by Lyra Shanti
She looked at Jon to her left and noticed his eyes were full of wonder. Once again, his beauty astounded her. Thinking back on their recent lovemaking, she still couldn't believe he was her boyfriend. She turned to the statues. Am I really good enough for him? Does he really love me? Can I trust him to mean what he says? Is he different than James? How can I give my heart to a man I just met?
"Sam? Are you okay?"
He looked so sincere and a little worried. Sam took one look into his sweet eyes and shook off her doubts.
"So…" she said, leaning into his shoulder, "are you a Buddhist?"
"Me? Oh, no… I'm not really anything."
"You're an atheist?"
"No, I just… I have my own weird sort of spirituality, I guess."
"Hmm," said Sam with a devilish grin. "Intriguing."
Jon gazed at the statue and said, "My grandmother’s a Buddhist, though. My grandparents used to take me here when I was little. I loved it. There are so many places to run around, and I guess I thought of this place as holy or something."
Sam's heart raced, thinking of him as a cute little boy, exploring and running around.
"Are you close to your grandmother?"
"Very."
Sam gave a sigh. "I envy that. I hated mine. She was an evil old lady who thought the world owed her more than my grandpa could give. He was kind, but she was… bleh."
Jon sadly smiled and held her hand, giving her assurance and warmth. Sam felt tears welling up again. Damn, this guy is turning me into a weepy mess.
Quietly snickering at herself, she stopped the threatening tears and turned to the statue. "Think Buddha actually found nirvana?"
Jon raised his brow and grinned. "I think he found acceptance… and balance."
Sam wondered if she ever could do the same.
"Jon?"
"Yeah."
"Do you really think I could have been a weird, white-haired priest in a past life?"
Jon shrugged. "It's possible. You certainly seem to feel his feelings when you dream about him."
Sam looked him in the eyes and said, "If so, you and I were lovers. Even then."
Jon nodded with a grin. "That makes sense to me. It feels natural with you, like we've been together a million times before."
Sam gave a frustrated sigh. "But… that means I was a man."
"So?"
"So?" she repeated, annoyed at his oblivious tone. "It's just… I never thought about being a man before. I mean, I have a few times, but… it's strange."
"Why is it strange?"
Sam was tempted to explain how sensual she felt in the dreams and how, as Sa, she felt surprisingly a little more at home in her skin. She didn't hate having a female body, but the feeling of operating with a male body felt right. How could she explain all that, though, especially at a public temple? No one seemed to care what they were talking about, but she suddenly felt extremely self-conscious.
"Excuse me," came a male voice from behind. Sam turned around and was surprised to see a man with a shaved head, dressed in black. "I don't mean to interrupt or intrude," he continued with his hands pressed together, "but I couldn't help but hear a little of your conservation. Are you curious to know about your past lives?"
Surprised and a little embarrassed, Sam didn't know how to react. Jon, however, raised his brow and gave a skeptical glare. "Why do you ask?" he questioned the man.
"Oh, because I can help. I am qualified in past life regression therapy, as well as hypnotherapy. If you need help through your reincarnation journey, I can be your guide."
Handing Jon his card, he smiled and gave a small bow. Sam looked over Jon's shoulder and silently read the name: Dr. Jun Lee. The card's background was red, accented by a gold dragon, and it described him as a "Healer, Martial Arts Instructor, Artifact Hunter."
Weird, thought Sam. Even weirder was the fact that when she looked up, he was gone.
"Look, we…" Jon replied to no one. He gave a small laugh and said, "Where the hell did he go?"
Sam shook her head. "That was really strange. He was like someone out of a movie."
Jon chuckled, then said, "Yeah, a bad movie… like the cheesy martial arts dramas I made when I first started out."
Sam grinned. "What's wrong with cheesy martial arts dramas? I love those."
Jon smiled wide and swiftly grabbed her by the waist. Almost instantly, she felt her lower half respond to his touch. Unfortunately, they were at a temple with a myriad of strangers. Her activated libido would just have to wait.
~~
After fully exploring the Lama temple, they were now on their way to visit Jon's grandmother. Winding around the hutong pathways, Jon's heart felt light and free. The feeling amazed him. It was only a few weeks ago he'd suffered a bad anxiety attack, making him want to hide from the whole world.
At the time, his co-star, Andrew, wanted to go public and take their relationship further, but Jon couldn't imagine telling his extremely traditional father that he was gay, or more precisely, bisexual. Either way, it would have been the same as gay to his father, and Jon felt queasy imagining his dad's angry, though cold, reaction. A lecture definitely would have happened, and Jon couldn't stomach the thought.
Walking with Sam, Jon felt a twinge of guilt. Was he cheating? He hadn't exactly told Andrew why they couldn't be together, and a part of him missed the guy. Andrew was beautiful, funny, and genuinely sweet, but it was all too much too fast. Dealing with the press for the film was the icing on the anxiety cake; Jon had to get away.
