by GG Shalton
“Tell me, are you enjoying yourself?”
“Your Grace, I am having a wonderful time. Thanks to you.”
He shook his head. “I take no credit. You deserve the life you have built for yourself.”
“I am grateful to you nonetheless. I wanted to apologize to you.”
He drew his brow in confusion. “Apologize?”
She nodded as she took a step closer. “Yes, for the way I accused you. You were nothing but kind to me and I treated you with contempt.”
“Joslyn, I …” His eyes met hers, his features softening.
“Maxwell?” A woman’s voice interrupted their conversation. Lady Marcella stepped around her, slipping her arm through Maxwell’s arm. She smiled looking between them. “I feel refreshed now. Shall we take our walk?”
He looked back at Joslyn. “If you will excuse us, Lady Joslyn?”
Joslyn nodded trying desperately not to appear bothered by his apparent attachment to the woman. Holding back a groan, she turned and walked away, practically running into Queen Krislyn.
“Oh my! You are in a hurry, Miss Rhodes.” She laughed teasingly.
Joslyn’s eyes widened. “Forgive me, Your Majesty.”
“Fret not, I just hope you are feeling well. You look a little pale?” She creased her forehead as she studied Joslyn’s face.
Itching to get away to gather her thoughts, she answered quickly. “I am well. Just heading to my bedchamber to freshen up.”
“Of course. I am trying to find Max, I thought he was out here.”
“I was just speaking to him. He left with a woman,” she spit out a little too sharply.
“Lady Marcella?”
“I believe that was her name, I didn’t hear her well.” Why did she lie to the queen? She couldn’t bring herself to say the woman’s name.
“I’m sure it was probably her. They spend most their time together nowadays.”
“Oh?” Joslyn question, not being able to help herself. There was a part of her that wanted to shake the queen to get the details out of her. Refraining from her anxiousness, she inquired, “Are they a couple?”
The queen hesitated before responding. “I believe so, although no official betrothal has been announced. Lady Marcella is my cousin‘s daughter. It would be an advantageous match. She came to visit me a few months ago and met Maxwell.”
The realization that this lady not only held the Duke of Norton’s heart, but was related to the queen, hit her heavy in her chest. How could she compete? Trying to not appear struck by the news, she gathered her senses and commented briefly. “A fortunate girl. I wish her all the happiness. Please excuse me for a moment.” She curtsied and quickly walked away.
Once she reached her room, she let the tears fall as soon as she closed the door. She laid across the bed and sobbed. Not understanding what these emotions meant, she brought her knees to her chest and rocked back in forth. She loved him. For the first time in her life, she could confess she loved someone. All this time, she blamed him for the tragedies in her life. Admittingly, he had righted every wrong he had done to her, going above what anyone else would have done. She was a fool and wished she could take back the words she said to him. It was too late, he had moved on and she must force herself to do the same. Her eyes grew heavy as she thought about the day on the island when he took her in the rowboat.
A knock on the door startled her from drifting off completely. She fumbled off the bed and tried to reach the door without falling over.
“Who it is?”
“It’s Reece. I was just making sure you are well?”
Joslyn cracked the door to see him standing there with a worried expression on his face. “I fell asleep. What time is it?”
“It’s late. You missed dinner.”
“I apologize,” she said, sweeping some hair out of her face.
He shuffled his feet, leaning a little closer to the door. “Do you want to visit the kitchen for some food?”
“I am not hungry.”
“I see.” His voice held disappointment.
Feeling guilty, she opened the door a little wider. “Would you like to meet me for breakfast tomorrow morning?”
“Of course. Are you sure you don’t want some company?”
“Thank you, but I just want to rest.” She took a step backward into the room, preparing to shut the door.
“Very well, I will see you in the morning.”
The next morning Joslyn entered the breakfast area and took a piece of fruit. She didn’t see Reece and decided to eat on the terrace by the gardens. She felt someone touch her arm as she walked onto the terrace, turning around she expected to see Reece but was surprised to see Maxwell’s smiling face.
“Your Grace.” She could not control her smile.
“Ah! The lovely Joslyn. Would you care for a walk?”
“I would love to.” He held out his arm for her and she took it, walking beside him on the path near the castle.
“Where is Lady Marcella?” She couldn’t help but to ask the obvious.
He shrugged. “Why do you ask?”
“No reason.” She tried to hide her discomfort. “She just seems to always be with you.”
“Hmm… Does she?” He flashed her a crooked smile.
“Do you come to the Napery often?”
“On occasion. I have many acquaintances here and they are our allies.” There was a brief pause as they walked in comfortable silence. After a moment, he changed the subject. “Is your family well?”
“Yes.” She was grateful for a new subject, she didn’t enjoy speaking of Marcella. “We have enjoyed Napery immensely.”
He patted her arm as a sign of affection. “I am happy for you and your family. I thought of your welfare frequently.”
They slowed their pace as Joslyn looked up at him. “I thought of yours as well.”
“Much has changed in the last year.”
