by Jodi Payne
“Even when we’re alone.”
“Unless I instruct you otherwise, yes, boy.” He emphasized the diminutive carefully.
“Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.”
He stood and crossed the room to retrieve his jacket, letting the slip be just what it was and nothing more. “You should be proud of yourself, you did beautifully. I couldn’t have asked for more.”
Nikki smiled. “Thank you, sir.”
“You may dress. I’m going to leave first, and then you can follow when you’re ready. That will avoid the necessity for the kind of display I required you to put on earlier. Just leave when you please and get on with your evening any way you wish. I might suggest that you head straight home, first, because you need the rest, and second, because you are likely to be bombarded by questions if you decide to remain in the club.”
“Oh. Yes, sir. I see what you mean, sir.”
“I won’t force another parade like that on you for a while. I am sorry that made you so uncomfortable. I hadn’t realized you had that sort of performance anxiety.”
“Neither did I, to be honest. Thank you, sir.”
“We’ll talk tomorrow, then. Good night, Nikki.”
“Good night, sir.”
13
Nikki twisted around, trying to get a better look at his shoulders in the bathroom mirror. God, they’d been so red Friday night, and now they looked totally fine. They weren’t sore or rough or anything. His skin was soft from the lotion that Bradfo…Master Bradford had rubbed on for him a couple of times over the weekend.
Master Bradford. The only way he was going to get it right was to start thinking things like ‘Sir’ and ‘Master’ in his head. He wanted to get it right. He was still trying to make everything that happened fit in his mind somehow. He tried to think about it Friday night, but by the time he made it back to his room, he was so exhausted he just crashed. He’d been going over what he remembered in his mind all weekend long, and he was still preoccupied with it while he got ready for work this morning. He’d taken a long shower, shaved kind of needlessly, and was getting ready to get his harness on and get moving. He’d been trying, but in all that time, he still hadn’t managed to find any clarity at all.
He knew a few things for sure. He’d enjoyed it and he wanted more. He trusted Bradford in a way he’d never trusted anyone in his life. And he finally felt like he might have found his tribe.
Maybe that was all the clarity he needed right now.
There was a knock at his door, and he hurried out of the bathroom.
“Nikki? Boy? May I come in?”
“Yes, sir,” he answered with a smirk. He’d remembered.
The door opened and Bradford stepped right in, a worried look on his face. “Are you all right?”
Nikki shrugged. “Yes, sir. I’m fine.”
Bradford looked him over. “You hadn’t come looking for me yet and I was…concerned.”
“I’m running a little late, sir. I’m sorry. I was just about to find you to ask for help with this.”
Bradford seemed to relax. “Oh. Well, not to worry. The boss has excused any lateness this morning.”
Wow, was that actually a joke? Nikki smiled. “He’s a good boss, sir.”
Bradford made a dismissive gesture. “Come here, boy, let’s get that on you.”
He went right over and handed Bradford the harness. He hadn’t meant to worry anyone, but at the same time, it made him kind of happy to know that he had. That someone missed him, cared where he was. That was weird, right? He thought maybe it was weird.
Bradford settled the harness on his shoulders and did up the buckles, including the one on the back that he just couldn’t reach for himself. The leather was starting to break in, and it was more and more comfortable every day.
“There you are.” Bradford’s hands slid over his shoulders.
He turned to face Master Bradford and gave him a smile. “Thank you, sir.”
“You have stunning blue eyes, Nikki. They’re captivating.”
“I…uh.” He wasn’t sure what to make of the unexpected compliment. He felt his cheeks heat though.…Was he blushing? “Thank you, sir.”
“I’m surprised to be seeing them.”
Oh, shit. He lowered his eyes to the floor. “I’m sorry, sir.”
“It’s quite all right, Nikki.” Bradford laughed softly. “You will get used to it with practice.”
“Am I supposed to avoid everyone’s eyes, sir? Like Friday night?”
