by Sarah Noffke
“What?” I say, spinning around, doing a full three hundred and sixty. I then march back the way I came, but it looks different. There is a tree lying on its side, having toppled due to age. On its side it is taller than me, making me feel instantly small. Weak. Human. On top of the fallen tree is moss and other trees have grown. I definitely didn’t pass this set of trees. I would have remembered. And then my photographic memory blanks. For the first time in all my life, I can’t accurately remember how I got somewhere and how to get out. I turn and go a different direction. And soon I realize that I’m fucking lost. There’s no sky to tell me the direction of the sun or how I’m supposed to get my ass out of here. I slap my trouser pocket to learn that I’ve left my mobile in the car. That’s fine. I’ll just have to teleport away.
“I’m leaving your fucking key here,” I say to the forest.
“It isn’t my key,” I hear overhead. I jerk my head up to see the green canopy above me. The leaves sway in the cool breeze.
“What? But you said… And it has your name on it,” I say and hold up the key. But then the word on the key chain shakes my chest. There engrained on the redwood placard attached to the key are three single letters.
REN
“But I saw… Your name was here,” I say, holding up the key, talking to the forest that appears empty.
What the fuck is going on? And then the old gypsy woman from the petrol station darts to my memory, which is apparently restored. Her words pour through my consciousness.
“Three wise women. They will find you. And you must listen to them or pay the consequence of ignoring their wisdom. One will give you the key to your future.”
I stare at the key. How is this piece of junk a key to my future? I throw my head up to the sky which I can’t see, but I do spy golden light pouring through the trees now, dusk fast approaching. “What the fuck, God? What kind of game are you playing at?”
When I get no answer, as usual, I say, “Jessica, this is dumb. I don’t care if you’re lost, I’m not playing anymore.”
And I expect to hear more silence, but instead the woman’s voice sings, “I’m not the one who is lost. Or unwilling to deal with the losses that have happened.” And her voice seems to come from everywhere.
I spin around. “What are you talking about?”
There’s no answer. And I’m angry. Livid. What does she mean? I’ve dealt with loss, I think… But then I realize I have no evidence to support that. I ran when my mum died. I sought revenge when Jane died. And most recently, I pretended that killing Vivian, my wife, was not a mark on my soul. Have I really never dealt with loss? And my mind flashes to Dahlia and the inevitable fact that I’ll lose her. Maybe not tomorrow or next week or this year, but her death most likely will come before my own. Most don’t beat a cancer as aggressive as hers. And I can follow her, but the death will still be an experience. One I’ll have to deal with. An adventure I can’t avoid. I realize I’ve been walking, pacing through the forest, managing my way around the fallen trunks and vines as nimbly as ever. I roll up my sleeves, realizing I don’t know where I’m going or why I continue to go. Trudge on, deeper into the humid forest, like there’s something just up ahead. An answer to this riddle that I didn’t even know was my life.
My mind thinks of my mum, that loss that did scar my heart. I let her die, never telling her so much. And then I pretended as if it didn’t matter. I’ve continued to live this half-life, feeling that it was a punishment I deserved. Even now, I realize I’m the strongest man I’ve ever met and prone to avoiding adventure. Is it possible that the past has bound me, making it impossible for me to allow my daughter close? Made me cold to Dahlia when she needs me? Cursed my pops when he’s all of my past that I have left? And then there’s Lucien, a boy I look at and see myself, but I rarely allow myself to look at him. Afraid of what I’ll really see.
The future is a product of the demons we lay to rest, I hear the hippie woman, Jess, say in my head.
I look down at the key in my hand. It’s a symbol and I don’t discount such things as insignificant. Signs have saved humanity more than once. And symbolism has power. I know that. My mind flashes to Sica just before she walked into the forest. She had said, “I can’t think of a better place to bury your demons.”
I hold the key in one hand and look up at the great redwood in front of me. It’s just then that the tree’s size accosts me. It’s somehow bigger than any other I’ve stumbled upon. It’s actually a cluster of trunks and easily the size of a large house. And my chin keeps reaching up higher, and higher, trying to allow my eyes to find where the tree ends, but it seems infinite. And just then my breath feels shallow, my head swims in a cloud of mist. The beast in front of me is mesmerizing. It’s beautiful and majestic and not the horrid thing I’ve always thought it was.
My weight brings me down and I’m on my knees. The earth underneath me. My always well-manicured fingers dig into the soft soil. Old memories and hurts rise to the surface, like lily pads in a pond. Jimmy’s death. My mum’s passing. Jane’s murder. And with these scars the fears associated with them unfurl in my chest. The way I’ve allowed each of these losses to restrict me seems to be undone. When my eyes adjust to the present moment I realize I’ve dug a hole that’s a foot deep. I pull the key from beside me and drop it into the earth. It somehow feels heavier than before and I’m greatly relieved when I let it go. Then I shove the dirt on top of the key, patting down the earth, which feels cool in my fingers. It feels healing. With my last pat I hear words come out of my mouth and they surprise me. “The past is gone. The present is all I have or need.”
