Little Agnes and the Ghosts of Kelpie Wharf

by Stella Drexler

and constructed of thick, hazy glass and gleaming steel. Tubes protruded from its body, attached to gauges and valves. It posed upon a large, rolling tripod, and a hose connected the ominous dingus to a cylindrical chamber nearby, which was filled with a thick, roiling liquid or heavy gas substance that glowed an uncanny yellow.

  Its operator gripped a smudged brass lever, yanking it towards him with an expression of delighted anticipation. The apparatus hummed briefly, then it almost shrieked as a beam of brilliant light shot from the barrel, illuminating the sleeping sailor for a brief moment in an unholy nimbus. The sailor awoke suddenly, or seemed to, for a terrible wail escaped him, and as the light faded, his body writhed and struggled frantically against the leather restraints binding him to the table.

  The mad, white-haired man laughed wildly as the sailor's body rippled. Agnes cringed at the sounds of popping bones and tearing flesh. The leather bonds snapped in two as the body of the sailor contorted into something else, something horrible and hideous, a creature with skin like shining ebony with long, terrible claws and sharp, deadly teeth. It leapt from the table, leering around at the sailors on the gurneys as though they presented a suitable snack. He gnashed his teeth.

  The scientist cackled. “Not yet, my pet. We still need them. They will be your brothers, but there are two intruders in our midst, of which you may make a very appetizing first meal.”

  He had not, as Agnes had believed, been oblivious to their intrusion.

  The ebony stone skinned creature spun towards them, widening his grinding mouth in a ghastly grin. He lifted hands as long and sharp as needles and raced towards them. Agnes did not fire her pistol. Instead, she seized Vic's arm and stepped to the side, for the creature, while swift and deadly, was quite stupid. He did not anticipate their change in direction and continued on his path, battering himself against the metal door until he slid, quite insensible, to the floor.

  “That explains the dents,” Agnes remarked. She strode haughtily towards the abominable scientist. “What is the meaning of this, sir?”

  His mouth curved down unhappily. “I see you have gotten past my children.” He eyed her curiously. “But I must say, I did not expect such a formidable intruder to be nothing more than a little girl.”

  She drew herself up indignantly. “I am much more than a mere little girl, as you can see.”

  He frowned. “Nevertheless, you should not have come.”

  She jabbed an accusatory finger at him. “You are stealing sailors from their ships and transforming them into monsters!”

  “Very astute.”

  She peered around in sudden keenness. “How did you get them here? Do you have some sort of matter transporter? How do you power it? Electro-magnetic energy? Steam? Radioactive waste? Conducting the force of human misery into a viable power source? Tell me! Tell me!”

  The scientist lifted an eyebrow. “You know something about matter transporters?”

  She scoffed. “Oh, sure. I built one of those when I was ten, but I used the collected kinetic energy of ten thousand very disgruntled lab rats.”

  He peered at her in comic incredulity.

  She tossed her caramel-coloured pigtails. “I can't expect others to apprehend my genius. Anyway, it only transported gerbils from one end of the room to the other, and they weren't alive when they got there. This is much more impressive.”

  “So you are skilled with the scientific arts?”

  She smiled proudly. “My papa is the famed inventor, Dr Nimrod Crowley. He is very clever, but I am cleverer. I find ways to sneak around him all the time.”

  The mad man laughed and stuck out a hand swathed in yellow rubber. “I am Dr Cornelius Antonin.” He looked past her at Vic, who took in the laboratory with several jerky ticks of his clockwork neck. “Did you create the revenant?”

  Vic blanched. “Offensive!”

  Agnes scoffed. “He isn't anything as crude as a revenant, sir, and he is quite sensitive about it. I would thank you not to insult him in future. He's a re-animated clockwork cadaver. I made him in my basement.”

  His grin stretched more widely, revealing large, broad teeth that were all a single size and of a very strange yellowed ivory colour. “My apologies. He is most amusing and not without some elegance, I must say. I see no reason the two of us should row, young Miss Crowley.” He gestured grandly around them. “As you can see, I am quite occupied here lately. I could use a clever assistant gifted in the dubious and dark scientific arts. You, my young intruder, seem most worthy for such a position.”

  She stiffened indignantly. “Certainly not! I like a little sport now and again. I once turned my friend Hector into a sort of moth-man, for which I was most soundly punished and had to put him right again, which was quite disappointing, but that was an accident and he was all right after he stopped moulting. I don't do things like this. Kidnapping is wrong.”

