It was more than enough to convince Aksel to keep his distance. He’d always thought that dating a woman should be considered a privilege, and it was one that he’d now lost. Lisle had made it very clear that he wasn’t worthy of it, by not even telling him that they’d conceived a child together. And now that he had found out about his daughter, Mette was his one and only priority.
But when he’d realised that Flora worked at the clinic, keeping his distance took on a new perspective. He should forget about the insistent craving that her scent awakened, it was just an echo from a past he’d left behind. He’d made up his mind that being a part of the clinic’s community was a way to help Mette. And his way into that community had just turned up on his doorstep in the unlikely form of an angel, struggling to control an unruly puppy.
He’d concentrated on making friends with Dougal first, as that was far less challenging than looking into Flora’s eyes. And when she’d started to talk about the work of the children’s unit of the clinic, he’d concentrated on how that would help his daughter. His daughter. Aksel still couldn’t even think the words without having to remind himself that he really did have a daughter.
‘I’ve arranged with Dr Sinclair that Mette will be staying at the clinic full time for the first week, to give her a chance to settle in. After that, she’ll be spending time at the weekend and several nights a week here, with me.’
‘Oh. I see.’ Flora’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.
Aksel knew that the arrangement was out of the ordinary. Dr Sinclair had explained to him that most residents benefited from the immersive experience that the clinic offered, but he’d listened carefully to Aksel’s concerns about being separated from Mette. The sensitive way that the issue had been handled was one of the reasons that Aksel had chosen the Heatherglen Castle Clinic.
Flora was clearly wondering why Mette was being treated differently from other patients, but she didn’t ask. Aksel added that to the ever-growing list of things he liked about her. She trusted the people she worked with, and was too professional to second-guess their decisions.
‘Mette and I are still working on...things...’ He was the one who needed to do the work. He was still practically a stranger to Mette, and he had to work to prove that she could trust him, and that he’d always be there for her.
‘Well, I’m sure that whatever you and Dr Sinclair have agreed is best.’ She drained her cup and set it down on the small table next to her chair. ‘I’m going to the clinic to catch up on a few things this afternoon. Would you mind if I dropped in to see her, just to say hello and welcome her?’
‘Thank you. That’s very kind...’ Sudden joy, at the thought of seeing Flora again turned his heartbeat into a reckless, crazy ricochet. ‘I’ll be going in to see her this afternoon as well.’
‘Oh...’ Flora shot him an awkward smile, as if she hadn’t expected that eventuality. ‘Would you like a lift?’
‘Thanks, but Kari needs a walk.’ Kari raised her head slightly, directing her melting brown gaze at Aksel. Flora appeared to be taking the excuse at face value, but there was no getting past Kari.
He’d explain. On the way to the clinic, he’d tell Kari about yet another dark place in his heart, the one which made it impossible for Aksel to get too close to Flora. He’d confide his regrets and Kari would listen, the way she always did, without comment.
* * *
Dougal had been persuaded to say goodbye to his newfound friends and had followed Flora through the gap in the hedge, back to her own front door. When they were inside, she let him off the lead and he made his usual dash into the kitchen and around the sitting room, just to check that nothing had changed while he’d been away.
She leaned back against the door, resisting the temptation to flip the night latch. Locking Aksel out was all she wanted to do at the moment, but it was too late. He was already giving her that strong, silent look of his. Already striding through her imagination as if he owned it. At the moment, he did.
But if Flora knew anything about relationships, she knew that losing the first battle meant nothing. Aksel might have taken her by surprise, and breached her defences, but she was ready for him now.
Not like Tom... Eighteen, and loving the new challenges of being away from home at university. Her first proper boyfriend. So many firsts...
And then, the final, devastating first time. Flora had gone with Tom to visit his family for a week, and found his parents welcoming and keen to know all about her and her family. But when she’d spoken of her beloved brother, they hadn’t listened to anything she’d said about Alec’s dry humour, his love of books or how proud Flora was of his tenacious determination to live his life to the full. The only two words they’d heard were ‘cystic fibrosis’.
Tom’s parents had convinced him that his relationship with Flora must end. She had desperately tried to explain. She might carry the defective gene that caused cystic fibrosis, but she might not and if her children developed the condition then it would be a result of her partner also carrying the gene. Tom had listened impassively.
Then Flora had realised. Tom had already understood that, and so had his parents. Pleading with him to change his mind and take her back would have been a betrayal, of both Alec and herself. She’d gone upstairs and packed her bags, leaving without another word.
‘What do you think, Dougal?’ The puppy had returned to her side, obviously puzzled that she was still here in the hallway, and probably wondering if she was ever going to find her way to the jar in the kitchen that held the dog treats.
No answer. Maybe Dougal had that one right. He’d been abandoned too, and he knew the value of a warm hearth and a little kindness. Flora had found a home here, and she needed nothing else but her work.
‘We’re going to find you a home too, Dougal. Somewhere really nice with people who love you.’ Flora walked into the kitchen, opening the jar of dog treats and giving Dougal one, and then reaching for a bar of chocolate for herself.
