“So Ci’s pissed because he thinks New York is on the table for you?” I conclude, and she nods her head. I grunt. My best friend is totally screwed. Head over heels screwed. “Plus your crazy ex is still there too, right?”
Saylor huffs and shakes her head. “See, now you sound like Ciaran. I have no idea why Nash is an issue. I don’t plan to see him ever again. He stabbed my boyfriend! But yes, I want to see Oaklynn, if I can and if it’s safe. One day Ciaran gets it and then the next, he’s all pissed off that I’d consider leaving the state.”
My mind bounces over her logic. One thing about Saylor is that while she may want things or disagree, she’s already thinking about safety and Rogue. She’s starting to root herself to Minnesota, growing attached to the business. I want to allow myself to see into the future, to see if she is still around for the long-term, but I force myself not to go there. We have enough going on this summer, and we need to make it through that first. Figuring out the family dynamics can happen later.
I need a change of subject, something that doesn’t feel as stifling as this topic does, one that will make her happy and less serious. “I heard Molly was bringing Mila up today.”
Saylor’s eyes light up. “I can’t wait to see her. Ciaran said Matt and Jason, err…your dad, were putting some ramps and things in at the cabin to make it easier on her.”
I keep my face impassive as she stumbles over my dad’s name, then calling him my dad. It’s weird and I don’t know how to process it. Will it be crazy to hear her call him, Dad? Yes, even though I’m sure the guy is secretly hoping she does.
As if seconding my thoughts, Saylor turns her face to the window, frowning. “This whole family situation is crazy, isn’t it? Sorry. I’m sure I’m the last person you want to talk to about this.”
She isn’t wrong. I can feel my emotions swirl in my chest, a raging storm of all the things I actually think about the situation. Only none of this is Saylor’s fault. In the past, I would have blamed her and probably gone after her, but now I can’t. Saylor has proven her commitment to Rogue and Ciaran loves her. She’s my sister, and even though I did hate her, I have to admit, it’s been harder to do so lately. We’re both victims of our parents’ pasts.
“Whenever you want to talk to my dad, he’ll be cool with it. I think he’s as freaked out as we are,” I confide in her, slicing open a small part of my heart and letting a thin branch of trust reach out to her.
“Thanks, Si,” she replies, and her cheeks turn pink, before she stares out the window again. “I’m excited for you to meet Mila. After everything she’s been through, it’s going to be so nice having her close to me.”
I nod, even though I have no idea what it’s like to have a sibling or a close relationship like Saylor and Mila seem to have. From what I’ve seen, Mila is a fighter. Kid took three bullets to the back, survived, went through multiple surgeries, and even though it is unknown if she will walk again, she does her therapy and smiles while she does it. When Matt asked us to find supplies for the different types of ramps, swings, and shower supplies we’d need for her, none of us hesitated to help. I have a lot of respect for the kid, despite who her parents are.
“Do you usually go up north every summer?” Saylor asks, suddenly intent on keeping a conversation going. I shift in my seat.
“For a couple weeks.” I nod my head. “This time is different with what’s going on.”
“I’m surprised Matt would want to leave considering,” she says, her eyes questioning.
“The goal is to draw attention away from Savage Lakes and see if whoever is leaving the dead bodies follows. Helps to narrow down a suspect list too. Randy and a few people are monitoring everything there for us,” I explain Matt’s decision based on what he has told Ciaran.
“What if they do follow? Then what? Because we’re taking all of our major targets with us.” Saylor’s head tips to the side, and I swear I can see her mind racing.
“It will be easier for us to be one to one with them in a more secluded area than trying to keep track of them in town. And if whoever is doing this follows, maybe we’ll be able to narrow down their intent easier,” I tell her, hoping I sound as convincing as I can. In truth, there is no correct answer right now. This is as close to our cover being blown as Rogue has ever been, and yet, someone out there is trying to show the holes in our system. I’ve never seen Matt or my dad look so worried and confused at the same time.
“And Erika is working on this while trying to find my mom,” Saylor adds, a little huff leaving her mouth, making it known that she isn’t thrilled that Erika is using Calvin to find Kelly. “What if it’s all connected, and we just don’t see it yet?”
