My phone pings in my hand. It’s an instant message from an unfamiliar number, the paragraph of white writing filling a rectangular blue bubble.
Dear Leila, got out of lectures and spent the whole afternoon reading your emails. The charm bracelet is on the desk in front of me. Thank you for taking me on your journey. Your story – and Jake’s – made me laugh and cry, has touched me and held me, and at times tore me in two. Yes! I believe it’s your bracelet. Something tells me you’re still at Durdle Door. If you are, wait for me. Will be there in 40 mins. Yours, Caitlin x
Some time later, a girl of about twenty steps down onto the beach, walking slowly towards me. As she approaches, I see she has wavy red hair hanging down her back, brilliant blue eyes and freckles dusted across her nose. Her expression is open, her eyes pink-rimmed.
‘Leila?’ she asks hesitantly.
I nod, just once, and begin to smile. ‘Caitlin.’
As she comes closer, stopping a few feet away, I see over her shoulder a tall man with similar red hair. He looks at me with suspicion.
‘My older brother, Cian. He wouldn’t let me come alone, just in case …’ She looks sheepish.
‘I understand.’ When I push myself off the ground to stand up, my coat falls open.
Caitlin’s gaze is drawn to my stomach, to the barely-there bump pushing against the fuchsia knit of my jumper. Her eyes widen. ‘Oh. You’re having his baby,’ she breathes.
‘I am.’ Grinning, I touch the neat mound with my hand. ‘I didn’t know for sure until this morning. I hadn’t realised … I put the weight gain and the nausea down to grief. I missed some pills in the weeks before he died.’
‘So, he didn’t know then.’ Caitlin bites her lip.
‘No,’ I answer softly, ‘but I believe that somehow he will. If there’s any atom or speck of him out there, he’ll know.’ I pause. ‘Thank you for coming, Caitlin. Can I please have my bracelet now?’
‘Sorry.’ She flushes. ‘Yes, you can.’ Pulling a piece of paper from her pocket, she unfolds it with great care. As she does, I catch sight of my prized possession, the silver links and all the tiny charms, and reach out eagerly. Before I can swoop it up, she closes her hand slightly, staring at me. There are tears in her lovely blue eyes. ‘I’m so sorry you lost him.’
A hand lands on her shoulder, making her jump, and she looks up at her brother. ‘I’m fine,’ she responds to his unanswered question. Wiping her eyes roughly with her free hand, she shrugs him off to step closer to me. ‘Here,’ she holds my bracelet out, ‘let me put it back on your wrist. Back where it belongs, just like you said in your email.’
‘Thank you,’ I answer, relieved. Holding my left arm out gladly, I push my coat sleeve up. She loops the bracelet together and fastens the clasp, testing to make sure it’s secure. With gratitude, I feel the weight of it around my wrist, and run my fingers over all the silver charms, breathing freely for the first time in months.
‘You know,’ she says, lifting her chin, her eyes gazing into mine, intense, vulnerable, ‘reading your email, I feel like I’ve aged fifteen years in a day. But in a good way. One day, I hope I have what you and Jake did. It was special.’
‘What we still have,’ I say firmly. ‘It’ll never leave me. That kind of love doesn’t. Not really.’ Thinking of the last clue from Jake, I murmur, ‘Our favourite place.’
‘Is that what the final clue said?’ Caitlin demands, taking a step back and gazing across the beach.
‘Yes. Do you want to help me find the last charm? It isn’t really the last one, because this one would have been.’ I take the box with the engagement ring concealed in it and I hand it to her, knowing I can trust her. ‘But it will be the last one I find from him.’
Nodding, she flips open the lid and takes out the charm with two rings entwined and attaches it swiftly to my bracelet. She hesitates with the box in her hand. ‘Is the engagement ring …?’
‘No,’ I shake my head. ‘That’s at home safely tucked away, fastened on the ribbon that ties all his postcards together. I wasn’t taking any chances after losing this.’ I indicate my bracelet.
