by Paula Chase
She pushed away the image of her once more standing on the outside, looking in on her friendship with Mina. They were making up. She wasn’t going to add fuel to a dying fire. She’d have to find her own way around that hurdle, for now. She forced nonchalance into her voice.
“So, how was It?” Lizzie winced. She sounded like some little kid in awe of her older sib. But once again, thank goodness, Mina’s reaction was the Mina she’d always known.
She grew thoughtful for a few seconds, then spoke in a rambling confession.
“It was…weird. But not like bad weird…just like, oh, my God, I’m naked in front of him weird.” She paused long enough to smile at Lizzie’s chuckle before going on. “My stomach was cramped for, like, two days afterward. I would get sort of nauseous whenever I thought about it. What’s been cool, though, is that Brian’s been so…so normal about it. I thought he was going to change. Like maybe start throwing shade, trying to play hard or something.” She shrugged as if asking, then answering a question in her head. “But he didn’t. It’s…I feel closer to him. And I think he feels the same way…I hope.” She smiled weakly. “That’s not good, is it? Since he’s leaving soon. I guess you owe me a told-you-so.”
Lizzie shook her head. “I’ll pass.”
They smiled at one another, letting the silence speak for them.
“Have you guys done it since?” Lizzie said, struggling to shrug off the younger sibling worship feel of her questions.
Mina’s eyes lowered for a fleeting second before meeting Lizzie’s. “Yeah. But it wasn’t at the pool party. For real.”
A thick, awkward pause sat between them, neither of them sure where to take the conversation.
Lizzie took a quick internal breath and hoped like heck what she was about to say would come off as light and corny as she meant it because she couldn’t live with her friendship with Mina turning into a constant tutorial on dating, sex, and making out—like it sometimes felt with Jacinta. She needed to feel like she could say anything to Mina without feeling like such a kid, so she dove in.
“Condom?”
Mina’s eyebrow hitched. Her answer was a hesitant, “Yeah.”
Lizzie folded her arms in mock consternation. “What kind?”
Mina’s eyebrows knitted. “No idea.”
“Flavored?” Lizzie smiled broadly. She breathed a quiet sigh of relief when Mina smiled, then chuckled.
“Okay, eww. No,” Mina said. She covered her eyes, then turned her back. “This is me while he was doing all that.”
Lizzie laughed. “How come I can so see you doing that?”
“Because I did. I was completely weirded out about it.”
They muffled their laughter in case a passing teacher decided to inspect the noise. But there was no need—the sounds of the hallway, rowdy when they’d ducked into the bathroom, had dwindled as people made their way to class. On cue, the muted chime of the first bell accompanied the dying noise.
After a few seconds, Mina took a deep breath and sighed. “Are we really cool now?”
“Totally,” Lizzie said.
“Then, come on. Let’s go talk to Todd.”
Lizzie frowned. “The second bell is about to ring. He’s probably already gone.”
Mina pulled out her phone and texted a message. “Well, wherever he was, he’ll meet us at his locker now. Come on.”
“I should just wait,” Lizzie said. Her stomach tightened. She and Mina were good now, but one step at a time. Maybe she and Todd would be fine as just friends, anyway. She wasn’t up to this. Not now.
Mina wrapped her arms around Lizzie in a tight hug, then twirled her until she was facing the door. “Nope.”
“We’ll be late,” Lizzie said weakly.
Mina laughed. “Like that matters to me and Todd. I have like five tardies this year. And you know Todd—he’s chronic.”
Lizzie pleaded. “I don’t want to get in trouble.”
Mina gave her a playful shove in the back. “It’ll be your first time ever late, Miss A Plus. You can afford it.”
They burst into the quieter, less hectic hallway. A few stragglers wandered by, and a teacher’s voice boomed from the opposite end that people should be moving along.
When they turned the bend, Todd stood at his locker, talking to Volleyball Girl.
“No, I’ll talk to him later,” Lizzie said, her eyes begging Mina to let it go.
But Mina’s footsteps were hurried. She was at Todd’s locker in seven steps, leaving Lizzie to her snail’s pace.
