by Lyra Shanti
Sam shook her head. "Why are you showing me this? And what does it have to do with me supposedly killing everyone?"
He sighed and closed the box. "You may not want to face it, but you are the reincarnation of the white dragon. Sa was the one who carried its spirit, and you were Sa, so…"
"Okay, fine… whatever," she snapped, "but I don't have any magical powers now. I'm just a normal wom… person."
"No, you're not. You just can't fully remember yourself. Once you're truly awakened, you will be free and able to use your power once again."
She released a crazed laugh. "Oh, sure! You're telling me I could shape-shift into a flying monster and set fire to stuff? Yeah, right! Geez, you are crazier than I am."
Sam laughed again and ran her fingers through her hair. She had no idea how to even process what he was saying. She wanted answers, but not this.
"I'm telling you the truth," said Jun with a serious, stoic expression.
Sam wanted to slap the guy again. "Fine. Then tell me what happened that night. I remember the sorcerer… Xian something? He was my brother, I guess… and he tortured Gan with the ring. I remember trying to stop him… you. And then I remember flames, but that's it. What happened next?"
"Sa became the dragon I feared, and his white flames engulfed all of us at once. After so many years of trying to suppress his true nature, he unleashed a tarrying rage he could not control. I deserved it, to be sure, but… the other two did not."
Jun sat down on a crate and thought for a moment. "After that, I'm not exactly sure what occurred. I woke up with a splitting headache. I looked up to see my brother back to his human form, and he was bending over his beloved Gan, the man I tried to destroy. My brother had taken the ring from me and used it to bring us back from the dead. I saw Gan gasping for a second life, as well as his lover, Ji Wei. I wasn't surprised that Sa used his godly power for them, but I was astonished he brought me back as well. And then, when I tried to thank my brother, he simply disappeared. I never saw him again. No one did. He vanished without a trace."
Sam couldn't speak. She could barely think. "How… how did I? How is that possible?"
"Because you were, and still are, the white dragon. I know you don't think you're that special, Sam, but you are. And with the ring to enhance your spiritual power, you could change into dragon form… even control life and death. It's the greatest, yet most terrible gift anyone can possess."
Sam felt sick. "Is that why you wanted to kill my yang? You wanted to weaken me and take the ring for yourself?"
"No!" he protested. "I… Xian Shen wanted to be the one to help balance you. He wanted to be your yang. He was so angry and hurt that you forgot him and chose Gan to take his place. I suppose I was like a protective brother, but gone mad with jealousy. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I am praying I can make amends. I am giving you the opal, in this life now, Sam. And I swear, I will never take it from you again."
He handed the jade box to Sam with his head bent down, and she reluctantly took it in her hands. "I'm scared," she whispered.
"Don't be," said Jun. "This is your destiny, and only you can handle its power."
Sam felt like crying. "But I'm just a normal human. I can't change into a friggin dragon and heal people. What the hell am I supposed to do with this?"
Jun smiled. "That is up to you, my ancient brother. Listen, you don't have to figure out your path right away, and if you decide to stay a seemingly powerless human, that is fine as well. As long as you embrace your soul's truth, you will be fulfilling your destiny."
Getting up, Jun headed for the door. "C'mon, I think we should perhaps light some incense and send a prayer to the universe. It certainly couldn't hurt."
Sam gave a long sigh and followed behind the reincarnation of a man she both hated and loved.
Chapter 34: Acceptance
"I don't know how to explain it better than that," she said, trying not to nervously laugh at Jon's perplexed face. "Look, I know it sounds insane, but… it kinda feels true. I mean, I don't know if I'm a friggin shape-shifting dragon or whatever, but… the rest felt right."
She looked again at his shocked, almost disgusted expression. No longer able to stop herself, she released a small giggle. "Okay, say something, Jon. Your face is freaking me out."
He opened his mouth, about to speak, but then closed it again. He then rubbed his chin and took a deep breath. "I… I just don't understand."
"Which part?" she asked, folding her legs up while sitting on his bed.
"All of it! It's not that I don't believe it could have happened. Well, I'm not sure about the dragon stuff… or the idea that you brought us back from death. Okay, I guess I find it all a bit ridiculous. I can believe he was there, but… I would think a professional doctor wouldn't take dreams so literally. They're probably just metaphors, like, you are a powerful soul, similar to a dragon… and I tried to be your equal, but never felt good enough… probably because of guilt about my wife and the village. It's all just psychological stuff, and you'd think a licensed therapist would know that. Are you sure this Dr. Lee is legit?"
Sam took a deep breath and exhaled. She wasn't sure if Jon could handle it, but she knew she had to show him. Getting up, she went to her bag and pulled out the jade box. She then laid it on the bed in front of Jon.
"What's this?" he asked.
"Proof. Maybe not about everything, but it wasn't all symbolic and psychological, Jon. Open the box."
Jon hesitated, but his curiosity got the better of him. "Wow… this dragon art is pretty. It looks really old too." Slowly, he opened the box. After a few seconds, his jaw dropped. "Oh my god, Sam. Is this? No way, it can't be. How did you get this?"
