by Mo O’Hara
“Urgh?” Igor asked.
“I don’t know,” I said, “but it looks like a way in. Let’s go.”
We clambered in through the window and dropped silently to the floor below. Well, I dropped silently—Igor kinda thudded not so silently.
We could hear voices at the end of the corridor and followed them. It sounded like Geeky Girl and Madame Mako, but they didn’t sound upset or anything. Maybe she didn’t know about Lucky attacking Boris. We headed for the room.
A few yards away from the door, a face poked its head around the corner. A large dribbling lizard face. It spotted us, and Lucky charged.
Fang jumped down in front of us in attack kitten stance and held her ground, hissing as the dragon stampeded in our direction. I reached into my backpack and pulled out one of my secret inventions, Insta-Sticky Anti-Animal-Attack Spray. I aimed and sprayed at Lucky and caught him on his front claws. It slowed him as he started to stick to the floor, but didn’t stop him. One dragon-head away, Lucky was yanked back by his golden chain. It was slightly too short for him to reach us.
Just as we let ourselves breathe again and turned to try to tiptoe away, a voice called out, “You had better come in, then. Both of you,” Madame Mako said. Then she whistled and Lucky trotted back out to the corridor. His Insta-Sticky-Spray-covered claws slurped on the floor like suction cups being pulled up with every step.
Fang jumped back into my pocket as we entered the room, and we could see that Madame Mako and Geeky Girl both sat at a long dining table. The room was like a massive cave but decorated with elegant chandeliers, and long fabric tapestries covered the walls. Boris fluttered over to Geeky Girl’s shoulder.
“Oh right,” I said. “So, if Boris is OK and not dragon food, then we’ll just be going…”
“Sit,” Madame Mako said.
We sat.
“You were spying on me? You were using my own budgie to spy on me?” Geeky Girl said.
“To be fair it was kinda Boris’s idea,” I said, and Igor nodded.
Lucky sat under the table and licked at his feet. “What is that on my dragon?” Madame Mako asked.
“Insta-Sticky Anti-Animal-Attack Spray,” I said. “Raspberry flavor,” I added.
“Ahhh,” she said. “He seems to like it.” Lucky got up and headed out of the room again and Madame Mako turned back to us.
“So, my plan is panning out perfectly. We’ll just wait for the others.”
“What others?” Geeky Girl said.
Just then Sanj and Dustin were herded into the room by Lucky.
“We were expecting you,” Madame Mako said, and gestured to the empty seats.
“I really wasn’t,” Geeky Girl added.
“I was. We saw you in the canoes. You were following us,” I said.
“Urgh, urgh,” Igor said.
“Igor actually forgot that you were here but then remembered when you came in,” I translated.
“It was easy to get in with that open window,” Sanj said.
“Of course it was,” I said.
“You put an open window in a volcano lair, Grandma?” Geeky Girl asked.
“Yes, and it worked well for letting in precisely who I wanted to be let in,” Madame Mako replied. “Now wait.”
“Um, excuse me, what are we waiting for?” Sanj asked.
“The others,” Madame Mako said.
Then Bob and Diablo were brought in by Lucky.
“OK, I seriously was not expecting that,” I said.
“We were following Sanj and Dustin,” Bob said. “And there was this open window…”
Everyone nodded.
“You don’t get to run an evil empire for half a century without being in control. This is all going to my plan. Just a few more to arrive,” she said.
“Who else could possibly be coming?” Sanj asked.
He was interrupted by the doorbell ringing. Lucky went to the front door to answer and came back with Trevor, Kirsty and Phillipe.
“We received your message, Madame Mako,” Phillipe said, looking around at the assembled campers. Boris quietly fluttered out of sight up into the rafters of the room.
It was then I noticed that Fang was no longer in my pocket. She must have slipped out while we were sitting here and I didn’t feel it. But where could she be?
“Nearly ready,” Madame Mako said. “One more.”
Just then we heard a crash of a window breaking in the corridor.
