He gestured to the meeting room. “Time found us.”
We made our way down to the trade manager’s home at the base of Kerniall’s hill. He wasn’t around, but his teenage son was and helped us get Dove and Pebble from the stables. “Father said if you came by that I should tell you not to forget to meet with him before you go.” The boy fastened Pebble’s bridle and stepped back admiringly. “He also wanted to know if you’ve changed your mind about selling these two. Or that other beauty, the one with the incredible hair.”
Jago took Pebble’s reins. “She’ll be flattered, but none of them are for sale, I’m afraid. And I won’t forget.”
“Has he tried to buy them before?” I asked as Jago and I walked to the gate.
“Yup. He and others have offered me a king’s ransom. Can’t blame them.”
“A king’s ransom, huh? For someone always fixated on making amazing deals, it seems like you’re passing up a good one.”
“Hush. You’ll hurt their feelings, trying to get rid of them.” He patted Dove’s mane. “Don’t listen to her, girl. You’re not going anywhere. You’re going to help me make a fortune one day.”
I understood why he wouldn’t sell them to pay his debts. After all, the horses were the reasons for his debts . . . or were they? I didn’t know what horses like these cost, but from all the business he did, it seemed like he should be close to paying them off.
* * *
We followed a road behind Kerniall that led to the East Sister. Buildings that probably played a role in transport and fishing clustered near the bank, which was even and flat around here, and docks and barges sat on the river itself. Even in winter, river activity was still booming, and Icori moved about on various jobs. Jago led us down a smaller track, away from the docks, to a clearing near some pines.
“Okay,” he said, bringing Dove up beside a stump. “Up you go.”
I stepped on it hesitantly. “No saddle?”
“You’ll learn faster and better if you start without one. The downside is that you’ll probably hurt a lot more afterward. Lucky you have all this time to lounge around and recover.”
He helped me swing up onto the horse, and I wobbled as I tried to settle and stay balanced. I clung to Dove’s mane for a moment and then had the sense to pick up the reins instead. She danced around a little, and I swallowed back a yelp. The ground seemed alarmingly far away.
“Easy, girl,” Jago crooned. “You’re fine.”
Nervously, I patted her neck. “She seems okay.”
“She’s not the one I’m talking to. You’ve got your seat now, your balance looks good. Now, relax and just sit there.”
“Just sit?”
“Just sit. Every muscle in your body’s working to keep you steady right now, and we’re giving them time to get good at it.”
Dreams of galloping nobly across the plains, with the wind rushing dramatically through my hair, were banished as the morning progressed. After endless sitting, we advanced to walking and communicating with Dove’s signals. Just before breaking for lunch, he let me take her out for a brief, gentle trot. It was tougher than I expected, and I struggled constantly to keep myself centered and still pay enough attention to direct her.
When he helped me down, my legs nearly collapsed out from under me. He laughed and offered his arm for support. “Told you.”
I winced as I forced my stiff, sore muscles to obey. I’d never before thought about how many of them were in my body, but I was pretty sure just then that each and every one of them hurt. “This is the worst, right?” I asked. “It’ll be better tomorrow?”
“Eh, let’s go get something to eat” was his evasive answer.
We ate our packed lunch on a wide, flat rock, saying little as we basked in the sun and each other’s nearness. Birds sang everywhere, and it was almost possible to believe spring might be coming to this land. Some snowy patches in direct sunlight had started to melt, though those in the shade remained frozen. When we finished eating, and Jago announced more trotting practice, I groaned.
“Come on, Jago! Can’t I ride? Really ride? You’re the one going on about how glorious it is to run free on a horse, but I’m never going to get to do it.”
“You’re not ready.” But after a few moments of scrutiny, he smiled and said, “But you can do it with me. Come on, Pebble’s been getting bored anyway.”
