by K. R. Reese
The only problem is, the more I think about it, the more I want it. We still speak every night on the phone, something we’ve done for years, and we pretend the whole thing never happened. But when I have to see her every day, witness how close Dylan and Chey are becoming, it’s distracting.
This summer has been full of fun, but the one thing Chey wanted to do – swim – she hasn’t been allowed to do because of her cast. The fracture ended up being worse than the original x-ray had shown, so she had at least another four weeks with it on. I continued to promise her that the moment it came off, we could go swimming, even if it was cold. She laughed and told me I was crazy.
One night after a day at the track, we are lying on a blanket in her backyard staring up at the sky. It was a childhood favorite, and we hadn’t done it in a long time. When the temperature started to drop and there was a slight chill in the air, I felt the familiar weight of Cheyenne curled against my side. I wrap my arms around her and inhale her scent. Her hand is on my chest, where it always ends up, and even though it is an innocent gesture, something she had done a thousand times before, this time was different. It filled my body with anticipation. Sex.
But I knew it couldn’t happen, it wasn’t the right thing to do. The first time was allowing us to explore our feelings and be close, but not let it affect our dynamic. A second time, though, would be crossing boundaries we couldn’t come back from.
I risked a look down at her only to find her staring up at me. She pressed her lips together. “We can’t do this again, Cole. You’re my best friend and I want it to stay that way. I don’t want to become fuck buddies.”
“You’re right. I know you are.” I sigh. “I should probably head home and get some sleep. I have to finish getting some shit ready for school before next week.”
We both sit up and stand in the yard. I gather the blanket I had carried out and hand it to her.
“See you later, Cole.” Cheyenne steps into me for a hug, but as she goes to pull away, I catch her chin with my fingers and raise her head. With a very quick glance into her eyes, I kiss her.
The kiss is slow, passionate. Dangerous. Far more dangerous than what I felt when we had sex. Cheyenne pulls away first with a mumbled goodbye and briskly walks into her house. I stand there a moment, watching for movement at the door. But she wasn’t coming back outside, and I needed to quit hoping for something more to happen.
School has finally started and we’re in the middle of the year. Chey, Dylan and I have most of our classes together, and we’ve made our own little group everywhere we go. The night I shared with Cheyenne never gets brought up again, and we’ve kept our distance to strictly friends since then. I still don’t like how close her and Dylan are becoming, but I won’t come between them either. Cheyenne was right in her original assessment of him. He’s a decent guy and I trust him with her life as much as I do myself.
As expected, Dylan joined the football team and became my starting wide receiver. He’s good and it’s nice to have a real friend on the team rather than those who pretend to be my friend. While we’re gearing up in the locker room one day, he sits on the bench and stares at me.
“Can I ask you something?” It’s a weird thing to ask and usually means I’m not going to like what he has to say, but I nod my head at him anyway. “Would you be okay if I asked Cheyenne out on a date? Not as friends.” He sighs and looks away. “I know you two are close, and sometimes I feel like there’s something between you. But Mason assured me there’s nothing.”
Thanks a lot, Mason. I keep my head inside my locker so Dylan can’t see my face. There are a lot of warring emotions going through me right now, but the biggest is jealousy. Something I’m unfamiliar with to say the least, and it makes me uncomfortable. Cheyenne has always been mine; even if we’ve never said it and we haven’t acted on it since the night she got hurt, that’s how it’s always been in my head. I realize now how stupid that sounds.
“Sure, Dylan, but if you so much as…” I’m cut off mid-sentence.
“Yeah, yeah, I know all your threats. You made sure I knew what they were before the idea ever crossed my mind. Mason issued the same threats, but he was definitely more vocal. And angry. I’m not that person, Cole, and I really like her.”
I think about what he’s saying. Dylan hasn’t given me a reason not to trust him. Cheyenne and he have gone places without me before, but never on anything they called a “date”. This seems different somehow, though I can’t put my finger on why.
Maybe it’s just jealousy making me irrational and question Dylan’s motives. Or maybe it’s the uncertainty of what Cheyenne’s reaction is going to be when she finds out what we went and did. Without telling her. Without including her.
After a long talk with my parents, they said they would support me in whatever I wanted to do after high school. Dylan’s parents weren’t too pleased that he still planned to join the military; they thought he would “grow out of it” over time. But they were happy to hear he had changed branches. We drove with them to the recruiter’s office a few days ago, but neither of us have told Cheyenne. I need to confront him about it now.
“Listen, Dylan, I don’t care if you ask Cheyenne on a date.” Lie. “You know the deal and I trust you. But don’t say anything about the other day, about enlisting. I haven’t been able to tell her, and I want to do it. I don’t want her to hear it from someone else.”
“I won’t say anything, Cole. I mean, I am going to tell her that I enlisted, and that next summer I won’t be here. But I’ll let you tell her on your own time. The only advice I can give you is tell her soon. Because our parents are none too quiet about it. My mom hates the idea that I’ll be gone, that I could be in danger. But she’s been on the phone with everyone we know, and I wish she would just let it be for a bit.”
