by K. R. Reese
“I needed someone, Chey, but that someone was you. You couldn’t take care of yourself let alone worry about what I was feeling. I don’t hold that against you. You lost your husband.”
“And you lost your best friend.” My face is still in his chest, so the words I try to say are muffled by his shirt.
He pulls back slightly, relaxing me against his side and leaning back on the couch.
“I did, but this is part of our jobs. We’re trained and prepared for anything. Even death.”
Those two words. Even death. My chest tightens, and I grip his forearm, closing my eyes. Dylan’s deployments were always scary, but we made the best out of a bad situation. Now, four years after my husband was killed, my little brother was going to the same warzone that took him from me.
“Chey, are you okay? What’s going on?” Cole’s arm tightens around my shoulders and I remember I’m not alone. I don’t have to face this alone.
“We need to go home. Or, I guess, I need to go home. Mason called when I got into town. He’s leaving in a month, deploying. I’m not going to miss sending him off. I never have.
I leave the unmentioned elephant in the room hanging. I was always there to send Dylan and Cole off to the unknown, too, except the last time, one of them didn’t come home.
I refuse to think about that now. My priority was to say goodbye to Mason. But I didn’t want to leave Cole behind again either.
I watch the emotion pass over Cheyenne’s face. Anxious. Nervous. Sad. Angry. They’re all present and I don’t know what to do. Mason hadn’t mentioned that he was deploying soon; if he had, I would have insisted she turn around and go home the moment she pulled up in front of the house.
I knew her brother had avoided being shipped out after Dylan’s death. At first, it was for Cheyenne to get better. Then it was just to remain close in case she spiraled again. I hadn’t done that. I’d taken off and escaped every chance I got. Dylan’s death had rocked my foundation, changed my outlook on life.
An hour in Cheyenne’s presence, though, and I was rethinking every choice I’ve made the past four years. All the old feelings for her, the ones I hid well when we were younger except on the rare occasion I let them show, float to the surface. Before I know what I’m doing, I pull her up from the couch and lead her toward the door.
“Cole, what’re you doing?” she jerks her hand free from mine and stops in the entry, arms crossed over her chest again.
“I’m taking you home. You said yourself, you have to see Mason off. I’m coming with you. I haven’t seen that little shit in quite a while.”
Her eyes widen in shock and I wait for her to turn me down. Bile rises in the back of my throat, but I force it back and stare into her eyes.
“You…you want to come with me?” She looks down before her gaze collides with mine again. “What I mean is, don’t you have something else going on? I don’t want to change your plans because I showed up unannounced, Cole.”
I stalk toward her, caging her against the wall. “I showed up here unannounced too, remember? I’ve got nothing going on right now, Chey, and I want to spend time with you.”
I wait for the panic to rise that accompanies thoughts of home. I haven’t been back in a long time. But the panic doesn’t come, and Cheyenne doesn’t move, the rapid rise and fall of her chest evident between us.
Either I’ve scared her or she’s more affected by me than she used to let on. Or my head’s just letting me see what I want to see because Cheyenne’s been the only one for me for as long as I can remember.
Shit.
I take a step backward, allowing her the space she needs.
My stomach is still fluttering from the closeness just a few seconds ago. I’m still gazing into Cole’s eyes, unable to form any coherent thought. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me, but I’m sure he’s figured out by now that he still has an effect on me.
Right on cue, a smile slowly spreads over his gorgeous face. It isn’t one of his somber smiles. It’s light and brilliant, and full of heat.
The impact hits me like half a bottle of vodka. I feel nearly dizzy – drunk. How has he always been able to do this to me, so easily, so effortlessly?
My heart knocks against my ribs. I lick my lips…and his mouth takes mine, his hot hand cradling the back of my head. He’s kissing me like he can’t wait – that he’s been waiting for too long.
And maybe he has. It’s been four years since we’ve spoken. Even longer since our one unforgettable night in high school.
Cole pulls away quickly, unable to meet my gaze. I tap his chin until he looks up at me. “I’m going to stay for a week, at least, because that drive is insane. Tonight, I just want to sleep comfortably.”
With those parting words, I turn on my heel and head up the stairs.
I close the door to the guest bedroom and slide to the floor. What the hell was that? Cole was always there growing up, always a part of my life. We had been best friends for as long as I could remember, long before Dylan moved to town. But what just happened downstairs? The feelings he had inflicted the moment he caged me against the wall, and then kissed me?
I had never felt that before. Not with Cole. Hell, not even with Dylan. Our flirting and bickering when we were teens seemed harmless enough, even after our hook-up. We had never let it become anything more, and I had been happy with that. Too many friendships are ruined by turning them into a relationship. I lay my head on my knees that are pulled against my chest.
What was I doing? Could I really send Mason off without having a breakdown? That’s why Cole said he would go with me, it had to be. There wasn’t another explanation as to why he would uproot his life to go home; he hasn’t been back since my wedding.
The thoughts swirl around my head, faster and faster, until I can no longer stay away. Unaware that it’s turned dark outside the bedroom windows, I don’t know how long I’ve sat there.
