. “Once, a long time ago, I told a man I was dating that I thought I was in love with him. I wasn’t, but at the time I did not know that. He was the first man I dated for more than a few weeks.”
I watch Felix twist his lips, gazing down at his hands before shifting his eyes back to me.
“He immediately said it back to me. So I thought it was true.”
“And?”
“It was not true. We fell apart shortly after that. No big reason, there was just no…” He waves his hands. “Fire. He told me though that he did not love me. He said it because it was awkward not to say it back.” He offers a slight smile. “I appreciate your thoughtfulness not to say it only in reply, but to wait until you mean it.”
I nearly bite my tongue to keep from saying it right this second. Now he’d
really believe I was just saying it. My mind races with words to reassure him without ruining this moment until it comes to me.
“When I say it, you will know without a doubt that I mean it.”
“I will wait with anticipation.” He pokes my stomach playfully. “Now, I have a need.”
“Name it.”
“I need your dick, Apollo. Inside me.”
I grin. “Absolutely.”
I tackle Felix on the bed, claiming his mouth again. Kissing him is one of my new joys in life, and I swear I could lose myself in his lips. I suckle the bottom one, dragging it gently through my teeth, earning a gorgeous moan in response.
Our dicks rub together, quickly getting hard with the heat our bodies generate. I reach down, stroking him as he fucks into my hand.
“You are so greedy,” I tease. “What am I going to do with you?”
“Fuck me.”
I gaze down at him. “You have no idea how much I want to.”
“But I do,” he says, stroking my cock. “You are so big. It’s going to hurt me.”
I tilt my head. “Why do you sound delighted by that?”
“Ah, you are paying attention. Let’s just say I enjoy a little pain with my pleasure.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes, you can be as rough with me as you wish.”
“Fuck, you just keep getting hotter.”
“I am happy you think so.” He reaches up, cupping my face. “I want to be filled with you, split in half, debased completely.”
I stare at him, still processing his words.
“You know how to fuck, Apollo. Take the lead.”
I blink, nodding. “Yeah, I know how to fuck.”
“I am waiting.”
I scramble for the nightstand, grabbing another condom and getting it on in mere seconds. The lube is next, but I can’t take my eyes off Felix as he rubs his dick. His skin is flushed pink with lust, from his cheeks to his chest.
“God, you’re beautiful.”
Felix smiles, but says nothing as he opens his legs to me. I slide off the bed, then grab his ankles, pulling him to the edge. I spread his ass cheeks, gazing at the enticing pink flesh there. I want to slam into him, but first, I have a more pressing need. I bend over, pressing my tongue to him. I’ve never once rimmed another human, but there was no way I was letting this opportunity pass.
My eyes flutter as heat fills my body. His flesh is soft, his scent clean and fresh from the recent shower. His heavy balls rest on my nose as I bury my tongue into him. He murmurs my name, slowly rolling his hips to meet my tongue.
“Dick,” he moans. “Please, Apollo. I need you.”
Righting myself, I align my cock with his entrance. “Oh. I need to prep you first.”
“No,” he moans. “It’s fine. Just go slow at first.”
“Are you sure?”
“Very.” He fixes his eyes on me. “I am not a virgin, lover.”
“Right.” With a slow exhale, I push into him, inch by delicious inch, until I bottom out. I can’t move. He’s like a vise around me. “Fuck,” I whisper.
“It is nice, no? To fuck an ass. I assume you have not before.”
Not for lack of trying. I shake my head. “No.”
“Beautiful. Move when you are ready. And Apollo?” He grips my wrist as I focus my eyes on him. “Do not be gentle.”
I nod, taking a deep breath to center myself. Then I grip his ankles, open his legs a little wider, and go. I fuck into him with everything in me, not only because he wants it but because I cannot get enough of this feeling.
Tight.
Hot.
Soft.
The harder I fuck, the more his dick bounces, which is an unexpected turn on.
“Touch your dick, Felix.”
“Mm, yes.” He strokes it, capturing some precum on his fingertip before sucking it into his mouth.
“Goddamn.”
“Do you want a taste?”
“Fuck yeah.”
Felix grins, squeezing more from his cock and offering his finger to me. I suck it, moaning from the taste.
“You are delicious.”
“Merci, lover. Fuck me harder, please.”
“Harder.” I nod. “Turn around.”
Felix slides off my dick and flips around, presenting that gorgeous ass to me. I drag him down, setting his feet on the floor as I slam into him. He moans, clawing the bedding as I pound his ass. I’m overwhelmed by how amazing it feels and the gorgeous moans and whimpers coming from this beautiful man.