Sam smiled and said, "It was given to me at Yonghe. It's the ring I gave to Gan. Do you remember? It was our promise to each other. It was Sa's heart… given to protect you. It didn't work, though. I don't know why, but you couldn't use it for yourself. I guess you were in denial of your true powers. And I guess we both are now."
Jon stared at the ring, and then at Sam. "If this is real, Sam… if this really happened… I mean, does that mean magic is real?"
Sam shook her head. "I'm not sure. I guess it does, though I'm clueless how it works. Jun seems to think it will reveal itself to me over time. He says I should put on the ring when I feel ready and test out my hidden abilities. But I'm too scared, to be honest. If Sa, a Taoist priest, couldn't control his power, how the hell can I?"
Jon slowly shook his head, then closed the box. "I don't think either of us should wear it. In fact, I don't think we should even think about it. This life is this life, you know? We're both regular humans now. I can barely figure out how to juggle my career and seem normal. I don't need to think I'm harboring the spirit of a black dragon inside me as well."
Sam gave a sigh. "Okay, I agree about not wearing the ring, but not because we need to be normal, whatever that is. I think we need to let go of the past and accept our present, but Jon… I'll never be normal. Is normality what you really want?"
He rubbed the back of his head. "I just want to prove I'm my own man, you know? I want to be a great actor. I'm not some momentary, handsome face who won't matter in a few years. I can't explain why, but I need to be known, and I'm not sure I can do it if they all know I'm a bisexual, dragon-spirit freak."
"Oh, god, Jon," she said, reaching for his arm. "You're not a freak. Stop that." She gave him a hug and rubbed his back. "This is all my fault. If Sa hadn't given you that ring, my brother wouldn't have tortured you and said you were nothing but a figment of my imagination. I think it stunted you or something."
Jon released a small laugh. "I'm not, am I? Cause if so, you could have imagined me to be a stronger, better man."
She looked into his eyes and held his face. "Listen to me. You're the best man I've ever known. And no, you're not my creation or made just to be my yang. You have your own, unique soul, and if I ever made it seem like you couldn't be yourself, I'm so sorry."<
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As Jon began to cry, Sam felt tears welling up in her eyes. "I love you, Jon. I always will. But you don't have to please me anymore. You're not here to balance me or give me a purpose. You don't have to hide inside society’s standard of normality either. I want you to be free.” Sam gave a sigh, and then continued. “When we were Sa and Gan, we needed each other a little too much. And I know I can be just as needy now, but… after facing that I almost killed you back then, I just can't let myself lose control like that ever again. I think I need to gain myself before committing to marriage. I need time, Jon… to find out who I really am. You know?"
He nodded, though his tears showed his pain. "I love you, Sam. I want you free and happy as well. I still want to get married, but… I respect your wishes."
She smiled, then said, "You really want a family, don't you? That's, like, mega important to you, I can tell. Gan needed that too. Big time. But Sa couldn't give him children. It was something I think really hurt me back then. I remember…"
"What is it?" asked Jon. "Are you having a vision?"
Sam nodded. "Yeah, I see myself walking on a path. I'm alone, but I'm walking with a purpose. I think Sa went to India. It's vague, but my instinct is telling me that after that horrible night in the forest, I left for India. I knew you needed a family and a safe, loving home. I knew I couldn't give that to you, so I left you in the care of Ji Wei. I knew he'd do anything for Gan. He could even change into a female for you and give you the child you needed to make up for the one you lost. I felt useless, and so I left."
Jon's face looked horrified. "You left me? On purpose?"
Sam wrapped her arms around him and said, "But I gave you my ring, which was a part of my spirit."
"That's not good enough," he said, on the edge of sobbing. "I remember the pain. Gan missed him so much. I never really healed from your absence." Pulling back to look deeply into Sam's eyes, he whispered, "We really were two halves of the same whole, like yin and yang, weren't we?"
Sam sadly smiled. "Yes, and we always will be. But I… I don’t think I can be your wife in this life either. I'm not sure I can be anyone's wife, to be honest. I'm just not female. But I'm not typically male either, so… I guess I'm somewhere in between. I looked it up online, and I’m not sure if I’m gender fluid or non-binary or trans… or whatever else. I need time to figure it all out. I hope you can understand."
"Oh, god, you're leaving me all over again," said Jon as he covered his face with his hands.
"No, listen to me," said Sam, taking his hands in hers. "I'm not leaving you. I'm just gonna go back to the states for a while and figure things out. I need to know what and who I am. I need to feel strong in myself, you know? Even without knowing about this dragon stuff, I always felt so weird, like I never fit in. I was always living to prove I was normal, and it made me subservient and stupid. That's how I ended up with a jerk like James."
Jon nodded, then wiped his tears. "I understand, I do. But… please, just don't disappear from my life like Sa did. I think his disappearance is why I felt that feeling recently… like I ceased to exist. We are still that bonded, aren't we?"