“Excellent question, boy. No. That was more about making things easier for you. Unless I tell you otherwise, you need only avoid the eyes of our Dominant members. And to be clear, that does not include Levi, despite his role as your supervisor. He is not a Dom.”
“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”
“You had better run along now, pup.”
“Yes, sir. Have a good day, sir.” He hurried from the room and grabbed a croissant from the bowl on Bradford’s kitchen counter to inhale on his way to work.
On his way to work…which consisted of a walk down a long hallway and across the dining room. He laughed and swallowed the whole pastry down in three bites.
By the time he made it to the dining room, there was no one there. Nikki sighed, feeling really awful about being late, but Bradford said he’d been excused so he didn’t worry about it much, just went looking for Levi and found him at the bar.
“Good morning, sir. I’m sorry I’m late.”
Levi looked up from his paperwork. “You’re excused this morning, Nikki, because you happen to have spent your weekend with Master Bradford and he called me. But a night with a Dom is not an excuse to show up late in the morning.”
Nikki looked at Levi. “I’m sorry, sir.”
“Cade is up on the second floor; you’ll be working with him today. I am considering starting you on the schedule on your own next week. Do you think you’ll be able to handle it?”
“Yes, sir. Definitely.”
“Because if you’re on your own, you can’t be late.”
“I have apologized for being late, sir. It won’t happen again. Ask Chef. I was never late one day in the kitchen. This morning was—”
“I know.”
Nikki sighed.
“Master Bradford said he was very proud of you. And I heard stories from Brian and Timothy about dinner.”
Oh, God. Bradford wasn’t kidding. People did talk. “I’ll be on time, sir.”
“I know you will.”
“I’ll go find Cade, sir.”
“Listen, Nikki. Master Bradford doesn’t throw around words like ‘proud’ very often, you know. He’ll say pleased, intrigued, interested, satisfied…but proud is a rare thing for him to say. It sounds to me like you should also be proud of your work.”
“Thank you, sir. It was an incredible experience.” He wasn’t sure what else to say. But he understood what Levi was telling him.
“Good. Off you go, then.”
“Yes, sir.” He hurried upstairs.
Cade had started off in the St. Andrews room as they had the other day, and it was weird going right back in there. He had a completely different response to it this morning after his evening with Master Bradford. Where before the room was intimidating but intriguing, now it felt comforting. It felt like he belonged here.
“Well, look who decided to come in finally.” Cade looked at him, voice dripping with sarcasm.
“Oh, shut up. Brown-noser.” He could give as good as he got.
“You’re kind of a celebrity around here this morning.” Cade flashed green eyes at him.
Nikki snorted. “Oh, great.”
“It’s all good, man. People are interested, that’s all. They like you. You gonna go out with us tonight?”
“Out?”
“Sure. We all go out every Monday. The subs that don’t have regular contracts, at least. It’s fun.”
“You know I’m not legal to drink, right?”
Cade snorted. “So have a Coke.”
&nbs
p; “You don’t mind if I tag along?”
“You’re not tagging along, Nikki, you’re invited.”
“Oh, but I—” He was about to tell Cade that he wasn’t a sub again, but…he kind of thought he might be now. Maybe more than kind of. “Sounds like fun.” Why not, right? He could go out and make some friends. That was what regular guys his age did, wasn’t it? Go out. Have fun. He definitely could handle some fun.
He and Cade made quick work of the rest of the rooms. He figured he was making Cade crazy with all his questions, but Cade seemed pretty cool about them and didn’t seem to mind. Nikki liked the idea that maybe he’d made a friend already.
After his shift, he went to his room to change. He pulled on jeans and a comfy T-shirt, then put some cash into the leather wallet Bradford had given him and stuffed it into his back pocket.
Cade had written down the address of the pub where everyone was meeting. It was a couple of blocks longer than what he usually thought of as walking distance, but Nikki went for it. It was a great night anyway; the summer air was really warm, and the streets were busy for a Monday night, full of people going here and there.