“Hey, Cassie,” Mina said in her best “I love everybody” cheerleader voice. She talked through Volleyball Girl’s hello. “Hey, T.”
“What’s up, Mina?” Todd said.
Obviously in no hurry, his long body leaned casually on the locker.
Mina spoke toward Lizzie, trying to hurry her with a loud, “Can me and Lizzie holler at you for a second?”
Cassie took the hint. “So, Todd, let me know about Friday, okay?” she said. “Bye, Mina.”
Lizzie timed her steps perfectly to step into the spot Cassie had vacated. Once at the locker, she wriggled nervously, her shoulders popping as if she was trying to scratch an itch without the aid of her hands. “Hi,” she said in a library-quiet voice.
“Hey, Lizzie,” Todd said. His cheeks grew a dull pink, and he quickly began a marathon hair-pushing session as he looked from Lizzie to Mina. “You guys gonna jump me? Should I call my boys for backup?”
Mina put up her hands in surrender. “I come in peace, dude.” She gave Lizzie a good luck eyebrow shrug and a quick “See y’all later,” before scurrying down the hall.
“Hey, what happened to you not caring if you were late,” Lizzie shouted after her.
Mina laughed. “This is your first late, not mine. I gotta dip.”
Lizzie chuckled harder than necessary, giving her confidence time to make an appearance. But with the bell seconds away, there was no time. She squared her shoulders and went on without it.
“I’m really, really bad with this kind of thing,” she admitted, remembering that Kelly had said to be honest. Todd’s eyes clouded with confusion, pushing her on. “Crushes and relationships, I mean.”
“Ohhh.” He shrugged. “No worries.”
“If I said that I really like you and that part of the reason I needed to take the pact is because I’m completely freaked out by how much I like you, would that make sense to you?” Lizzie looked up into Todd’s blue eyes. She expected him to make a joke, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about that. She needed him to be serious right now. Her heart leapt happily when he nodded. Her shoulders relaxed, and her legs did, too, a little too much. There was a very real chance her rubbery knees were about to give out. She propped herself up against the locker.
“So basically, you like me so much you don’t want to have sex with me,” Todd said. His eyes glinted playfully.
The second bell rang, announcing that they were officially late.
There was so much Lizzie wanted to say, to get out in the open now while she still had the nerve (well, some nerve). But she was only willing to be so late to class. She stood upright. Her legs were once more solid underneath her, now that she’d broken the ice. She walked as she talked.
“That’s one way to look at it.” She stopped after a few steps and faced Todd. “Look, if we’re just going to be friends…I think I can be okay with that. But I know the way I dropped the whole thing on you was lame. I’m sorry. I just wanted you to know that.”
Sorry, Kelly. I’m too chicken to ask for a second chance, she thought.
“Are you still planning on doing the pact?” Todd asked.
Lizzie wished she could reward the hope in his voice, but she told the truth, “Yeah.”
He looked over her head, staring down the empty hallway for a few seconds. Not wanting to be impolite, Lizzie slyly checked the hall clock over his shoulder. She was officially two minutes late. Her class was only a few doors down. She needed to get going,
but the invisible draw she felt for Todd kept her rooted in the hallway. Finally, he draped his arm around her shoulder, guiding her toward her class.
“So, okay…” He furrowed his brow in concentration. “Define sex for me. I mean, what’s off-limits? What’s allowed?”
This time, it was Lizzie’s turn to feel hope. She dare not think too far ahead about what Todd meant. The old Lizzie would have. But the new going-with-the-flow Lizzie was going to ride this current and see where it took her.
Confessions
“And your heart no longer pledge allegiance to me.”
—Jay-Z, “I Know”
Thursdays were reserved for balling at JZ’s house. Except this Thursday.
Tomorrow was prom night, and everyone was involved in some sort of last minute prom chore, except JZ. Earlier that day, his mom had taken him to get his tux. After establishing that, indeed, he was one handsome devil in the designer monkey suit, pink vest to match his date’s gown, that was all the prom to-doing he had on his list. So he found himself alone on a Thursday for the first time in two months.
