by Sarah Noffke
“You’re not allowed in there.” The gnome cut her off.
“I realize that. I’ll figure that part out later, maybe once I can move my feet,” she said.
“And why would you, the Princess of Virgo, want to travel to a place where you might possibly be imprisoned for trespassing?” the gnome asked, his stumpy hands on his hips.
Azure looked at Monet, who had an irritated expression on his face. He rolled his hand forward in the air, encouraging her to disclose the information.
She shook her head. “First, can you tell us how to get out of here? Then I’ll tell you everything you want to know.” Gnomes, Azure knew, were rule followers, but they also were information gatherers and this one would want to know why she was traveling to a forbidden land. And unfortunately she knew he might try and stop her, the damn whistle-blower.
“I could tell you,” the gnome said simply.
Azure did allow a loud growl to fall out of her mouth now. “Will you tell us?”
“I’m not sure why I should do that,” he demurred.
“Because otherwise the next monarch of Virgo will die here,” Monet said loudly.
“Along with her companion,” the gnome agreed, pulling a pad from his breast pocket. He began scribbling notes, like he might forget something if it wasn’t recorded right then.
“Fine, don’t tell us. But would you answer a question?” Azure asked.
“It depends on the question,” the gnome replied, pulling the pad away from his face.
“What’s your name?” she asked.
“That’s your damn question? Have you lost your mind?” Monet yelled from his place several yards away.
The gnome regarded Azure for a moment, blinking a few times. Then he opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Finally he shook his head. “That’s irrelevant information, not necessary for me to supply.”
Azure’s mother had taught her that using someone’s name when making a request was a valuable tool. Individuals didn’t like to say no when their name was used because it felt like they were saying no to themselves. However, this gnome wasn’t making any of these negotiations easy.
“Fine. It appears you don’t want to help us, so we will bother you no more.” Azure turned her attention back to the flowers around her feet.
“You have lost your damn mind. Yes, please send away the creature who knows how to help us,” Monet ranted from his spot.
“He’s an unwilling creature, so we’ll just figure it out on our own,” she yelled back. “Angel. Forget-me-nots. Angel. Forget-me-nots.” She kept repeating the words aloud and then internally, her mind far away in thought. There was something about the names, she mused.
“Don’t forget the angel,” Monet said, almost to himself.
“Yes, that’s what I think too,” Azure said, but her voice still sounded lost.
“The trees are the supreme force inside the Dark Forest,” the gnome said.
“Oh, Shorty is still hanging around.” Monet sneered.
Dismissing his jab, Azure turned to the gnome. “One might say that they are the owners of the forest and must be paid a toll.”
The look that sprung to the gnome’s face made Azures mind buzz with excitement. His expression creased, like he knew a secret that she’d just skirted.
She twisted in Monet’s direction. “This place. It’s the toll booth. The place where we have to give something to get passage.”
“Like gold? I think we both know I’m fresh out. You’ll have to pay for me,” Monet said.
Azure was already digging into the bag that had been strapped to her back when the gnome cleared his throat. “Passage cannot be paid for by another,” he told them.
“What? How am I going to get out of here?” Monet cried.
The gnome merely shrugged his rounded shoulders. He would apparently be helpful only when it suited him.
Azure pulled a gold coin from a small satchel inside her bag. Her gran had thought to pack everything she’d most likely need. She dropped the coin in front of her and it landed on the flowers where it quickly sank beneath them and disappeared. Like a clamp unlocking, Azure felt the grip on her feet loosen. She lifted her foot slightly, noticing that it came away from the ground easily, and then she took a full step forward.
“Okay, Monet, you just need to give the forest something. What do you have?”
He rooted around inside his robes and shrugged. “I have my wand and two bags of Cheetos.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! You entered the Dark Forest with zero provisions?”
“No! As I just mentioned, I have two bags of Cheetos,” he reminded her.
“How did you think you were coming along to help me?”
“Look, I have a wand. That’s really all I need,” he asserted.
“If you weren’t stuck to the ground and could use magic,” she muttered, realizing that magic wouldn’t work until the toll had been paid. The forest had thought of everything.
“Yes, it appears that for the first time ever, I have made a mistake. Let this go on my official record,” Monet proclaimed.
“Give the forest a bag of Cheetos,” Azure snapped in his direction.
He gave her an incredulous look. “Has the forest air made you stupid, dear Azure?”
“I’m not kidding. That’s the only way you’ll get out of this,” she warned, turning and looking at the gnome, who nodded slightly.
“But I’ve only got two bags,” Monet whined.
“Who cares? Don’t you want to get out of here? They are just dumb chips.”
“Have you had Cheetos? There’s nothing dumb about them.”
Azure put her hands on her hips and gave Monet a long, cold look.
“Fine, fine. But this adventure better not require such drastic actions from me going forward, or I’m returning to Virgo.” Monet dug around in his robe and pulled out a bright orange bag. He was just about to toss it onto the forest floor when a cough stopped him. Both Azure and Monet spun to where the gnome was standing on the tree branch. “Yes?” Monet asked, looking especially annoyed.