It took him a good half hour to get to the pub, and by the time he arrived he was thirsty. He ducked in through the heavy, wooden front doors and smiled. High tables, a long bar, lots of mahogany and glass, neon signs for Irish beer, and a soccer game on every TV. This place was awesome.
He headed inside, working his way along the bar and looking for the guys he was meeting. They found him first.
“Nikki, you made it!” He looked off to his left, and Brian was waving at him. He headed for the table, smiling at several familiar faces and shaking hands with Cade, Levi, Brian…and then greeting a bunch of guys he really didn’t know at all.
Cade stood up for introductions. “Uh…let’s see. You probably haven’t met Garett and Kip…” He nodded to them. “And this is Rocky, and that’s Noah.” He was offered a chair between Brian and Noah. “What can I get you to drink?”
“Um. A Coke?”
Noah reached around him to get Brian’s attention. “Hey, grab me another ginger ale while you’re up, Bri?”
“Sure thing.” Brian took off for the bar.
“So. You’re Nikki.”
Nikki looked at Noah and made a face. “Nope.”
Noah laughed. “Yeah, I hear that.”
“If I’d wanted to be a celebrity, I’d have moved to Hollywood.”
“I remember that first walk across the dining room with Master Bradford. It’s nerve-wracking. Everyone’s watching you, wondering about the new sub that he’s chosen, you feel like they’re all judging you. It feels like the Doms are all scoping you out, the subs are sizing up the competition…”
Oh, wow. That was exactly it. It felt good to know he wasn’t the only one that felt that way. “Totally. So, he does that with everyone?”
“Every new sub. It’s like a rite of passage, you know? Master Bradford’s way of letting everyone know that he’s decided you’re worth his time. Making sure the membership knows to take you seriously.”
“Oh. Wow.” Worth his time…
“They’re not, though, you know.”
“Not what?”
“They’re not judging you.”
He shrugged. Right. “I’m not sure I believe that.”
“Honestly. I thought that myself but now that I’ve been on the other side, I get it. They’re actually rooting for you. Hopeful. Welcoming. This group is really supportive.”
“Yeah? Not all competitive?”
“It’s not a race, Nikki.”
“Huh.” Those were words he was going to remember.
“One Coke, and one ginger ale.” Brian set what looked like a Sprite down at his own spot.
“I thought I’d be the odd man out, not having a drink tonight.”
“I don’t drink,” Noah said casually.
“I’m only twenty.” Nikki laughed.
“Oh, good choice, then.” Noah winked at him. “I’m a cop.”
“Oh, my God.”
Noah laughed. “I take it you had a good night with Bradford?”
“I…think so?”
“You want me to tell you how you know?” Noah picked up his ginger ale.
Now that was advice he could seriously use. “Tell me.”
“It’s not rocket science; it’s actually really simple. Ask yourself, do you want more? Do you want to do it again? Try something else? If the answer is yes, then you had a good night. Works for everything. Even when you leave that room feeling off-center.”
“That happens?”
“Not every scene is skewed toward you being satisfied when it’s over, Nikki. Sometimes you’re learning lessons, sometimes you cross boundaries you didn’t know you had, sometimes things get emotional. Sometimes it’s enough just to know you made your Dom happy, you know? You just need to know you did your best and hope that was enough for him. If you wake up in the morning still floating, it was a good night. If you wake up just feeling like you learned something, it was a good night. If you wake up in the morning feeling like a junkie that needs a fix, then it was definitely a good night.” Noah laughed. “That’s a gift I haven’t had in a long while.”
“Darts?” Rocky asked, laying a hand on Noah’s shoulder.
“You’re on, man.” Noah stood up. “Do you want more? That’s how you know, bottom line. Excuse me, Nikki.”
“Oh. Yeah, sure. Thanks, Noah.” Did he want more? Yeah. No question. So, it must have been a good night.
“So hey, you look good with clothes on.” Cade grinned at Nikki, making him laugh.
“Yeah, right? You too.”
“Cade!”
