I decide that statement makes me the angriest, though when I look to his eyes, Eden looks sad for me. Worried.
"I still don’t fucking get it, Eden," I say. For your information, I would not have done that. I can’t say there wasn’t an attraction going on." When I say it, Saul’s fist lets go as his palm wraps around my hip protectively. Eden's eyes slide down to look at it, and he swallows an obvious lump in his throat. "But I never would have done that. I am in control here, whether or not he’s using some kind of power on me, which I don’t think he is. Not consciously anyway."
"Can we please talk about this in private." The truth is out, and I can tell he is trying hard not to say something bad about Saul again.
"As soon as I give Saul a proper goodbye." I do not know why I say it, but Eden walks away, going to wait at the top of the stairs for me, his head in his hands.
Curiosity strikes again. I turn to Saul and immediately I am struck by his closeness, his breath coming jagged, as he looks down at me. I cannot tell if he’s nervous what I think of him now, or if it’s this raw attraction we have.
"So, an incubus, huh? Interesting to know you are real," I say.
He grins, a relief making him let go of the tension in his shoulders. "Yeah, and just so you know, you’re influencing me too. Just be careful with Eden, okay. I will see you around. Don't worry." He leans down and sucks at my bottom lip, making it feel full and achy, a lot like the rest of my body, before walking away.
I watch to make sure the boys do not fight, on his way down, but Saul doesn’t even acknowledge Eden’s presence.
When he is gone, Eden gets up and walks over to me, leading me backward toward my door. "Can we please talk in here?" he asks, darting his eyes around. I am sure I know what he’s worried about, but it doesn’t mean I can’t get a little jab in.
"Ah, so you just wanted to get rid of Saul so you could be the one to scandalize me."
"C'mon, Ember." he rolls his eyes.
I open my door and gesture for him to go in first with a sigh.
I shut it and stand at the door, trying to protect myself. Deep down I know where this could go. I know Eden is not the kind of guy to allow myself to fall for, though I could fall the hardest right into his waiting and in safe arms. No matter how much he thinks he wants me, he wants acceptance more. And I do not offer that. I would rip that away.
His hand slides over my bed before he sits on it, an odd site as he tucks his wings behind him.
"Fuck, Ember, I don’t know what you want me to say. I thought you needed to be protected. Incubuses, they’re dangerous to be around. You could lose your head and be perfectly happy about it. I was sure he was bringing you up here to..."
"Fuck me?" I ask, not wanting to tip-toe around anything. "I don’t sugar coat things, Eden. You shouldn’t either."
He’s not amused, those hands going through his hair again, and I catch myself biting the same lip that Saul sucked into his mouth, trying not to move any closer.
"Ember, god, I can’t stand the idea. I do not know what the hell is wrong with me, but I'll have to get myself together. I just saw it and knew I had to stop it. I had to protect you."
Now, I must move, landing next to him on the bed without thinking. "I'm trying to understand, Eden, but I just can’t. I don’t know how to wrap my brain around what you’re saying after what I know of you."
He lets out a wry laugh. "You know nothing of me. Nobody does. That is the way my family likes it. And it is because of them I can’t answer you; can’t confirm your suspicions. It’s not good for either of us, no matter what, I couldn’t control my reaction tonight. It would be better for us both if you didn’t get yourself in so much damn danger."
"You and I both know that’s bullshit. I have no control over the way others treat me, and there was no danger tonight. And thanks for making sure I knew the truth, just in case." I can’t look at him when I thank him. It would be too much, and we'd both do something stupid we'd regret for the rest of our time here.
So, I just get up, see him out and somehow, I don’t asking him to stay.
I hear a faint growl and throw myself at the balcony to see where it came from. Two floors down, a familiar bestial form is slinking away.
I turn down the stairs, taking them two at a time, wondering how many guys I’m going to run into tonight almost comically, as I catch Jak at the end of the hall, now in human form.
"Jak, stop!" I swear, my body just does whatever it wants now. No brain required.
He turns around and gives me an awkward half-wave. "Sorry, shouldn’t have been eavesdropping, you know what they say about not liking what you hear."
I blink at the familiar start to the conversation. I should feel good that all these guys suddenly give a shit after years of being an outcast. Really, I'm beginning to wonder if there’s some kind of chocolate or steak hidden behind my ears drawing them in. It’s more overwhelming than anyone, who would wish for this kind of problem, could ever imagine.
"What dd you hear?"
"Two supernaturals fighting over you. I mean, I knew you were hot, but damn, an incubus and a harpy?"
Wait did he just call me hot? "A harpy does not want me."
"Ha!" he scoffs, his laughter more like a wolf’s than a human's. "I may not like people, but I can read them, sniff them out." He taps his nose, nothing comical about it this time. "He’s got it bad."