“I do not believe that the bag is biodegradable,” the gnome commented.
“Which means it can’t be offered with the toll,” Azure added.
“Correct,” the gnome chirped, rocking forward on his toes and back down to his heels.
“Empty the bag,” Azure ordered Monet.
He sighed heavily but opened the bag of Cheetos before dumping them onto the forest floor. The bright orange chips littered the blue flowers, creating a sharp contrast of colors, and a moment later the Cheetos were gone, having been sucked up by the soil.
Monet lunged forward, letting out a sound of relief as he did. “Thank Merlin I’m free!” he said.
“Finally.” Azure shook her head at his antics. “Let’s get moving. We’ve got to get to Terran.”
Beside her the gnome appeared, his chin pointing up at her. “And why is it that you are traveling through the Dark Forest to a forbidden land?”
“And what is your name?” she asked, bending down and looking the creature straight in the eyes.
He ground his teeth and narrowed his eyes. “Gillian,” he whispered under his breath.
“What was that?” Monet asked loudly.
“Gillian,” the gnome said louder this time.
Azure smiled at Monet and then looked directly at the gnome. “Gillian, it is nice to meet you. We are going to the Land of Terran to find someone. That’s as much as I can tell you.” As she rose to a standing position she noticed that the forest was now visible ahead where before there had only been blinding light. It appeared the angel oak was going to allow them entry.
“Well, little guy, thanks for all the help. Oh, wait! That’s right, you were zero help at all,” Monet snarled to the gnome.
“We are not here to help you. Our job is to ensure that rules are observed and followed,” Gillian told him proudly.
“And you do a fine job of it,” Azure agreed
, keeping her eyes on the landscape ahead. She was ready to set off—time was running out to help her mother. “Come on, Monet. Let’s go.”
They’d only moved a few paces when Azure heard another set of footsteps at her back. She turned to find Gillian behind her, his green eyes focused on her as she paused.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I happen to be going this way too,” he said simply.
“Oh really? It wouldn’t be that you’re following us to ensure we don’t break any rules?” Monet asked the gnome.
“If I were, it would be simply coincidental,” Gillian stated.
“And you’re definitely not following to find out why Azure is traveling to the Land of Terran, right?” Monet asked.
“If I find out, then so be it. It might be better for everyone if I knew. Information is power for the Gnomes,” Gillian declared, sounding disinterested.
“I’m honored to have you along.” Azure trudged forward.
“I’m not—”
“Thanks for joining us, Gillian. We could really use your expertise.” She cut him off. A soft growling sound came from his hat, but she simply smiled at the angry gnome and continued her trek through the Dark Forest.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“It’s good to know that if there’s anything just barely out of my reach, then Gillian can stand on my shoulders and most likely grab it,” Monet offered, whistling as he strode along. The landscape of the forest kept shifting, sometimes growing suddenly denser and then just as quickly sparse again.
“Ignore him, Gillian. I hear he has small wand syndrome and that’s why he’s easily intimidated,” Azure said, angling her chin down to look at the gnome.
The gnome seemed not to hear them as he trudged marched forward, handling the large roots on the ground easily.
“If anyone is overcompensating it’s the witch about to lose her crown,” Monet said, scoffing.
At this, Gillian’s ears perked up and he immediately pulled the pad and a pen from his breast pocket and began scribbling notes again.
The three walked in silence for the better part of an hour. Azure was surprised that no creatures jumped out at them and no vines tried to strangle them. It was actually quite perplexing. Once she even spied two eyes in the trees overhead, menace clearly written in them, but when she got Monet’s attention and turned back, the eyes were gone.
“Beginner’s luck,” Gillian muttered under his breath.
Azure whirled to the face the gnome. “What did you say?”
“I said, ‘Sinner’s Muck.’” He pushed the pad of notes back into his pocket.
“No, you didn’t. You said, ‘beginner’s luck.’ You think just because we’re new to the forest that we’re having some sort of strange luck. That just because we don’t know about the supposed dangers, they are strangely not affecting us? That’s not fair. We’re—”
A farting sound, loud and long, cut Azure off. She wrinkled her face and turned toward the noise. A long pit of mud was at their backs, bubbling and popping. A moment later a swirling section emitted a cloud of smoke, and with it another farting sound.
“Sinner’s Muck, like I said.” Gillian pointed at the swamp of mud, almost smiling.
“You said… Oh, never mind. What’s that?” Azure pinched her nose because the smell rising from the farting mud was increasingly awful.
“I believe our little redheaded friend called it Sinner’s Muck, which means it’s the stuff those awful types leave behind.” Monet elbowed Azure in the side, a half-smile on his face.
“Actually, wizard, you are incorrect. Earlier you were asked to leave something behind to progress and you paid the toll to the Angel Oak. Now, in this part in the forest, you’ll have to cross the muck,” Gillian told him, and quickly clapped his hand to his mouth.
“Oh, did you accidentally find yourself helpful? Poor you,” Monet teased the gnome.
“So what happens when we cross it?” Azure asked, looking at Gillian. He just pressed his mouth into a hard line and didn’t make eye contact.
