Then he kissed me again, and I lifted my hands into his hair. I loved his hair, the way the black was turning to gray at the temples. He had a decade on me, but his worldliness gave him the maturity and charisma of a man far older.
I shifted my hands to his chest, and he closed his eyes and murmured, “I’ve dreamed of you touching me this way.”
Was he saying what he thought I wanted to hear? Was this part of the seduction or the truth? I moved my hands to his stomach. He shivered. I couldn’t move them lower.
His eyes twinkled with interest. “You are a virgin. You’ve never been with a man this way.”
“I told you I was,” I whispered. My cheeks flushed hot, and while he wasn’t trying to embarrass me, I didn’t know why we needed to talk about this now.
“Virgin can have many meanings. I’ve known women who’ve had sex with men, yet they’ve never had love made to them, and they have an innocence that’s refreshing. But you, the innocence is here.” He touched my temple. “And here.” He touched my hand and linked our fingers together, bringing them to my heart.
He stood to remove his belt, but he left his pants on. “The metal will scrape your skin. I’ll be gentle with you, and I’ll take pleasure from this.”
I didn’t know what “this” was, but I’d enjoy it. He set his hand below my breasts and kissed me. His tongue brushed mine, and his lips were soft, sucking lightly, then his hands moved to my breasts. I cried out as heat and pleasure built inside me, along with pressure that I needed him to defuse.
“You’re so responsive. Every place I touch you, you move against me.”
His hand slipped between my legs. I grabbed his wrist instinctively, and his eyes lifted to mine. We said nothing, but he stilled his hand. He kissed me again. This was Kieran. I could trust him totally.
I released his hand and relaxed against the pillow. He nudged my thighs apart.
“Relax your thighs. Let me touch you.”
Panic and worry sliced through me. This meant everything to me, but to him, this was simple and no big deal. “Do you want to? Are you sure you want to?”
He chuckled softly, rubbing his nose along my cheek. “I want to. You have no idea how much I want to.”
He kissed me again, and his hand slid between my legs. He made a noise of pleasure and pushed a finger inside me. It was too much and not enough. In and out slowly, then faster, until I felt like one of his instruments, his nimble fingers moving, evoking noises from me I didn’t know I could make. He added another finger and increased the pace.
I was going to come. It built inside me, and my hips rode his fingers, my body wanting completion, needing it. My sole focus became to finish this. I gripped his shoulders, letting my fingers dig into him, needing to hold him close.
When the orgasm ripped through me, stars exploded in my vision. My brain went fuzzy, and then Kieran gathered me against his hard body, kissing my cheek, my neck, saying things to me in Gaelic that I didn’t understand. From his tone, they were worshipful words.
The tears that had threatened spilled. They were joyful, pent-up emotions that I’d held back for months, for years.
He pressed against me, and from his hard cock against my hip, I knew he hadn’t experience the same pleasure I had. I didn’t know what to do next. Return the favor? I rolled to face him. He was beautiful, his dark eyes bright with emotion. A lock of hair had fallen over his temple, and I brushed it back. “Do you need me to do something?”
He kissed my forehead. “Sleep with me. I’m tired now.”
“But you didn’t have…fun.”
A low rumble of laughter sounded in his chest. “I had fun. For the rest of my life, I’ll remember your face and the way you screamed out my name. Not Maestro. You call me that when we’re working. But you called me Kieran.”
I hadn’t been aware I’d spoken in anything but moans and cries. “I did not.”
“You did. Many times. You chanted my name. It sounded better than the times I’ve heard my name screamed by a crowd demanding more music. This made me feel like a hero, like a champion. Your champion.”
I moved closer to him, trying to put my body in the same place where my heart was.
“Your expression is something new I’ll forever remember. Like when we played Symphony Number 9. Your face. I knew we’d done it well when I saw your expression. That’s my benchmark for our performances. When you clasped your hands together in front of you, I knew we’d found something good. The last few months, before you left, you always had your arms folded or your nose wrinkled like you’d smelled something bad.”
“When the symphony played?” I asked. I enjoyed their performances and didn’t mask my emotions as easily as I tried to during rehearsals when I feared someone would discover my secret affection for the Maestro. Of course, I hadn’t been aware he’d been watching me during performances. Otherwise, I’d have put more effort into appearing neutral or positive. But if he’d been watching me, he’d seen the turmoil on my face when I thought of him, not the music.
He absently ran his hand down my side, every place his hand touching lighting me on fire. He had no idea how much he affected me. “Your expression, your body language, it told me what I needed to know. You were bored.”
His thumb brushed the front of my thigh, and a firestorm lit in me. I concentrated on the music and not on his hands. “It wasn’t boredom. The orchestra is wonderful. Experts with their instruments.”
He slid his hand behind me and brushed my naked rear end. “Was it annoyance? Disappointment with me?”
“I wasn’t disappointed in you. Why would I be disappointed with you?” He was a master of his art and of what he was doing now. This had to be what women were talking about when they described a great lover. Attentive and sweet and in no hurry to dash away.
“When we first met, I was eccentric and crazy.”