As soon as I stand, I hear giggling. It’s the unmistakable laughter of a child. And then I realize that a child’s laughter is an unmistakable sound. This is a new idea for me. Not at all tentative, but rather curiously, I peel forward, managing my way around the trees. Each scene changes as I clear another tree, and then from around a large redwood a little figure appears. It takes my eyes a second to recognize the sight before me. There, toddling on two feet, is Lucien, walking and laughing.
“Lucien,” I say, unnerved and elated. “What are you doing out here?”
“What do you mean out here?” Adelaide says, running around a tree. And then she looks down. “Lucien, you’re walking!”
And just then the little monster rocks back and lands on his bottom. Relentless as ever, he pushes up again as steady as if this isn’t his second time walking and marches forward until he’s gripping my slacks with his dirty hands. I lean over and pick up the child, holding him to my waist. His hands make dark marks on my already filthy shirt.
“Was that his first time?” I say to Adelaide, because I need to know for certain.
“Yeah, it was. And what are you doing? I thought you were staying in the car,” she says, angling her hand in the distance, where through a few well-spaced trees I can see the SUV.
“I was,” I say. “I changed my mind though.” And then I set Lucien down and walk forward, toward the sound of familiar humming. Just on the other side of another massive tree, there in the clearing is Dahlia throwing a blanket down on the ground. Pops stands beside her, his hands pinned to his lower back as he takes in the great trees around him.
Dahlia turns when I approach, a radiant smile unfurling when she sees me. “Ren, you decided to join us. I’m so glad.” And then she throws her arms around my shoulders, pulling me down to her.
I peer back at her when she releases me. “I didn’t want to miss this adventure,” I say, placing a single kiss on the corner of her mouth. And then I realize I’ve somehow been freed to live in the moment. The future is a free beast allowed to be whatever it becomes.
Epilogue
Life isn’t an adventure. That’s like saying life is a riddle. It’s not. Sometimes it’s confusing. Perplexing. But often life presents itself fairly straightforwardly. Usually we aren’t listening or paying attention. Or maybe even we have our vision obstructed by the past or colored by old hurts. And
life isn’t a missile we’re forced to ride. There are ups and downs. There are uncertainties. But life is usually a series of days linked by chores and learning and hopefully punctuated by the kindness of another person or two.
Life is a journey.
Sometimes we’re stalled. Sometimes we get lost. Sometimes we’re speeding by so fast we miss something. And sometimes we break down. The path we take dictates most of what we experience, but our approach is the vehicle. And hopefully we enjoy the time with the people we’ve decided to take the ride with, because they aren’t guaranteed to be on our journey with us forever.
Past, present, and future are three parts of the whole, constantly intertwined and shifting as we change and grow.
I’m Ren Lewis and this is my evolution.
The End
Continue your journey with Ren Lewis and order the final book in the series. Ren: The Monster’s Death.
Get it HERE!
Acknowledgements
Thank you first to the readers. You all love Ren. Strangely you can’t get enough of this guy who if he met you on the streets he’d tell you to sod off. I get the best messages regarding our unlovable redhead. It’s funny that I think he’s everyone’s alter ego in a way. He’s the part of us that we filter out. He says the things we want to and yet won’t allow ourselves because society would reject us. But Ren gets away with it. He gets away with being a jerk and you all seem to love it. I wrote this novella because the readers wanted more Ren banter. It was supposed to be a short story, but Ren tells his own tales and he had a lot to say and so this became a novella. Thank you to Jennifer for the fabulous ideas. Also, thank you to my inner circle who sparked much of the inspiration: Colleen, Stephanie and Jessica. And thank you to Christopher for all the support and great ideas.
Thank you to all my author friends, who without you I’d be very lost in this gigantic world of publishing. Thank you to Casey, Casey, Caroline, Jeff, Sarah, Derek, Christine, John and so many others who I learn from and relate to.
Thank you to Katy, Cheer, Jennifer and BOD. Love that group and the support.
Thank you to my betas Melinda, Heidi, Kelly, Stephanie, Jessica, Anne, Christopher, Katie and of course first chair, Colleen. What would I do without you all making me look good?
Thank you to my readers and fans and all the bloggers who make this so much easier.
Thank you to my cover designer, Andrei Bat. You should have run away long ago and changed your name, but I’d probably still find you and make you design my covers. Another fabo cover. Can you believe this is our 13th together? And I only have like 20 more in line for you to do before the year is out.
Thank you to Christine LePorte, my editor. I really relied on you to tell me if this was a good idea or not. The last thing I want is Ren jumping the shark. Thanks for the counseling and more.
Thank you to spirit who keeps granting me with wonderful ideas. That’s the only explanation that I have for the voices in my head.
Thank you to my friends and family. You all put up with my constant chatter about books and my current work in progress. You even deal with me when I talk incessantly in a British accent.
Thank you to Lydia. I remember driving through the country and detailing this entire book to you. When you listened without interrupting and when I was done said, I want to read that, I knew I had a good idea. And talking out my books to you has always been my best device. I hope you realize right now that without you I can’t write. You are forever my muse. Forever the love of my life.
