by K. A. Tucker
Storm plows on. “Livie, you can concentrate on getting that scholarship to Princeton that I know you’re going to get. Kacey—” she fixes me with a stern look, taking hold of my hands in hers, “—figure out what you want in life and go after it. I’m here for you every step of the way. I’m not going anywhere.”
I nod, biting my lip to stop myself from crying. It doesn’t work. Soon, I can’t see her through my tears.
My happy tears.
***
“Sure is going to be quiet without you ladies around here,” Tanner says, scratching his head as he sits down beside me on the park bench in the commons. It’s nine at night and dark. The movers are coming in the morning for our things.
“Like what you’ve done with the place, Tanner,” I say as I take in the tiny white Christmas lights strung through freshly pruned bushes. The gardens are weeded and cut back and there’re a few tiny purple flowers blooming throughout. A new barbeque sits next to a picnic table and, by the lingering scent of grilled meat in the air, I’d say the commons is finally getting some use.
“That’s all your sister’s doing,” Tanner mumbles. “Kept herself busy while you were away.” He leans back and settles crossed arms on his protruding belly. “So now I’ve got three apartments to fill. Yours, Storm’s, and 1D.”
Without meaning to, I peer over my shoulder at the dark window and sadness lingers. “You haven’t rented it yet? Trent’s been gone for months.” Saying his name makes my mouth dry up and a hollowness blossom inside me.
“Yeah, I know. But he paid for six months. Plus I was hopin’ he might show up again.” He picks at his fingernails in silence for a moment. “I heard the whole story. Livie told me. Tough thing for both of you.”
I nod slowly.
Tanner stretches his legs out. “Did I ever tell you about my brother?”
“Uh … no …?”
“Name was Bob. He went out one night with his girlfriend. Had one beer too many. Thought he was fine to drive. Hey, it happens. No excuse, but it happens. Wrapped his car around a tree. Killed his girlfriend.” I wait quietly for Tanner to continue, watching his hands fumble and his one leg jitter. “He was never the same after that. I found him hanging in Dad’s barn six months later.”
“I …” I swallow as I reach forward tentatively and pat Tanner on the shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Tanner.” That’s all I can say.
He nods, accepting my condolences. “It’s a terrible accident on all fronts. The wrong doer. The victims. They all suffer somethin’ fierce, don’t you think?”
“Yes, you’re right,” I answer hoarsely, concentrating on the tiny Christmas lights, wondering if Tanner needed two months of intense therapy to come to that realization.
“Well, anyway,” Tanner stands up. “I hope Bob’s at peace now. I like to think he met up with Kimmy in Heaven. Maybe she forgave him for what he did to her.” Tanner walks away with his hands in his pockets, leaving me to stare at the dark window in 1D.
And suddenly I know what I need to do.
I can barely dial Dr. Stayner’s number, my hands trembling. He gave it to me in case of emergencies. This is an emergency.
“Hello?” the smooth voice answers and I picture him sitting in a wing chair by a fire with his glasses sitting on his nose, reading a Shrinks Today magazine.
“Dr. Stayner?”
“Yes, Kacey? Are you alright?”
“Yes, I am. Dr. Stayner, I have a favor to ask of you. I know it’s probably an abuse of our relationship and confidentiality but—”
“What is it, Kacey?” I can hear the patient smile in his voice.
“Tell him that I forgive him. For everything.” There’s a long pause. “Dr. Stayner? Can you do that? Please?”
“I certainly can, Kacey.”
Stage Nine – Forgiveness
Chapter Twenty-Two
Waves lap at my feet as I walk along the shore line toward home, watching the sun dive below the horizon for the night. When Storm said “the beach,” I didn’t know she meant a property that backs right onto Miami Beach. And when she said “a big house” I didn’t know she meant a sprawling three story mansion with wrap-around balconies and a separate wing for Livie and I. Apparently, Grandma Ryder had her wrinkly fingers in the oil fields and her only grandchild, Officer Dan, made out like a fox in a henhouse.
We’ve been here almost five months and I still haven’t quite settled. I don’t know if it’s because it’s too beautiful to be real, or if it’s missing something.
Or someone.
Every night, I walk along the beach, listening to the calm waves lap up onto the shore, appreciating the fact that I can walk, and run, and breathe. And love. And I wonder where Trent is. And how he’s doing. If he’s found a good coping mechanism to help him heal. Dr. Stayner never updated me after that phone call. I trust that he passed on the message. I have no doubt about that. I can only hope that it has brought Trent some level of peace.