Chocolate was a great deal more predictable in the gamut of feel-good experiences. Aksel might be blood-meltingly sexy, and far too beautiful for anyone’s peace of mind, but the few fleeting affairs she’d had since the break-up with Tom had shown Flora that desire and mistrust were awkward bedfellows. It was as if a switch had been flipped, and her body had lost its ability to respond. Sex had left her unsatisfied, and she’d given up on it.
If you could trust someone enough...
It was far too big an if. She’d kept the reason for her break-up with Tom a secret, knowing that it would hurt Alec and her parents beyond belief. They didn’t deserve that, and neither did she. It was better to accept that being alone wasn’t so bad and to channel all her energies into her work and being a part of the community here in Cluchlochry.
The next time she saw Aksel, she’d be prepared, and think of him only as a new neighbour and the father of one of the clinic’s patients. When it came to thoughtless pleasure, she had chocolate, which made Aksel Olson’s smile officially redundant.
CHAPTER TWO
AKSEL HAD WALKED the two miles to the clinic, with Kari trotting placidly beside him. It had done nothing to clear his head. Flora’s smile still seemed to follow him everywhere, like a fine mist of scent that had been mistakenly sprayed in his direction and clung to his clothes. He was unaware of it for minutes on end, and then suddenly it hit him again. Fleeting and ephemeral, and yet enough to make him catch his breath before the illusion was once again lost.
His feet scrunched on the curved gravel drive. Castle Heatherglen Clinic was a real castle, its weathered stone walls and slate roof blending almost organically with the backdrop of rolling countryside and snow-dappled mountains. The Laird, Charles Ross-Wylde had added a new chapter to its long history and transformed his home into a rehabilitation clinic that offered its patients the best medical care, and welcomed them with a warm heart.
The childre
n’s unit was a little less grand than the rest of the building, and the sumptuous accommodation and sweeping staircases had been replaced by bright, comfortable rooms arranged around a well-equipped play area. Aksel had come prepared with a list of things that Mette might like to do, and suitable topics of conversation that might please her. But she seemed restless and bored today, not wanting to sit and listen while he read from her storybooks, and laying aside the toys he presented to her. Aksel’s heart ached for all that his daughter had been through.
The awkward silence was broken by a knock at the door. Mette ignored it, and Aksel called for whoever it was to come in. Maybe it was one of the play specialists, who were on duty every day, and who might help him amuse his daughter.
Mette looked up towards the door, an instinctive reaction, even though she couldn’t see anything that wasn’t within a few feet of her.
‘Hi, Mette. My name’s Flora. May I come and visit you for a little while?’ Flora glanced at Aksel and he wondered whether his relief at seeing her had shown on his face.
‘Flora’s our neighbour in the village, Mette.’ He volunteered the information in English, and Mette displayed no interest. Flora sat down on the floor next to them, close enough for Mette to be able to see her face.
‘I work here, at the clinic. I’m a physiotherapist.’ Mette’s head tilted enquiringly towards Flora at the sound of a word she didn’t know. ‘That means that I help people who are hurt to feel well again.’
‘Where do they hurt...?’ Mette frowned.
‘All sorts of places. Their arms might hurt, or their legs. Sometimes it’s their backs or their hips.’
Mette nodded sagely. She’d grown used to being surrounded by doctors and various other medical specialists, and while Aksel valued their kindness, it wasn’t what he wanted for his daughter.
‘Have you come to make me better?’
The question almost tore his heart out. No one could make Mette better, and he wondered how Flora could answer a question that left him lost for words.
‘No, sweetie. I’m sorry, but I can’t make your eyes better.’ Flora pulled a sad face, the look in her eyes seeming to match his own feelings exactly. ‘You have a doctor of your own to look after you. Dr Sinclair is very important around here, and he only looks after very important people...’
Flora leaned forward, imparting the information almost in a whisper, as if it were some kind of secret. She was making it sound as if Mette was someone special, not just a patient or a child who couldn’t be helped.
‘I’ve come because I heard that you were here, all the way from Norway. I’d like to be friends with you, if that’s all right?’
Maybe it was the smile that did it. Aksel wouldn’t be all that surprised, he’d already fallen victim to Flora’s smile. Mette moved a little closer to her, reaching out as if to feel the warmth of the sun.
‘I have a little something that I thought you might like...’ Flora produced a carrier bag from behind her back, giving a little shiver of excitement. Mette was hooked now, and she took the bag.
‘What is it?’ There was something inside, and Mette pulled out a parcel, wrapped in shiny paper that caught the light.
‘Open it up and see.’
Mette didn’t want to tear the wrappings and Flora waited patiently, guiding her fingers towards the clear tape that held it down. It peeled off easily, and Mette got the paper off in one piece, laying it carefully to one side, and started to inspect her gift.
A rag doll, with a brightly coloured dress and a wide smile stitched onto her face. Mette smiled, clutching the doll tightly to her chest.
‘Why don’t you show her to your dad?’
‘Papa, look.’ Mette held out the doll, and Aksel’s heart began to thump in his chest. It wasn’t the gift that had made Mette smile, but the way it had been given. The way it was wrapped so carefully, and the warmth of Flora’s manner.