I laugh and slam the door to my locker. “Let’s get to practice before Coach has both our heads. I’ll tell her soon when it’s the right time.”
Practice was brutal. Coach was in a bad mood since we lost our game last week, and there were a lot of drills we had to run as a team. Dylan and I hadn’t done anything wrong during the game, but when someone else does, we’re all punished as a team.
We both groan when we pile into my truck to head home. This is Dylan’s first experience with Coach when he’s in one of his moods.
“Do we have that to look forward to every time we lose a game?” He groans and rubs his calf.
I laugh and shake my head. “He’s always that way. And even when he knows whose fault it is, we all suffer. Because we’re a team, and teams work together.” I try to mimic Coach’s voice but fail. We both laugh harder.
“I don’t know if I can put up with that the rest of the season.”
I look at him and raise a brow. “I’ve done this for three years. This is my fourth. Who are you? And you’re joining the Army?”
Dylan glares at me, but keeps his mouth shut. He knows I’m right. As far as I’ve researched and learned about basic training and everything that follows, it’s nothing to joke about. And a lot of people never finish because they discharge them first. In other words, they’ll kick your ass out.
We pull into my driveway and he goes to unload his football gear. “You can leave it there, if you want, it isn’t going anywhere. I don’t think we’re expecting any rain, so it should be fine.”
“That sounds awesome. I’m heading in. See you in the morning.”
I watch him walk across the street, then turn toward Chey’s house. All the lights are off, and I wonder if she’s still awake. I pull my phone out and send her a text message.
Cole: Can I come over?
I don’t make my way into my house. I should get a shower and head to bed; practice tomorrow isn’t going to be any better. But I want to wait and see if Cheyenne answers. I go around the back of the house and lie in the grass. This is something we used to do all the time. Something we sometimes still do if we have time or the weather permits. Stargazing is a childhood
favorite of ours that we continued as we got older. It’s the only thing our parents allow us to do without supervision ninety percent of the time.
When Cheyenne still hasn’t answered and I start to drift to sleep, I climb to my feet and go inside. After Dylan’s admittance that he’s going to tell Cheyenne that he enlisted, I know I need to tell her, too. But I don’t know what her reaction is going to be, and I can admit that I’m afraid of it. We’ve been best friends forever; we’ve done everything together – and that statement has become literal with our one night spent together. But it’s just how we’ve always done things. And since I don’t see Cheyenne joining the Army, this is something I’ll be doing on my own. Without my best friend. Without my support. It’s a little terrifying on its own.
I rush in the house after school and throw myself on my bed. I know Dylan and Cole both have football practice again, but I need advice, and my best friend better come through for me as soon as he can.
Chey: When you get home from practice, come see me. I need to talk to you.
Cole will be mad that I didn’t give an explanation, but he doesn’t need one right now. Today during lunch, Dylan asked if he could talk to me. We walked outside to the picnic tables and left Cole by himself. When Dylan asked if he could take me on a date, I was ecstatic. But the longer I’ve had time to think about it, the more nervous I am. Not of the date itself, that’s nothing to worry about. I’m worried about Cole’s reaction. Though he shouldn’t have any issues with it since I had to endure Kenzie for months and we’ve agreed to only be friends. I can still see where he may be against it. Dylan and he have become close, and if something were to go wrong with this date or any future dates, it could put a wedge between them, too. I don’t want to do that.
Since I know I won’t hear from either of them until after practice, I finish homework and eat dinner with Mason. Our parents are out of town again for some convention for Dad’s work, so they won’t be home for a couple of days. That’s why I invited Cole to come over here rather than meeting him outside.
I’m lying on my bed listening to music when my door swings open and then closes. Cole’s standing there in his usual football attire covered in sweat.
“You could have gone home and changed first.”
He smirks and sits in the chair by my desk. “Well, I probably would have if you would’ve explained what’s going on in your message. But you didn’t, and I thought something was wrong.”
“Does Dylan know you’re here?”
His smile morphs into a frown before he answers. “No, I didn’t tell him anything. You know that’s not how I am, Chey. Now, what’s going on?”
I take a breath and blurt it out. “Dylan asked me on a date today, and I’d really like to say yes. But you two have become close and if something were to happen between us…I don’t want to ruin your friendship with him.”
Cole thinks about what I said a moment too long and I start to get nervous. It’s been a few months since we shared the mistaken night in this very room, and we haven’t brought it up again. Did Cole ask all those questions because he does feel something more than friendship for me? If so, why hasn’t he ever said anything? My racing thoughts cause more questions than they answer, so I try to ignore what’s going through my head.
“Say something, please,” I whisper.
Cole leans forward and lets his arms hang off his knees. “Chey, I knew Dylan was going to ask you out on a date. He asked my permission first, though he didn’t need to, it’s your choice. I warned him what would happen if he ever did anything to hurt you, as did Mason, so he knows the consequences. And I can’t promise you that if something were to happen, it wouldn’t come between our friendship because I will always choose you. No questions asked. So, your concerns may feel real to you. But don’t let them be. If you like Dylan, then you should go for it, Chey.”