His hand is beneath him, working his cock. My legs are shaking, my second orgasm of the day pushing to the surface, but I want to make sure he gets off first. I reach under his hips, pulling his feet from the floor, and with every ounce of strength I’ve got, I nail him. He has one leg on the bed, opening himself up to me, and when he cries out, I know I’ve found his magic spot.
“Oh fuck, fuck, Apollo, fuck.”
“Come for me, baby. I want you to fall apart in my arms. I’m here to catch you.”
“Ooooh,” he moans, helping the process by pushing his ass into me. “Yes, oh god, yes, yes…fuuccckkk.”
His body tenses against me, then slumps. I pump a few more times until I can’t hold back anymore.
“Ahhh, I’m coming.”
Felix pulls off me, rips the condom off, and strokes me until I explode, spraying cum on his chest and neck. He milks my dick until I’m shuddering and pulling back from the sensitivity. Leaning against the wall, I watch in awe as Felix scoops my cum from his chest and sucks his fingers clean.
“Jesus, Felix. You’re fucking life.”
By the time I walk into Black Heart on Monday, I’m a man on a mission. I’m going to tell Felix I’m in love with him, but first, I have some gestures to take care of. The first one is hunting down a phone number. I sit at my desk, scrolling the internet and completely ignoring the pile of shit I need to do. I’ll get to it.
“Knock, knock.”
I look up to see Luca leaning on the doorframe, eating an empanada.
“Where’d you get that?”
“Where’d I get it?” he repeats with one eyebrow raised. “Want one?” He shows his hand with one sitting on a napkin.
“Please. I’m starving.”
“Why?”
Didn’t eat dinner. Too busy feasting on my gorgeous boyfriend. Took him home late last night, and then fell into bed exhausted and happy.
“Just hungry.” I bite it, chewing. “So delicious.”
“I know. No wonder Casper is an addict.”
“True.”
“What’s got you all riled up, staring at your computer like that?”
“Nothing. Just looking for something for Felix.”
“Speaking of. He’s your boyfriend now?”
I lean back in my seat, swallowing my bite with a huge smile on my face. “Yeah. I’m crazy about him, Luca. I think he’s the one. No.” I shake my head. “He is. I know he is.”
“Yeah?” Luca grins. “That’s awesome, man. He seems great. Gen and Cairo say only good things about him.”
“He’s amazing.” I finish the empanada. “There’s just one big thing in the way of going all in with him.”
“What’s that?”
“He’s my best friend’s little brother.”
“Oh, yeah, right. Is he gonna have a problem?”
“I’m not sure. I think he might. He knows I was a big-time player for years. Banged everything that wasn’t moving.”
Luca chuckles. “Women, right?”
“Exclusively. I don’t know, man, it was like I was trying to fill some kind of hole in me with sex. It never worked, obviously. Meeting Marc, the guy I worked with, was a game-changer. I’m so thankful because I might not have been open to Felix.”
“Nah, you would’ve been. It was in you, buried, just waiting for a reason to show up. Felix would’ve brought it out, but maybe it’s better it happened this way so you could, you know, already be u
sed to the idea that you might like some dick.”
I laugh. “Yeah. good point. Did you always know, or did you wonder for a while?”
“I knew. I never even looked twice at a girl, but them boys,” he chuckles, “I was looking.”
“Nice. I’m just glad I figured it out. Felix blows my mind.”
“Hopefully, he blows something else too.”
I roll my eyes. “Get out.”
Luca laughs. “Seriously though, I’m so damn happy for you. You deserve a good guy. He looks at you like you hung the moon. That’s love.”
“Yeah.” I exhale. “I’ve never felt like this before. I need to call Lucien and just get it over with. I want to move forward with Felix, and this is a bridge I have to cross.”
“Hey, if he’s a good friend then he knows your heart, and he knows you would never just fuck around with his brother. Even I know that.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
“Let me know if you need anything.”
“I will. Thanks, Luca.”
“You’re welcome.”
Once Luca leaves, I continue my search, smiling when I find it. First up. Private gesture. I dial the store.
“Thank you for calling Tempt. How can I help you?”
“Hi. You have a teal outfit in the window. Does that happen to come in your men’s line?”
“Yes, sir, it does.”
“Great. I’d like to order it as a gift please.”
Later that evening, I decide it’s time. When I see Felix’s face again, I want to be able to tell him that I told Lucien. He means that much to me. I exhale slowly then dial my friend’s number on video.
He answers after two rings, smiling when he sees me.
“Apollo. Mon ami. How are you?”
“Fantastic. How are you?”
“Pretty good. You’re fantastic? Did something wonderful happen?”
“Yeah. Something wonderful happened.” Fuck. My stomach feels like it’s trying to crawl through my throat. “I have something really important to tell you. I hope you’ll understand and support me.”