‘It’s beautiful... Thank you, Flora.’
‘She’s beautiful, Papa,’ Mette corrected him.
‘Yes, of course. Sorry. What’s her name?’
Mette thought for a moment. ‘Annette.’ His daughter pronounced the name with a Norwegian inflection and Aksel repeated the English version for Flora.
‘That’s a lovely name. It sounds even better the way you say it...’ Flora waited, and Mette responded, saying the name again so that Flora could mimic her.
This was all so easy, suddenly. Mette laughed over the way that Flora struggled to get her tongue around the Norwegian pronunciation, and when Flora stretched out her arms Mette gave her a hug. So simple, so natural, without any of the thought that Aksel put into his hugs. None of the wondering whether he was going too fast, or too slowly.
But, then, Flora didn’t have agonised hope to contend with. Or the feeling that he didn’t deserve Mette’s hugs. Aksel watched as Mette showed Flora her toys, noticing that Flora didn’t help Mette as much as he did, and that his daughter responded to that by becoming more animated.
‘What’s that?’ Flora pointed to a box of jumbo-sized dominoes and Mette opened it, tipping the contents onto the floor. ‘Oh, dominoes! I love dominoes...’
‘Would you like to play?’ The words slipped out before Aksel could stop them. He wanted to watch her with Mette for just a little longer.
Flora treated the request as if it was an invitation to a tour of the seven wonders of the world. Mette couldn’t resist her excited smile and gave an emphatic ‘Yes!’
‘Shall we do that thing first...?’ Mette took a few uncertain steps towards Flora, clearly wanting to know what that thing was. Aksel wanted to know too. ‘Where you stand them all up in a row and then knock them down again?’
Flora started to gather the dominoes together, putting them in a pile on the floor. ‘It’s such fun. Your papa will show you, I can never get them to balance properly.’
That was a ruse to get him involved. But Flora could manipulate him as much as she liked if this was the result. Aksel sat down on the floor, and started to line the dominoes up in a spiral pattern, seeing his own hand shake with emotion as he did so. Flora and Mette were both watching him intently, Mette bending forward to see.
‘Spirals, eh? Show-off...’ Flora murmured the words and Aksel felt his shoulders relax suddenly. Maybe this wasn’t so difficult after all.
* * *
When Flora walked out to her car, it was already getting dark. She’d stayed longer than she’d intended with Aksel and Mette, and the work that she’d expected to take an hour had taken two. That might be something to do with the daydreaming. Aksel’s bulk and strength and the gentle vulnerability that little blonde-haired, blue-eyed Mette brought out in him were downright mouth-watering.
He was so anxious to please and yet so awkward with his daughter. Aksel watched over Mette’s every move, ready to catch her if there was even the smallest likelihood that she might fall. He meant well, but he was smothering her.
Not your business, Flora. Dr Sinclair will deal with it.
Lyle Sinclair had a way of taking patients or their families aside and gently suggesting new ways of looking at things. And Lyle would have the advantage of not feeling quite so hot under the collar at the mere thought of a conversation with Aksel.
‘Flora!’
Flora closed her eyes in resignation at the sound of his voice. However hard she tried to escape him... When she turned and saw him striding across the car park towards her, she didn’t want to escape him at all.
‘I wanted to thank you.’
He’d done that already. More than once, and in as many words as Aksel seemed capable of.
‘It was my pleasure. I always bring a little gift for the children, to make them feel welcome.’ She’d told him that already, too. They could go on for ever like this, repeating the same things over and over again.
‘I...’ He spread his hands i
n a gesture of helplessness. ‘You have a way with children.’
He made it sound as if it was some kind of supernatural power. Flora frowned. ‘Children are just...people. Only they’re usually a bit more fun.’
‘You have a way with people, then.’
It was a nice compliment, especially since it was accompanied by his smile. Something was bugging him, but she wasn’t the right person to speak to about it. She had too much baggage...
Baggage or experience? Experience was something that she could use to help her get things right this time. She’d been an impressionable teenager when she’d loved Tom, but she knew better now. There was no cosmic rule that said she had to fall for Aksel, and she could handle the regrets over never being able to trust a man enough to build a relationship. If that meant that she’d never be able to sit on the floor and play dominoes with her own child, she could deal with that, too.
Flora turned, opening the rear door of her car and dumping her bags in the footwell. Then she faced him. If all he had to throw at her were longing and regret, she’d already made her peace with them, a long time ago.
‘You’ve said “Thank you” already, there’s no need for us to stand in the cold here while you say it again. What’s bugging you?’
That was obviously confronting. But the slight twitch at the corners of his mouth told Flora that challenge was one of the things that he thrived on.
He took a breath, as if preparing himself. ‘My relationship with Mette’s mother was over before Mette was born and we never lived together as a family.’
What was he trying to say? That he’d been an absent father who hardly knew his own child? His obvious commitment to his daughter made that difficult to believe.
‘And now?’
‘I can’t bring her mother back, or her sight. But I’d give anything to make her happy and...’ He shrugged. ‘It’s not working. When I saw you with her this afternoon, I saw how much it wasn’t working.’
Festive Fling with the Single Dad Page 2