I pull myself from the floor and search for my phone. I send Mason a quick text.
Chey: Be home in a week. I’m not going to miss your send off.
His reply is instant.
Mason: You sure that’s a good idea?
Mason was always the worrier. I knew he was worried that I’d break, but I wouldn’t. I couldn’t break. One spiral out of control, and I would never go back. That part of my life is long gone, and I had no interest in reliving it any time soon. Or ever.
Chey: Cole’s coming with. See you then.
I set an alarm and plug my phone into the charger before I fall fast asleep in the bed.
The buzzing alarm next to my head wakes me from the dream I’d been having. I shut it off and sit up, staring around the room.
I had come to Brookdell to run away from everyone at home. The suffocation of what if’s everywhere I went was too tiring for me to process any longer.
Finding Cole at the cabin hadn’t been a part of my plan. I hadn’t expected to ever see him again if I were being honest. Life had a funny sense of humor, apparently, because at that moment, he taps on the door and peeks his head inside.
“Hey, Sunshine, you ready for some breakfast so we can go somewhere? I want to show you something.”
He’s happy this morning. I can’t function most mornings without coffee. Today was one of those days.
“I’ll be down in a minute,” I nod toward the door as he ducks out. “Here goes nothing,” I whisper into the still room.
A week with my ex-best friend was bound to be awkward. Conversation wasn’t going to flow smoothly when we had nothing to talk about except the past. Something I didn’t want to think about.
As I step down from the bottom stair, the smell of coffee leads me toward the kitchen. Cole’s seated at the island, mug in hand and a smirk on his face.
“Fresh pot is ready for you.”
I nod and grab a cup before I sit across from him.
The silence encroaches, and I shift around in my seat. Today was going to be a long day.
I watch Cheyenne close
ly. The dark circles under her eyes say she slept like shit, but I don’t think it aloud. I didn’t sleep any better knowing that she was right down the hall and I wasn’t beside her.
What the hell was wrong with me?
We haven’t so much as spoken a word to each other in so long, there’s no way things could pick up where they left off. The last thing I said to her was etched in my memory, as well as the look on her face as I had walked away.
Today was the day that Cheyenne was going to the rehab facility and I was getting on a plane to the middle of nowhere. Mason agreed to let her come to send me off, though he didn’t know how she would react.
Dylan’s death hit us all hard. It was unexpected, kind of, and thrown from left field. We knew the risks when we signed up for this job, but we wouldn’t change our decision even if we could go back and do it all over again.
“You ready, man?” Mason steps into my peripheral sight.
“Ready as I’ll ever be. Where’s Cheyenne?”
A whisper behind us makes us turn. “Right here.”
Her long hair is pulled back from her face. The blank look in her eyes stares back at me. I swallow down the lump in my throat and step toward her.
Cheyenne comes into my arms easily, wrapping hers around my waist.
“You sure you want to go, Sweetheart? You can drop me off outside the gates and be on your way.”
I worried what this would do to her. Her husband had just been killed and now I was going to the same place. Well, not the exact same, but in her eyes, it was.
“I have to do this, Cole. I refuse to let you leave without saying goodbye.”
I hold on until she pulls back, sorrow written in every part of her face.
“It isn’t goodbye, Chey.”
She mumbles something under her breath and heads toward Mason’s truck. He had stood off to the side during our whole exchange, unmoving in his decision to let her do this alone.
“She would never forgive me if I stopped her from going, Cole, you know that. She needs this, if only to know you’re still here.”
Cheyenne is tapping my arm, alarm written in her eyes. “Cole, are you okay?”
The shadow of doubt started to rise before I can reel it in, and I was transported back to the last time we had said goodbye. I hadn’t meant for it to be final; I had told her that exact thing. But after losing another member of my team on that tour, I didn’t have it in me to seek her out. Mason kept me updated on her progress, if only to appease the uneasiness I felt about not being home with her.
Now, I wanted nothing more than to not leave her side for as long as I could.
“I’m fine, Chey, just thinking. You ready to go?”
She jumps up from her seat, a smile lighting up her face. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen that from her. An actual smile. Not a faked one like she had plastered on and deceived them with in the past.
“Yes! I’m curious as to where you’re taking me.”
I smirk and follow her out the door, backpack with snacks and water on my back. “You’ll see.”
I’ve been at the cabin a few days now, and this is the first time Cole hasn’t been here. He ran into town to get some groceries we were running short on.
It’s weird to have this connection to him, especially after all these years apart, but I can’t say I hate it. I may still be mad at him, to a point, but he’s still my best friend. Lately, though, it seems like there’s more.
After our kiss in the hall entrance my first night here, Cole has given me little kisses every now and then. But before they can progress and become heated, he shoves away and retires to his own bedroom in the cabin. He’s even entwined our hands and not let go when we’re out together in town or hiking in the woods. It’s confusing and leaves me with an uneasy feeling in my gut.
When he gets back from the store, we’re supposed to watch a movie. But if he pushes me away again, I may just head to bed. We’re going home in two days, and I don’t know if he’ll change his mind before then. I wouldn’t care if he did. Liar. He has his own life, one that hasn’t involved me in four years. I don’t expect him to drop everything because they think I’ll fall apart so easily. I can’t say that I won’t be disappointed though. Because I will.
