“I’m sorry,” I tell Saylor, my grip on her sweatshirt easing.
“Don’t be,” she smiles softly, “none of this has gone how we thought it would. I’ve had time to adjust to Rogue life. I can’t imagine how it would be coming in now. Are you okay though? Silas thought maybe…”
“No,” I shake my head frantically, “it’s not him. He did nothing wrong. He’s perfect. It’s me. I’m the one who’s messed up.”
“You’ve been through a lot, Lux, give yourself some grace,” Saylor tells me, her voice soothing, and I just can’t take it. I can’t handle her being nice to me or Silas thinking he hurt me.
“I have to tell you something,” I turn to her, and her eyes widen, “but you’re going to hate me.”
Saylor’s gaze lingers on mine, doing a small sweep over my features. She nods her head, giving me permission. I take a deep breath in and let it all out. I start from the beginning, life in Washington, my mom, the system. Being bought, escaping then being taken again by The Establishment. I skim over the nights I spent awake, asking for death to take me rather than leaving me with those evil people, and finally to my savior, who eventually placed me in Rogue.
“Nash,” Saylor repeats his name quieter. I nod my head, my hair falling into my face.
“I’m so sorry. He said he’d send me back if I didn’t report on you. That’s all he asked though, just to know if you were safe,” I tell her, my voice full of conviction.
“But he obviously knows who The Establishment is.” Saylor looks to me to confirm. I nod my head, yes.
“His mother,” I tell her, letting the truth slide off my lips. For a moment, my soul feels clean.
“You haven’t told Silas,” Saylor asks, and tears fall again.
“He’s going to hate me,” I respond, my voice cracking. “I hate me.” I hate every dark, ugly part of me that puts my survival first without thinking of others, when all day long I’m surrounded by individuals who would give up their lives for me to be safe.
“He won’t,” Saylor hugs me again, “but he needs to know. They all do. Silas’ heart is bigger than he lets on. He’s jaded from our parents’ past and doesn’t think he’s worthy of family or love.”
“I don’t want to hurt him. Any of you,” I tell her, holding her gaze, hoping she can see the real me, the one buried under the mess my life has become.
“I know you don’t, Lux. I’m not mad.” Her lilac locks twist in the breeze, as she looks back at Ciaran, who is tapping his watch now. “We need to get back. Matt and Jason are already there. But seriously, Lux, you need to tell Silas. He’s worried he did something to trigger your past.”
Knowing she’s right and feeling sick to my stomach, thinking about how much I’ve upset Silas, I let her lead me to the four-wheelers. Saylor hops on one, and Ciaran the other. I tuck myself behind him, while they drive me back to the cabins and back to the only redemption I’m seeking.
Silas
I gave up pacing half an hour ago, preferring to just lie down in agony now. Kai finally left my cabin, deciding my mood was too dark for him and there was no bringing me back right now. I fucked up. I pushed too hard. I read the signs wrong, and after the events from earlier, I should have known better than to be all over Lux after the trauma of seeing a dead body. Not to mention her own personal trauma from her previous life. Sex traffickers, foster homes, you name it, she survived it. And I’m the moron who forgot she was a target first. I rub my hands down my face, wishing the floor would just open up and swallow me.
This is why I’m not worthy of having anything real or solid. I fuck up everything. I’ve been messing up life since before I was born. Even my own mother used to blame me for messing things up. Sure, now we know she’s never been mentally stable but still. I can’t stop hearing her voice anytime I just wanted someone to care. I fling my arm over my head, wondering briefly if I have any Jack left in the bottle when the door code on my room sounds, followed by the hum of the lock.
“Not in the mood, Ci,” I call from where I’m lying.
“I’m sorry.” Lux’s softly spoken words have me jackknifing up, my gaze frantic to find her. Her eyes are rimmed red, her cheeks splotchy and pink, but altogether, she looks unharmed. The storm in my chest simmers back down, and I force myself to think calmly.
“Are you okay?” I ask, standing to my feet, slowly, making sure she can see every movement I make and stepping the hell back out of her space.
