by Shiloh White
56. My Forgiveness Isn’t Cheap
Halsey helped Scott lay down before we went back to our seats. Unfortunately, Scott moving had caused stress on his body that Halsey said re-opened his wound. Thankfully it was only a minute later that the subway train lurched forward and we slowed to a halt back in the Depression Force.
The second the door flew open, Halsey and I ran out of the subway car to go get help. The second after we started running, Halsey ran right into an Officer waiting outside, knocking both of them over. I almost ran into a stretcher being carried by two other Agents. Behind them stood Lieutenant Hollister and Doctor Yabata.
I helped Halsey to her feet, and she asked, “What are you guys doing here?"
“Would you rather carry him to the infirmary?” Yabata asked. “He would probably die before you reached the top."
“Wait,” I said, “you already know about—"
“We got an anonymous tip minutes ago.” Hollister said. “A message from some guy in a hood. He said one of our own was hurt and would be arriving shortly."
My heart skipped a beat
“Did you...see who it was?” I asked.
Hollister shook her head. “We couldn't trace the broadcast."
Her answer gave me a bit of relief. I didn't want the Depression Force to find out about him before me—Lieutenant Hollister probably wouldn't include me on what they found out.
Yabata directed the other Agents to extract Scott from the train, and they carried him up the flight of stairs to the infirmary. Halsey began to follow them, but Lieutenant Hollister cleared her throat nice and loud—and obvious.
“Ma'am?” Halsey asked. I could see her trying to hide her anxiety for Scott while she met Hollister's cold blue eyes.
“There will be a discussion on the result of your actions.” She said. “Do not disappear again.”
Halsey nodded in understanding, and then hurried off to join Scott, leaving me alone with the one person I would have liked to avoid.
“As for you...” Hollister said. She gestured to the inside of the subway train.
I walked inside and chose a seat far from Dart. Hollister walked in next and I watched her eyes glance at Dart before they re-focused on me. She walked down the subway car and sat across from me. I tried to decipher in my mind what she'd want to say.
I escaped the Depression Force, and continued to work with their enemy. I got my friend killed and was directly involved in the demolition of an Anchor Zone. I wondered if that specific part was worse than the others— if it would mess up some equilibrium in the Dust or something, like Lieutenant Hollister mentioned back in the interrogation.
The more I thought, the less sure I became of what Hollister's words would be. I also became quite queasy. Finally, Hollister cleared her throat and folded her arms.
“I owe you a couple things,” she said, “but I need you to understand the real meaning behind my actions first.” I studied the tired expression on her face for any reason to respond, and I found none. So I just nodded and waited for her to continue.
“What I said about Tops—I mean, people from Earth being aligned the wrong way...I meant it specifically. My brother gave in to his Depression Agents and became one himself."
Just like Lucas, I thought. “Then what happened?” I asked. Her gaze fell to the floor of the subway.
“He grew strong. Enough to cause the creation of a new Anchor Zone."
I waited for her to continue, but she pressed a closed fist against her lips and her gaze on the floor was a lot more intense now. I shouldn't have said anything. But my curiosity won out.
“Who was he?”
Lieutenant Hollister shook her head. “Not was. Is. You've met him a few times already, too.”
Her words tugged on my stomach until I was ready to throw up. I didn't want to say who I thought it was. I regretted even asking. But I forced his name out of my mouth.
“Damian."
She nodded.
“I meant to share this with you after that mess he caused with your sister,” Hollister continued. “The truth is Damian has dealt with insanity—and used it against the Depression Force—for many years. I've had the same time to get used to his tactics.”
Just then, something Mr. Reggie said back when I met him rang in my ears: “The last two of your kind we got really shook things up around here...” Was he talking about the Lieutenant and Damian?
“I say this,” Hollister continued, “to tell you my decisions on behalf of the Depression Force were because the more of this situation I heard, the more I knew he had to be behind it."
I scoffed, thinking of how Damian had just appeared behind me. “You were right about that part.” I muttered.
“And I couldn't risk not acting because of that truth. I didn't want any of my Officers to get caught up in his craziness. I knew there would be casualties, and they would be on me. Scott and Dart..."
She clenched her fist so tight that her knuckles went white. Her shoulders failed to hold her head any longer, and it almost fell below her knees. In the quiet that followed, I tried to put myself in Lieutenant Hollister's shoes.
She was in charge of an entire facility—the only facility—dedicated to fighting back depression. Depression was all around them and they stood their ground, but only because Hollister made those calls. Bartholomew Stark aside, every one of these Officers was at risk doing this job. But the job still had to get done, and Hollister had to order them to do it, knowing the results would be weighed over her back.
I thought back to Woodstock...I told him not to sacrifice himself and I couldn't stop him. I lost one friend, and the cruel truth was that I knew him for less than 24 hours. In Hollister's position? I'd fall apart under that pressure.
Hollister took a deep breath and her eyes rose to mine again.
“The bottom line of my explanation is that I won't take back my calls regarding this...situation. I did my best to minimize casualties, and I think it worked, assuming Scott turns out alright."
And if Dart wakes up sane, I thought to myself.