She let go of his arm and turned to face him. “Your Grace, I don’t wish to complicate your life. It may not be appropriate for me to take this walk with you given your relationship with Marcella.”
“My relationship?” He questioned as he raised his brow. “Marcella is a special young woman. I am honored by her interest and I have pondered our friendship. The king and queen have given their blessing to our union,
yet I have not asked her to be my wife. I haven’t made my decision.”
“Why would you not ask her? She is very pretty.” Forcing herself to look up at him, she didn’t care if she sounded jealous. “Not to mention that her bloodlines are perfect to be a duchess, the dowry must be outrageous, and Burra would be even more aligned with Napery with the union. If I were you, I would marry her.”
He stared at her for a moment, seemingly surprised by her outburst. “Perhaps she would make you a good wife.” He winked playfully before becoming serious again. “Truthfully, I only considered this pursuit given my first choice was an impossibility.”
Her breath caught in her throat. “I don’t understand. Who was your first choice?”
He smiled, reached out and touched her face. “Let me show you.” He bent down softly touching her lips with his. Gently moving his mouth over hers, he slowly slipped his tongue into her mouth as she slid her arms around his neck, accepting his kiss with a soft moan. He held her tighter, lifting her slightly off the ground before breaking away slightly. Laying his forehead on top of hers, he rubbed his lips together. “Oh, Joslyn. It feels like a lifetime since the last time I kissed you. You still have the same effect on me.”
“Your kiss surprised me.” She caught her breath not moving from his embrace.
“Your response has surprised me. I must admit that I am unprepared.”
“As am I.” Her eyelashes swept her face as she tried to compose herself. “What does this mean?”
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He took a deep breath, taking a step back but not letting go of her hands. “What do you want it to mean, Joslyn?”
Not knowing how to answer, she swallowed hard and went with the truth. “I want it to mean you will kiss me again.”
He smiled and leaned down to kiss her on the mouth. “I want to see you later. But first, I have an outing planned with Marcella to go riding before lunch.”
Her eyes narrowed as she pulled her hands out of his grip. “I see.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, Your Grace. I will have to get back to you on seeing me later.”
His eyes met hers as he reached out and pulled her against his chest. “Joslyn, it’s not what you think. I plan to tell Marcella that we can only be friends. I will also let my king and queen know the same.”
“I don’t wish to cause anyone distress or problems.” She reached out and touched his face. “But seeing you again does please me.”
He kissed her forehead. “We must go. Breakfast is over, and the others will be looking for us soon.” They walked to the terrace and he brought her hand to his mouth for a final kiss. “Until tonight. I have dreamed of having you in my arms.”
Her heart sank as it became clear that his intentions were not the same as hers. He didn’t profess any love but only a desire for her. Many women would probably be grateful that such a powerful man wanted to be lovers. She thought about being his lover but knew she wouldn’t do it. It was a sin, and she wanted marriage in her future. Giving herself to a man for protection ended with Andre. She was not the same woman anymore.
Later that evening, she met Reece for dinner. He looked handsome in his new suit and always seemed so happy to see her. Pushing the guilty feelings aside, she gave him a smile and took his arm. “Thank you for escorting me.” His devotion was touching, but she would have to make her feelings clear soon. Although she didn’t encourage him, he was always waiting for her.
“My pleasure, my lady.”
They sat at the table and talked pleasantries with the others sitting near them. From the corner of her eye, she spotted the duke enter the great hall and speak to a few men she didn’t recognize. Marcella was notably absent, and Joslyn wondered what Maxwell had told her. Trying to remain focused on Reece, she forced conversation. “The dessert is delicious.”
“The honey is sticky but good.” He laughed as he showed her the honey on his hand.
Joslyn smiled back and felt a hand brush against her back, turning around, she was surprised to find Maxwell. “Oh, Your Grace. How are you?”
It was a bit awkward as he barely acknowledged the other guests, his eyes locked on hers. “I have a small matter I need to speak with you about, Miss Rhodes.” He finally broke his eyes away and looked at Reece. “If you would allow me to steal her for a bit.”
“Of course, Your Grace,” Reece stuttered, looking confused.
Joslyn stood and took his arm as he walked her through the gallery. She slowed her pace as she realized they were headed in a direction she did not recognize, and they were completely alone. “Where are we going?”
He smiled, pulling her into an alcove. “Somewhere we won’t be bothered.” He kissed her neck as he held her against the wall. “I could not stop thinking about our kiss this morning.”
“Your Grace…” She moaned at the delicious feel of his lips, unable to focus on her thoughts as he continued kissing her neck. “Please stop.”
He moved his mouth down her jawline before she was able to recover her thoughts and she pushed him away “I said to stop!”
“What’s wrong?”
“This is not what I want.” She tried not to cry as unshed tears burned the back of her eyes.
“I don’t understand?” He ran his fingers through his hair, clearly aggravated and frustrated. “Are you playing games with me?”
“No, it’s just that I thought…” She stuttered nervously.
“Thought what?” He said quickly before she could finish.
“I don’t know what I want!” she cried unable to meet his eyes.