My mouths agape, my eyes wide. Cole has run off more guys than I can count since junior high; since I developed breasts and they started to realize that while I acted like one of the guys, I was very much not a guy. There were times that I hated him for it, times where I wished he would stay out of my life, my business. But now, I’ve never been more grateful for what he did then. Those guys turned out to be arrogant assholes, and he only protected me from the heartache in the future. If he gave Dylan permission to ask me on a date, there’s something about the guy Cole truly likes and trusts. Though I’ll have to tell Dylan that Cole isn’t my babysitter, and whatever he has to ask, he can do so without my best friend’s permission.
“Don’t be so shocked, Chey. I’m not a complete dick. I can tell there’s something between you two, and who am I to stand in the way?”
I roll my eyes and laugh. “Only my best friend. Only the guy who has warned off so many guys and run off even more that I thought I’d be alone for the rest of my life.”
Cole meets my gaze, and something passes between us. I don’t say a word. There will always be a stronger connection with us, but as long as we’re best friends and don’t act on it, we can stay that way without doing something detrimental to our friendship.
“I did that for your own good. They weren’t good enough for you, Chey.”
I go to him and hug him tight. “I know, Cole, and I’ve never thanked you for that.”
“No need to thank me. I’d do anything for you.”
Today’s our big game. It’s hard to believe we’re more than halfway through our senior year, and tonight determines if we head to the playoffs or not. I know Dylan’s nervous; he’s never participated in an event this large. And being a small town, everyone comes to watch. Cheyenne has always cheered me on from home or the sidelines, it didn’t matter where she was. I knew she was rooting for our team. Tonight, though, she’ll be in the stands and something in my chest clenches at the thought.
I’m not sure if it’s because she’s coming to a game for once, when she’s rarely done that, and it probably has everything to do with Dylan. Or, if it’s because tomorrow is their date and I know Dylan is letting her know he enlisted. I planned on telling her before their date, but it never seemed like the right time. I can only hope she doesn’t start asking questions once she finds out that Dylan’s leaving next summer. I can’t lie to her, I never have, and I’m not going to start now.
I’m in the locker room, staring at the floor when Dylan walks in. “Are you ready for this?” A large smile is plastered on his face which makes me curious what he’s so happy about.
“I’m always ready for this. Just thinking about all the memories I have here, I guess, because this will be the last game I step foot on this field for. After this, playoffs or not, none of those games take place here.”
Dylan’s gearing up and doesn’t say anything. There’s not a lot of sentiment here for him; he’s only been on the team this year since he moved over the summer and attended a different school. When he pulls back out of his locker, there’s still a huge ass grin on his face.
“What made you so chipper this evening?”
He laughs and points toward the door. “Chey’s here already, wants to wish us luck.” He wiggles his eyebrows up and down, and I scowl. It only makes him laugh harder. “Oh, come on, Cole. Loosen up. I was making a joke.”
I stand and head to the door, but I stop and turn to face him. “It was a very bad joke. Don’t ever talk about Cheyenne like she’s a cheap whore again.” I growl and exit, leaving him in the locker room alone. I know they’re going on a date tomorrow. I know he’s not untrustworthy. But the thought that he’s insinuating Chey’s good luck is something more than it really is makes my entire body rigid. Could I have pegged Dylan wrong? Is he really an arrogant prick who is going to break my best friend’s heart because I gave him permission to go after what they wanted? I didn’t think so, but time would tell. I can only hope I’m wrong.
Cheyenne’s waiting at the end of the tunnel, standing awkwardly by herself. No one bothers her, they just walk past and continue their way to the bleachers.
When she spots me, she jogs and launches herself at me.
“How does it feel to be here tonight?” she asks while she’s still wrapped around my body. I take deep breaths and don’t let her scent intoxicate me. “This is our senior year, Cole! The last time you’ll ever play on this field. That’s huge! Definitely a moment to capture.”
I laugh and loosen my hold on her. “To capture a moment, Chey, you have to let go of me. I’m not a jungle gym, even if you are half my size.”
Cheyenne smacks my chest and slides down from where she was wrapped around me. “Come on, Mr. Varsity, it’s selfie time.” She pulls her phone from her hoodie pocket and I stand closer, wrapping my arm around her shoulders.
“You know, it would be easier for me to take the shot. You’re going to cut off my head, or at least part of it.”
She hands her phone over and we stare at it as I take the picture. I hand it back and look at her. Really look at her. She’s wearing our school colors, one of my old jersey’s. I gave it to her freshman year, and she’s held onto it ever since. Mine and Dylan’s numbers are painted on each of her cheeks, and her hair has a bow in the ponytail much like the cheerleaders. It’s the most I’ve seen her express any amount of school spirit in her life.
“Well, don’t you look like a posterboard for the school. I’ve never seen you look this way.” And it does funny things to my body.
“Yeah, well, we only live through our senior year once. And this is your big game, Cole! I wasn’t going to miss it.”
I don’t mention the fact that she’s missed practically every game this season, and the three prior. I don’t mention that she had never wanted to come to the games and sit in the stands by herself until Dylan joined the team and they started whatever weird, friendship-not friendship relationship they have going on.