“However,” she continued, “I do regret branding you a traitor, and sending the Task Force leader after you. I should have considered the possibility of us being on the same side, since without your contribution, we would be facing Disorder right now. Will you allow us to be allies once more?” She held out her hand to me, and I almost took it.
But what she said, and me just shaking her hand in response, that wouldn't add up. There were too many messes to clean up.
First was Stark. I didn't even know which Zone Woodstock threw him into. Was it fair to leave him there? I wanted to say yes, but I knew the real answer.
Then there was Halsey. Every time her name came to my mind, I knew without her help, we'd be long gone. All of us. It had nothing to do with me. The thought of her being chastised or fired or banished—or whatever these people did here—by Lieutenant Hollister made anger bubble up in me.
I took Hollister's hand and shook it. But I didn't let go.
“I'll accept your apology under specific circumstances.” I said. Hollister raised an eyebrow, but gave me her attention. “First, the Depression Force has to pardon Officer Halsey for anything she would otherwise be punished for. None of us would be here without her, for multiple reasons. I'll let her share those with you in your talk later. Second, you'll need to search the Depression Zones around where the Academy used to be..."
“Why?”
I curled my lip. “Stark may or may not have ended up somewhere there.”
Lieutenant Hollister rubbed her temples. “I—You know what? I'm just glad he's not dead, although I have no idea how.”
I shook my head and cracked a smile. “Me neither."
I probably imagined it, but I could've sworn I saw her show a glimpse of a smile too.
“Is there anything else?” she asked.
I thought for a moment, and I thought that was it. But when I closed my eyes, Chug's mischievous grin flew across the
inside of my eyelids. I heard Woodstock calling me by that nickname. I thought back to those kids in the base.
The scrawny boy Mikey. That little scared kid, Jamie. The one Takao had taken from the club Insanis...what was his name? Rodrigo. We just got done fighting the origin of all things Depression to save them. That meant for them, they'd just stood up to some evil form of dear old dad. A creator that could smite them like gnats, if not swallowing them completely. Still, they chose to stand against him. Even before they knew he'd show up there, they made the decision not to live like other Depression Agents. Chug didn't deserve to be caught in this conflict with the Depression Force on top of that, and neither did the others.
I swallowed my fear and made my final request.
“I want any previous negativity or hostility towards the gang of ex-Depression Agents called the Abandoned, Mr. Reggie the skull, along with Dart working with them, to be dropped."
Hollister pursed her lips and looked away. When I realized she turned her glance to Dart, I snuck a peek too, and my heart skipped a beat when I saw him start to move. But I kept my focus. Lieutenant Hollister wasn't pleased with my request.
“Is that going to be a problem?"
“Lucy,” she sighed, “You, Halsey, and like it or not, Dart, should be banished from the Dust for your actions. All three of you worked with Depression Agents for operations that were not approved by Depression Force standards. You all went rogue—there are consequences for that."
“But—"
“I'm doing a lot for each of you as it is, Hale. But...our facility has rules. I have rules. Depression Agents were involved, whether we like it or not. I can't just excuse the events they caused, or the actions of my own Officers, just because we're all alive."
“Ex-Depression Agents,” I corrected her. “Lieutenant, those Agents took on a Zone Holder alongside me and your Officers. We wouldn't have won or escaped alive without them."
Without their sacrifices, I thought.
“Now they've put themselves in some warped position of civil war against every other Agent out there,” I continued. “We shouldn't be making it harder on them."
Lieutenant Hollister sat looking straight ahead, stewing on all these words.
“I can't make any promises,” she finally said, “but I will work to find a way to work through that."
A rush of relief washed over me. I let out a sigh, trying to contain the rest of excitement so Lieutenant Hollister didn't change her mind.
“Thank you,” I sighed in relief.
She nodded in response. Then a wave of fear washed over me as I remembered a crucial detail:
“My field trip!”
I looked up at the Lieutenant, who was taken back by my outburst. “Is there any way you can get me home in, like..."
I dove into my pocket and pulled out my phone. The time read: 1:00am, Sunday, January 14th.
Just under five hours, Topside time. That was...
“Forty-five minutes?"
Lieutenant Hollister frowned at me. I pushed my lips together and tried not to make eye contact.
“On the plus side,” I said, “I'm getting pretty good at converting Dust time back to Topside's."
“You’ve spent a lot of time with those Agents.” Lieutenant Hollister smirked. I raised an eyebrow at her.
“No one calls it Topside but them.” she explained. “Anyway, yes, I'll get you home. Come help me get Dart upstairs first."
She helped Dart to his feet, which surprised me since his dead weight was a lot for Halsey and I. Lieutenant Hollister looked like she needed no help at all. Still, I followed instructions and put Dart's right arm around my shoulder and helped him off the subway.
A few feet from the stairs, Dart started to murmur.
“What's happening?” he muttered, his words slurring together. He was waking up, finally! But when he was coherent enough to see people pulling him along, he began to flail around.
“Get off me!” he yelled. Dart pulled himself away from the two of us, almost falling over in the process. He grabbed the railing of the stairs for support. The Lieutenant stepped forward, putting her palm out toward him in peace.