“You don’t know?” He snorted. “Were you only pretending to want me earlier?”
She took a deep breath. “I am sorry, Maxwell.”
“Sorry? I know you have been through a lot, but that doesn’t give you the right to treat people any way you feel like it.” He started to walk away, and Joslyn placed her hand on his arm to try to stop him. He smacked her hand away. “Leave me.”
His tone shocked her as he left her alone in the alcove. Tears glistened in her eyes and she sunk to her knees. This is not how she imagined her night and felt sick to her stomach. Wiping her face, she hurried through the corridor hoping to make it to her room undiscovered, but Reece was waiting by her chamber door.
“There you are,” he said, relieved, his forehead wrinkling in concern when he noticed her tears. “What has happened?”
“I am well, just tired.” She rubbed her eyes for good measure. “I must have rubbed my eyes too hard.”
He shifted his feet, trying to make eye contact, but she continued to look away from him, so he wouldn’t see her sadness. “Were you waiting for me?”
“I was not aware you were acquainted with the Duke of Norton.”
His question hung in the air, and she found it difficult to answer. She shrugged trying to appear indifferent. “We are barely acquainted.”
“Lady Joslyn, I am not dense. Everyone at our table was talking about him coming to retrieve you. I beg you to tell me the truth.”
Contemplating her answer for a moment, she finally responded, “The truth is that we met at a royal wedding in Mallard. We have seen each other a few times since.”
“Do you love him?”
She gasped, shocked by his question. “Love?”
“I saw the way you looked at him. I had hoped that he was so involved with Lady Marcella he would not notice. It’s no secret the way I feel about you, and I was hoping for something more in our relationship.”
Guilty feelings consumed her, tears filling her eyes. “Reece, you are a loyal friend who I cherish. You deserve better than me. There is much about me you do not know.”
“I feel like a fool. I don’t believe you could tell me anything that would change my feelings for you.”
“Please don’t say that.” She held back a sob. “I am the fool. I wanted something from the duke that he can never give me.”
“Though it will be hard for me to hear, do you want to talk about it?”
She shook her head. “I just want to be alone.”
He tilted his head. “The Duke of Norton is a fool if he does not see what I do.”
“Thank you, Reece. I will try to find you in the morning.”
He nodded, taking her hand to kiss it before walking away.
Joslyn shut the door and leaned against it, unable to walk farther into the room. Why couldn’t she love Reece? Her life would be so much easier.
A knock interrupted her woolgathering, and she backed away from the door, thinking it was Reece again. She opened it and took a step back, surprised by her visitor—Maxwell filled the doorway.
“Are you crying?” His voice showed concerned as he reached out to touch her face, but she stepped away out of his reach.
“How did you find me?”
“It wasn’t hard.” He walked past her into her bed chamber.
“You can’t come in here! What will people say if they see you?”
“Then you better shut the door, so they don’t see.”
She shut the door, glaring at him. “What do you want?”
Crossing his arms, he assessed her before speaking. “Why did you kiss me back?”
She turned away from him and walked to the mantle. Unable to stay still while his stern gaze followed her, she paced the room. “I apologize for my behavi
or. For a moment, I allowed my jealousy of Marcella to obscure my judgment.”
“Why are you jealous? I told you how I felt about you.”
She stopped pacing and looked at him. “No, you didn’t. You kissed me and made me believe that you felt for me the same as I feel for you.”
“How do you feel about me?”
Looking down at her hands she spoke softly. “You are not like any man I have ever known.”
“Joslyn. I.. ” He whispered.
“Please let me finish.” Her face reddened, feeling exposed to him. Finding her strength, she left the comfort of her private thoughts and told him the truth. “It almost frightens me the way I feel when you touch me. I tried to push the feelings aside, but I can’t. I tried to despise you.”
“Why?” His voice sounded hurt.
Searching his face with her eyes, she shrugged. “I have denied these feelings for so long. I suspect even my family knows the truth.” She met his gaze as a smile slid across her face. “You make me laugh when no one else can. Even in the darkest moments of my life, I have found solace because of you.”
“And now?”
She lowered her head, breaking her stare. “Truthfully, my heart flutters whenever I see you. I dream of us being together. I fear I have fallen in love with you.”
His hand touched her chin, moving her gaze up so he could see her. “You are exquisite. Not just your beauty, but the lady you have become. I have wanted to be with you since our day in Locket. But I didn’t want to frighten you or push too hard.”
He bent down and gently touched her lips with his. “Lady Joslyn, I want to spend my life making you happy.”
“I believe that you do. But I want what you can’t give me.” She pulled away from him, feeling the loss as soon as she stepped back. “I promised myself that I would never live that way again. No matter how much I desire to be with you. I may be only a blacksmith’s daughter, raised in poverty, but I don’t want to live in sin.”
She turned around and walked toward the window. Looking outside into darkness, she could only see lights of the bonfires through the fields.
“Lady Joslyn?” She turned around, Maxwell was on his knees, holding out his hand to her. “Please come here.”