Jago untied the gray stallion and helped me up. Once I was steady, he mounted as well, taking up a seat behind me. As he reached around my waist to take the reins, I forgot all about the thrill of racing. He felt warm and steady at my back, and I wished he’d wrap his arms around me more tightly. Then, Jago urged Pebble to a cleared path, and I was very much reminded of what Jago had been planning to show me.
Once he gave the signal, Pebble flew. Freed of restraints, with nothing but open land ahead, Pebble ran with an almost joyful abandon. His strong legs thundered beneath us, and I imagined them stretching as far as they’d go. The whoosh of air rushing by made tears sting my eyes, and the speed jostled and bounced us, but I didn’t mind. It was glorious and terrifying all at once.
After only a couple of minutes, Jago guided Pebble into a curve and sent us back the way we’d come. Before I knew it, we were slowing to a halt beside Dove in the clearing. Breathless and laughing, I leaned back and asked, “Why did you stop it so soon?”
His hands rested on my hips, and he slowly slid them forward, wrapping me up to him. “It’s not good to ride double like this—especially so hard—for very long. But now you see why I do so much for these guys? What it’s all for?”
“Yes! And now I need to learn to do it on my own.”
But I stayed where I was, loath to leave when his body was pressed up to mine. I turned to the side, trying to see him over my shoulder. He leaned forward and met me in a long, languid kiss that carried just as much heat as the rougher ones from the other night. Pebble pranced restlessly, and Jago and I broke apart with some reluctance.
But as soon as we climbed down, we went for each other again. As I wrapped my arms around his neck and melted at the feel of his lips, I began to think suggesting we stay inside hadn’t been such a crazy idea after all.
At one point, I opened my eyes and caught a glimpse of the East Sister through the trees. To the north, looming like a dark sentinel, sat the unmistakable shape of the Well’s jagged cliffs. All at once, the dream tumbled back to me, and with its return, all my earlier joy was sucked away. I unfolded myself from Jago and stalked away, suddenly despondent.
“Tamsin?” He hurried to catch up with me. “What’s the matter?”
I pressed my hands to my forehead and halted. “We shouldn’t be doing this! I shouldn’t be doing this. I have no right to it! I shouldn’t be out having a holiday when there’s so much to do. Everyone’s depending on me. The other girls are still in Constancy, and Merry . . . oh, Uros. Merry’s out on the ocean right now.”
I didn’t stop him when he took my hand again. “Don’t worry. Storm season will be done by the time they get to the western sea. You guys will be together before you know it.”
He led me back to the stone we’d sat on for lunch. “What’s your plan for her?” he asked.
“Before the delays, my plan was to be married and have a home ready for her when she arrived. At this point, though, my goal is just to make it to the city by the time she’s there. But surely there’s someone left who’s wildly rich enough to bring the rest of my family over and cover Merry’s expenses. He doesn’t even have to be wildly rich. I just need to make sure we don’t have to worry anymore.” Deprived of talking about her for so long, I found myself going on and on. “She’s sick a lot, and doctors and medicine add up. We’ve lived in constant fear. Can we afford the next treatment? Will we be choosing between medicine or food or rent? And anything other than those things, well, they were never even up for consideration. We didn
’t have a copper extra, and I don’t want it to be that way anymore. I want everything for her. A safe, stable home. Education. Shoes without holes. Respect. That’s what this is all about—the better life I mentioned. One without fear.” My chest suddenly grew tight, imagining Merry having a coughing attack during the voyage. “She’s got medicine with her, but Six. It worries me.”
“You shouldn’t worry. Even if you hadn’t told me the details, I know you wouldn’t have let any detail be overlooked.”
“Yes. Yes.” I took a deep breath. It was as comforting to hear someone speak of her as it was for me to talk. “I’ve done all I can for her trip. Now I’ve just got to secure that rich husband and make sure he’s crazy about me.”
Jago stiffened a little but didn’t remove his hand. “How could anyone not be?” he asked, voice light.
“Well, some aren’t going to be so crazy about a stepdaughter.”
