Chris: Yeah, I pretty much told Leo the same thing. So, are you okay with this?
Am I? It’s not like he’s an asshole. Maybe it’d be easier if he was.
Me: I think I can deal. You?
I bite my thumbnail, waiting for his response. I see the dots fly across the screen and then stop. He’s thinking and while he does, a thousand scenarios run through my mind.
Just as I’m about to freak out, I’m rewarded with the best message…
Chris: I’m looking forward to it.
Chris
Brenda and I each got our marching orders for today and since I have to work the four to midnight shift at the club, I’m picking her up early.
Our first item on the list is choosing a venue for the wedding and reception. Our best friends were kind enough to give us a date of October seventeenth, which gives us a few months of planning.
After a quick shower and a protein shake, I head over to pick up Brenda.
Things have gotten a little easier between us. We’ve been texting ideas to each other all while eye-rolling at this whole setup.
I hop out of my car and jog up the steps to Brenda’s place. With a new attitude and a smile on my face, I knock.
And wait…
Three minutes later, Brenda finally answers the door. When she does, I can tell something is wrong.
Brenda is still in her pajamas, and when I say pajamas, that’s being generous. Her pink booty shorts and her white lace tank top don’t leave much to the imagination. Not that I’m complaining.
“What’s that matter?” I ask even before I say hello.
Brenda opens the door wider for me to enter, so I do.
“I got sick again this morning. But I’m starting to feel better. I just had some coffee and that helped.”
Now the thing about me is I try to be practical but occasionally, I can get ahead of myself. And the lingering suspicion Brenda could be pregnant hits me right in the chest. I wouldn’t even consider it, except one time we were together, the condom broke and we both panicked.
“Do you have any ginger ale or crackers?” I ask because these were the only two things my sister could eat when she first got pregnant with Rosie.
Brenda leans against her kitchen counter with her hand over her mouth. She shakes her head.
“All right. Why don’t you go lay down and I’ll make a quick trip to the store.”
“Thank you,” Brenda whispers through her fingers.
With a tentative smile, I head off to get the ginger ale, crackers, and a pregnancy test.
On the way to the store, I can’t shake the feeling something isn’t right. But it didn’t even seem to faze Brenda other than not feeling well. Maybe I’m jumping the gun on the whole chance of Brenda being pregnant. But what if she is?
When I arrive back at her place, Brenda is sitting at the kitchen table, her head in her hands.
“Hey, you okay?”
Shaking her head, Brenda looks up at me. Tears are streaming down her cheeks. It’s at that moment we both realize what may happen in the next few minutes could change her life, and perhaps mine, forever.
Without saying a word, I move to her cabinet. I take out a glass and fill it with ginger ale, then place four saltine crackers on a plate. The pregnancy test is still in the bag.
I place the glass and plate in front of her and take the seat across the table.
Brenda stares at the crackers as I place the pregnancy test box in front of me.
I can see she looks at it without raising her head. “Why did you get that, Chris?”
Tapping my finger on the table, I wait for her eye contact. Once I get it, I try to remain calm in my response.
“I went through my sister’s pregnancy with her. Now, I’m not saying you’re pregnant but you’re concerned, aren’t you?”
Brenda nods with her hand over her mouth. A sob escapes, and it breaks my heart.
She’s scared shitless and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t too. But I’m not stupid. It’s been over three months since we were last together, and I know I’m not the only one she’s slept with. But that fucker Ricky isn’t good enough for her.
I move to her side of the table and hold out my hand. Brenda looks at it and then up to my face. What she says next guts me.
“I don’t know how to be a mother.”
Brenda
It all happened so fast. From waking up and throwing up to Chris sliding a pregnancy test in front of me. And now I’m peeing on a stick.
The knock on the bathroom door jolts me.
“Are you sure you don’t want me in there with you?” Chris asks.
To be honest, I don’t know but my body is on autopilot so I lean over from the edge of the bathtub and open the door.
Chris leans against the doorjamb with his hands in his pockets. I can tell he’s not sure what to do, but just having him here is a relief.
“You know you’ll be okay if this test turns out positive.”
I can’t look at him because my guilt is overwhelming. How do I tell him if I am pregnant, the baby isn’t his? It can’t be. I had my period between the time I had sex with Chris and Ricky.
Just as I start to tell him I don’t think I’ll be all right, the timer on my phone pings. Summoning whatever courage I have, I move to get the stick off the counter, but I’m stopped by Chris.
With his hand on my wrist, he tries to calm me.
“If it’s positive, Brenda, don’t freak the fuck out. You’ll need to stay calm.”
I give a slight nod even though my gesture is a lie. There’s no way I’ll be able to stay calm.
Positive.
I’m pregnant. And now I’m freaking the fuck out. All the memories of my terrible childhood flash before me. The way my father would tell his girlfriends he got stuck with me because my addict of a mother ran away.
And that’s the scariest part of being pregnant. I didn’t have a mother to show me how to be one.
Running past Chris, I head to my room. I’m in survival mode. Opening my closet, I grab my suitcase and throw it on the bed.