“You’re the most unhelpful tagalong there ever was,” Monet declared.
“Will you at least nod your head if I’m correct?” she asked the gnome.
He crossed his arms in front of his chest, his face remaining stone-like.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Azure said. “So, before we left something behind. I’m guessing now we take something with us? Is it based on how much we’ve sinned? Like the more bad things we’ve done, the more mud sticks to our shoes?”
Gillian lifted his chin into the air as if he hadn’t heard the question, but then came the tiniest of nods, his eyes angled up toward the great canopy overhead.
“Who said Gnomes were unhelpful? They’re just reluctant when we’re facing uncertain dangers,” Monet remarked, pulling his robes up so they didn’t brush the ground. “After you, Princess.”
“Oh, you’re such a damn coward, Monet. I won’t be surprised if you come out of this pit of mud covered from head to toe” Azure marched forward. Her first step into the mud made a hissing sound. The steam rising from the swampy pit made her think it was warm, maybe even hot. Her boot sank deep before finding solid ground. She pulled up her foot, the effort making a squelching sound, and then she took another step.
“I wonder if we could have used magic to get across,” Monet asked at her back, entering the sludge.
Azure turned to laugh at her friend, but behind him Gillian shook his head. “I don’t think the Dark Forest will allow us to cheat our way through it,” she said, winking at the gnome before turning back around and taking another treacherous step. Each pace made her think she’d slip and fall into the foul mess. It smelled even worse now that she was in it, and the constant farting sounds kept making Monet chuckle.
“This is by far the most revolting thing I’ve done today,” Azure said when there were only five more feet of pit left. Her boots where now covered in mud, but it wasn’t caked to the bottom of her boots like she’d expected. She turned when she was on solid ground to find that Monet hadn’t been as fortunate. The mud was clear up to where his boots met his socks, and looking to seep into them soon, and on the bottom of his boots was two inches of thick black mud, which made each of his steps more uncertain. On his last step, his eyes widened and he teetered for a moment, looking as if he were close to falling over. Azure reached out and grabbed his robe, then tugged him to the solid ground where she stood. He used the momentum to move quickly in her direction, not stopping until he’d taken a few extra steps away from the pit. Once on dry land, he let out a long wail and threw down his hands to indicate his boots.
“What a mess,” he complained, casting disappointed eyes at her boots. His were caked all over with stinky mud, which was still releasing bits of steam. At once he started shuffling his boots across the ground, leaving behind tracks of the mud as he went.
Azure laughed, looking down at her own boots. They weren’t clean by any means, but they also weren’t covered. Just a fine layer of mud around the sides. She pointed her wand at her boots, but catching sight of Gillian on the other side of the pit, she changed her mind.
“No magic,” she agreed reluctantly. “Got it.”
The gnome nodded his head in acceptance. She wasn’t sure what would have happened if she had used magic to clean her boots, but she guessed it would have been more unpleasant than making effort to rub her boots against a nearby rock until they were clean.
After a few moments, Azure was reasonably happy with the look of her boots. She was also thoroughly annoyed with the sputtering sighs that emanated from Monet every few seconds. He’d been working to clean his boots, but still had much to do.
Azure was surprised when Gillian arrived at her side, his small shoes clean. “How’d you get across without getting dirty?” she asked.
“Maybe gnomes don’t sin,” Monet said, his attention still on his boots. He had a stick in his hand and was poking at the grooves in the soles, trying
to clear all the mud.
Azure turned back to the Sinner’s Muck and to her surprise, six elephant-ear leaves were lying in a path across the pit.
“What? You used leaves to get across the mud?” she asked Gillian.
“It can’t be just any leaves,” the gnome said, holding up one finger.
“Why didn’t you tell us that was an option?” Monet asked, almost livid.
The gnome shrugged, pursing his lips. “It didn’t occur to me to share the information.”
“Okay, well, the next time you know something that can save our lives or keep us from smelling like shit, would you mind passing along the bit of wisdom?” Monet requested, tossing the stick into the pit of bubbling mud.
“I cannot make any promises,” Gillian said, taking the lead and trudging off, his leather shoes pristine.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Azure still found it strange that they’d traveled a great distance into the Dark Forest and hadn’t met any other creatures. She’d expected that they’d have had to fight some sort of diabolical beast by now, but so far the forest had been silent. Several times she had heard something jumping through the trees overhead, but when she looked up there was only a faint glow of leaves and the rest was darkness.
“Is anyone else getting hungry?” Monet asked from beside Azure.
“Are you asking to take a Cheeto break?” she twitted him.
“Actually I was hoping that your gran packed some roast beef sandwiches for you to share. But sure, I’ll give you some cheese dust in exchange, if I must,” he offered.
“Always so kind. I’m shocked you had so much Sinner’s Muck stuck to the bottom of your boots,” she said.
“You wouldn’t be if you heard the things I say behind your back,” he told her.
“Up ahead there is an adequate place to take a break,” Gillian offered.
Monet caught Azure’s eyes. “Adequate, like it’s not a place where we’ll be eaten alive…maybe.”