"Yes," said Sam, "and we always will be. No matter where I go or what I do, I won't just disappear. I promise."
Jon grabbed her and said, "Swear it on the ring." Urgently, he got up and took out the ring from its box. Returning to the bed, he opened her left hand and laid the ring inside her palm. "Promise on the opal that you will never disappear from my life, and we will always be connected."
Sam looked into his eyes and smiled, and with all her heart, she said, "I promise."
Chapter 35: Set Them Free
S am placed her bag down and gave Jon a hug.
"Are you sure you want to stay at this hotel again?" he asked. "Was it really that bad at my parents’?"
She laughed, then said, "No, it was okay. But like I said, I just need some me time before I head back to America. I want to rest a little. Besides, I love this place. You know, Jun told me that the ring was actually found in the garden area out back. Turns out they built this hotel on the ruins of an old, abandoned temple." She gave a knowing smile and added, "Wonder which temple that could have been."
"Wow," he replied, "I don't know what to be more surprised by; the fact that the ring was found here or that you now call your therapist by his first name."
Sam rolled her eyes. "Ex-therapist. We're just friends, Jon. Don't worry. There's no way I'm gonna date my insane brother from a past life."
Looking around nervously, Jon obviously didn't want her to mention such things. "Anyway," he said, switching subjects, "you'll call me right away when you get to Florida. Right?"
"Of course, though it'll take a while. The flight is a killer."
A moment of awkward silence passed before she said, “Well, I guess this is it… for now."
Breaking typical Chinese decorum, Jon scooped her up in her arms and squeezed her tight. "I'll never forget you, my Sam… my Sa."
"Okay, okay," she said, half laughing, "this isn't goodbye forever. We have each other’s info. Don't be so dramatic."
He laughed and said, "I can't help it. That's my job."
She smirked. "Speaking of which… do you have a new film lined up? Where are you headed?"
He took a deep breath and said, "I'm going to have a long talk with my parents… and then I'm going back to Seattle. I need to settle things with Andrew. I left him so suddenly, you know? I even left my beloved Beatles vinyls there."
"What? Are you kidding me? Those records are gold!" Sam replied with a playful push to his arm.
"Yeah, I know. I was crazy when I left him. And before you think it, I'm not necessarily getting back with him. I mean, I don't know… maybe, maybe not. Like you, I want to figure myself out. He and I have something deep, it's true, but… you've inspired me to find my true self before I go rushing into anything."
She smiled and said, "As long as you're happy and free, then I'm happy."
"And free?" he asked, reaching for her hand.
"Well, that's the goal," she said with a sad smile. "Wish me luck."
"My beautiful yin, I wish you nothing but love and good fortune." After kissing her hand, Jon gave her one last hug, then turned around and walked out of the lobby.
For a moment, Sam feared it had all been a dream, and that she would never see Jon again. But looking at the opal, which now hung around her neck on a silver chain that Jon gifted her, she held it tight and remembered their promise to never vanish from each other's lives.
Gathering her strength, Sam checked into the hotel at the front desk. The owner remembered her and told her to have a great stay. She smiled and headed for the elevator.
Waiting for the doors to open, she wondered if Jon would end up with Andrew after all. Would it be a repeat of the past? Would they even have kids somehow? For a second, Sam felt jealous, but then her inner priest took over, and the feeling passed.
"When you love someone, set them free," Sam said aloud, not realizing anyone was there.
"That's a cool Sting song, isn't it?" said the beautiful blonde in line for the elevator.
Sam turned around and instantly recognized her from their previous stay. She was that "perfect woman" who had made Sam feel so insecure. But now, without as much insecurity in the way, Sam realized it hadn’t been jealousy, but attraction.
"Oh, yeah, I guess it is," said Sam with a slight laugh.
As the elevator opened, they entered together. "I remember seeing you before," said the green-eyed blonde with an impish smile. "Do you have stock in this hotel or what?"
Sam laughed. "Oh, no… I just really like it here."
"Are you by yourself?" she asked, leaning up against the elevator wall.
"I guess so…"
"Yeah, me too," said the beautiful blonde, giving a wistful sigh.
Sam couldn't imagine why or how the woman was single. With her golden hair and sweet, angelic face, she looked like a goddess in human form.
As the doors opened, the woman picked up her bag and gave a twinkling smile. "Well, you know, you have to leave this lonely hotel one of these days." She then walked out of the elevator and waved, heading down the hallway.
For a second, Sam merely stood there, dumbfounded. That woman… so familiar. Wait… no way! Gan's wife? My guardian spirit?!
"Zhang Lu?!" Sam uncontrollably shouted.
The young woman turned and cocked her head. She then grinned and said, "Not in this life, honey. My name is Jessica Fields. But if you want to get to know me better, I can meet you in the lobby for a drink in about five minutes."
Sam watched as Jessica went into her room with a flirtatious smile.
Five minutes? thought Sam. Hell, to get to know that woman, I'd wait a lifetime.