His phone buzzed, and without looking, he knew who it was. He smirked down at the message from Jacinta:
Yall ballin 2day?
He typed back, Naw Y? u cmg over? and hit “Send.”
He knew the answer would be yes, and it was.
The first time Cinny had texted him and then come over, he’d been surprised since the little flirt thing they’d had going on since meeting had cooled off once Raheem blew his top at Nationals. They’d sat downstairs watching videos and talking, mostly about the madness of the booty-shaking in them (JZ was decidedly for it, Jacinta against), as JZ waited for Jacinta to ’fess up about why she was there. An hour into it, he not only realized that Jacinta just wanted to chill, but also that he enjoyed hanging with her.
There was a dull chime of the doorbell, followed by the murmur of his mother greeting Cinny. By the time she came downstairs, JZ was shooting pool.
He looked up from the table. “What’s up, girl?”
Jacinta sat on one corner of the pool table. “Nothing.”
JZ’s eyes caressed the fullness of Jacinta’s bottom, covered by tight jeans, spilling over onto the table and blocking the corner pocket. He purposely shot his ball her way. It bounced off her butt and rolled slowly back toward him.
“Wanna play?” he said.
Jacinta went and picked up a cue stick in response. She chalked it, making JZ smile. Cinny was about the worst pool player, second only to Mina. But she was getting better. JZ respected that she attempted to take playing seriously.
He racked the balls, easily breaking them with his first shot. The solid yellow went in a corner pocket, and he played on. He talked casually, his eyes on the game. “Alright, not that I want to hear anymore about your cycle.” JZ’s eyebrows raised in a high arch before slinking back to rest. “But how’d that whole missed period work out?”
He was relieved when Jacinta smiled. He’d been reluctant to make light, but he and Jacinta had that kind of easy bond. It would be fake if he hadn’t poked fun.
“Still missing.” Jacinta plopped back down in her spot on the table’s corner.
“There you go, cheating, blocking my shot.” JZ scowled.
Jacinta waved him off. “Like you not gonna win anyway.”
JZ maneuvered around the table, setting up his next shot. He overshot by an inch when Jacinta said, “On a scale of one to ten, how wack is it to break up with somebody on prom night?”
JZ snorted. “Eleven.”
Jacinta’s scowl turned into deep thought. “I thought so.”
JZ moved a step back from the table so Jacinta could take a shot. “So why you talking about breaking up when y’all ready to…I mean, when you’re—”
“When I’m what?” Jacinta’s eyes rolled. She bent over, aiming at the blue and white striped ball.
JZ arched his hand from his chest to the bottom of his stomach to mime a pregnant belly. “You know…with child.”
Jacinta cackled. “With child? Who are you? Shakespeare?” She reared her stick back, barely connecting with the ball on the shot, then stood up and leaned against her stick. “Whether I am or not, me and Raheem…we’re…” Her head shook slowly side to side like she couldn’t find the words.
JZ’s mouth upturned in a skeptical grimace. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t even say y’all over, Cinny. Heard that before. You rummin’.”
“I’m serious, Jay.” Jacinta’s face lay on her hands against the stick. She swayed slightly side to side against it as she confessed. “Things haven’t been right between us since we got back together. It was okay the first few months. But it’s like since Christmas, when he committed to GU, he’s acting like—” Jacinta frowned, concentrating. “Like that made it official that I’m his wifey or something. Like I’m not going anywhere, ever, unless it’s me and him.”
“Shoot, aren’t you?” JZ’s bitterness took him by surprise. He masked it with more light sarcasm. “I’m saying, if you’re not his wifey after three years of going out, then what are you?”
He made a mental note that it was right after the Christmas break that Jacinta had first begun calling for her pop in visits. But he didn’t have much time to process the thought.
“Just because we’ve been together for a minute doesn’t mean it’s forever.” Jacinta’s voice rose. “And when we got back together, I did it ’cause I believed him that things were gonna be different.”
“They weren’t?” JZ went back to focusing on the game.