“Oh, Jamison just walked in. I’ll be right back.”
“Sure, okay.” Nikki took a big sip of his Coke. That hit the spot.
“So? I’m dying to know.” Brian said softly, leaning closer. “You have to tell me.”
“Tell you…?”
“What you and Master Bradford did the other night!”
Oh, God. “It’s okay if…I mean, I’m allowed to talk about it?” Was that right? It didn’t feel entirely right.
Brian looked at him curiously. “Did he order you not to?”
“Well, no, but…”
Brian smiled, looking adorable but way too excited. “Cool. Then you can talk about anything you want.”
“I’m kind of embarrassed, though. I mean, it won’t be very interesting to someone that…well, like you I guess, that knows so much more than I do.”
“Doesn’t matter what you know, what matters is how you feel. Whether it was what you needed.”
He looked at Brian. “Yeah?”
Brian nodded smiled. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, I understand. But if you have questions or something, I’m happy to help.”
Questions. That was all he had. Even answers gave him more questions. Nikki shifted in his seat to face Brian. “We were in the St. Andrew’s room.”
“You like that one, huh? I heard you were curious about it. Cade told me Master Bradford interrupted you guys to show it to you.”
“Yeah.” The day that he completely lost it and Bradford helped him find…something else. Something better.
“So did he put you right on the cross?”
“No, no. He started me in the suspended cuffs, and he just…tickled my shoulders with something.”
“Oh, wow. I love that.” Brian was the most honest person he’d ever met. Everything was just out there for people to see.
“I did too. And he did it, like, forever. Until everything tingled. After that he used a pinwheel, over and over. I don’t even know how long because I kind of…I don’t know.”
“Drifted?”
“I guess?”
“Like you were floating? Kind of not on the ground? Not really in your head?”
That was it. “Yeah, like that. Then he moved me to the cross and…” He took a deep breath remembering the fee
ling of Bradford’s paddle and the sound of his voice. “Wow.”
Cade suddenly sat down in Noah’s chair. “Did he fuck you?”
He looked at Cade sharply. “What? No.” Had Cade been listening all this time?
“Shame.”
“That wasn’t part of our agreement.”
“Ah. You drew a line at fucking.”
“At sex.”
“At all?” Cade looked horrified.
He didn’t get it. So what if he didn’t want sex with Bradford? “Yes.”
Brian stared at him. “Wow, Nikki. I don’t think any sub’s ever done that to Master Bradford.”
“Ever?” Nikki looked back at Brian, who shook his head. “Oh, come on.”
“Not refusing any sex at all, no.” Cade broke in again. “I mean Levi doesn’t like paddles, but even he makes sure fucking is part of their agreement.”
Nikki shrugged. He didn’t have anything against sex. Sex was great. He just…well, he wasn’t ready for…sex with Bradford. Sex like that.
Sex with Cade on the other hand? Cade was fun.
“Wait. Are you not into men?” Brian asked.
Nikki snorted. “I’m into everybody.”
Cade smiled at him. Nikki liked that smile.
“So, okay. What did he do, then?”
“He talked. A lot. And he…hit my ass with this padded paddle.” A paddle. He’d let Bradford hit him with a paddle.
And he liked it.
“Ooh. Nice.” Brian was listening intently.
“It went on forever.”
Cade laughed. “It probably wasn’t as long as you think.”
“Whatever, it felt like forever.”
Brian sighed. “He got you all floaty and pink.”
“Way pink.” Wow. His shoulders, his ass…it was amazing.
“You really are new.”
“Did you like it?” Brian was asking the real questions.
He nodded. “I did. And he said he was proud of me.”
Cade shifted in his seat. “Proud, huh?”
“Yeah. Levi said that was kind of a big deal.”
“Well, pride in a Dom usually means they have some kind of attachment. They’re teaching you something. Invested.”
“Levi said something like that.” Levi had said more, actually. He sipped his Coke and Cade took a big swig of whatever was in the cocktail glass the sub was holding.