Dylan and I might have been married and spent years of our lives together, planning a future that never happened, but Cole’s been a part of my life since we were babies. Even the years he was absent, we still had a connection. I don’t think anything can take that away from us, and I don’t want it to. If anything, I want to see where this goes with Cole. I ignored it in high school, then I met Dylan and there was nothing to be done about it. Do I regret it? I can’t say that I do because I loved Dylan, and I’ll always love him.
But something he made me promise before he left for that last tour that I’d keep on living. It might have taken me awhile to get where I am now, but I want to honor that promise. Even if it’s with his best friend. My best friend. I just need to know if he feels the same way, or if what I’m hoping for and want is pointless.
The door startles me, and I glance to the entrance to see Cole laden with multiple bags. I rush to help him, but he shakes his head.
“Not a chance. Why don’t you choose a movie and I’ll be there in a second with popcorn and drinks?”
“I can help, then we can find a movie together.”
“There isn’t much to put away.”
I look around at the bags accumulated on the island and give him a confused look. “Alright, there’s a lot to put away, but it doesn’t all need to be tonight. Most of this goes in the cupboard and can wait until morning.”
I huff and return to my spot on the couch. I search through movies until I find a new one that I haven’t seen and queue it to play. A few minutes later, Cole has a big bowl of popcorn and several cans of soda lined up on the coffee table.
“This way, we won’t have to pause the movie when we run out of a drink.”
I laugh and lean into his side. He wraps his arm around me, and I press play.
Everything about this, about us, feels right. I don’t say anything about it to Cole; it’ll probably scare him off. Instead, I snuggle closer, eat popcorn and enjoy the movie playing on the screen.
During the final scene of the movie, I look down to find Cheyenne asleep in my arms. I don’t want to wake her, but this position won’t be comfortable to sleep in all night.
I shake her softly. After a few moans, her eyes finally flutter open, melting my heart. Then she pouts, forcing me to bite back a smile.
“What is it, Chey?” Her pout threatens to bring out the vulnerable side of me just like every other thing she’s done lately. Cheyenne has always had a serious effect on my heart, but lately…lately, she’s stolen pieces of it, bit by bit. Or maybe she’s had them all along.
“I slept through the movie. Why didn’t you wake me?”
“It brought me back to when you would fall asleep with me in the backyard, looking up at the stars.” I chuckle at the memories. “You always look so peaceful. Except those little moans.” I lean in and delicately run my thumb over her nose.
Cheyenne’s eyes lock on mine, stealing my breath. “Kiss me.”
Her words catch me off guard. After our tense reunion, I’ve been doing everything in my power to hold back. I think I’ve already failed after the few heated kisses we’ve already shared, but I keep trying anyway. I promised myself I wouldn’t lead her on. As much as I want to react to what my body and heart wants, it’s just not right.
But her damn pout…and her words that reach down inside me…words that say to hell with what’s right or wrong, just kiss her already.
Yeah, those words? They win.
My nose grazes hers, and I smile before kissing her soft exposed cheeks. There’s slight hesitation on my part before I move to her lips, but I’m too far gone to stop myself now. My lips press into hers gently, caressing them with all the words I want to say but can’t.
I’m not
sure who deepens the kiss, but it’s me that’s unraveling the blankets, aching to get my hands under her shirt. To touch her silky skin. To feel her tempting warmth.
Mission accomplished. As soon as she’s free, I pull her into my arms and toss the blanket over us with nothing but bad intentions. My hold on her tightens around her waist, knowing there’s no way to hide my arousal in this position. If it wasn’t clear before, she knows I want her now.
My thoughts become jumbled as my hands react with a mind of their own. They’re all over her, sliding underneath the thin fabric, up her legs, past the hills of her ass, then up her waist until my fingertips touch the underside of her breasts. My tongue wants to be in all those places too.
Cheyenne lets out a moan directly into my mouth and I lose it. I want her. Now.
Once I’ve memorized every inch of her waist, I bring my hand back down, grazing the top of her panties, considering if I can shred them with my teeth. I skip that and squeeze her thigh, which is pressed firmly against the other. I tease her skin with feather light strokes, hoping she’ll grant me access to all of her. As if she can read my mind, she loosens her thighs and trembles under my touch. I brush my fingertips toward her center.
As much as I want to keep going, I need to be sure. I remove my mouth from hers and lean into her ear. “Tell me to stop and I will,” I whisper.
She releases a shaky breath as I wait in a form of torture named anticipation. When she grabs my hand and presses it deeper into her own thigh, I know this is happening.
“What are you going to do?” she breathes.
I kiss her temple and then speak into it, my heart pounding eagerly in my chest. “I’m going to slip my fingers into your panties and slide them down. You don’t need them anymore.”
There’s a hitch in her breath as her hands press mine deeper into her thigh.
“I’m going to touch you and push my fingers deep inside you.” The words stick in my throat, but I have to ask. “How long has it been, Chey?”