by Mo O’Hara
“Oh no. That’s not it. Let me try this button,” Sanj said, pushing more.
The bridge that Madame Mako was standing on suddenly retracted back into the island, dropping her into the water. She flapped about in the lake, trying to avoid the falling boulders.
Geeky Girl immediately jumped into the water after her grandma.
She swam out to her, but the two of them couldn’t get back to shore with the boulders landing on the island, and Madame Mako was looking tired. Geeky Girl couldn’t drag her back on her own.
Then I spotted the life preserver that Trevor had used to pull me out.
“Hang on!” I shouted. I threw the life preserver, attached to a rope, out to Geeky Girl and she grabbed hold. She got Madame Mako to hold on to it too, and I started pulling them toward the shore. But the boulders kept flying and Geeky Girl kept having to stop to avoid rocks crashing into the lake.
“We need cover!” I shouted.
The next thing I knew, Igor was running into the water with the Canoe of Shame hoisted above his head. He held it over Geeky Girl and Madame Mako like a shield as I started pulling them in.
None of us were safe until Sanj stopped firing boulders out of the volcano, though. This could not get any worse.
Then of course as soon as I thought that. It got worse.
“Maybe it’s this button!” Sanj shouted as he pressed another spot on the remote.
The volcano island suddenly started to shake. It sounded like engines were revving up. It was getting ready to take off! With us standing near the edge and Igor, Geeky Girl and Madame Mako still in the water.
“Fang!” I shouted. “You need to get that remote off Sanj!”
Fang let out a “Reeeoowwlll” like a battle cry, and she and Boris headed for Sanj.
Boris flew around his head, batting him with his wings. “Get off me, you ridiculous sky rat!” Sanj shouted. While he was distracted, Fang pounced and grabbed the remote in her mouth.
18
Fang ran back to me and dropped the remote control at my feet.
There were loads of buttons, but one that clearly said “Boulders.”
“Seriously, Sanj?” I shouted. “You couldn’t have figured that one out?”
There were loads of other buttons, though. “Ignition.” “Explosion.” “Cosmic Displacement Ray.”
Oh man, that sounded way too cool. It was all I could do to stop myself from pressing “Cosmic Displacement Ray” just to see what it would do.
I pressed the “Ignition” button because I figured that was probably the button that started the engines, so maybe the same button would switch them off. If I was designing an evil volcano island remote control, then that’s the way I would work it. Of course, I would also put an Anti-Sanj Theft Device on it so it would leap out of his hands if he ever got hold of it. Simple evil precautions can prevent lots of hassle, you know.
Immediately, the engines powered down and the island stopped shaking. “Phew,” I said, and then pressed the “Boulders” button too.
The boulders stopped and I was finally able to heave the rope to pull Madame Mako and Geeky Girl back on shore. Boris fluttered up to Geeky Girl and fanned her face with his wings. “I’m OK, Boris,” she said. “Now you and Fang get out of here before anyone else sees you.”
Igor put down the canoe and helped Madame Mako back onto her feet while Boris and Fang headed back to the shrub. I could see two sets of little eyes looking at us through the leaves.
The others all came out from under the outcrop once the counselors confirmed that the boulders had definitely stopped. They ran up to Madame Mako.
Phillipe took her hand. “Are you all right, Madame Mako?” he asked.
“No thanks to you hiding the whole time,” she said, pulling back her hand. “I owe my life to my granddaughter and her henchmen.” She stopped. “I mean her friends.” It looked like it physically hurt her to say the word. I felt her pain.
“Urgh, urgh,” Igor said, and smiled.
“He said, ‘No problem,’” I translated. “And same for me.”
“Oh, and please thank your little feathered friend and the evil cat,” Madame Mako said to Geeky Girl. “They helped too.”
Trevor, Phillipe and Kirsty all turned to Madame Mako. “Did you spot a pet, besides the dragon, on the island, Madame Mako?” Kirsty asked.
“Ummm, I think Madame Mako means the wild bird and wild cat that must have arrived with the flying island,” I said.
“Yes,” Geeky Girl said, “it’s the indigenous tropical bird and wild island cat. I saw them too.” She nodded toward Madame Mako with her eyes saying, “This is the story, OK? Stick to it!”
Madame Mako sighed.
“They must have been spooked by all the boulders,” Geeky Girl added.
“Their bird and cat attacked me! They have very illegal and very dangerous pets that go around attacking people with remote controls!” Sanj was screaming. “You have to believe me!”
“I didn’t see any pets other than my very hungry Komodo dragon here.” Ezmirelda strode over to Sanj. Lucky licked his shoes and drooled on them.
“But they took the remote right out of my hand. They attacked me,” Sanj continued.
“I think you were in such a panic, you only thought you saw them attack you.” She glared at him. “Of course, if Lucky here had taken the remote out of your hand, then you wouldn’t still have a hand, would you? Am I making myself clear?” Ezmirelda leaned into Sanj, and Lucky scratched the ground slowly with his claw.