“But you’ve already taken that into consideration.”
“Of course. I’ve got a story ready about how I’m the widow of some tragically lost soldier and that I had to hide it in the Glittering Court. I figure if someone’s in love with me enough, he won’t mind.”
“Yes, he certainly wouldn’t.”
“That was why I fought so hard to be the best at everything. I needed to get first pick, to have as many choices as I could to get the ideal match. I just pray my best choices haven’t been snatched up.”
“Are you ever going to tell this husband the truth?”
“Before we’re married?”
“Before, after, anytime.” The tone of Jago’s voice surprised me. And I didn’t like it.
“In the long run? Who can say. But no, not before. I can’t take any chances.”
“So you’d be going into marriage under a lie.”
I turned to Jago, so incredulous that I couldn’t even form words right away. Instead, I brushed his hand away and got to my feet. “Don’t preach to me, Jago. You’ve got no right to morals, not with the way you wheel and deal the gullible and push off liquor on people you know are supposed to avoid it!”
“That’s not the same thing at all. They know what they’re going into.”
“You haven’t had to make the choices I have. If there was some perfect, easy solution to all of this, I never would have set foot on that damned ship! I wish I could be good and honest in everything I do—I try to—but I have no regrets over what I’ve done to take care of my daughter, no matter how ruthless it seems. I’d do it all again, and I’d do worse!”
“Tamsin—”
“I’m done with riding today.” I walked over to Dove and guided her toward the road. “I’ll walk her back. If you’ll allow it.”
“Tamsin—” This time, he cut himself off. With a sigh, he took Pebble’s reins and caught up to me, though he didn’t say a word the whole way back to Kerniall.
* * *
Orla invited us to eat with her and her sisters, and a green cotton dress materialized on my bed where the nightgown had been. It was a less extravagant version of Orla’s, with the same high waist and scooped neckline—but no gratuitously long sleeves. It was worn over a simple linen chemise, without a belt or clips, and felt absurdly comfortable for formal wear. I almost laughed as I dressed, thinking of the complexities of petticoats, underdresses, overdresses, and corsets that would be required for a comparable Osfridian dinner.
Jago and I were seated side by side, but the dark cloud still hung over us. We talked readily enough with everyone else but barely looked at each other. Several of the diners had been at the earlier meeting, and we learned that they’d voted to give us the benefit of the doubt on our story. This was largely because of Jago’s insistence on the truth of what we’d discovered. Many knew him, and the bitterroot incident had earned him a lot of favor. That didn’t mean the Icori would be openly declaring war on the Lorandians anytime soon, but Orla’s sister Stana was already working on messages to send to outlying clans, apprising of them of the situation and warning to be watchful for more alleged Osfridian attacks.
Faiva, the youngest, was obsessed with coming up with schemes to catch the Lorandians in the act of wrongdoing, though few of her ideas were plausible. Orla was tasked with dealing with the colonists, in the hope of ensuring they’d stand down from any retaliatory actions until the mystery was solved. From her expression, it was clearly not a job she was thrilled about.
A guest delayed Jago as we were leaving, and I went to my room alone. Later, when he came knocking, I didn’t answer. He left me alone after a few tries, and I sank onto my bed, my heart breaking. It wasn’t just the fight with Jago that had me hurting. It was Jago himself. My brilliant plan to launch my daughter and me into a better lifestyle seemed tarnished now. I still had no moral qualms about marrying someone for money; it was done all the time. But since Jago had no money, he couldn’t be that someone, and it bothered me. It also bothered me to even be bothered by that! I’d only known him a short time, and he’d driven me crazy for most of it. Doing . . . what I’d done with him during those few passionate times had only made this worse. If I’d displayed any shred of self-control, maybe I wouldn’t feel so conflicted right now. Instead, I’d left both of us confused and upset and taken my eyes from what mattered most: Merry. I couldn’t let that happen again.