I blush despite myself.
“It’s getting really exhausting, this back and forth between assholes. Do they like me, do they eat me? They won’t leave me alone. They want to save me.”
He comes up to me and presses his finger firmly against my lips to shut me up, and I’m a bit dazzled with how perfect his skin is, even up close like this. No blemish, no freckle, nothing. His glasses, as they sag off his nose, are placed purposefully, and seem to be normal glass. He doesn’t even need them.
I feel an instant connection, remembering what held said about being a freak too. I hated how he handled it, but it doesn’t mean I don’t understand.
“Just let me get this out. It feels so stupid because I hate people. I hated them before I came here, but it didn’t save me from being bitten.” His eyes flash as if he’s thinking of something that hurts him or makes him angry. “But what I saw, it made me jealous, and I hate it. I don’t know what it is about you. Maybe because you accepted everything so easily. You aren’t afraid. Not even of the assholes who try to tear you down.”
His finger is still on my lips, no signs of moving, and his strength is so much more than Saul’s or even Eden’s. It’s like he weighs a ton. I couldn’t move him if I wanted to.
Suddenly, he removes his finger and places his lips there instead.
He pulls back, looking at me like he’s waiting for me to scream or run. Or maybe he’s waiting for him to be the one to run. When he tries it again, he slams me into a wall, so loud I’m sure whoever might be staying in the rooms on the other side would hear it and think something awful was happening. Assuming they’re even in there.
I know outside, the party still rages. It’s the only reason I’m allowed to be in peace. Otherwise, Layla and Holly would surely be here, hell-bent on making my night as miserable as my day.
Our kisses are rough, hard, different from any kiss I’ve ever had. Saul and two boys at spin the bottle, one of which who gave me mono, are little to compare this to.
“Come to my room,” I whisper when I get a breath, my brain foggy.
He takes my hand without hesitation and drags me back up the stairs and into my room. It’s dark in here, and I kick my shoes off at the door, him doing the same and then the jean jacket.
We climb into bed as I unbutton his shirt, going on instinct only, me flinging his glasses across the room on top of his shirt with one furrow of his brow. “I know you don’t need them,” I whisper, crawling on top of him as he props his back up against my headboards. A knee on either side of him, I sit on his hips and kiss him, barely knowing how we are ge
tting enough oxygen like this.
Out of all the guys I’ve met thus far, I never thought Jak would end up being the one in my bed, but I kind of like it. I like how bold he is. How easy he is.
How NORMAL it is.
Yeah, I know, fur and fangs are hardly normal, but it’s close. A warm heartbeat greeting mine as I press against him. It’s familiar, and I can pretend for a moment I’m just some regular college kid with my first fling. An average college boy. And I can even accept his growls as purrs of pleasure, as he kisses up and down my neck. My nails are digging into his shoulders as I reach a new high for me.
Oh, the things I’ve been missing out on. I won’t be like my mother, searching for status, money, and sex, but I kind of get it now. The craving. The want. The need to have a man underneath. But would I ever get bored of him? Would he even give me the chance to?
My breath comes in jags as he strips my top down to my black bra, kissing down my collarbone to the tops of my breasts. My skin has become hypersensitive, and I want more. Just more. Nothing specific. I get how humans can become so animalistic when it comes to sex.
“Fuck, I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anyone so much,” I admit, my lack of filter betraying me as always. But it doesn’t chase him away, just makes him chuckle.
“Makes me feel a little better about that fight between Saul ad Eden earlier.” His eyes are dark as he looks up at me and grins, something possessive there. Then, I feel his hands move down, trailing my stomach. I gasp but don’t stop him because I want to live in the moment in a way I never could before, and I want to do that with Jak right here, no matter what happens tomorrow.
Chapter Thirteen
"Sound of heartbeats, breathing’s drawn
Tasting your temptation
My dark embraces revelation."
~ Nosferatu
For over a week, Jak and have been seeing each other in some form or fashion. A smile and nod in the hall, brush of our hands in the lunch line, nights in my room getting so close but then stopping because neither of us wants to move too fast and have regrets.
I've seen him open up in a way never would have thought, learning so much about his life before he was a Lycan, and I can kind of see were he’s coming from with his fake glasses and antisocial behavior. Like me, he also had a single mother most of his life, up until after he was turned. That’s when his mother found someone to settle down with and share the craziness of her life with. But it often left Jak in the dust.
I don’t know why we aren’t really together in public. It has been discussed, and I'm still earning his trust which he doesn’t give out much. I don’t want to ruin what we have by demanding anything or asking an awkward question. Not everything is black and white in romance anymore, and I don’t want to be 'that' girl.