“That hasn’t changed.”
He chuckled. “I’m the same man, but you’re used to my acts of lunacy. Perhaps it’s no longer interesting to you.”
How did he not understand this? “I’m not bored of you. I’ve never been bored with you. Frustrated at times.”
“I understand. I admitted I’m a difficult man.”
“You are.” I planted a kiss on his perfect mouth so he knew I meant it with affection. “I don’t want the orchestra to know we’ve done this.”
“I don’t kiss and tell.”
He’d never spoken to me about his personal romantic relationships. I only knew what I did from seeing him slipping into hotel rooms. The idea sent a razor-sharp spear of envy through me. He’d do that again, probably while on tour with the symphony. I’d hate it. My heart was getting entwined with him again. I’d never gotten over him, but I was being pulled back in hard and strong. “We shouldn’t let this happen again.” There. I’d said the words, and he’d respect them. At least he’d have some control that I didn’t. Obviously.
He tensed. “Again with pulling away. Why are you back and forth with me? There’s nothing wrong with us being together this way. You don’t work for me anymore. This won’t become a problematic professional entanglement.”
“I know it’s not wrong, not in some traditional sense, but it’s complicated. People will think you and I are together so that I can get ahead. That I manipulated you.”
He let his breath out heavily. “I don’t think anyone will believe that of you. We’ve known each other for years, and you left the orchestra and got another job, only to come back and manipulate me with your body? If you’d wanted to manipulate me, you could’ve done so as my assistant.”
The intimacy of the moment, of being with him like this, struck me. I ran my finger down his chest, tracing the lines of his abs. “I hardly think I was in any position to manipulate you.”
He shifted, catching my hand and bringing it to his mouth, kissing my fingertips, and the bare, hot skin of his torso swept against mine. “Glory thought you had too much influence over me. She talked to me about
it several times.”
I’d been unaware of this dynamic. “Glory talked to you about me? What influence?”
He pulled my sheet over us and let his arm drape over my hip. He idly pressed a kiss below my ear and then nipped the lobe playfully. “When we were deciding the program and the format and our travel plans, I asked your opinion, and what you said mattered.”
I’d seen myself quietly working from the shadows, having no great impact. I stroked his ear, wondering what his reaction would be if I bit him back. “I mostly agreed with you.”
“Except when you didn’t,” he said. “Glory wanted us to do the classics to pull in those who might know this and that about the masters. But you told me to do something unexpected and find new listeners. I did what you suggested, and ticket sales rose.”
I remembered it happening differently. “You suggested it, and I agreed with you.”
“We discussed it, and, like so many ideas between us, it came up, and it was gold.”
Kieran shifted, rolling onto his back. I wanted to climb on top of him. I wanted to ask him to play me again with those talented fingers. But I wouldn’t know what to do on top of him, and asking for more felt selfish.
Other women took the bull by the horns. I wanted to be like that.
Panic swept over me when I thought of getting on top of him and then just sitting there. I almost shuddered with embarrassment. If I were a little bit tipsy, if my inhibitions were down, I could follow my instincts. Right now, I was on emotional sensation overload.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said, drawing his fingers through my hair.
If he lost interest after today and we only had right now, I wanted to do and take and give everything I could. But I also despised the idea of disappointing him. While every touch and kiss was, for me, rare and precious and mind-blowing, he’d need more to be able to describe the experience in the same way. “I’m thinking there’s more that could happen between us.” I shifted my body on top of his and loved the feeling of my breasts pressed against his bare skin.
“You don’t know what you want,” he said, clamping his hands around my rear end and anchoring me to him.
“I do.” I wanted the impossible: him to be mine in a way he never could.
He sat up then, drawing me into his lap and wrapping my legs around his waist. “Let me show you what we could do.” He rocked his hips, and the friction made me shiver. His hardness pressed against my core. I banded my arms around his shoulders.
“When I’m with you, I hear music. Music playing always, telling me how to move and what to do. What you’ll like. How you respond to me tells me what’s good.” He kissed me again.
I don’t know how long he kissed me. His mouth was on my chest, my neck, my hands. I touched the waistband of his pants. He stilled. “You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready to do.”
It was both permission and a freeing statement. It wouldn’t be tonight. I couldn’t have handled having sex with Kieran. It would take too much of my heart.
8
The Monarch School’s Christmas concert started promptly at seven. I’d been at school since the same time that morning and had drunk coffee that afternoon to keep myself going.
The administration wanted a complete program involving every student in the school. To their credit, they’d agreed some students could help with decorations and the set. Otherwise, the program would bore everyone to tears when it stretched close to four hours.
I’d taught the band students and the string quartet their pieces for the show. I lined up the children to walk into the auditorium and checked that they were presentable—socks folded neatly, shoes tied to prevent tripping, hair secured back. We only had two full-time and two part-time music teachers, and we were lucky many of our students had private instruction.
This year, we had an incredibly gifted vocalist in the high school with a big solo. It’d be one of the highlights of the night, a phenomenal experience for everyone. The first time she’d opened her mouth, I’d been startled by the crispness and brightness of her voice.