9
Lucky rushed out and came back into the room with Ezmirelda.
“Oh, now I totally didn’t see that coming,” I said.
“Why didn’t you just use the open window?” Bob asked.
“That’s way too obvious,” she snarled.
“You have to know your audience,” Madame Mako said. “For some, an open window is an invitation to come in; for others a closed window is an invitation to burst through ninja style.” She smiled and motioned for the others to sit.
“Now you are all here.” She sat down.
“I feel like I’m in a murder mystery or something,” Geeky Girl said.
“Don’t worry, no one will be murdered tonight. Unless Lucky takes a dislike to you for some reason,” Madame Mako added.
“That doesn’t sound too good for us,” I mumbled to Igor.
“I am not a person who believes in wasting time. I don’t want to go through several tedious days in your camp when I had identified the finalists for my challenge already. I thought it was simpler to bring you all here with the camp counselors to ensure it is all in order and just in case one of you falls off the volcano, gets consumed by lava or just eaten by Lucky here.”
Lucky burped on cue.
“I have set a game around the volcano to test your skills. There are clues and there are traps, and the person to complete the tasks and get to the top of the volcano first wins this little Evil Emperor of the Week thing you people seem to care about but also might win the right to join my evil empire and shadow me before I retire,” she said, looking directly at Geeky Girl.
No pressure, then.
“You have all proved yourselves in some way, so you all have a chance,” she added.
“Just to be clear. Will there be a crown awarded to the winner?” I said.
Madame Mako completely blanked me. She picked up a large hourglass and turned it over. “You have one hour. Begin.”
I looked around, and everyone started for the door. Bob and Diablo were out first, followed by Ezmirelda and Sanj and Dustin.
“Urgh, urgh!” Igor shouted from the door.
“I’m coming!” I shouted back. It was as I stood up that I saw where Fang had gone.
She was hanging batlike directly over Madame Mako’s head. She must have climbed up behind the tapestries and slunk along the light fittings until she was in prime attack position. As the camp counselors and the last of the kids, except for Igor, left the room, she was getting ready to pounce on Madame Mako.
From where Madame Mako stood, Fang was inches away from the netted bun on top of her head. Then in one super swift motion of her hand Madame Mako removed the dagger pinning her hair, loosened the hair net, swung it upward and netted Fang. Fang dangled in the net hanging from her hair dagger.
“So, the old hang-upside-down-like-a-stealth-bat-and-catch-the-victim-unaware-when-they-stand trick.” Madame Mako yawned. “I expected something better, little evil one.” She looked at Fang, all netted up and squirming.
“I believe this belongs to you,” she said, sliding the net of angry kitten from the hilt of the weapon. Fang sliced through the bag and jumped onto the table facing Madame Mako. Boris flew down and hovered over Fang’s head. They both glared at Madame Mako.
“Fang and Boris,” I said in a voice that sounded scarily like a teacher whose student had just written My Evil Vampire Pet ate my homework on the whiteboard. (Not that I would know what that sounds like.)
I cleared my throat and used my regular voice again. “I get that you’re mad, bu
t we have one hour, and you’re wasting time. I need to get that crown!” I paused. “And I might need your help, Fang, so come on.”
Geeky Girl walked up to her grandmother. “I’m not sure what you want me to do,” she said.
“I want you to win, Glenda. But I also want you to realize that you can win and you can do this on your own. You are capable of leading this empire—with a bit of advice from your grandmother.” Madame Mako smiled. “Now, you are the one wasting time. The clock is ticking.”
“Urgh, urgh, urgh,” Igor said.
“Yeah, I think she knows that hourglasses don’t actually tick. I think it’s just an expression and she means, ‘We gotta get a move on.’ Geeky Girl, are you coming?” I said, scooping up Fang from the table and putting her in my white coat pocket.
She looked back at her grandma. “Yes,” she said, and we ran out of the room with Boris flying behind us.