About the Author
Sarah is the author of the Lucidites, Reverians, Vagabond Circus, Ren and Olento Research, Soul Stone Mage and Ghost Squadron series. She’s been everything from a corporate manager to a hippie. Her taste for adventure has taken her all over the world. If you can’t find her at the gym, then she’s probably at the frozen yogurt shop. If you can’t find her there then she probably doesn’t want to be found. She is a self-proclaimed hermit, with spontaneous urges to socialize during full moons and when Mercury is in retrograde. Sarah lives in Southern California with her family. To learn more about Sarah please visit: http://www.sarahnoffke.com
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Check out other work by this author here.
A Dream Traveler Series: The Lucidites Series
Awoken, #1:
Around the world humans are hallucinating after sleepless nights.
In a sterile, underground institute the forecasters keep reporting the same events.
And in the backwoods of Texas, a sixteen-year-old girl is about to be caught up in a fierce, ethereal battle.
Meet Roya Stark.
She drowns every night in her dreams, spends her hours reading classic literature to avoid her family’s ridicule, and is prone to premonitions—which are becoming more frequent.
Now her dreams are filled with strangers offering to reveal what she has always wanted to know: Who is she? That’s the question that haunts her, and she's about to find out. But will Roya live to regret learning the truth?
Stunned, #2
Revived, #3
A Dream Travelers Series: The Reverians
Defects, #1:
The longer we confine ourselves to a place the more it imprisons us.
All is not what it appears in the seemingly perfect community of Austin Valley.
A long-kept lie begins to unravel as an unsuspecting teenager named Em Fuller begins to learn the sinister truth of what lies beneath her town's perfect façade.
Em is a Defect--one of the unfortunate Dream Travelers not gifted with a psychic power.
Desperate to do whatever it takes to earn her gift, she endures painful daily injections along with commands from her overbearing, loveless father. One of the few bright spots in her life is the return of a friend she had thought dead—but with his return comes the knowledge of a shocking, unforgivable truth.
The society Em thought was protecting her has actually been betraying her, but she has no idea how to break away from its authority without hurting everyone she loves.
Rebels, #2
Warriors, #3
A Dream Travelers Series: Vagabond Circus
Suspended, #1:
A Man On A Mission
Dr. David Raydon, the Ringmaster, gave up his psychology practice to create Vagabond Circus. He searches for precious Dream Traveler children in orphanages and on the streets, where some live unwanted and forgotten. Vagabond Circus exists to provide the lost and lonely Dream Travelers a place to be illustrious, but it also shows the nonbelievers that there is still magic in the world. If they believe, then they care, and if they care, then they don’t destroy.
˃˃˃ Action, Depth And Plot Twists
When a stranger joins the cast of Vagabond Circus, mysterious events start happening. The once orderly grounds of the circus become riddled with hidden threats. The Ringmaster realizes that not only are his circus and its magic at risk, but also his very life.
˃˃˃ Colorful, exciting, with a dash of the promised romance, Suspended will leave you hanging in the end, anxious to read Paralyzed, book two in the series.
Paralyzed, #2
Released, #3
A Dream Traveler Series: Ren
Ren: The Man Behind the Monster, #1:
He is the most powerful man to ever live, and therefore doomed to misery.
Ren Lewis was born with the power to control minds, hypnotize others, and read thoughts. Therefore he is certain of one thing.
God made a mistake.
No one should be born with so much power.
A monster awoke in Ren the same year he received his gifts. At ten years old. A prepubescent boy with the ability to control others might merely abuse this power, but Ren allowed it to corrupt him. And since he can have and do anything he wants, Ren should be happy. However, his journey teaches him that harboring so much power doesn't bring happiness, it steals it. Once this realization sets
in, Ren makes up his mind to do the one thing that can bring his tortured soul some peace.
He must kill the monster.
Ren is an addictive story of an anti-villain. This spellbinding supernatural fantasy is a must read for anyone looking for the untraditional hero.
Ren: God’s Little Monster, #2
Ren: The Monster Inside the Monster, #3
Ren: The Monster’s Adventure, #3.5
Ren: The Monster’s Death, #4
A Dream Traveler Series: Olento Research
Alpha Wolf, #1:
Twelve Men Went Missing
Six months later they awake from drug-induced stupors to find themselves locked in a lab. On the night of a new moon, eleven of those men - possessing new gifts of speed, strength and inhuman powers - break out of their prison and race through the streets of Los Angeles. They disappear one by one into the night.
˃˃˃ Werewolves Are On The Loose
Mika Lenna - a powerful dream traveler and head of Olento Research - wants to control the world. To do that, he must create an army of assassins. Capturing the twelve men was easy, as was experimenting on them while keeping them in drug-induced stupors. But now all hell has broken loose - wolf-like men have been spotted across the nation, leaving fatal attacks in their midst. Mike must tear every city apart until his invaluable werewolves are back under his control.