Ciaran and Kai weren’t too thrilled we chose to have a girls’ only sleepover. Since I’ve been sharing a room with Oaklynn, I know she has not actually spent a night in her own bed since we arrived. Not that I care. I have my own demons that keep me up at night, and I prefer if they visit when I’m alone. Which is probably why I’m the only one awake right now. Every time my eyelids even begin to close, I startle awake, panicked that I’m going to have a nightmare. It’s been a while, but I’m in a new place and that’s usually a trigger. How long they last depends on how well I can acclimate myself by finding something that makes me feel safe. It’s messed up and a complete mindfuck.
“Are you awake?” I hear Saylor whisper from across the room, and I jump a little.
“Kinda,” I mumble, and watch as her face turns to concerned.
“I had nightmares for months after I first came here. It doesn’t make sense because I was finally safe, but for some reason that was how my mind worked. It was irritating,” she shares with me, and I feel weak talking about it.
“Thank you,” I tell her, swallowing past the lump in my throat.
“Must be nice to be able to sleep like the dead.” She smirks and nods her head in Oaklynn’s direction.
“Would be nice someday,” I agree, even though I don’t believe I ever will. My past is a nightmare and my current predicament isn’t giving me much hope. Yes, I’m with Rogue, but what if I can’t give good enough information about Saylor to him. Will he take me and send me back? My life hasn’t been mine for years, and even having the smallest glint of light at the end of the tunnel is terrifying. The fact that I have to keep things secret kills me too.
“How do you deal with the secrets?” I ask, my voice barely audible.
A few heartbeats of silence pass before Saylor brings her gaze back to mine. “I don’t. I hate it. This is the worst part of who I’m becoming. I want to stay in Rogue; it means everything to me, and I don’t want my best friend to be hurt because of it. I’m trying to act in her best interest and maybe someday she won’t hate me for it.”
Tears prick the corners of my eyes as I listen to her. We’re intertwined in a web of secrets that can be easily destroyed. I blink back my tears and start to piece myself back together. I don’t have to hurt anyone, but I also need to keep myself alive. No one else is looking out for me but me. No other words pass between Saylor and me, and eventually, I have to close my eyes and let sleep take me.
“Wakey, wakey, sleepy head.” I hear Oaklynn’s voice, pulling me from my dream. My eyes crack, and my head pounds from the bright sunlight.
“What time is it?” I manage to croak, my throat feeling stuffed full of cotton.
“Almost eleven,” Oaklynn responds, and I hear the zipper on her suitcase. “Saylor said to let you sleep, but if you do, you will miss out. The guys are taking the boat out to do some wake boarding. Want to come?”
I sit up and swipe the hair out of my face. “It’s 11:00?” I can’t remember when I’ve slept this late. Even with nightmares and going to bed late, I usually still wake up before seven.
“Girl, it must be all the fresh air.” Oaklynn chuckles softly. “No worries though. I packed lunch for the boat.”
At her mention of food, my stomach growls. My hand slides along my sleep tank and I look around the room, noticing the floor is clear and the beds are made. I slept through all of it. “I’ll get ready quick,” I tell Oaklynn and notice the way her smile widens.
“K,” she responds and bounces out of the room, closing the door behind her.
I slide from my bed and quickly change into the first swimsuit I grab from my bag. I throw on a short, black tank dress over it and grab my oldest and most comfortable pair of flip-flops. Rushing to the bathroom, I wash my face, brush my teeth, and attempt to control the bird’s nest of hair on top of my head. After brushing through the tangles, I plait it into two French braids. I stuff my phone and a towel in my bag before slipping from the room and following the chatter coming down the hall. Everyone is awake and moving in different directions. I wave good morning to the Saffrans and head over to where Saylor and Oaklynn are standing.
“Yay! You decided to come.” Oaklynn wraps an arm around my shoulders and I give her a small smile.
“Who’s all going?” I ask, while adjusting the strap of my bag on my shoulder.
“Us, Ci, Kai, Silas and Bentley, I think.” Saylor names off everyone on her fingers.
“Oliver didn’t want to join?” I turn to Oaklynn again and she rolls her eyes.
“No. He found his lame ass friends and they’re doing some boat parade.”
Saylor snickers and my eyes flick to her. “Oak doesn’t hide her true feelings for the Trinity boys.”
“Like you don’t remember how annoying they are. Want to talk about stereotypical, privileged, rich kids, they are the poster children. I don’t know why Oliver thinks they’re so great.” Oaklynn shakes her head and purses her lips.
I remember the small amount of time I spent at the prep school before summer and can understand where she’s coming from. Since I was her foster sister, I was mostly left alone, but I wasn’t completely off their radar when left alone. Thankfully years in the system taught me to grow a tough skin, and when that didn’t work, I was always prepared to use my fists if I had to.
“Ollie is a good guy, he just doesn’t have the best taste in friends,” Saylor adds and judging by the way her eyes narrow, I’m assuming she’s talking about her ex-boyfriend, my current blackmailer.
