by Kathryn Shay
“Are you tired?”
“Yes. I still have trouble sleeping sometimes, since Billy died.”
“Oh, Ali, I’m so sorry. That was six years ago. Did you ever see a counselor?”
“No,” she said, “I had my family. I wish I’d had you those first weeks.”
“Again, I take full responsibility for the fracture in our relationship. Seth and I broke up one of our many times for that year, and I had to stay away from all of you to survive.”
“I understand that, honey. I’m not accusing you.”
“What are you saying?”
“Julianne, life’s so short. I thought I had a happily-ever-after with Billy and fate took him away. You thought the same about Seth.”
“We could have commiserated, is that what you mean?”
“Damn it, Jules, how can you be so dense?”
Startled, she recoiled. She watched Ali climb off her bed, sit down next to Julianne and pick up her hand. “If I could have Billy back, I’d take him under any circumstances, even if he cheated on me. Those things can be worked out. I told you a long time ago, Seth needed counseling. He can get over those terrible lapses.”
“Do you think so?” she asked hopefully.
“I do. All I’m saying is life’s too short to dick around with stuff like this. If you want Seth, which I know you do, go to him. Tell him. Work this out.”
“I’ll think about it.” Julianne moved back on the bed. “Want to sleep here tonight?” They used to share the same bed when they had overnights.
“Yeah, I do.”
They slid under the covers, and Ali grasped her hand. Julianne was delighted when her friend zonked only a few minutes later. But Julianne didn’t go to sleep. Instead, she thought about Seth. Did she really want an excuse to get back with him? Is that why she came to his party? She knew one thing. She was sick of dithering about wanting him back. Sighing, she climbed out of bed and threw on a robe.
A shocked Seth stared at her when he opened his door. She stared back. Then he drew her into his hotel room.
* * *
“I don’t want to talk yet.” Her words were hoarsely whispered.
“All right.”
She led him to the bed. Eased off her robe and opened the buttons of her pajama top and let it fall to the floor. She pushed the bottoms down then kicked them off.
He sucked in a breath. God, he’d forgotten how beautiful she was. She’d gained some weight in all the right places.
When she reached for his boxers, he helped her get him free of them. Soon they were both naked. She smiled at his nudity, as if seeing it for the first time.
Leaning in, he picked her up, laid her on the sheets and covered her with his body. He steeped himself in her familiar scent, in the skin-to-skin sensation, with the full length of her against him. When he sat back, his hands roamed the curves of every indentation of her torso. Then he leaned over and covered her lips with his. He tasted the sweetness her mouth. She anchored her hand at his neck to keep him there. Finally, she eased her grip so he traveled down her body, kneaded her breasts, which made her arch off the bed. He ground his palm against the juncture between her thighs and her body bucked. He went granite-hard.
She surprised him by sitting up. “This way. Our way.”
“So soon? Let me have more time with you.”
“Later.”
He eased back and straightened his legs. She straddled his hips. Then settled herself inch-by-inch onto him. The pounding of his heart went from zero to sixty in seconds. Again and again she slid up to her knees and back down.
She started to come on the third descent. Feeling those spasms, he went off like a rocket.
Luckily so did she.
Chapter 6
* * *
September in the Big Apple dawned bright and beautiful. In more ways than one. Around two, Julianne had been awakened by Seth for another session of sensuous lovemaking then they fell back to sleep spoon-fashion. It made her shiver to think of their closeness, now, as they walked down Greenwich Street.
“Cold?” Seth asked. They’d both worn light jackets, but the morning was chilly.
“No. I was thinking of what we did at two a.m..” No use in dissembling. She decided she wasn’t going in halfway. And she’d let him know that.
“Hmm. Delicious.”
They held hands like an ordinary couple, not one who couldn’t get their act together. Maybe this time.
“Thanks for coming down here with me.”
“Of course. It never gets old. We’re too young to know anybody who was in the towers, but Ali’s friend had a dad working up in one of them.”
“Do you know his name?” Julianne asked.
“Yeah. And I think there’s a directory of casualties, grouped with their immediate colleagues, like EMS or worked on the tenth floor.”
They approached the plaza. The sound of the distinctive twin pools with circulating water reached them first. Then they came upon the bronze parapets on the perimeter of the granite that listed the names of the victims of the attack.
And Julianne started to cry.
He slid his arm around her. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I do the same thing when I visit the Vietnam Memorial. It’s so sad.”
“And worth crying about.”
They found the name of Alessia’s acquaintance and Julianne traced her fingers over the etching. “These poor people.”
Eventually, they sat on a bench among the tall oak trees that hadn’t lost their leaves yet and were still green. She asked, “What are you thinking?”
“Those people inside were going through an ordinary day, having no idea it would be their last.”
“It’s hard to let in.”
“There’s a lesson to be learned, though.” Her voice was sad.
They went into the museum which housed remnants of the towers—pieces of wood, a helmet and other mementos. Books illustrating the contents of the museum, some which covered stories of the victims and quite a few about the 343 firefighters who died trying to save the occupants. The latter made her shiver again as she thought of Rafe and Kate running into burning buildings.