I got out my Invisible Lair Trap Detector and scanned the corridor. “Jump now,” I said, and illuminated the laser trip wire on the floor. “Duck!” I shouted as a heavy log swung down over us, and we flattened ourselves on the floor.
We stood up. “OK, it’s clear,” I said. “So, what are we looking for, anyway?”
“Clues, messages, something that looks out of place,” Geeky Girl said.
“Urgh.” Igor pointed to a wall.
“Yeah, like that, Igor,” Geeky Girl said. “That Tahitian mask is hanging upside down.”
“Then we fix it,” I said, and turned the mask.
The mask released a panel in the floor and it suddenly gave way under us. Before I knew it, we were hurtling down a giant slide. “OK, that maybe wasn’t what I wanted to do.”
10
Igor hit the bottom first, and then we all crashed down on top of him.
“Right, so we have a bit farther to go up now, I guess,” Geeky Girl said.
“We just need to find the stairs. Or an elevator maybe,” I said. I started opening doors in the room we fell into, looking for a way out.
Geeky Girl opened a door, and it had a sliding gate behind it like you get in old-style apartment elevators. “I think I found something,” she said. “And there’s a plaque on the door. It says, ‘Aim high if you want to succeed, but always check you have what you need.’”
“So,” I said, getting into the elevator with Igor and Geeky Girl, “it says ‘aim high.’ There’s a button marked ‘penthouse.’ That must be at the top of the volcano.”
“Did you see a penthouse at the top of the volcano?” Geeky Girl asked.
“Urgh, urgh, urgh,” Igor said.
“Good point. If she puts an open window and an elevator in, then maybe there is a penthouse,” I said, and I pressed the button.
The floor of the elevator disappeared and again we found ourselves sliding down a chute to an even lower floor.
THUD, thud, thud. We all crashed down into a corridor in a different part of the volcano.
“We are wasting time,” Geeky Girl said. “We’re supposed to be going up! To get to the top of the volcano.”
“But the clue said to aim high, and we did,” I said.
“Yes, but the clue also said to check that you have what you need,” Geeky Girl said. “Maybe we needed to bring something with us from before.”
“Well, nice to know that now,” I said, kicking my foot against the wall. It was then that I noticed the floor. We were standing on a square that said “Back to the Start.”
“OK, think I found another clue,” I said.
“Yes!” Geeky Girl said. “We have to go back to the start. We have to get back to that mask. It’s where we began. Maybe we need something from that. We have to start over.”
“Urgh?” Igor said.
Fang jumped out of my pocket and began to sniff around the square with the writing. Then she pounced on the word Start.
A rope ladder dropped from the ceiling.
“I guess it wants us to go up this time,” Geeky Girl said.
Fang climbed up the ladder, followed by me, Igor and Geeky Girl with Boris fluttering behind.
It led us right back to the corridor and the mask.
“OK, we need to take something from here. There is something we need,” Geeky Girl said.
Boris landed on the mask and pecked at its eye. “Careful, Boris, that might be an antique or something,” Geeky Girl said. But Boris kept pecking. Soon he dislodged what looked like an ornate metal key from the mask.
“OK, if we’re starting over, I know what do to next,” I said, and turned the mask.
“Woo-hoo!” Geeky Girl shouted as we all slid down into the room from before.
“Urgh, urgh, urgh,” Igor said.
“I know, dude, it’s all very up and down. Maybe, now that we have the key, from here it will just be up,” I said.
We headed straight to the elevator and looked for a keyhole. Sure enough there was one that said “loft” underneath it.
“That must be it,” Geeky Girl said, placing the key in the slot and pressing the button. But instead of moving up, the ceiling of the elevator dropped down another ladder.
“Hang on,” Geeky Girl said. “This is Chutes and Ladders! We’re playing Chutes and Ladders. I remember the one time that my grandma came to visit when I was very little, she brought us this game. We played for hours. It’s her favorite.”
“So, she made a volcano into a giant Chutes and Ladders game?” I asked. “Great, how do we win?”