Lux nods, her eyes following my movements. “Can we talk?”
“Here or do you want to go somewhere else? We can wait until tomorrow too if you need some time.” I’m reaching now. I just don’t think I can handle if she cries in front of me.
“Here is fine,” she answers automatically. “Silas, I didn’t take off because of you, well, not directly anyways.”
“It’s my fault, I pushed. I forgot myself,” I rush to get out.
“Stop.” Lux steps forward, taking my hand in both of hers. I flinch, fully having expected she would be repulsed by me. “Stop, it has nothing to do with me and you or what we were doing. I wanted it. I want you. But I’ve been lying to you and everyone and I couldn’t stand the guilt.”
I shuffle my feet. “What?”
Lux takes a deep breath. “I want to tell you about what happened to me. And how I got into Rogue. I think it may be related to the bodies we’re finding.”
My eyes search hers and I see the pure determination in them. She’s telling the truth and she honestly believes she is involved. “Okay.”
We sit on the couch, my hand now wrapped with hers, my fingers drawing circles on her skin. Lux swallows a few times and clears her throat. Tears shimmer in her eyes, but they don’t fall.
“You know about my file and what it says, what happened to me. That’s all true. I’m from Washington. I had a junkie for a mom, who wouldn’t stay sober enough or long enough to care for me. I never knew my dad. He was gone before I was even born. I spent most of my childhood in foster homes, bouncing around. Sometimes I ran, all of that is accurate. That is how I grew up.” She sighs and I squeeze her hand, wanting her to know that none of those things make me think less of her.
“A few months before I was brought into Rogue, I was in the process of being adopted by a rich family out in LA when I was taken. They put a hood over my head, and I had no idea where I was. At one point, my clothes were taken, and I was sprayed down with a hose. When the hood was removed, I saw I was with dozens of other girls, some my age and some younger. We were in some cement basement. All anyone knew was that The Establishment was coming to get us. I had no idea at that time who they were, just that we were being picked up. I’m not even sure how long it was, days or weeks, but someone did come. The irony is that it was a woman. She was dressed in designer labels, hair immaculate, she looked like she had money. And she was as cold as ice. She picked several of us and told them to move us. There was a pinch to my neck and everything went black. Small miracles. When I woke again, I was dressed in lingerie and told I was in New York City. I would be making money for The Establishment. Be owned by them. Men and women were supposed to pay money to them for me or to be with me.” Her eyes drop to the ground, and her teeth sink into her bottom lip.
“You don’t have to say anymore,” I tell her, wanting her to know she can protect herself from reliving this part of her past.
“I had only had one sexual experience prior to this, so everything they were telling me they wanted from me was insane. I fought back. I screamed and yelled and managed to get out of the room. I made it to the front door before he caught me.” Her gaze comes back to mine. “You know him. Nash Aimsworth. At least that’s what Saylor tell me his last name is. He stopped me, whatever he saw, for whatever reason he told her, his mom, go figure, that he was leaving with me. As soon as we left the hotel, he brought me to this law office. Next thing I knew, I was being sent to the Saffrans and given this information about Rogue.”
“Aimsworth saved you?” I ask, not
sure if I’m getting this right.
“Don’t make him out to be a hero, it’s purely selfish reasons he saved me.” She laughs dryly. “A week before we came here, I was stopped after school and taken by force to his apartment. He had a deal for me. He knew about Rogue and that my association would place me with Saylor this summer. Nash wanted me to keep tabs on Saylor and send him updates. He promised I wouldn’t have to hurt her, he just wanted information. He said,” she takes a deep breath, swiping away the lone tear that falls down her cheek, “he said if I didn’t, he’d send me back to The Establishment. His mother would be grateful to have me again.”
I shoot to my feet, my vision clouding. That cowardly piece of shit. My head falls back, and I rotate it, cracking my neck. My knuckles tighten and I want nothing more than to hit something. Preferably Nash Aimsworth. He wants information on my sister and he’s blackmailing Lux. “He’s a worthless piece of shit, Lux, and he will never get near you or Saylor.”