They left holding hands. Seth didn’t let go of her on the train, or when they found a table in the hotel restaurant’s outdoor seating area. The weather had warmed up and the sun’s rays were strong. After they both ordered cappuccino, she grasped his hands. “I want to give our relationship another chance, Seth. I think that’s why I suggested we go to the World Trade Center Memorial. To remind me how fragile life is, that we have to live it fully.”
“I agree, honey. We can’t waste time.”
“At the hospital, when you were in serious condition, I held your hand and promised we’d get back together. Afterward, I got scared, so I decided against that, but I’m not scared now.”
“You know that’s what I want.” His words were hoarse, his beautiful blue eyes sincere. “I promise I’ll be faithful. I know I can do it.”
“No, you don’t know if you can.” She sat back and sipped her cappuccino. “That’s why I have a condition. I want you to go to counseling, to work out why you’ve done what you’ve done your whole life.”
“Therapy?”
“Yes. If you want, I can find a good counselor for you.”
“Hmm. Someone digging into my psyche. It’s terrifying.”
“Most people feel that way.”
“Did you ever go, Jules? After I…you know.”
“Yeah, the last time you cheated on me. It might have been the hardest because we were planning our wedding. My counselor said I needed to take responsibility for my pain because I let you do this to me again and again.”
“That doesn’t sound right.”
“It does, though. And the insight made me stronger. That’s why, this time, I’m setting some parameters.”
His light brown brows formed a vee. “More than therapy?”
“Uh-huh. Seth, I can’t be dependent on you like I was th
e other times. I let my friendships wane because I had you and your family.”
“I don’t care if you make friends.”
“If you’re like what you were a year ago, and I have no reason to think you’ve changed, you’ll want to see me on all our free time.”
“And I can’t have that?”
“Absolutely not. I want to see Ali alone. Spend more time with Liliana, maybe even Anabelle, who I really like.”
He blew out a heavy breath.
“Listen, it’s fine if you have to think about these things.”
“Hell, no. I begged for a second chance. If you’re giving it to me, I accept any conditions.”
The hole in her heart started to close a fraction. “Thank God.” She stood. “Now let’s go back to the room and make love.”
He bolted up. “It’s my pleasure.”
“And mine.”
* * *
As soon as they got to the room, he pressed her against the door and kissed her. A sweet, poignant exploration of her mouth, her neck. Then he led her to the big bed and removed her clothes slowly. Julianne trembled with the touch of his fingers on her face, her arm, her waist. He’d always taken his time to arouse her. Letting her head fall back she moaned. He leaned in, then, and drew a nipple into his mouth. She startled. He chuckled. “You always did like that.”
“Hmm.”
He stayed there until she was squirming. She opened her eyes. “You’re still dressed. What’s wrong with you? Take your clothes off.”
Again, he chuckled. But disrobed fast.
They dropped down on the bed then and stretched out face-to-face. Seth inhaled the scent of lemon on her hair, the flowery smell of lotion she’d put on earlier. “I want to look in your eyes when I touch you. Don’t close them.”
She nodded.
His hands went to her breasts and he kneaded them. “So supple. So responsive.”
He went slow, kissing the underside of her arm, her torso. But when he cupped her, her eyes closed. He stopped. “Open them sweetheart.”
“It’s a spontaneous reaction.”
He ground his hand against her. “I guess I’ll let you. If you come.”
“I want you inside me.”
“I will be, the next time.”
* * *
Seth and Julianne both dressed up for the night, she in a calf-length dress, with fall leaves on it that dipped nicely in the front. He’d donned a dress shirt and pants with a navy sports jacket. At seven, they met Hayley and Paul in front of the Richard Rogers Theater on 46th Street. A big gray stone building, the huge marquee with a long row of lights advertising Hamilton.
Hayley kissed them both on their cheeks. “I’m so glad you stayed, Julianne.” Her gaze transferred to Seth for a moment. “Do I dare ask?
“We’re back together.” Seth’s voice was thick. “She’s giving me another chance.”
Hayley grinned. “That’s wonderful news.”
“For us, too.” She studied Seth’s cousin. “I love your outfit.” Hayley was dressed in a beautiful maroon, one-piece, slinky thing. They both wore light coats.
Paul asked, “What time is Finn coming?”
“I’m right here.” Seth’s cousin had approached them. “Am I late?”
“No.” Hayley squeezed his arm. Seth had told Julianne about Ronan making an appearance at the party and that both Hayley and Finn had been upset by it. But they seemed good tonight.
“Let’s go then.” Paul took Hayley’s hand and started toward the entrance. The crowd jostled them as they walked through the doors, and once inside, Julianne grinned at the lobby’s looming pillars and high ceilings and red velvet walls. The din of the crowd as they walked in was exciting.
When they got in line for the auditorium itself, Paul handed out tickets. “How did you have six?” Julianne asked him.
“My date canceled.” Finn’s gaze darkened. “Typical of her.”
“Who was it?” Hayley teased as the line crawled on.