“I think Ezmirelda is correct.” Sanj gulped. “I was in such a panic, I was seeing things.” He backed away.
“So, you just saw some vild animals from ze island, Madame Mako?” Trevor asked.
“Yes, that must be it.” Madame Mako nodded and smiled at Geeky Girl.
Then she turned to Ezmirelda. “I’m happy that you are looking after Lucky. I think you will be a strong influence on him.” She looked down at Lucky. “Farewell.” She turned back to Ezmirelda, handing her a card. “Oh, and here’s the number of his manicurist. You’d be surprised how hard it is to get a decent manicure for a dragon these days.”
Kirsty walked over to Ezmirelda. “So what did you decide? Are you staying at camp with the dragon as an official guard dragon?” She reached down like she was going to try to pet Lucky, but his growling changed her mind. “Or do we send you both back home in the Canoe of Shame?”
“Let me think.” Ezmirelda looked at the canoe and then down at Lucky. Lucky scratched his claw along the dirt and then rolled over on his back like he wanted a tummy rub.
“Some guard dragon,” Dustin mumbled.
In a second, Lucky was on his feet and over to Dustin. He hissed a low hiss that grew in volume as he got closer step-by-step to a now-quaking Dustin.
“Or maybe he is? Maybe he’s a really good guard dragon? Who’s a good guard dragon?!” Dustin shouted. “Please get him off me.”
“I think Lucky would be an epic guard dragon,” I said to Ezmirelda.
“Yeah, I would feel safe knowing he was around,” Geeky Girl added. “I mean not ‘in my tent’ around, but, you know, ‘at the entrance of the camp’ around.” She smiled at Ezmirelda.
“Urgh, urgh, urgh,” said Igor.
“Yeah, good call, Igor,” I said. “Camp Mwhaaa-haa-ha-a-watha would get some serious respect from any other camps if we had our own dragon. Serious respect.”
“There are actually other evil scientist camps?” Geeky Girl asked. “Never mind. I just wanted to say that if the camp needs Lucky, then Lucky needs you. So maybe you should stay. If you want?”
“Do I really want to compete with a bunch of squabbling kids for a camp crown?” Ezmirelda said.
“Why does everyone keep dissing the crown?! It’s a crown, people,” I said.
“Maybe I should stay, though. You know, to make sure Lucky is happy as a guard dragon,” she added.
“I think zee dragon vill let us know if he iz not happy,” Trevo
r said.
“OK, great. Could somebody get him away from me now,” Dustin cried.
“Lucky, heel.” Ezmirelda patted her leg. Lucky trotted over but was scrabbling in the dirt for something.
Madame Mako spoke. “He is hungry. He didn’t get to eat that boy like he thought.” She pointed to Dustin, and Dustin sunk to the floor.
“I have something,” I said, and pulled out the last few peanut butter cookies from my backpack. I threw one to Lucky, and he caught it midair.
“Who’s a clever dragon,” Ezmirelda gushed as she rubbed his chin.
I gave her the rest of the cookies. “He looks like he might want more,” I said.
While everyone was distracted watching Lucky jump for cookies, I snuck over to the bush and let Fang jump into my coat pocket.
“You better get back to camp while you can too,” I said to Boris, and he fluttered off toward the tents on the other side of the bridge.
Then I walked over and handed Madame Mako the remote and she pushed the bridge button to reactivate the land bridge back to camp.
Madame Mako spoke to the counselors, “I think my time here is complete. Watch out for that lot,” she said pointing to all of us. “There are a few bright evil sparks in the bunch.”
19
“Zank you, Madame Mako,” Trevor said, and they all bowed and went to the other side of the bridge, leaving just the campers on the island. Igor, Geeky Girl and I walked to the edge of the bridge with Madame Mako as the others started to cross.
“Thank you, Glenda,” Madame Mako said. “I don’t understand you, but I would like to get to know you more perhaps.”
“I would like that too,” Geeky Girl said. “But I still think you should look into retiring, Grandma.”
“You could come with me and stay on the island.” She looked around at all the smashed boulders. “When it’s fixed up, of course.”
“I don’t want to move to a flying volcano island, but I might like to come and visit,” she said. “But I think you need company. Maybe it would be good to be with some friends,” Geeky Girl said.
Madame Mako shuddered. “Don’t push it … Evil colleagues, perhaps,” she said.
“I’ve sometimes thought that the island might make a very good retirement home for evil scientists. There must be other evil scientists in my position of wanting to downsize their evil empires as they reach a certain age. A flying volcano island might have appeal. And it would certainly help with the bills. This place is not cheap to run,” she said.
“So, nobody wins?” Bob asked.
“Nobody gets the evil empire?” Sanj asked.
“Or the volcano island?” Diablo asked. “Maybe the old evil guys would like a wrestling ring in the crater. I still think it’s a good idea.”
“I’ll think about it,” Madame Mako said. “The doctors said I should exercise. Maybe a bit of combat will keep me active. Right, I best get the island off to the flying volcano island garage and get it fixed up.”