Her head snaps up, her lips forming a perfect o. I hate that she doesn’t think I’d believe her or fuck, that I’d hate her over this. She literally ran from me rather than trust we’d help her.
“What was the last communication you had with him?”
“I told him Saylor was doing well and she was protected and that he should back off,” she tells me, handing me the small burner phone.
I flip it over before looking at the most recent texts. “Why did you ask if he’s here?”
She exhales loudly. “Because of the bodies. It’s someone who knows Rogue, and they’re trying to point out your weak points, namely members who are defecting. I think The Establishment might be related to the defectors. How else would Nash have known about Rogue in the first place? I was freaked out that he came here and what he would do if he got to Saylor.”
“We need to know more about The Establishment,” I say aloud, more to myself. Lux nods in agreement. “We also need to tell the others. We knew Mrs. Aimsworth was involved in something but not a whole organization. That may change things.”
Lux stands hesitantly. “Are you mad at me?”
My eyes swing to her and the open vulnerability on her face. My chest squeezes. How do I tell her what I feel for her has nothing to do with hate or anger and everything to do with wanting to keep her. “No,” I manage to rasp out. Her body instantly relaxes. I reach for her and she steps willingly into me. My arms wrap around her and I bury my face in her hair. “I’m not mad, sweetheart.”
“You should be,” she says, the words muffled against my t-shirt, “I kept this from you. I lied about being okay.”
I swallow back against the dryness in my throat, hating this position we’re in. My past roars to life, wanting to rant and rave that yes, she lied and kept secrets. I fight to push past it, to move on. Lux came clean. What she was doing was out of fear for her life, which I can’t blame her for. All that matters is she told the truth before we became even more entangled. Before there was no going back.
“I’m so sorry,” she repeats over and over, while I just hold her.
When she pulls back, my hands cradle her face, my thumbs wiping away her tears. “Stop. This is not on you. None of it is.”
She holds on to me, while I take out my phone and send a group text to let Ciaran, Kai, Matt and my dad know we need a meeting.
CIARAN: Already ahead of you. Meet us at the compound.
“They’re already there,” I tell her, showing her the text from Ciaran.
“Now or never.” Lux laughs as she follows me out the door. I take her hand, not ready to not be touching her, and she must feel the same, because her grip is just as tight. I help her back into my truck, and we head toward the compound. The sky is already lightening, my clock reading that it’s already almost four a.m. Not that I could sleep now anyways. I’m wired and ready to bash some skulls. My energy must be transparent because Lux reaches for the radio and throws on Falling in Reverse’s “Popular Monster.”
By the time we get through security and parked, I’m feeling less tension, but my mind has more than enough creative ideas and ways to do bodily harm to Aimsworth. That’s if Ciaran doesn’t get to him first. Everyone is at different stages of exhaustion when we walk in. I still have Lux’s hand in mine though and no one even bats an eye. Saylor gives me a small smile and I squeeze her arm in response. I know the next few minutes are going to be me and her calming down Ciaran when hears the full story.
“Everything okay?” Dad asks me, his eyes knowingly assessing the way I’m glued to Lux.
“She’s okay.” I nod. “But we have a problem.” My gaze slides to Matt, who is leaning against the wall, the night’s events causing tension over his features.
“More than just a serial killer?” He attempts to laugh, but it’s strained.
“Lux might have information on that,” I respond and instantly have their attention. So does Lux and my girl angles her body next to mine. My girl. Where the fuck did that thought come from and why does it sound so right?
Lux looks to Saylor who also gives her a small smile of encouragement. For the next few minutes, I listen to her story again, while she fills everyone in on her past, The Establishment and lastly, Nash Aimsworth and how he was blackmailing her for information about Saylor this summer. At the mention of his name, Ciaran goes deadly quiet, his face shuttering, his grip on Saylor intensifying.
“That spineless prick.” He scoffs. Saylor’s hand automatically goes to the scar on Ci’s side from where Aimsworth stabbed him earlier this spring.