  Dr Antonin sighed in deep disappointment. “That is a great shame. I would have been pleased to teach you all sorts of things about transfiguring humans into genetically enhanced super-monsters.”

  “Not interested.”

  “All right, then. Have it your way. Just remember that I did offer, and I was most sincere. It is your own fault it has come to this.” He spun suddenly, jabbing a finger at Agnes and Vic as he shouted over his shoulder, “Jack!”

  Dr Antonin had created an inordinate number of the sprightly masters of menace. This one had pale skin and burning red eyes. It leapt out of the shadows beyond the monster-making apparatus, its sharp, metallic claws gleaming in the brilliant overhead gaslights. Agnes rolled her eyes and raised a hand to stun this new terror in mid-air.

  She turned the little brass and glass ray on the dismayed Dr Antonin. He lifted his hands. “But-my beauties! Surely someone of your keen, inquisitive mind can commiserate!”

  Agnes considered this, cocking her head to the side to study him. “But what are you planning to do with all of these monsters? For what purpose did you create them?”

  He looked somewhat nonplussed by this question. “To have them. Is there any greater pursuit than that of scientific knowledge and successful application?” He touched a thin finger to his lips. “Also, I thought perhaps I would turn them towards my ambition to take over the world.”

  She scoffed. “Naturally. You know how many of you mad world-domination crazed scientists my papa and I have thwarted?” She glared at him. “We don't like competition!”

  Dr Antonin's eyes burned like mad little coals behind his goggles. He moved abruptly, shoving a gurney into the unwary little girl. It took her in the stomach, knocking the breath from her and doubling her over the inert sailor. The doctor spun and raced towards the opposite end of the laboratory, but before he made it to his destination, likely a hasty emergency escape or a self-destruct protocol initiator, Vic shambled forward with unexpected speed, seizing him by the collar and dragging him back.

  He flailed, but Vic did not loosen his hold. “Cease and desist,” he suggested positively.

  Dr Antonin slumped in defeat. “You are remarkably strong for a revenant.”

  Vic shook his head in disgust, but he did not argue with the raving mad scientist. Agnes lifted her chin and faced him with a vainglorious smirk. “You have been foiled, Dr Antonin. Do not feel bad; you are not the only one to have gambled against Agnes Crowley and lost your shirt. Vic, take him.”

  “Bigger ship.”

  She sighed. “Ah, yes. I see your point. We won't be able to bring all these monsters home in that tiny canary.” She pressed a finger to her lips, considering. Her caramel-coloured eyes lit up keenly. “Perhaps we could reverse the matter transporter.” She turned her eyes to Antonin. “Where is it?”

  He glared maliciously at her, but she ignored him, not waiting for a response. She wandered around the laboratory, fiddling idly with the equipment she found simply lying thoughtlessly around.

  A flash of brilliant yellow light engulfed Vic, and for a moment, she could hear his aggravated moan. Then t
he sound shifted into a sort of exasperated gargle. When the light faded, Vic stood, still clutching Dr Antonin in his slimy, rotted lizard hands. His slitted, beady eyes glared at Agnes through a mottled reptilian face. He opened his mouth to speak, but a forked tongue darted past his sharp fangs instead of the scathing admonishment. He gargled unhappily.

  She'd transformed him into a re-animated clockwork sea monster. She lifted her shoulders sheepishly. “Ah. My apologies, Vic. I expect that was very degrading.”

  Dr Antonin leaned away from the slimy Eachy cadaver, terror in his eyes. “He's venomous, you know.”

  “That's convenient.” She cocked her head at Vic. “I don't suppose you—”

  Vic gargled at her.

  “No, of course. Sorry. I'll just—hm. How do I change him back?”

  “You have to reverse the dial,” Dr Antonin told her urgently as venom dripped from Vic's reptilian mouth, sizzling on the metal floor, so near the man's boot, he yelped in fear.

  “Not so enamoured of your beauties now, are you?” Agnes said smugly.

  “He is not a beauty! He is a revenant bog creature, and he is sloughing all over me!”

  Agnes sniggered at Vic's indignation and examined the monster ray. “Ah. I see now.” The large dial of which the doctor spoke pointed quite clearly towards Glorious Monstrosity. She spun it back to Dismally Dull Human, though Vic was none of those things, and jerked the lever down. The blinding light