“Hopefully we’ll figure it out before it’s too late,” I answer, by tone hardened. I refuse to let anything happen to the friends I care about and the program we have in place. Saving lives is all I want to do, the best version of myself only feels real when I’m part of Rogue. “I don’t see how it’s possible, though. Whoever went after your mom is obviously associated with the situation with your dad. I’m not sure how this other part fits in yet. I just don’t get the feeling they’re related.”
“Calvin Torre has ruined enough lives. If he’s behind this too…” Her voice trails off, but I catch the way her throat bobs in my peripheral. Uncomfortable waves of emotion roll through my gut and I panic a little, thinking she might cry.
“I’m not going to cry,” she says suddenly, a small smirk on her lips. “It just makes me angry to think about.”
My head bobs in response, my tongue and my brain unable to form a good enough response. The man she believed was her dad messed up royally and screwed half the nation while he was at it. He’s a criminal, who many people want dead, and Ciaran’s aunt is working to turn him into an asset in order to find Saylor’s mom. It’s all fucked and one look at Saylor’s face tells me she feels the same way.
“Enough of the heavy,” Saylor announces while blowing out a breath. Her hand reaches for my phone and suddenly, The Seige’s “Run for Your Life” is playing through my speakers. This is one of my favorite songs and I’m instantly surprised she picked it. I peek at her under my lashes and see that her eyes are closed, her fingers tapping gently on the exposed skin of her knee, getting into the beat and leading me to feel like she might really be my sister after all.
Lux
The farther away the vehicle drives from New York, the harder my heart beats against my rib cage. My hands are clammy, and my breathing is shallow. We’re heading back the direction I came from, across the country near where I’m originally from. The place where my life shattered and I lost all illusions of innocence and safety. My eyes quickly graze over everyone in the vehicle and thankfully, they are all still oblivious to my inner turmoil and the fact that I’m freaking out. Ever since Mrs. Saffran announced we were visiting her hometown for the summer, I’ve been on edge. This was the moment that I’d been waiting for, the chance to buy back my freedom, and all I needed to do was send a few texts and maybe send a picture or two. I don’t need to hurt her, is on repeat in my head, and that mantra is the only thing keeping the rolling in my stomach at bay.
By now I’m aware who she is: Saylor, my new foster sister’s best friend. Oaklynn has been hyped-up all week for this trip and seems not to care that we’re going to a lake home in the Midwest, instead of spending her summer with her posh New York friends. In fact, she is practically vibrating in her seat next to me, her face switching from frowning to smiling the closer we get. I admit, my first impression of Oaklynn was completely wrong three months ago, and she’s only continued to surprise me every day since. Her whole family does, if I’m being completely honest.
When I was first told I would be staying with them as part of this program called Rogue, I had been skeptical. On the outside, the Saffrans look like the stereotypical wealthy, Manhattan elite, with their designer labels, chauffeured vehicles, and sprawling estate. When I first saw Oaklynn, with her ice blonde hair and l
ight blue eyes, I prepared myself for a mean girl personality. What I did not expect was for her delicate arms to wrap around me in a hug, and the huge smile that spread across her face. Apparently, she always wanted a sister, and even though we would only be spending a short time together, she was excited I was staying with them. Not once, over the few months I’ve been living with them, has she made me feel less than family. None of them have.
My gaze jumps one more time to Oaklynn’s twin brother, Oliver, who sits on the other side of her, his arm propped against the window while he scrolls through his phone. I still feel a small twinge of regret about how harshly I first judged him. My track record with foster brothers is not stellar, and I’ve had to defend myself against them more often than not. I had been completely standoffish with Oliver and went out of my way to avoid him when I first arrived. It wasn’t until I saw his interaction with Oaklynn that I felt I could lower my defenses some. After that happened, I learned he actually is a really good guy, and he cares about his family. Oaklynn explained to me that Oliver usually doesn’t live with them full-time. He is enrolled at a boarding school overseas; however, due to a recent death in their tight circle of friends, he decided to finish his school year virtually and stay in New York.