As I start to gather my clothes because let’s face it, I have to get the hell out of here, Chris walks in and stops me.
He gently grabs my arm, which only reminds me of our connection.
“Hey. Hey, Brenda, stop. Come on. Just sit down for a minute so you process this.”
I can see the fear in his eyes, but I’m not sure what it’s from.
“I have to get out of here, Chris. It feels like my walls are closing in on me.”
As his hands move to my shoulders, he gently pulls me against him. I feel the stress leave my body.
“Sit,” he tells me as he applies soft pressure to my shoulders.
Blowing out a sigh, I sit on the edge of my bed as he parks himself next to me.
“Look, I know this is a shock. But you need to stay calm and get checked out by a doctor. Taking care of yourself early on is important.”
I can’t help myself as I lean my head onto Chris’s shoulder. Questioning why this man is still here just makes me glad he is.
Chris throws his arm around me, pulling me in closer. And then the guilt hits again.
How do I tell him this baby isn’t his?
Chris
Don’t get me wrong now, I wanted to bolt out the door too once I knew Brenda was pregnant. But I couldn’t. She needs someone to keep her calm and levelheaded until things get sorted out.
The second I saw her trying to run away, my heart slammed in my chest. It was then I realized I couldn’t handle her leaving.
I may be setting myself up for major heartbreak here, but if my instincts are right and this baby isn’t mine, Brenda will still need support.
Feeling a sense of dread, Ricky’s stupid face pops into my head. I can usually get a read on people and from what I can tell, he’s a fucking loser who doesn’t deserve to have a family with Brenda. But I tuck my feelings away for now and focus on the woman who’s stolen my
heart.
“Do you want to talk about how you’re feeling?” I ask.
“I would if I knew how to explain it,” Brenda says with a sad smile.
“Well, are you at least feeling better physically?”
With a shrug of her shoulder, she tells me her nausea has subsided.
“I don’t know if I can go out and look at wedding venues, Chris. I think my mind will be elsewhere and that’s not fair to Sophia and Leo. Oh God, Sophia. Please don’t tell her yet. I need to think this through first.”
All I can do is nod, but the elephant in the room can’t be ignored. Is there a possibility this child could be mine?
“Do you, um, know how far along you are?”
Please say, like, three months, I think to myself, which shocks the hell out of me. The war Brenda is having with herself is pretty much all the answer I need. This baby isn’t mine.
I swallow the lump in my throat and put my pride aside. I don’t know how I do it, but perhaps it’s because the woman in front of me is shaken to her core. And that makes my heart ache for her.
“You deserve to know the truth, Chris. This baby can’t be yours. I had my period after the last time you and I had sex.”
While I knew it was probably the case, I’m sure the disappointment is visible. I try to hide it by moving to the other side of the room. I need some space to figure out what I’m feeling.
Running my hand through my hair, I lean back against the wall in her room.
I hear Brenda mumble something under her breath.
“Just say what’s on your mind, Brenda.”
“I guess I’m just surprised you look disappointed. You should be relieved.”
Glancing up at the ceiling, I try to formulate my answer without scaring her off. Right now, this is about her and the baby she’s carrying. It’s not about how I feel. If watching my sister be a single mom the last few years has taught me anything, it’s the importance of having a support system.
I push off the wall and sit down next to Brenda on the edge of her bed.
“Am I right in assuming Ricky is the father?”
When Brenda nods, I feel as if I could get sick. A thousand thoughts run through my head. Will he want to take care of them? Will they get married? How will I get over this?
As I begin to draw out all sorts of scenarios in my mind, I hear Brenda start to giggle.
“Okay, that’s a nervous laugh, isn’t it?”
With her hand over her mouth, she nods. “The night you and I went to see Leo and Sophia, Ricky stopped by.”
Thinking back on it now, she did seem a little off when I picked her up. She seemed happy but it was a forced or fake happy.
Brenda gets up from the bed and begins to pace in front of me.
“He came over to tell me that our little arrangement was over. He has a girlfriend that he intends to marry one day. Isn’t that the shit? I mean, I wasn’t ever in love with him, but it was a comfortable situation…no commitment.”
She moves her hand to her stomach and my eyes follow the movement.
“And this baby is the biggest commitment of all, isn’t it?” she whispers.
Brenda
A million thoughts are running through my head. How am I going to do this when my own mother abandoned me? What will Ricky say, if and when I tell him? And Chris, I’ll surely lose him. If I’m being honest, I’m not sure which thought scares me the most.
“Brenda.” Chris draws me from my thoughts. “I know it’s overwhelming. But all you have to do is take one day at a time and stay healthy. Everything else will fall into place.”
He sounds very convincing, but I’m not even sure he believes what he’s saying.
“Why are you being so nice to me? You must think I’m a hussy, don’t you?” I say as I start to cry again.
With a laugh, Chris pulls me back down on the edge of the bed. “Of course I don’t think that. Hey, you made it perfectly clear you didn’t want a relationship with me or him. You never lied about that. While I don’t know why you’re so adamant about not wanting to be mine, I’m sure glad you didn’t want to be his.”