Madame Mako held out her arms. “Now give your grandma a nice, big evil—” She stopped herself. “Well, a hug, anyway.”
Geeky Girl hugged her and the rest of us bowed.
We headed over the bridge and she pressed the button to retract it. She waved as she stepped back through the front door and fired up the engines for takeoff.
The ground shuddered and quaked as the island heaved itself out of the lake and back up into the sky. The shadow of the island fell over the camp, and I could feel Fang in my pocket start to tense up, but then relax. I think the kitten was worn out from our epic evil night on the island.
The noise of the takeoff must have woken the rest of the camp, because soon everyone was out of their tents, looking up at the sky as the island rose higher and higher.
The sun was coming up over the lake as the island flew off into the distance.
As we were walking back to our tents, Bob shouted out to Trevor ahead of uas, “So who won then? Who got Evil Emperor of the Week?”
“I think I deserve it because I had the best plans,” Sanj said.
“Urgh, urgh, urgh, urgh, urgh, urgh,” Igor said.
“Yeah, but you nearly crushed us all with falling boulders,” I translated.
“It doesn’t matter. Ze people Madame Mako declared ze vinners would be disqualified for completely un-evil behavior so ze challenge vas never actually completed, really. Zere can be no vinner,” Trevor said.
Phillipe came running back from the mess tent toward our group as the other campers started to gather around. “Good news!” he said. “As you can see, unfortunately, Madame Mako had to pull out as our guest celebrity villain at the last minute, but we have secured a replacement.”
Kirsty stood next to Phillipe. “Tim the Terrifying will be joining us this afternoon.”
Phillipe continued, “He was just sitting around, waiting for his evil phone to ring apparently. In the meantime, we have a video in the mess tent on the importance of accurate evil plan management.”
Most people’s faces looked a bit like Madame Mako’s not-very-impressed face. “This isn’t a request, people. You HAVE to go. Move it!” Kirsty shouted.
The campers groaned and headed toward the mess tent.
When everyone but us had gone into the mess tent, Boris fluttered over to Geeky Girl and landed on her shoulder.
“They are gonna feed us while we watch the video, right?” I asked. “I’m hungrier than a Komodo dragon right now.” Fang poked her head out of my pocket and meowed. “And Fang is too.”
Geeky Girl was staring up into the air, watching the island fade from view.
“Urgh, urgh, urgh?” Igor asked.
“He said, ‘Do you think you’ll see your grandma again soon?’” I said.
“I think so,” she said. “She might try to make me more like her and I might try to make her more like me. I think we could both learn a lot from each other, though,” she said.
“You are still soooooo lucky to have a famous evil grandma like that,” I said. “I mean, you’ll be dropping by the volcano island after school for a sandwich and a bit of boulder shooting. How cool is that?”
“I think it’s just nice to have a grandmother. Whatever kind of grandmother she is. I’ve never had that really before,” she said.
“I love my grandma and all, but a grandma in a condo in the suburbs versus a grandma in a flying volcano island evil lair…”
“Or Flying Volcano Island Evil Retirement Community?” Geeky Girl corrected.
“Yeah, whichever. It’s still cool,” I said. “Now, let’s get some food.”
“Urgh, urgh,” Igor said.
“I am epically hungry too,” I said.
“Heh, do you think we should try the brain-jelly-tick thing on Tim the Terrifying when he gets here, Igor?” I said as we headed into the tent.
“Urghy, urghy, urghy,” Igor agreed.
Dear Grandma,
I’m having lots of fun at summer camp.
We went on a trip that made me think of you.
Thought that maybe you could send some more of those cookies you make with the squishy peanut butter middle. Oh, and some crown polish.
Thanks,
Mark
P.S. Have you ever considered selling the condo and renting an apartment in a used flying volcano island? Just an idea.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Mo O’Hara is the author of the My Big Fat Zombie Goldfish series. She grew up in Pennsylvania and now lives in London, where she works as a writer, actor, and storyteller, visiting theaters and schools all across the UK and Ireland. Mo and her brother once brought their own pet goldfish back from the brink of death (true fact). You can sign up for email updates here.
ABOUT THE ILLUSTRATOR
Marek Jagucki, the illustrator of the My Big Fat Zombie Goldfish series, is a graduate of Falmouth School of Art and Design. He is a full-time illustrator and graphic designer based in Yorkshire, UK. You can sign up for email updates here.
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Contents
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Epigraph
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
About the Author & Illustrator
A FEIWEL AND FRIENDS BOOK
An imprint of Macmillan Publishing Group, LLC
120 Broadway, New York, NY 10271
CATS IN THE CRATER: MY FANGTASTICALLY EVIL VAMPIRE PET. Text copyright © 2020 by Mo O’Hara. Illustrations copyright © 2020 by Marek Jagucki. All rights reserved.
Our ebooks may be purchased in bulk for promotional, educational, or business use. Please contact your local bookseller or the Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department at (800) 221-7945 ext. 5442 or by email at [email protected].
Library of Congress Control Number: 2019940844