So, here he was, escaping from the world with a woman who felt like a familiar, warm slipper. Their shared dreams had to mean something, and Jon needed to know what it was. Was she the one? He wasn't sure, but he knew his grandmother would have a clue. She always knew the truth, and had no reserve in telling it. He missed her, but also needed her guidance, now more than ever.
"Is it much further?" asked Sam, stopping to rub her ankle.
"Not much, no. Want me to carry you, like at the wall?"
Sam laughed. "No, Superman, I'm alright. Just hope we get there soon. I'm hungry too."
"Don't worry. My grandmother will make us something good. You'll love it."
Jon was hungry himself, so he hoped he was right. A few minutes later, he turned a familiar corner of the street and saw his second cousin, Mi, sweeping away dirt from his grandmother's doorway.
"Jon!" Mi shouted when she saw them approach. Hugging her tightly, he spoke in Mandarin, telling her how glad he was to see her again, and how she'd grown into a sweet young lady. She blushed and hit his shoulder, replying that she'd gotten a boyfriend, so he had to stop teasing her. Jon laughed and said he'd be good.
"Sorry," Jon said to Sam, realizing she was totally lost. "We're just saying how it's good to see each other. Come on, Mi, speak English for my friend here."
"Friend?" said Mi, eyeing Sam suspiciously.
Jon smiled nervously. "Well, actually, she's my…"
"Jonny?" came a high-pitched, excited voice through a window upstairs.
"Ni hao, Zumu!" Jon exclaimed, waving at her from below.
She screamed a little, then yelled at him to come inside the two-story apartment. He smiled and took Sam's hand. "Come on," he said as he led her inside.
"Jon, shoes!" Mi shouted, pointing at his feet.
"Right. Duibuqi!" Slipping off his black sneakers at the door, he motioned for Sam to do the same. Having lived in Seattle for the last few years, he found himself a little forgetful about his grandmother's traditions.
As they entered the living room, the whole apartment smelled of soup, and his stomach growled. A moment later, his grandmother entered the living room. Happiness filled his soul, and he grabbed her up, lifting her slightly from the floor. Giggling, she shyly kissed his cheek. Soon after, she noticed Sam, and her affectionate demeanor completely changed.
Jon held Sam's hand and said, "Grandmother, this is Sam, my new girlfriend."
His grandmother folded h
er arms and walked toward Sam, eyeing her up and down. After a minute, she finally said in broken English, "She so... skinny."
Jon laughed. "Yes, so we must do something about that. Are you making your amazing lotus soup?"
His grandmother nodded. "Go sit," she commanded. He laughed a little, then walked over to the serving table. He remembered the apartment well with its rustic wood design and framed pictures of their family ancestors on the walls. There was warmth in this home, and it made Jon smile.
Looking over at Sam as she sat down next to him at the table, he could tell she felt extremely nervous. Her awkward vibe radiated everywhere.
"It's okay," he whispered into her ear. Sam gave a quick half-smile. She so didn't believe him, and he knew it. Trying to reassure his shy girlfriend, he gave her hand a squeeze. "Just wait till you have my grandmother's lotus soup. You'll go to heaven."
Sam smirked. "Maybe Buddha ate her soup."
Jon laughed loudly, the joy rising in his chest. He needed this. All of this. For too long, he'd been caught up in fame and the business. It had been eating up his soul, and he hadn't even realized it.
When Mi brought out the giant pot of soup and carefully placed it in the center of the table, Jon became acutely aware of what he had been missing: family.
Mi served them two bowls of the steaming goodness, along with a side of traditional Zha Jiang Mian noodles and pickled cucumber.
His grandmother came out of the hidden kitchen and grinned, seemingly pleased with herself. She sat down and said, "Qing nin yongcan." It was the green light, and Jon greedily grabbed for his bowl.
Upon his first sip of the salty but sweet pork lotus soup, his childhood came flooding into his mind. He almost wanted to cry.
Awkwardly bringing the bowl to her mouth, Sam blew on the soup and sipped it cautiously. "Wow!" she said with a surprised expression.
"Delicious, huh?"
"It's incredible!" Turning to his grandmother, she added, "Thank you so much."
Jon's grandmother gave a slight smile. She then looked at him and nodded. It was just enough to show she didn't hate his choice of girlfriend. Relieved, he grabbed a pair of chopsticks and tore into the savory noodles in his bowl.
After finishing their scrumptious meal, Jon chatted a little while with his grandmother and cousin. He skirted around his latest film experience, however, claiming he and Sam really needed to catch the train back to their hotel before it got dark.
He hugged his beloved grandmother and patted his cousin on the shoulder. He was glad they had visited and hoped Sam felt the same.
"So…" he said as they walked down the hutong street.
"Yeah?"
"Did you enjoy lunch?"
"Are you kidding?" Sam blurted with a small giggle. "It was friggin delicious."