“You just avoid the chutes and climb the ladders, I guess. I’m assuming the clues will tell us the rest,” she said.
Boris and Fang didn’t wait for us. They were up the ladder in no time. When we got to the top, we were in a room with ten doors. A square on the floor said, “Add the letters in your name. Then you’ll know the door to claim. Quickly now, and don’t waste time. I can’t believe I have to make all these rhyme.”
“So, does it mean that you have to add the number of letters in your name? OK, let’s try. Igor, do you want to go first?” I said.
He counted I, G, O, R and went to Door Four. He knocked four times, and it opened and a ladder dropped. Igor started to climb.
“OK, we got this,” Geeky Girl said. “Boris, you go next.”
Boris went to Door Five. He tapped his beak five times, and the door opened and a ladder dropped. He flew up by the ladder.
“OK, I’ll go next,” she said.
I went to pick up Fang so she could go after. I wasn’t paying attention to see what door Geeky Girl went to. She went to Door Nine and knocked. As soon as she did, the floor opened and she slid down a chute.
I’d stood at Door Four, but had only tapped in the F from Fang’s name when I’d gotten distracted by Geeky Girl. Before I could finish tapping in the other letters, the floor opened up under me, and Fang and I tumbled down the chute as well.
We slid down for what seemed like ages before we hit the bottom.
“I was getting to it!” I shouted up the chute from the bottom. “Wow, it really doesn’t give you much time. What if you’re a slow counter?” I added.
“Grrr!” Geeky Girl shouted. “Why didn’t that work for me, then?”
“Because you did the number for Geeky Girl, and your grandmother calls you Glenda,” I said. “Now we have to get out of here and catch up to Igor and Boris.”
We looked around the room. It was darker than the other rooms and colder.
“Are we in the basement?” Geeky Girl said.
I looked at the square on the floor. There was nothing on it. There was nothing on the walls or the floor, just a sticker that said “Quality Assured, Manufactured by Impenetrable Plastics ‘R’ Us.”
And then an exit sign illuminated above the door.
“So, I guess we go out here?” I said, and started for the door.
“Wait!” Geeky Girl shouted.
Then I saw that Geeky Girl was staring at the sign. It switched back and forth from “Lose” to “Exit.”
11
<
br /> “I think we lost. I think this is how we leave the game when we lose. The way out to go back to camp and wait to see who gets to train as my grandma’s successor,” she said.
“And see who gets the crown?” I said. “My crown.”
“It looks like the only way out,” she said. “We lost.”
“You’re giving up? Just like that?” I asked. “Well, I’m not. I am not on the Canoe of Shame this week. There’s gotta be another way out.”
“I don’t even want to be in charge of my grandmother’s empire. That’s what you want,” Geeky Girl said.
“Of course I want it!” I said. “I mean, I think it’s like the best evil dream job ever! Your grandma thinks I’m just a henchman, so I gotta prove to her that I’m strong enough and smart enough to run this place. And I’m gonna do that. Madame Mako already thinks you can run her empire, but maybe you gotta prove to yourself that you’re strong enough and smart enough to do it. If you don’t want this—like, really don’t want it—then that’s fine. Walk out that exit door. But if you’re quitting because you think you can’t do it, then that’s another thing.”
Fang jumped out of my pocket and started sniffing around the bit of wall where the slide dumped us out. It had closed again behind us, but you could see there was an edge where the trapdoor opened. An edge that was just big enough for an evil kitten to slip a claw through and swipe.
The door slid open again, revealing a long, long slide up to the room with the ten doors.
“I don’t think Fang’s ready to lose just yet,” I said. “How about you?”
“But ladders are up and chutes are down. That’s how the game works,” Geeky Girl said.
“Then, in the time-honored tradition of evil scientists—we cheat,” I said.
I got the Insta-Sticky Anti-Animal-Attack Spray and sprayed it onto both Geeky Girl’s and my hands and feet and onto Fang’s paws. “That ought to help us get some traction for the climb,” I said, and started up the chute.