* * *
When I woke, I felt a little more clearheaded, but it was underscored with a grim resignation. I knew what I had to do, and the sooner it was taken care of, the better. As soon as I’d cleaned up for the day, I headed out. But when I opened my door, Jago was standing right outside, his hand raised to knock. “Oh!” he exclaimed. “How’s that for timing?”
I swallowed and glanced down at the stone tiled floor. “I was just coming to see you.”
“Well, I was coming to see you. And Tamsin, look . . . about yesterday . . . I . . .”
I looked up, and the tension and his anguished expression were too much for me. “Oh, Jago—”
“Nope, nope.” He held up a hand. “Don’t ‘Oh, Jago’ me. I deserved that scolding. You were too easy on me, actually. I have no business judging you—you’re right that I haven’t been through what you have. I can’t even imagine.”
“Come in and talk.” I stepped aside and waited for him to pass before I closed the door. “Look, I know you weren’t trying to be . . . that is . . . I know you meant well.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked over to the fireplace. “Mostly.”
“Mostly?”
I joined him, and in his profile, an array of emotions flashed by, too tangled for me to read. “What I said, I believe. Why I was saying it . . . well, that was me being petty over your hypothetical husband. My own hurt feelings, which have no right to be hurt.”
My heartbeat suddenly felt so heavy and so fast, it was a wonder he couldn’t hear it. “Why . . . why are you hurt?”
“Tamsin, you know why. I understand why you’re doing this, but it’s hard to be chipper about it when I . . .” With a heavy sigh, he turned around and walked back toward the door. “Never mind. I shouldn’t bother you with my rambling.”
“I don’t know. I daresay I’ve grown accustomed to it. In fact, I kind of like it.”
He stopped, his back to me. “No joking, Tamsin. Not today. I’m crazy about you—I have been since you walked through my door. But I’m not going to hassle you when you’ve got your sights fixed on better men.”
“The thing is . . .” I took a few steps toward him. “I don’t think I’m going to find a better man than you.”
Jago slowly turned around and met my eyes, his green-and-gold ones so filled with emotion that its power nearly knocked me over.
“Now, that doesn’t mean I can . . . Well, I still have to go to Cape Triumph and find someone,” I continued. “Merry’s still first, my wants come second—or not at all. And that’s what I was coming to tell
you.”
His eyebrows rose, and he moved a little closer too. “You were?”
“Yes. I was going to your room to tell you that what we did in the storm and outside, well, that it has to stop. I wanted to make sure you knew that I still wanted to work with you and be your traveling partner but that I came to Adoria for a reason and will see that plan through.”
“I get it,” he said, face falling. “I knew it, I was accepting it. But when it’s spelled out like that, it’s harsh.”
“Well . . . it’s what I was going to tell you. And it’s all still true! I’m just . . . not . . . saying it right now.”
He looked understandably confused—but also hopeful. “Then what are you saying now?”
I took a deep breath and reached for him. “That I’m a little crazy about you too.”
I think I might have actually been just plain crazy, too, as we came together and kissed. It was ridiculous. I’d just explained that we couldn’t have a future, and yet, I couldn’t stop kissing him. I melted into him and ran my fingers through his unruly hair, bringing him nearer in the process. For someone who’d been ready to walk away moments ago, he showed no hesitancy in the kiss. Neither did I, for that matter. It went on and on, and maybe it wasn’t one long kiss so much as a whole bunch of little ones strung together.
Whatever it was, I lost myself in it and let go of worry and responsibility for a time. I tugged him toward the bed, and he followed without hesitation. We fell onto it together, still kissing and tentatively reaching for each other’s clothing.
That was also when a loud knock sounded at the door.
We both bolted upright and stared at it. A childlike panic hit me, that somehow, impossibly, we’d been found out. But that couldn’t be, and a few moments later, a servant’s voice rang through: “Danna?”
The Emerald Sea Page 29