Jacinta’s shoulders hiccupped. “Sort of. He did stop tripping so hard about what I do when he’s not with me. But I don’t know…he started talking more about us getting married when he goes pro. Always talking real permanent. He never did that before.” Her sigh filtered out in a low hiss. “At first, I played along. I figured him going to school was going to be a break. You know? And whatever happened after he went off to school happened.” She chuckled bitterly. “Shoot, you just don’t know how disappointed I was when he picked Georgetown over Syracuse. And you know why he picked it, Jay?” She waited for JZ to look up at her before she answered. “Because it’s closer to home. So then, every time we’re together, he’s talking about how I can come visit him any time I want. And during the off-season how he’s gonna come home on weekends to see me.” She threw up one hand and let it come down in a floppy slap on her leg, the words pouring. “I just kept telling myself, ‘get through summer, Cinny. Just get through summer, and then he’ll be at school. Once he’s there, he’ll have classes and basketball. So we’ll have space. And once we get some space, I’ll probably miss him….’ Youknow? I’ll probably want to see him.” She rocked slightly, swaying with the cue stick as she hugged it. Her voice lowered. “But Georgetown is so close to the DRB. And he reminds me how close every time, talking about how much we can still see each other.”
“And that’s a bad thing?” JZ said, meaning it as a joke. But Jacinta glared at him.
“Yeah. Yeah, JZ, it’s bad.” She sat down heavily on the table’s corner. “Every time I think I have this worked out, shit happens. I break up with him. He follows me down to O.C. begging to get back. So we get back. We agree to respect each other’s space.” Her voice rose higher as she ranted. “Well, that worked fine until every other conversation became about ‘the future’ and how often he’s gonna drive from DC to see me.” She raised her arms for another shrug, and the stick tumbled out of her hand, hitting the carpet with a dull thud. “Stupid me. I figured, well, once he’s at school, he won’t be pressed about me. Then my stupid period doesn’t come on. I can’t win, Jay.” She whispered again. “I can’t win.”
JZ hit in his last ball. He thought about making a crack about winning, but Jacinta was lost in thought, staring down at the floor. He racked the balls, keeping busy. He wasn’t good at the sappy stuff. Michael could give advice without blinking, but that wasn’t JZ’s style.
He forced himself to walk around to f
ace Jacinta. Squatting, he picked up her stick. His heart raced as he fought all the silly, smart-alecky one-liners rising up in his throat. He laid the stick on the table, then sat beside Jacinta, his long legs stretched out next to her short, dangling ones.
He cleared his throat. “You think if you break up, he’s gonna go psycho or something?”
Jacinta sighed as if she weren’t so sure, but her response indicated otherwise. “No. I don’t think he’s that pressed. But it feels like he’ll keep…I don’t know, trying to convince me we can make it work. It’s like he acts like, well, we love each other, so of course, we can work it out.”
“Can you?” JZ asked.
“I guess. But don’t both of us gotta want that?”
Jacinta’s eyes were heavy with sadness. She looked at JZ as if he might have the answer, making his heart thump against his rib cage. He wanted to say the right thing, but wasn’t sure what that was.
Finally, he asked, “You really don’t want it?”
Jacinta stared off across the room for a few seconds before answering. “I’m always gonna love Raheem…I mean, I hope we’re always gonna be friends. But I don’t want to be…with him anymore.”
Her shoulders relaxed as if she’d dumped a load off them.
“Maybe you’re saying that ’cause…you know, the whole missed period thing. You know y’all girls get mad at us like it’s our fault.” He cut his eyes toward Jacinta playfully, but she wasn’t smiling, so he grew serious again. “I’m saying, maybe once you get through all this, you’ll feel different.”
Jacinta’s head ticktocked. “No. I felt like this before, Jay. For a while now. I’m just scared to tell him.”
Scenes from a Prom:
Act One, Scene One
“Party like a rock star. Party like a rock star.”
—Shop Boyz, “Party Like a Rock Star”
Prom preparation was in full swing at the Mooney’s house early Friday evening.
Between her mom, Lizzie’s mother, and Mina’s Granny J, Mina could barely breathe. The three women mother henned her, pulling, tugging and fluffing at her hair and dress.