“Dart, calm down,” she said, “it's just us.”
Dart looked at her like she was bat-crazy. His confused eyes whirled around the large room, then up at the staircase behind him.
“Where the hell am I?” he demanded. “What happened to my army? Tell me where the Headmistress went, right now!”
57. A Cruel Joke And The Ugly Truth
“He-he's not...” I staggered back. Dart didn't even remember us. The Headmistress, had she burned everything else away? Was Dart gone? What did we do with the person in front of us, then? I didn't want to have to fight him. Heck, I didn't want to fight anyone right now. I looked up at the Lieutenant, waiting for her lead.
“Dart, you have to calm down.” she said. “You're safe—in the Depression Force.” Dart's eyes narrowed at the Lieutenant.
“The Depression...what?” he said slowly.
The Lieutenant set her chin. She turned to me and muttered, “This is not good. The Headmistress must have done a number on him.” Then a sound came from Dart that made no sense given the circumstances. It was a sound that brought relief and anger at the same time, if that was even possible.
Dart stifled a laugh.
The Lieutenant looked back at him, her turn to be confused. I stepped forward to get a closer look.
“Is he losing it?” I asked.
To answer my question, Dart burst into full-on laughter, falling to his knees on the steps. His arm slowly came off from clutching his stomach and pointed up at the two of us.
“Totally got you guys!” he said. “And the look on your face"—he turned his pointer finger to me—"was priceless.” I looked at him trying to dissolve this Rubik's cube of confusion that had been dropped into my hands with no luck. The Lieutenant leaned down and helped me out.
“He's just fine,” she whispered, “though I'm unsure for how long. I'm getting annoyed of his laughter."
Dart rose to his feet and sucked in a sharp breath. His hand rushed to rub the side of his jaw.
“That still smarts, that dang kid.” he said. He looked up at me. “Chug has a wicked left hook."
“It serves you right,” I said, walking up and punching him in the arm. He didn't block it. “I thought you were seriously still messed up."
Dart shook his head and grinned. “I'm all good. Practically Dart in every way."
“If you're fine enough to walk,” The Lieutenant said, “then let's get moving. Lucy's got under an hour to get home, and you're eating up that time."
“Oh, I know,” Dart said, “I heard the whole story."
“You've been awake this whole time, and you made us carry you?” I said.
Dart shrugged.
“I was waiting for the perfect moment to spring the joke,” he said, “which you can thank Chug for. He suggested it back in that Depression Zone."
I pursed my lips, but at the young boy's name, my anger began to fade. Chug had been ready to end it when we talked, but minutes before, he was preparing a joke. I hoped that Chug—the mischievous one—stayed in charge until I was fortunate enough to see him again.
On that note, I started up the stairs, shoving my arm at Dart when I passed him. He didn't budge, but it made me feel a little better as my feet moved toward home.
“Thanks for saving me!” Dart called out hopefully. A last-ditch “I'm sorry!” effort. He must have been afraid he hurt my feelings. In the dim light, I smirked and said nothing.
I'd already forgiven him, but he didn't need to know that, did he?
✽✽✽
“So you don't remember anything?” I asked, pushing the basement door open.
“Not much,” Dart said. “After I went after that first Abandoned kid, it became a huge blur. I remember arriving at the Academy, standing in front of that horrible lady. Never thought I'd have to—"
Dart stopp
ed talking as Lieutenant Hollister walked past him. At first, I thought he just felt a bit of guilt over his joke, but his face looked a little too desperate to be guilty.
Almost like he didn't want the Lieutenant to know what he was going to say.
I let him through the door and followed, keeping distance in front of us and the Lieutenant.
“I know you were at the Academy before.” I said.
He leaned down and whispered back, “Don't bring that up again. That's not something I want floating around HQ."
Dart continued walking without saying another word. Nor did he have to. If even Lieutenant Hollister didn't know about it, I respected what he was asking. His Depression Agent identity stayed under wraps. If the Academy was as bad as Woodstock said it was, Dart definitely had good reason to want to bury that part of his past.
“Lucy,” the Lieutenant called back, “you're the one in the hurry. Pick up your feet!"
I jogged up to where the Lieutenant was, and Dart followed.
“Sorry.” I told her, then turned to Dart. “So what happened next?”
“I woke up and the Headmistress did...something to me.” he said. “She was poking around in my head, I think. Re-wiring it from fear outward until I was nothing but her soldier. It dragged on for hours, and it was scary.” Dart closed his eyes and shivered.
“Next thing I knew,” he continued, his voice tight like there was a lump in his throat, “I was there standing over Scott. But get this. It didn't feel like just the Headmistress in my head at that time. Someone else was there...I even heard their voice. He said something I should tell you guys.” He rubbed his eye like it held the answer. His hand moved around the rest of his face until resting back on his hurt jaw. “I just can't remember who."
“I can,” I said without thinking.
“Who?” Dart stopped and looked at me. Up in front, the Lieutenant stood still too. I bit down on my lower lip, wishing I'd just stayed quiet. But Dart was focused on me, hardly noticing we'd stopped walking. So I forced myself to continue.