Oliver and Oaklynn share the same coloring and features, except his eyes fall a darker shade of blue, and if I’m not reading too much into it, I swear I see the flicker of shadows in his. Almost as if he’s seen more of the world than his sister, and what he saw has left a scar on his soul. It intrigues me, and maybe because I can relate, I finally accept that Oliver isn’t out to hurt me. If anything, he’s been even more careful not to make me uncomfortable. I also wonder, deep down, if he knows more about me than Oaklynn does.
My head tilts while I study the back of Mr. and Mrs. Saffran’s seats, contemplating this theory as well as the fact that they’re both keeping information from their children. The couple has been nothing but warm and welcoming to me, explaining how the company they work for operates every step of the way, so I always have the information I need. Their only stipulation for me being with them is that I do not share with their kids how I really came to be under their protection. I’m their foster child, and that is what I am to everyone who knows them. Well…everyone except the family friends we’ve driven almost a whole day straight to go see: the owners of Rogue and Oaklynn’s best friend who lives amongst them.
I lie my head back and close my eyes, while I breathe through another wave of nerves. I tuck my hands in my sweatshirt and squeeze my fingers, trying to distract my mind away from the constricting feeling in my throat. I’m thankful I’ve been sent to Rogue, that I’m safe and with people I don’t fear while I try to sleep at night. But I don’t like feeling guilty about lying to Oaklynn. Not just about who I really am, but the fact that I happen to know more about her friends than she does. When, not if, this blows up in her parents’ faces someday, because we all know secrets never stay buried, I hope she can forgive me. I want the chance for us to be real friends. Even in these three short months, the girl has grown on me to the point I almost feel protective of how this all could affect her. My conversation with Mrs. Saffran floats in my memory, the worry she has for her children’s safety, if they know more than they should, is something I understand, so I keep it to myself.
“I hate to be that kid,” Oaklynn says suddenly, and my eyes open to look at her while she leans forward, her arms resting on her parents’ seats. “But are we there yet? It was hours ago we passed into Minnesota.”
Mr. Saffran chuckles, and he glances at us in his rearview mirror. “I can’t believe you lasted this long without asking.”
Oaklynn playfully hits his shoulder and her mom laughs. “Yes, baby, we’re almost there. I saw the city sign after our last exit.”
Oaklynn nods then leans back in her seat again, her knee bouncing slightly. A small smile tugs at the corner of my lips. It’s sweet she’s excited to see Saylor, but a small part of me believes there is another reason Oaklynn is so anxious, and it has to do with the name Kai that keeps popping up on her phone screen.
“I need to stretch.” Oliver groans from his side of the vehicle, his arms rising as he leans back.
“Sorry, sweetie.” Mrs. Saffran gives him an apologetic smile before her eyes dart to me and I nod that I’m doing alright.
“Why couldn’t we fly again?” Oaklynn questions for the third time. I turn my face to look out the window, so it doesn’t feel as if I’m the one lying when her dad answers.
“Sometimes it’s nice to take a road trip, Oak. Check out the scenery and see the world outside of New York. Plus, now we’ll have a vehicle when we get there.”
“Yes, not everything is within walking distance in this town like in New York,” Mrs. Saffran adds.
I feel Oaklynn’s gaze pass between them. Silence stretches around us before she finally nods her head and settles back into her seat. I don’t realize I’m holding my breath until my lungs demand I exhale, which is only when it’s apparent Oaklynn has no other questions. My eyes close while I count to three, and when I open them again, I keep my gaze focused out the window. I watch the greenery of the trees pass us by and catch a quick view of a large body of dark water before we take another turn onto a side road.
“It’s the fourth turn on the right. About two miles down,” Mrs. Saffran tells her husband, who nods and reaches for her hand, clasping it tightly in his own. From what I know, Mrs. Saffran grew up in Minnesota and was also protected by Rogue when she was a child. She moved after graduation and she’s only recently reconnected with the organization, offering a safe home to those in need, like me.
“Hey, Dad?” Oliver looks up from his phone again. “Are we by Robin Lake?”