Mouth curving, she hands me the box back and I tuck it away. ‘So, the other charm, where would he have hidden it?’
‘It would have to be somewhere tucked away, where other people couldn’t easily find it.’ We look around at the beach, at the Door and the steps leading away from it. Even Cian is scanning the scenery, his brows drawn together. ‘Somewhere out of sight …’ Trailing away, I study the base of the cliffs, noticing the little nooks and crannies. Caitlin follows my gaze.
‘The caves!’ we say together.
All three of us set off for them, plodding our way over the shifting stones, hunching our shoulders against the chill. The temperature has dropped, and darkness is starting to creep along the edges of my vision. We search fruitlessly for a few minutes, climbing the shelves of chalk and sticking our heads into sheltered alcoves and narrow recesses, until with a shouted ‘Here!’ Cian makes the discovery.
Both rushing over to him, my heart swoops as I see the envelope, a familiar L written on the front of it, stuck to a mini champagne bottle.
Sliding the envelope from Cian’s grasp, I look up to see them watching me expectantly and pause.
‘Don’t worry,’ Caitlin says, smiling, ‘you don’t have to open it in front of us. This is just for you and Jake. We’ll leave you to it. Will you be okay here on your own?’
‘I’m not on my own.’ Briefly, I lay a hand on my stomach. ‘But yes, I’ll be fine. I’ll go home soon, and it’s not dark yet. I have time to reach the car.’
‘You’re sure?’ Cian pipes up, and there’s compassion in his eyes.
‘Definitely.’ Nodding, I gesture them away. ‘Thank you so much for bringing my bracelet back to me, and for helping me. It means so much.’ I turn to face the sea, the envelope clutched between my fingers, impatient now to open it.
‘Okay,’ Caitlin says, reluctant to leave.
Cian nudges her with his elbow. ‘Come on, she wants to be alone.’
Looking at her, I smile widely, gratefully. ‘Thank you, again, Caitlin.’
With that, and a wave of our hands, we part. They tramp along the shingle towards the steps, arms linked. I watch them for a moment, before making my way towards the shore. Standing a few feet from the sea, I inhale the briny air deeply, the cold stinging my nostrils.
Just as I’m about to open Jake’s envelope, there’s the sound of running feet and Caitlin reappears at my side.
‘It’s not the last charm,’ she blurts, tears in her eyes.
‘Pardon?’
‘It’s not the last charm. Well, it is from Jake but … the point about the bracelet is that it’s a way of capturing memories, right? That’s why it’s always been so precious. But your life doesn’t stop just because his has. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt about Jake in all this, it’s that he wanted the best for you, always. He wanted you to be happy and that means he would want you to keep living and making memories. Your story carries on. So, you have to buy yourself the next charm. For him.’ She squeezes my arm, her face earnest.
I step back, gulping. ‘I … I don’t know, Caitlin.’
‘I do,’ she replies, her voice intense. ‘So much of what you wrote included things Jake told you from his perspective during the last fifteen years of your journey together. You gave him so much, and he helped you become someone better. So now you must be brave, for him.’ Her hand brushes against my belly for a fleeting instant. ‘You have to be brave for this baby. And that doesn’t mean half measures; it means going all in. Keep making memories and keep adding charms so that one day you can share them all with the child you made together. You must paint again, too.’
My face crumples, but I hold back tears. She’s wise beyond her years. Pausing, I realise she is also right. Jake would have wanted all of that, and when I mentioned buying charms once, all he said was that I couldn’t buy myself a ring. Gulping, I wh
isper, ‘Thank you, I’ll try. Take care.’
We hug, tight and quick, and then she leaves, properly this time.
At last, I sit down on the stones and open the envelope. Inside is a treasure chest charm with minuscule multi-coloured gems in its open lid. I think of Jake’s rainbow charm letter, and the part about having to treasure life. And even though it shouldn’t be possible, with the sky darkening and barely a touch of rain in the air, I see a rainbow in the distance and know he’s out there somewhere. I hold the rainbow charm between my fingers, thinking of his words, which are engraved on my heart.