Jon grinned, then said, "And my grandmother?"
"She was kind of stoic and quiet. I thought she'd be, I dunno… different."
"Really? How so?"
"Well, you mentioned she's a Buddhist… and I don't know, I guess I pictured her sweet and gentle… with a spiritual quality to her."
Jon laughed. "Does she seem cold to you?"
"No, it's just… I don't know. I can't tell if she liked me or not."
"Trust me," said Jon, reaching for Sam's hand, "you'd have known if she didn't."
After a wonderful but tiring day, they finally arrived at the hotel. Sam wanted to take a shower, but Jon wanted to take a bath. After some debate, they agreed to go to their separate rooms. Jon said he'd meet her for dinner in a few hours, and they kissed before briefly parting ways.
As he entered his room, he couldn't help but wish he'd found a way to ask his grandmother in private what she thought about Sam. Not that he needed her to tell him who to be with, but he wanted guidance.
Falling onto his back on the bed, he tucked his arms behind his head and pondered everything that was happening in his life: his recent mental breakdown, the familiar hotel, Sam and his shared dreams, and now, their budding love. He knew it all had to be leading to some sort of destiny, but was he walking on a path toward fortune or to his own demise?
Chapter 19: The Gift
G an felt incredibly alive, more than he believed he deserved. Sliding in and out of the priest who had recently captured his heart, he moaned in ecstasy, all the while yearning to understand the greater reason for their relationship. Could making love to his magical priest bring him to a deeper understanding about life? He felt it might, but if the physical act of two men joining together produced no children, what was the point? He'd been raised to believe that only a man and a woman belonged together, but now, he questioned everything.
It didn't matter. Gan needed him. He needed the intensity and depth of their sex. It was beyond anything he'd ever known.
Erupting in unison with his new lover, he felt Sa’s arm as it reached for Gan’s face. Behind his beautiful priest, Gan slowly moved, still in rapture from their passion.
Sa straightened up on his knees and turned his head back to look at Gan. The graceful priest appeared to be crying, his expression serious and focused.
“My only, my forever, my heart,” Sa spoke, genuine and sincere.
Gan cupped the sides of his lover’s face and gave him a kiss words couldn't express.
It had been almost a month of secretly visiting Sa in the temple, and he still couldn't understand their relationship. It baffled him and shook his core, and yet… he kept coming back.
When Ji Wei asked where he'd gone, Gan always lied, claiming he'd been hunting or scouting for missing survivors from their clan. He trusted his friend, but the truth was too confusing and embarrassing to talk about.
“What are your thoughts, my yang?” asked Sa as he lay back on his bed.
Gan stared at the beauty before him, unable to speak. “I… I have no words for these feelings.”
Sa rested his head on his arms and smiled. “I render you speechless.”
Gan gave a small laugh, then lay next to his priest. “Yes. You are a mystery.”
“Really? How so?”
Gan sighed. “I cannot fathom your power. First of all, you are able to speak with the dead…”
“Only if they wish to speak with me.”
“You have visions,” said Gan, ignoring Sa’s interruption.
“Only sometimes… and they're not always accurate.”
Gan grinned, amused at his lover’s humility. “And you somehow make me desperately need you,” he added, picking up Sa’s chin. “Your power overwhelms my senses.”
Sa leaned into Gan and kissed his lips tenderly.
Bliss, thought Gan. How can this be such bliss? How is it possible?
Sa stretched, then reached for his robe on the nearby chair. He wrapped it over himself, then turned to look at Gan.
“Stay here, my beloved warrior. I have… a gift.”
Gan wanted to ask what he meant, but Sa left the room before he could. Gift? He's already given me reason to live. What greater gift could he give?
After a few minutes of waiting, Gan almost fell asleep. However, he promptly opened his eyes once Sa returned.
“Hold out your hands, and close your eyes,” said Sa, joining his yang on the bed.
Gan smirked, then did as he was told. Feeling a cold, circular object drop into the palms of his hands, Gan guessed it was a ring of some kind. When he opened his eyes, he saw that the object was a gorgeous, white opal ring, and it temporarily stunned Gan’s mind.
"Sa, this is… I've never seen anything so beautiful."
Gently smiling, Sa took the ring from Gan's hands and slid it onto his lover's third finger on his right hand.
"You are mine, I am yours. Let this ring symbolize our eternal bond."
Gan gulped. Part of him felt elated, but another part wanted to run. Marriage was sacred, and he wasn't entirely over his deceased wife. Plus, were they really able to wed? What would the gods think of such a union?
"Sa… I am truly grateful fo
r this gift. It is beyond beautiful, as is your heart. But I…"
"You what?" Sa asked with his eyebrow raised.
Gan was certain his lover was about to fold his arms in silent anger. He had to say something good, and quick. He did not want Sa mad at him.
"I just… can't believe you gave me such a gift! How did you even attain such a rare object?"