My thoughts are interrupted though when Oaklynn is suddenly lifted off the ground and swung around by Kai. “Ready ladies?” he asks, grinning. “Everyone else is already down by the dock. And you might want to hurry it up, Say, Ci is not happy that Bentley is joining us, so he’s being a miserable dickhead.”
Saylor laughs and we head out the door down to the dock. Sure enough, Ciaran is sitting in the driver’s seat of the boat, his frosty eyes boring holes into the other guy who is being handed gear by Silas. My gaze skims over the guy, must be Bentley, who clearly looks miserable, the scowl on his face in complete contrast with the rest of his outward appearance. He’s wearing a wide-open floral print shirt with his sun glasses sitting backward on his head. He fumbles when Silas begins handing him equipment and life jackets at a faster pace, and I have to duck my head to hide my smile. Silas looks just as annoyed as Ciaran, and for some reason, it makes me want to laugh.
“Ci, be nice,” Saylor says to him, and his eyes instantly snap to his girlfriend, who is stepping into the boat.
“Your boyfriend doesn’t know the definition of the word,” Bentley quips back, which earns him a cuff to the back of the head from Silas.
This time a laugh does escape me and I’m caught in the crosshairs of earning Bentley’s attention as well as Silas’.
“Hey there, new girl,” Bentley says, his words flirty as his eyes bounce all over me.
Instead of answering, I follow Saylor into the boat, with Oaklynn and Kai jumping in next. I hear Silas and Bentley exchange words before they both get in, Bentley fuming, while Silas looks smug. I watch them all and take in their dynamics, saving some of the information to text later and the rest to learn from. It’s been years since I’ve been around a group of people who weren’t just friends because they wanted something from you. The boat starts moving away from the dock, and I fix my gaze on the water, loving the wake that forms behind us, and the slight spray from the sides that splashes water on my heated skin. The sun is bright and warm above us, while Ciaran drives us to the middle of the lake.
Their conversations go on around me, but I’m too transfixed on the water. Other boats sail past us: some pulling giggling kids on tubes, others are huge pontoons carrying families with women drinking frozen margaritas straight from the blender. Everyone is happy and I realize that I want that. When this is all over, I hope I can find something that makes me feel how they do in this moment.
The right side of my face tingles and I
know before I turn my head that Silas is watching me. My brown eyes find his green ones and a shared moment passes between us. My soul recognizes the same need to be happy in his. My lips part, wanting to speak, but Silas looks away before I can.
“Who’s first?” he calls to the guys and Kai jumps up, shedding his t-shirt. Oaklynn’s eyes get glossy as she watches him. Kai downs the rest of the beer in the bottle he was drinking before jumping over the side of the boat. We rock from side to side until he surfaces.
“Feels nice,” he calls out. Silas tosses him a black life vest before handing him the wakeboard. Kai floats to the back of the boat where Ciaran is waiting to throw him the rope.
“Raina, have you ever gone wakeboarding?” Saylor asks and I shake my head no.
“No, I lived in Washington before moving to New York.” I shrug. “Not many lakes where I was from, and we didn’t really have the opportunity.”
Saylor and Oaklynn move closer to me, offering drinks. I take a beer and don’t even question how they got it or if we should be drinking. They catch up on school and pull me into their conversations while we watch the boys do their thing. Ciaran drives the boat around the lake, making it his mission to dump Kai into the water. Regard’s “Ride It” plays from the speakers. Eventually Kai pushes off a wave and flips in the air before sinking into the water, his middle fingers up on both hands. Everyone cheers while Kai swims back in and then it’s Silas’ turn.
When he stands and sheds his tank, I can’t help my eyes from dragging across his tan skin, which pulls taut over his muscles as he flexes. My cheeks feel extra heated and I have to lower my head in order to stop looking. I know I shouldn’t stare and more so, I can’t understand why I feel so drawn to him when we just met and only a handful of words have been exchanged between us.
Silas dives into the water and my eyes jump to where he disappears under the dark blue waves. He resurfaces a second later, the water making his already dark hair appear black. Droplets hang off his long lashes, even after he wipes his hands over his face. His eyes flick to mine and I glance away before he can catch me staring.
“Hit it!” Kai calls, and Ciaran pushes down on the gas until the front of the boat looks like it is out of the water, and Silas pops up on the board.
“He’s up.” Kai lets Ciaran know, before choosing a new song. Travis Scott’s “Beibs in the Trap” pulses in the speakers while Silas flows effortlessly over the wake, only one hand on the rope.
Saylor grins and shakes her head as Kai and Ciaran talk about different ways to dump Silas into the water. “Boys,” she hums under her breath.
“I know,” Oaklynn says, even as she watches Kai’s every move.
“It’s their last summer together,” Bentley adds from next to us, and I spin around unaware he had moved our way.
“True,” Saylor answers, and her grin starts to slip.
“College?” I ask, my voice timid, just guessing their plans.
“Ah no,” Saylor answers, her eyes dropping. “They’re actually going into the military.”
Oaklynn scoffs. “Yup, all three of them.”
My eyes dance between the two girls, unsure of what to say.