Always look for the rainbow, Jones. You have to treasure life – no one else is going to do it for you.
Jake is still with me. I can feel him here beside me in the whisper of the breeze on my cheek, in the light of the setting sun on my face. I have his baby, his legacy, our memories, our love. We’ll share a future together, even if it’s not the one we planned. When I look into his child’s eyes, I will see him there. No matter what else I go on to do in my life, that will remain.
Leila & Mia
March 2020
The Baby Charm, The Cocktail Glass Charm, & The Red Heart Charm
It’s an early morning in mid-March and the weather is wintry despite the fact it’s almost spring. The sun hasn’t long been up over Durdle Door, casting a dim light over the bleak grey sky.
A gust of wind sweeps my hair across my face. Grabbing hold of its pale length with one hand, I twist it into a bun and tuck it in my hood, the way Jake used to.
I hoist Mia higher up on my hip, her solid weight making my arm ache. I abandoned the pushchair at the top of the steps with Dad and carried her down. Pointing at the rocky archway, I tell her, ‘Your daddy jumped off the top of that once. It was a silly thing for him to do, wasn’t it?’ Mia babbles in response, just a toddler, not yet two years old. ‘I’m glad he did though.’ I tighten my hold on her. ‘It gave me the chance to save his life. And if I hadn’t done that, I might not have got to know him so well, or had you.’
It’s bittersweet, but at least I can laugh now instead of just cry. The last few years as a single parent have been tough. There are times I miss Jake unbearably, times when my heart aches. But I’m still young, though older now than Jake was when he died. This year I’ll be thirty, an age he’ll never get to reach. I can be glad we had what we did, though, and I can be happy Caitlin was right and that I owed it to him to keep making memories. I meet her for coffee once a month, and she’s one of my biggest champions. I’m sure Jake brought us into each other’s lives for a reason. I’m painting again too, and earning a good living from it. Jake was right: sharing my art with the world makes me happy.
I shake my left wrist and the sunlight glints off my bracelet and its many charms. It holds three new ones: a tiny baby I bought for myself the week after Mia was born; a silver cocktail glass with a cherry in it from Eloise, who took me for my first night out when Mia was six months old and got me drunk on Cosmos despite my better judgement; a red heart from Mum, who said it was to show she always loved me and held me in her heart when she was away, no matter where she was.
Mia chatters away nonsensically, reaching out her chubby fingers to play with the bracelet as her father used to. I take it as a sign. ‘We have lots more memories to make together, Mia,’ I say with confidence, ‘lots of charms to add to the bracelet.’ I smile up at the sky, visualising Jake with his broad shoulders, his scar, and mismatched eyes – one green, the other brown – remembering how special he always made me feel, how good he was. ‘One day, I’ll buy you a bracelet of your own and you’ll follow your own journey,’ I tell our daughter. ‘Then later, when I go to join your daddy up in the stars, our bracelet will be yours. And you’ll hold both of us with you, for ever.’
Hugging her close, breathing in the strawberry scent of her thick black hair, I gaze down into her extraordinary green eyes as she lifts her head to look at me, and we both smile. Then, I turn back towards the steps, ready to go home.
Ready to keep living life as best as I can, with mine and Jake’s charm bracelet upon my wrist.
THE END
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Acknowledgements
Firstly, thank you dear reader for buying this book and reading it. I truly hope you enjoyed it and that you took something special away from it.
When my lovely Editor, Charlotte, called and asked me to come to London in early 2017, I had no idea that the concept she was about pitch to me would be so hard to write or would affect me so profoundly.
It has been a pleasure and privilege (and sometimes, a pain!) to create this world and these characters, and to do justice to that initial concept about a lost charm bracelet and an epic love story. Living with Jake and Leila in my head for two and a half years and following them on their journey has been joyful and touching, but often sad.