But I haven’t pushed further. I have no right. I’ve asked Livie a few times if she’s heard about Trent from Carter. Carter makes a point of calling Livie every other Sunday to check in on us and ask her how school is going. I think Livie really likes that. It’s like she has a father figure in her life to help fill the vast hole left after the accident. Maybe, in time, I’ll be able to talk to him too. I don't know …
Every time I ask about Trent though, she all but pleads with me not to hurt him or myself by reopening those wounds. Of course Livie’s right. Livie always knows what’s best.
I try not to think about Trent moving on with his life, even though he probably has. Thinking of him with his arms around anyone else only feeds the deep ache in my chest. I need more time before I can face that reality. And my love for him, well, I don’t know that it will ever fade. I’ll just move on with my life, a part of me always wishing he were in it. Moving on … Something I haven’t done since my parents died.
My feet slow as I gaze out at the sun dropping below the horizon, its last light dancing over thousands of ripples, and I thank God for giving me a second chance.
“I think I like this meeting place better than the laundromat.”
The sound of that deep voice stops my heart dead. I gasp and spin around to find blue eyes and a mess of golden brown hair.
Trent is standing in front of me with his hands in his pockets. Here, in person.
I struggle to kick start my breathing as my heart starts up again, only now it’s pounding slow and rhythmic against my chest cavity. A jumble of emotions slam into me and I stand frozen, trying to separate and understand each one so I can deal with them. Not suppress them. No more bottling.
I feel happiness. Happiness that Trent is here.
Longing. Longing to feel him against my skin again, his arms protecting me, his mouth on mine.
Love. Whatever happened between us, it was real. I know it was real. And I love him for letting me experience that.
Hope. Hope that something beautiful may come from this tragic story.
Fear. Fear that it won’t.
Forgiveness … forgiveness.
“Why are you here?” I blurt out without thinking, my body trembling.
“Livie asked me to come.”
Livie. Always the surprise. Trent’s voice is so low and smooth. I could close my eyes and listen to it vibrate in my ear drums all night long, but I don’t because I’m terrified he’ll disappear. So I stare at him, at his parted lips, at his blue on blue irises as they roam my face.
“I guess she’s convinced you don’t stuff kittens into ATMs anymore.” I finally manage to say.
He chuckles, his eyes twinkling. “No, I suppose that’s one less worry for her.”
He’s a mere five feet away, three steps from my arms, and I can’t close the distance. I want to, so badly. But it’s not my right. That lean strong body, that face, that smile, that heart—none of it belongs to me anymore, outside of my dreams. Someone else will enjoy that blessing. Maybe they already ar
e. “Does Dr. Stayner know you’re here?”
I watch Trent’s chest rise and fall with a deep inhale. “Yeah, I told him. I don’t hide anything from him anymore.”
“Oh.” I hug myself tightly. “So how are you doing?”
He gazes at me for a long moment before he smiles. “I’m good, Kacey.” There’s a pause. “But not great.”
I feel my brow furrow with concern. “Why? What’s wrong? Is therapy not working?”
“What’s wrong?” Trent’s brow arches as he takes two steps forward, closing the distance, his hands firmly gripping the sides of my waist. I suck in a gasp of air, his proximity to my body both alarming and intoxicating. “What’s wrong is that every morning and every night, I lie in bed wondering why you’re not beside me.”
My legs start to wobble. “You know why,” I answer in a low, defeated voice. Inside I’m screaming, cursing reality.
“No, I knew why before. But you set me free, Kacey, remember?”
I forgive you. I nod and swallow. His hand lifts to stroke my cheek with the pad of this thumb.
“And there’s nowhere I’d rather be than with you.” His thumb grazes my bottom lip.
I can’t seem to catch a breath. My hand shakes as I push a lock of hair back behind my ear. “What does Dr. Stayner say about this? Isn’t this wrong?”
“Oh, Kace.” Trent’s lips curve and he flashes me the deepest set of dimples I’ve ever seen, buckling my knees. “Nothing’s ever been more right.”
That’s all I need to hear. I barrel into his arms, my mouth connecting with his.
Seizing him. Feeling him. Loving him.
Epilogue
A light breeze ruffles the folds of Storm’s dress as she and Dan stand for pictures with the ocean and a fall sunset as a back drop. She’s the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen, all the more so with her swollen belly. The baby is due in just three months and Mia has taken to referring to it as “Alien Baby X.” I don’t know where she comes up with this stuff. Dan, probably. The baby is another girl. Dan jokes that he’s doomed, but secretly, I think he misses all the female companionship. The beach house is a little less estrogen-laden these days with Livie in New Jersey and me dividing my time between there, school, and Trent’s condo five minutes away.