“Don’t you think it’s a little weird how dedicated they are? I brought it up to Kai and he acted as if it would be end of the world if he chose college instead,” Oaklynn cuts in, keeping her voice quiet enough that her boyfriend can’t hear from where he is.
Saylor shrugs her shoulders and bites her lip. With what I know about Rogue, I’m guessing the military has something to do with the guys’ future positions. Another thing Oaklynn doesn’t know about, and another secret I have to pack away.
The guys are oblivious to the tension in the front of the boat as they keep cruising. Saylor and Oaklynn still talk, but there is a consistent frown on Oaklynn’s face while Saylor keeps trying to reassure her that the guys will be alright. Bentley has gone back to reclining across the bench, his eyes closed, and I feel stuck in limbo, looking for a way out. My skin is practically crawling with unease.
“He’s down!” Kai calls from the back and I look in time to see Silas, still standing on the board as he sinks into the water.
Ciaran swings the boat around and comes to a stop alongside where Silas is floating.
“I was getting tired,” Silas jokes and Ciaran shakes his head.
“Any other takers?”
My hand rises before I can stop it. “I haven’t done it before though.”
“That’s fine,” Kai answers. “Silas can help you get situated. Ci will go slow while you figure it out.”
“Woo! Yeah, girl!” Saylor cheers, and we all laugh.
I tug off my cover up and kick my sandals off before jumping over the edge of the boat, in Silas’ vicinity. When I resurface, he’s already watching me, his eyes flaring with hesitancy yet interest. I swim closer to him, careful not to get too far into his space.
“Alright.” He props the board on its side and helps me slip my feet in, before adjusting them to fit. “Just lean back, and when the rope gets tight, bend your legs to help push yourself up.”
“You mean pull my ass out of the water?” I raise a brow.
Silas chuckles lightly, his lips pulling into a crooked smile. “Just don’t forget to breathe, and let go of the rope if you are going to fall.”
“Sure.” I nod my head, feeling skeptical about why I chose to try this in the first place. Silas slides next to me, his arms wrapping around my front to help pull the rope in front of the board. Despite the cool temperature of the water, Silas’s skin is hot when he brushes against mine.
“Once you’re up, curve your feet into a C, and position yourself, okay?” he asks and I blink twice before I can even nod my head, yes. “Alright,” he says and gives a thumb’s up to Ciaran.
The boat takes off and the rope in my hand tightens. I push my legs forward and lean back. I get up for a second before losing my balance and falling back into the water. I come up laughing.
“Try again?” Silas tilts his head to the side, and I grin.
“Yes, I am not giving up until I get it,” I tell him.
It takes six tries before I get up and am gliding across the water. Ciaran takes it easy on me the whole time. Once I finally decide to let go of the rope, my cheeks hurt from smiling, and my body is vibrating with adrenaline. My stomach quivers with anticipation to see Silas. I’m helped back into the boat and we swing around to a different dock, where Silas is waiting for us.
He jumps in and we head back toward our cabin. The guys are talking amongst themselves and no matter how much I try to get Silas’ attention, he isn’t looking this way. The more they talk, the grimmer their faces look. Saylor’s knee starts bouncing next to me. I turn to her and see her eyes glued on the guys.
“Mila was supposed to get here today,” she whispers under her breath. I’ve heard over the week snippets about Mila, but not the whole story. From the way most of the adults have been acting, I’m assuming whatever happened to her is Rogue related. Without thinking, my hand reaches out and lands on Saylor’s. I give her a small squeeze before anyone notices, but it’s enough when she gives me a small smile in return.
There’s an anxiousness in the air when we finally reach our dock. Saylor jumps out while the boat is still gliding.
“Fuck, Saylor!” Ciaran calls, standing to jump out after her. Silas manages to grab the wheel and maneuvers the boat to where it needs to be. Oaklynn stands and watches with concern as Saylor races up the trail.
“What happened?” she asks, turning to Kai.
“Nothing bad, babe,” he shakes his head, “Mila just got here.”
“Finally!” Oaklynn jumps up and down, heading to the edge. Kai catches up to her and helps her over before they also take off up the trail.
“Well, thanks for the fun in the sun, Captain.” Bentley salutes Silas before getting off the boat too. Once he walks away, I turn to find Silas glaring at Bentley’s retreating frame.
“Not
a huge fan of him?” I ask, and Silas’s eyes snap over to me, almost as if he’s surprised I’m still here.
“He’s a fucking moron. If he wasn’t a target, I’d probably leave him in the middle of the lake,” Silas answers, not holding anything back.
A laugh escapes me, and I slap my hand over my mouth to cover the noise. Silas smirks and hands me two life jackets.
“Guess you’re the lucky one who gets to help clean up.”
I shrug and take the jackets. He carries the other three, the rope and the board as we climb up the trail toward the small crowd. When we get closer, I can sense Silas start to tense up. His jaw clenches and his eyes shutter off all emotion. He looks like a machine, but I can tell he’s watching everyone around him at the same time. We stop to put the gear in the hut and Silas locks the door.
#SummerGirl Page 4