My fingers go to his mouth and trace his bottom lip. How I long to be his, but can’t be, especially now.
Chris kisses my fingers gently, and the feeling makes my thighs squeeze together.
“What do you need from me, Brenda?” he murmurs.
All of you. But in reality, I need to clear my head, and I can’t do that with him here.
“I need some time by myself so I can think this through.”
Chris nods. “I’ll tell Leo we just weren’t able to do it today due to you not feeling well. He won’t ask any questions. But you do know Sophia will eventually figure this out.”
“I know. I’ll tell her as soon as I come to grips with it myself.”
With a kiss on my forehead, Chris stands to leave. But before he goes, I ask him a question I’m really not sure I want to know the answer to.
“Am I a bad person because I’m not excited about having a baby?”
Chris doesn’t even think about it. He shakes his head. “You’re in shock and can’t see how this will work. I get it. But trust me, in time, wanting to be a mother and loving this baby will be the only thing that drives you.”
I’m not sure he’d feel that way if he knew how I was raised. But just maybe I can be different from the two people who donated their DNA to make me.
“I’m going to go. Let me know if you need anything.”
“Thank you. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you weren’t here with me. I probably would’ve freaked out.”
This earns a laugh from Chris and shit, is he sexy when he laughs.
“I’m pretty sure you freaked out with me here, but I wouldn’t want to be anyplace else. See you later, gorgeous,” he says with a tap on the doorframe.
And with that, I’m left to my own thoughts.
Curling back up in bed, I send him a quick text.
Me: Thank you for being so great today. I don’t know why I deserve your friendship, but I’m thankful for it.
I know I won’t hear from him while he’s driving, so I toss my phone aside and think about what to do next.
There are two other people I need to tell, and soon. Of course, Sophia will be easy to tell; at least, I think. She’ll be all motherly, giving me all sorts of tips on being healthy.
Ricky, on the other hand, telling him will be a challenge. But first things first, I need to have a doctor confirm the test results. Once that happens, I can make a plan on what to do next.
Chris
“Give me a shot of tequila and keep them coming,” I tell Brock the bartender.
Though I’m not working today, I find myself in Club Desire anyway. Glancing around, there are three dancers on stage. It’s one of my favorite routines here at the club. With three poles, the dancers are in sync with .38 Special’s song, “If I’d Been the One.”
How fitting.
I turn back to the bar as Brock slides the tequila down to me. “Wanna talk about it?” he asks with a laugh.
“That obvious, huh?”
“Well, you’re hardly ever in here when you’re not working. And”—Brock looks at the clock—“it’s eleven in the morning. So yeah, it’s pretty obvious.”
“Actually, I’m not even sure what to say about it. I think I’ll just drink my tequila and lick my wounds.”
“You got it, brother. I’ll keep it coming.”
As I nod for another shot, I take my phone out from my pocket. I missed two text messages, one from Brenda and one from Cheyenne.
Fuck! I read the text from the woman I can’t have first. It’s Brenda thanking me, her friend, for being there for her today. Friendship, that’s all we’ll ever have.
An image of that fucker Ricky comes to mind again. He’ll be tied to Brenda forever through their child. And that fact pisses me off. How the fuck she ever got mixed up with him is beyond me.
I don’t even know why
I should care. I’ve never really been a one-woman man. I’m a professional soccer player and women throw themselves at me. But Brenda is the only one I can think about. She’s got me crazy.
Now the one woman I want is having a baby with another man. What the actual fuck? I knew she was with hanging with Ricky, but I didn’t give a shit. He’s one lucky fucker.
I knock on the bar for another shot…and another. I glance at the text message again, but I’m not in any condition to respond. I don’t want to say something I shouldn’t. Like, I don’t want to be your friend. I want to be your man.
Shit! It doesn’t matter now, does it?
Two hours later, my finger hovers over Cheyenne’s text message.
Cheyenne: I need some Chris time. Free tonight?
Am I free tonight? Yes, I guess I am, but the thought of being with a woman who isn’t Brenda threatens to make me ill. Of course, it could also be the tequila.
Just as I’m about to answer Cheyenne, I feel a hand on my shoulder.
“Hey, man,” Leo says as he takes the stool next to me.
“Brock call you?” I ask before I take another shot.
Leo takes the empty glass and exchanges it for a bottle of water. I should be pissed but I’m not.
“Yep. Said you’ve been here since eleven this morning. And judging from the fact that you were supposed to be with Brenda, checking out wedding venues, and now you’re drunk on tequila, I’ll assume it didn’t go well.”
I snort. “We didn’t even make it that far.”
After I drink the whole bottle of water, I excuse myself to the bathroom.
When I return to the bar, Leo is on the phone with Sophia. I cringe to myself because Brenda asked me not to tell either of them about her pregnancy.
“Yeah, okay. Yes, I’ll make sure he gets home safely,” Leo says with an eye roll.
His Runaway Goal: Book Two in the Game Winner Series Page 3