“Robin Lake is close by,” Mrs. Saffran explains. “Why?’
“I guess Lincoln and his family have a lake house there. He and some of the guys are going to be here this summer. Can I go see them?” Oliver asks. Mr. and Mrs. Saffran share a look, before she lifts her shoulders.
“Shouldn’t be a problem, Ollie,” Mr. Saffran replies, but I can see the stiffness of his jaw and the small twitch of the muscle near his eye from where I’m sitting.
“Yuck,” Oaklynn’s lip tips up and her nose scrunches, revolted. “Who else of your goon friends from New York are going to be here?”
“Nash is working for his parents this summer,” Ollie answers, with a role of his eyes. “I didn’t even know Linc had a place outside of New York.”
“I’m surprised any of them can find their way past the Hamptons,” Oaklynn snarks.
“They aren’t that bad. Besides, you’re going to have Saylor and Raina to hang out with all summer. What am I supposed to do while you three gossip and have girl time?”
I cringe a little at my new name, the identity I was given as part of Rogue to protect me. Raina. That’s who I am now. After a few months, I’m still not used to it. I swallow past the lump in my throat and try to give a little smile to show I’m listening. The person I was for seventeen years is figuratively gone forever. Lux Anderson doesn’t exist anymore, and that leaves a pain in my heart I haven’t figured out how to mask yet.
I’m so lost in my thoughts, I almost miss that we’re turning off the paved side road and onto a dirt one. Gravel bounces under the tires and small pinging noises can be heard. My head twists to look out the window. Oaklynn leans closer to me, her head bobbing up and down while she tries look too. All I can see though are trees and small glimpses of water.
After a few minutes, a huge, sprawling home comes into view. The gray siding and white trim stand out against the greenery. Once we get to the driveway, everything opens up and it’s easier to see the rest of the home. The main house is two stories with a front porch and decks that go off to the left and right. Each deck connects to a smaller looking cabin, with its own lofted roof. Vehicles are parked everywhere, each towing a trailer, and two four-wheelers are parked alongside a detached garage.
“Wow, the
y’ve done a lot with this place over the years,” Mrs. Saffran comments, amazement laced in her words. “I remember when it was just a one-bedroom cabin.”
“Not to age us, Val, but it has been, what, fifteen years since you’ve been back?”
Mrs. Saffran laughs and nods her head. Mr. Saffran pulls into an open space and puts the vehicle in park. We all groan once our feet land on the ground and finally, we can stretch. My gaze slides over to the towering house, and I lift a brow, imagining how this place used to be a cabin when it looks like a small resort.
“Look who made it.” A man, who looks to be close to Mr. and Mrs. Saffrans’ age, steps out onto the porch. His khaki shorts are rugged looking and the navy Pro Shop t-shirt he’s wearing has a hole on the bottom. He runs a hand through his short brown hair before stepping off the porch and walking over to Mrs. Saffran. They embrace before he shakes hands with Mr. Saffran.
“The guest cabin is all set up, so whenever you want to head there and unpack, let me know. I can show you where it is,” he tells them.
“I was just saying how much this place has changed and grown,” Mrs. Saffran says then glances over at us. “Oaklynn and Ollie, you remember Matt. This is Saylor’s guardian.”
The twins nod their heads, and I may be the only one who notices the extra assessment that Oliver gives Matt.
“And Matt, this is Raina.” Mrs. Saffran lifts a hand in my direction. My eyes snap to Matt’s and I feel his gaze run over me quickly, probably doing inventory to make sure I’m in one piece. I know he’s the main figure behind Rogue, and it’s partly his doing that I’m here.
“Nice to meet you, Raina,” Matt says and holds out his hand to me. I give his a shake and his eyes tell me everything I need to know. He sees me and I’m safe here.
I nod my head and fix my eyes downward, trying to hide the little slips of moisture clouding my vision. “You too.”
“Well, the kids are down at the cliffs, but they should be back soon. Do you want me to show you the cabin?” Matt offers, while clapping his hands in front of him.
#SummerGirl Page 2