“Let’s not get into that.”
Julianne asked her, “Do you miss living with Finn?”
“Of course.”
Paul feigned indignance. “How can you say that, love?”
“I can want to be with you and still miss my brother.”
“I’m kidding.” He kissed her nose.
The banter was familiar and fun.
“Are you getting clients in your private firm, yet?” Seth asked, dodging a waiter as he carried drinks to patrons who were hanging out in clumps.
“Enough pro bono. We still need a few more paying customers.”
Finally, they got to the top of the line. An older woman dressed in black handed them programs. “Orchestra seats, center row 12.”
“Wow. How long ago did you get these?” Seth asked.
“A few weeks.” Paul seemed embarrassed. “Actually, a former colleague of mine has a connection to the theater, and he owed me a favor from when I worked at Cook, Coldwell and Cramer. These are yours and Finn’s birthday presents from me.”
As they made their way down the aisle and found the row, Julianne was awed by the vast orchestra seating section, and three balconies, topped by a soaring dome. She said to Paul, “Thank you so much for including me. I can’t wait to hear the score.” With her music background, the show probably meant more to her than the rest of them.
She pulled her wool scarf around her, she watched others find their seats. People glittered in their fancy dresses and suits, but she noticed there were others here in jeans and boots.
She read in the Playbill that the scaffold set was symbolic of the new country being built and growing. Staircases on either side served as entrances for the main characters. The brick wall was raised during the course of the acts of the play to represent the growth of the country.
When the music began Julianne was enthralled with the combination of hip-hop, rap, jazz and R&B as well as the Broadway tunes. The fact that the entire dialogue was in song was mind-boggling, like Les Miserable or Evita had been.
She laughed at Washington’s wife naming her cat Hamilton because Hamilton was such a tomcat, aka, ladies’ man.
She got enwrapped in the high-concept plot: its dramatic peaks and valleys, covering the revolution, a sex scandal, blackmail and a duel with the U.S. Vice president. She wondered if she’d learned in school that Hamilton had laid the foundation for the American government and finance.
When it was over, they went to a pub down the street and chatted vigorously about the musical over cocktails. Julianne had missed socializing with friends late at night. It hadn’t happened since she and Seth’s last break-up.
She pushed down the thought. This was a new beginning.
* * *
“Hi, Liliana.”
“Hi, Jules. Thanks for calling. I’ve been thinking about you. Is everything okay?” Liliana had a sixth sense about Julianne, especially when something was wrong.
“Not exactly. I thought I’d wait to see you in person but I decided to call instead. Some things have happened to me. A break-in at my house and my car was keyed.”
“Oh, dear God in heaven! Tell me the details.”
Julianne gave her as much information as she had.
Afterward, Liliana asked, “Do you want me to come to Hidden Cove?”
“Of course I would, but not for that reason. We don’t see each other enough, spend enough time together. These incidents made me realize some things and that’s one of them.”
“Yeah, I know we don’t see each other enough. I’ll send you some dates I could visit and you pick something. Then, in person, we can make more plans.”
“I’d love that. Now, tell me how you’ve been.”
“Busy, as usual. The governor is dealing with the budget so a lot of it falls on me.”
Liliana gave her a condensed version of her life since Jules had last talked to her. When she finished, she said, “What’s in your life that’s good?”
“I have enough private lesso
ns to keep me afloat. I’m just starting with the school kids and I have to get going soon.”
“Any dates?”
“Why don’t we cover that when you come here. I’d rather chat in person and I have to go now to get to the elementary school on time.”
“One more thing. Did you tell Mom about what’s happened?”
“Not yet. I’ll call her soon. She can handle this.”
“Yeah, I agree. I’m so sorry about the whole thing. Try to think good thoughts.”
“I will, I promise. I love you, Liliana.”
“I love you, too, hon.”
When Julianne disconnected, she immersed herself in the warmth of her sister’s affection. She also took Lil’s advice. She wasn’t going to think negative thoughts so she chose to re-live in the memories of the weekend and her time with Seth.
Julianne arrived at school before ten o’clock, spoke briefly with the music teacher then checked the room. These kids had difficulty in the drum lesson when there were no desks, but today they’d need them. So, she set up five of the ones stacked in the corner. She had paper and pencils for each of them, but she didn’t put them out yet.
She greeted the kids at the door. “Good morning. Take any seat.” When they settled down, she smiled at them. “I hope you’re all well.”
Five faces stared at her and said nothing.
“I’m going to play you a story today.”
“What kind?” Perry asked. His dark hair fell into his eyes, but he didn’t brush it away.
“About a little girl staying with her grandma. I want you to listen to the introduction of the story first and that will explain what we’re doing.”
A common lesson in music therapy was to listen to music with no lyrics and ask how the piece made the kids feel. The hope was that in describing the music, they might open up about their own internal emotions. But first, Julianne wanted to teach these kids how to identify what they felt. She pressed play.
“Hello boys and girls,” the female narrator began. “I’m going to tell you a story of Beatrice and the Bear. But first, I want you to think what animal these sounds might represent.