“Who knew there’d be so many hot women at a wedding?” Trent sidles up behind me, hanging his arms around my shoulders. My stomach does a nervous somersault flutter. It always does that when Trent touches me. Even after three years, he can do things to me with a look that I thought impossible. I hope that never fades.
“By so many, you mean one, right?” I murmur as I tip my head back and nuzzle my nose against his jaw line.
He groans. “You trying to give me an erection in front of my parents?”
I laugh and roll my gaze over to see Carter and Bonnie watching us from the distance, and they’re beaming. During therapy, I realized that me barring them from my and Livie’s life from the beginning didn’t allow them the chance to heal as a family. After Trent and I reconnected, I made a point of writing a heartfelt note to them as way of apology. First Bonnie appeared at my door in tears, then Carter. One thing led to another and here they are, hand in hand, a family again.
The wind carries Livie’s soft giggle to us. She’s with Mia, who’s busy showing her all her new grown up teeth. Livie earned that full scholarship to Princeton like we all expected so we don’t see her much anymore. I’m so proud of her. I know Dad would be too.
But I miss her like crazy.
And I think she’s dating someone, but I’m not sure. She’s remaining vague about whatever’s going on in Princeton, and that’s usually a sign of a man. I hope she is. Livie deserves that and so much more.
I look out over the crowd of friendly faces. They’re all there. Cain and Nate—as dashing in suits as any man can be. Tanner, with a lady friend who he met online. Even Ben, arm in arm with a blonde bombshell lawyer from the firm he just joined. He catches me watching him and he winks. I can’t help but chuckle. Oh, Ben.
“You want to go to Vegas next week?” Trent whispers, biting my ear playfully.
I giggle. “I’ve got midterms, remember?” I just finished my first year of psychology at State. I plan on specializing in post-traumatic stress disorder therapy. I already have a killer reference from the renowned and unorthodox Dr. Stayner.
“Just a quick trip. To the chapel and back.”
“Yeah?” I lean back and look into his eyes to see if he’s joking. I see nothing but love.
His fingers graze my cheek lovingly. “Oh yeah.”
Trent has kept his promise. He makes me smile every day.
###
Acknowledgements
Writing this book has been a whirlwind of excitement and fear. I've gone beyond my comfort zone, stretched into a genre I have never written before, and pulled forward some of my deepest fears to write a story that I adore. I couldn't do all of that—be here right now—without the help of some truly amazing people.
First, to my beta readers, Heather Self and Kathryn Spell Grimes. You two gave me courage. All that talk of nipples and hot scenes had my stomach in knots and my confidence wavering, but you two, with your loud screams of encouragement, made me believe that I could do this exciting New Adult genre justice.
To my amazing fellow indies, especially Tiffany King, Amy Jones, Nancy Straight, Sarah Ross, C.A. Kunz, Ella James, and Adriane Boyd, who jumped at the chance to read TTB before it was out. It's hard to make time for all these fantastic indie books releasing and I appreciate that you made the time for this one.
To all the amazing bloggers out there who have supported me through my career. I seriously can't name every single one of you here because I'd forget someone and then I'd want to crawl into a hole and die (true story… takes me back to my wedding day when I forgot to thank my photographer.) You know who you are and I can't say enough about you all. You are AMAZING people and I appreciate having each of you by my (cyber) side through my journey.
To Kelly Simmons of Inkslinger PR, thank you for reading my manuscript—uglies and all— and seeing the potential hidden beneath.
To my friends and family who support me in my writing career and deal with my reclusive behavior, thank you.
To my husband, for stealing my only proof copy and taking it with you to Dallas to read. It speaks volumes.
The topic of drunk driving and the aftermath is one that has always scared the crap out of me. Now that I have children, I can't describe my level of fear. Lives are lost, futures destroyed, and hearts broken every single day by judgment calls when people aren't capable of making sound judgment calls. If this book stops even one person from getting behind the wheel of a car after a few drinks, then it will have accomplished something monumental.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Born in small-town Ontario, K.A.Tucker published her first book at the age of six with the help of her elementary school librarian and a box of crayons. She is a voracious reader and the farthest thing from a genre-snob, loving everything from High Fantasy to Chick Lit. She currently resides in a quaint small town outside of Toronto with her husband, two beautiful girls, and an exhausting brood of four-legged creatures.
For more information on K.A.Tucker's books or to contact her, visit www.katuckerbooks.com.