Despite not having set our dinner date, Lawrence Yates had shown up and waved. Brendan had caught sight of him and apparently recognized him.
Brendan folded his hands over his belly. “You know Lawrence Yates? He’s a huge supporter of music in this city.”
I wanted the credit but not to exaggerate our association. “We’re friendly. I invited him.”
“Maybe he’ll want to offer the school some of his support. Great job, Rae.” Brendan patted me on the back, and I mentally thanked Lawrence.
The students’ family and friends crowded into the auditorium and, for some of our high school students, their boyfriends and girlfriends from other schools. I took my place near the band and waited for the headmaster to introduce the program.
We started at three minutes after seven. At five minutes after seven, while the headmaster spoke, latecomers entered.
My heart stuttered in my chest and my knees went weak.
Kieran. Glory strode in behind him, rocking a short, tight, festive red dress. Her signature wild curls seemed tamer than usual, though no less stunning.
Kieran hadn’t shaved in a few days, and his beard gave him a tall, dark, and handsome vibe. Even in a hunter-green button-down and tie, he stood apart from the other guests decked out in blue, green, and red seasonal attire.
He sat in the last row in the back of the auditorium, and heads turned in his direction. People around him whispered, likely recognizing him and wondering why he was there. Some of the parents were aware of my connection to him, the professional one, anyway, but others would think about their children being scouted for their talent.
Being scouted by a world-class composer was the kind of opportunity this school had a reputation for.
But he’d come here to see me. No question in my mind.
We’d not spoken since the night after his Christmas party when he’d visited me in the early morning. I hadn’t been worried, though, not like I usually was when days passed without hearing from him. He’d left with a soft kiss and a gentle word, and I’d known that while we might never have another night like that again, what we’d done had changed something between us. I didn’t know what those changes would mean, and I found them simultaneously exciting and upsetting.
Kieran stared right at me and touched his temple. I touched mine in return, a silent form of communication we’d established. I’m not entirely sure what it meant, maybe “Ready” or “I’m listening.” We’d done it at hundreds of concerts, and it gave me courage for tonight’s performance.
The house lights went down, and I switched my focus completely to the students. We started with the preschool and kindergarten kids. The elementary school showed improvement with each grade level, performing more difficult music more accurately. Even at their young ages, I could see innate talent in some, passion for music beyond learning the mechanics or achieving a good grade in the class. Pride warmed me all the way through.
At intermission, some of the parents of the younger students collected their children. They’d been given permission to leave early before exhausted meltdowns and tantrums started.
Susan, my co-teacher, rushed over to me. She gripped my forearm and leaned close. “Did you invite Kieran Gallagher to this?”
I shook my head. I couldn’t even remember if I’d told him about it. “Nope. He decided to come on his own.”
“Who’s the woman with him? His girlfriend?”
My visceral reaction to that statement gave away that I’d laid claim on him. I kept my voice neutral. “She works for the symphony.”
Susan giggled, and her chin-length brown hair jiggled around her face. “What’s he like? Do you think I have a chance with him? Like if I struck up a conversation, do you think it would lead anywhere?”
Those questions slammed together caught me off guard. I didn’t want anyone to have a chance with Kieran, but I didn’t own any part of him or his time
, as a girlfriend might. “I’ll introduce you after the performance.” I said the polite thing. I had to work with Susan, but if they went on a date, I’d see Susan in a different, envious light.
Kieran would likely know the awkwardness for me for him to date a colleague, and I doubted he’d do it. But if he rejected her, she couldn’t blame me.
Susan clapped her hands together, letting out a small squeal and bouncing up and down on her toes.
Lawrence spoke to Kieran and Glory in the back of the auditorium.
Parents clustered around them, angling for their attention.
As Kieran moved out of the aisle, a group of female students, mostly seniors, mobbed him. He smiled graciously, as I’d seen him do a hundred other times. Their faces were hopeful as they spoke to him. For some, they held professional interest; for others, it was totally a crush playing out.
I recognized it because it mirrored my feelings.
Finally, he was at the front of the auditorium, standing close to me. He put his hand on my elbow and brought his mouth close to my ear. “Did you invite Lawrence?”
A warm shiver went through me. Could Kieran be…jealous? “I did. We were talking at your party, and he was interested.”
Kieran’s eyes narrowed. “Why didn’t you invite me to this? I’ve enjoyed every moment.” He looked down my backside and growled. “Your body is amazing in that dress. I can’t take my eyes off you.”
Desire, hot and intense, rocked me. I touched his arm in turn because I needed to touch him. I’d thought many times about what we’d done in my apartment after his Christmas party, those skillful hands between my legs, and even now, pleasure zipped over me. “I’m happy you came.”
He opened his mouth to say more, and then Susan appeared at my side, practically vibrating with enthusiasm, her small, close-set brown eyes wide with excitement.
I made the introductions, hiding my irritation that we’d been interrupted. Now that we didn’t work together, I had a hard time hiding the possessiveness that flashed to the surface.
The Maestro Page 11