Grief is always difficult to write about, especially as it struck me like lightning when my grandma (always known as Meme to our family) passed away suddenly in March 2016. It took me a long time to pick myself up, and writing The Last Charm put me back in touch with all those thoughts and emotions, so it wasn’t always easy.
However, it also taught me a lot, which I hope I can pass on to others struggling with grief. I’ve learnt that life goes on regardless of death, even when at times you don’t want it to, but that there’s always something worth living for. And after a while, it doesn’t all feel quite so difficult.
I didn’t write for six months after Meme died, but one of the things that helped was knowing she’d want me to carry on writing, and how proud she’d be if I carried on getting books published and making connections with other people. So this book is also in memory of Connie Moorcroft, the toughest woman I had the pleasure of knowing and being related to. We still miss you.
I am truly grateful as always to everyone – including my fabulous agent Hattie Grünewald at The Blair Partnership, family, friends, work colleagues, the writing community who I shared many a Facebook post/Tweet/conversation with – who helped and encouraged me in the writing of this book. I have to mention the lovely bloggers and reviewers who helped publicise The Last Charm, including the incredible Rachel Gilbey of Rachel’s Random Resources; your hard work is always appreciated. Thank you, of course, to the lovely One More Chapter team, who fly the publishing flag so brilliantly.
I’d also like to thank David Bunting, my secondary school English Teacher at St. Peter’s in Bournemouth. He was a wonderful teacher and encouraged me to write, telling me I had talent. Well, I kept writing! Seriously, Mr Strickland, the English teacher in this book, is nothing like Mr Bunting. Thankfully.
A giant thank you to my close friend Juliette, who with her beautiful daughter’s agreement let me borrow the name Ella. You’re both stars.
And a special mention to my friend Jake Wyatt, for letting me use his name – thank you.
Lastly, I hope I’ve done you proud, Charlotte. We got there in the end! Thank you for everything.
Author Q&A
1. How did you come up with the idea for this story?
As mentioned in the Acknowledgements section, the charm bracelet concept for this story actually came from my lovely editor, Charlotte Ledger at One More Chapter, the digital-first fiction imprint for HarperCollins. We met at The News Building in London, and she asked me to write an epic love story set around the concept of a charm bracelet and all the charms on it. Charm bracelets are so personal, and so popular, that she thought it would be amazing to build a love story around one, and I completely agreed.
That was the opening brief. We then spent about an hour and a half together throwing ideas around. Who would the two main characters be? How old were they? Where did they live? What might happen to keep them apart? How could their story develop? By the time I left, we had a loose story arc agreed. I was on my way to the airport to spend a long weekend in France with Mark (at Lake Annecy, which later made it into the book as the setting for a very special event) and couldn’t stop the ideas from flowing, so kept emailing Charlotte with suggestions and names over the next few days! A few weeks later, I’d sent her a twenty-chapter outline, and we’d agreed on the structure. Over the next couple of years we emailed regularly, spoke on the phone and met to discuss The Last Charm. It was great working with Charlotte in such a collaborative way, and I know she has always been as passionate about this book as I am.
2. Why Dorset, after writing a romance series set in London?
I love London, especially its diversity, and so really enjoyed the research I did for the Love London series (as Nikki Moore). However, when Charlotte and I discussed a new standalone book in the Commercial Women’s Fiction genre, one of my first questions was whether I could set it in Dorset. I’d been told by an agent previously (not the one I signed up with) that only cosy crime was set in Dorset, but I was determined to bust that myth, and also wanted the chance to showcase my home county. We have such an amazing quality of life here, and there truly are some hidden gems strung along the south coast. From forests to fields, rivers to the sea, there are some views that take my breath away and that I wanted to share with readers. If you get the chance, please do come to Dorset – www.visit-dorset.com!
The Last Charm: The most page-turning and emotional summer romance fiction of 2020! Page 31