“Do you remember the name of the lawyer’s office he dropped you off at?” Matt asks.
“If I saw the building, I’d know, but I can’t remember.” Lux shakes her head.
“Are we going to call Erika?” Dad asks and Matt instantly frowns.
“I think we need to. Just in case this organization is related to the bodies.” Matt groans.
Kai is the only one smirking, “Nice one, summer girl! Way to Nancy Drew the shit out of this.” He wraps an arm around her and gives her a side hug. Lux lets him, chuckling softly.
“Also, I see a trip to New York in our future for sure now.” Kai looks to Ciaran. “You better hope your friend isn’t stabby again.
Ciaran’s eyes flash when they meet mine. “I call dibs. That fucker is going down.” Saylor groans and shakes her head.
“Babe, he’s stalking you, and he stabbed me the last time we met, because I wouldn’t let you go. He needs to be taken down a few notches.”
Lux gasps next to me. “Yeah, sorry, forgot to mention that,” I whisper next to her ear.
“Pull up, Erika,” Matt instructs Kai, who starts clicking on the keyboard.
We’re all transfixed on the screen, but no one is prepared for the earsplitting scream as the alarm sensor goes off. Lux’s hands shoot to her ears, her panicked expression echoes my own.
“Sir!” someone downstairs calls, and Matt goes running. We’re right on his heels.
“It’s the southern border. A sensor was tripped.” The geeky looking guy behind the monitor points to the board that is lit up red.
“We need to go now,” Matt instructs. “Lux and Saylor stay here. Jason, place everyone on lockdown!”
We all file out the door, grabbing vests and rifles on the way. I take one moment to glance behind me. My stomach clenches seeing the fear play across Lux’s face. I can tell she wants to follow, but I shake my head, telling her she can’t. With one last look, I make myself focus. I don’t know what we may find. The battle may have just been brought to us and I’m not sure we’re ready.
Lux
Alden, the security guard on duty tonight, in charge of monitoring the screens, pulls up live images from the guys’ vests. Even with the sun already starting to turn the sky shades of pink, it is still dark enough that their night vision is needed. The screen is cast with a greenish glow. Alden also sends a message to Erika and soon her image is also projected into the room. All of us are glued to the screens.
> My heart races when I see Silas. Their mics crackle, and their breathing echoes around us. Once they’re on foot, they use hand signals to communicate. I’m struck, once again, by the training and preparation these guys have.
“They’re closing in on where the sensor went off,” Alden tells us, and he hits record on the screen.
“There’s nothing else being picked up on the heat scans?” Erika asks, her voice not as authoritative as usual.
“Nothing that is being picked up,” Alden answers her, his fingers adjusting his glasses.
Saylor and I share a look, before I go back to watching the screen.
Matt’s hand goes up in the air in a fist, and everyone stops before fanning out.
He inches closer and something shiny reflects off the ground, half-hidden by the brush. Kai moves in, wielding a metal stick, and pokes around the area.
“Zero ammunition. Non-explosive.”
Matt comes in closer to the sensor and reaches down to pick it up. “Look for a 9mm casing.”
Ciaran, Silas and Kai move back into the frame, lights pointed at the ground. They search the area for fifteen minutes before Silas finds the casing. “Print.” He looks back to the ground and Ciaran moves in to take a picture.
“Like a footprint?” Erika questions, and Alden nods his head.
“Image should come through in a minute.”
Sure enough, a beeping noise fills the room and Alden pulls up an image of a boot print in the dirt.
“Men’s size 10, work boot. I’ll send it out to forensics for make and model.”
“Good,” Erika says.
Eventually, the guys make it back to the vehicles they rode out in and we lose communication. With nothing but a black screen, all Saylor and I can do is wait. Eventually, Erika logs off as well.
“Do you think you’re up to something more serious with one of these Midwest boys? Now that you’ve seen things in action and know what we’re up against?” Saylor asks, genuine curiosity written on her face.
#SummerGirl Page 12