Today, as I enter the cafeteria, I wear some jeans for the first time in a while, but they have severed purposeful holes in them and frays and are skintight. They accentuate everything, and I’m not disappointed when I catch Jak looking over from his table where he already has his breakfast, his eyes roaming up and down before giving me a wink.
A tingle runs through my body as I get in line to grab breakfast, always thinking of him, though I should know better. Of all people, I should know it’s the moment you let your guard down when the worst things happen.
"Hey, Hellspawn." I don’t have to turn around and check to know the voice means me. Hellspawn, traitor's daughter, daughter of the underworld...the names don’t get much more creative than that. They never care to use Ember, even if they share classes with me and know exactly who I am.
"I'm just in line to get food. Please, leave me alone. I don’t want any trouble," I say calmly, trying to stop something before it starts. I can almost feel his energy, the one whose voice spoke to me, raging behind me and ready to strike.
Layla snakes up next to me on one side, Holly on the other.
It’s all of them, and this is about to get nasty.
Holly touches my hair, causing icicles to hang off the ends of the strands, making my head feel heavy. I'll have a shit ton of split ends once these fall off too because that’s likely the only way to get rid of them. Still, I ignore her and move up in the line, getting close to where I can get a tray. Surely, they'll leave me alone by then once they see I’m not going to play into their hands.
But then I’m startled by the appearance of Deidre, my ghost best friend, and her mouth his open in shock and horror. All around her appear several other ghosts, though these have evil sneers, some rotting flesh, others a gaping hole in their chests.
They look nothing like the ghosts I’m used to and everything like the ones I’d always feared I would run into.
"Ember, help," Deidre squeaks out as two of them wrap hands around her throat. I don’t know if a ghost can be harmed, but I don’t think I want to take my chances.
I push my way out, taking Layla with me. "What the hell are you doing to me?" I grit out as threateningly as I can make myself sound.
"Me?" She tries to sound innocent but her and I both know better than that. "I'm not doing anything. Holly and the boy behind her, I think his name is Hugh, snickers at Layla's response.
The nasty ghosts let go of Deidre's throat, and she grabs it in relief, her other hand pointing behind me. I whip around to find a boy I haven’t met, a toothy grin on his face, his palms up and out. "You know, you're not the only one with friends on the other side. And mine, well, they aren’t as powerless as your everyday friendly ghost."
"What’s wrong with you?" I ask him.
He blinks as if I should know the answer, looking at me with confusion. "You, of course. My father was hurt by what Hades did, and yet you’re allowed here? I don’t care who or what you know, you don’t belong here."
I’ve been so busy watching and listing to this guy, I didn’t see why the ghosts stopped with Deidre. Now I know, as they pass her to crowd me out, licking their lips as if I look like dinner for a starving predator.
"And see, when you're back at home in your miserable human life, you won’t forget that it was me, Hugh, son of Orcus, who defeated the blood of Hades because I can control even the dead."
I look around me in horror, screaming, and getting the attention of most of the cafeteria, though I know I'm the only one who can see these ghastly creatures, more zombie than human, crowding me. It’s like they’ve doubled and they’re choking off my oxygen supply as they squeeze tightly around me. I can’t see anything other than his awful face as he smiles at how his undead minions are torturing me, scaring me.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so afraid of death in my life, because what if they do their job and then I become one of them? What’s the difference between them, and Deidre, and will she be safe? Will anyone?
This can’t happen. It can’t. No one can let this go on at this school. I get no one likes me, not even the teachers, but there are still standards and rules.
I couldn’t possibly see Hera being okay with this kind of behavior, and yet no one is coming to my aid.
My mind reaches out to Jak, wondering if he sees this if he would save me, but what could he do? He’s just a wolf. I’m sure these creatures could hurt him too; or Holly could freeze him, give him hypothermia. He’s still like a human. Harder to kill than before, but Lycans can still die.
And Saul, he doesn’t have lunch with me, he wouldn’t even know.
Eden will never save me, not from them, not in public. He'll let me die to save his image. It's what he was trying to tell me, that no feelings e could ever have for me would trump his self-preservation.
It’s up to me.
"Stop!" I screech, fear, and the dead snuffing out any chance at raising my flame, but like Hugh said, we both know the dead.
I don’t have as many as he does, but they come from nowhere and everywhere, tugging at the rotting skin of Hugh's puppets. Trying to get them out of whatever spell he has them under. Two or three of them even turn and walk away, their bodies healing to look
normal, but there are still just too many. Then, he relieves the pressure, they disperse. I don’t take it for a sign this is over, though.
It'll never be over.
I blink a few times, the cafeteria coming back into focus. I see some have fled the room, unsure what we are doing, others watching with bated breath to see who will win the fight and a couple others who looked worried about me, or just in general. Jak is one of them, seeming torn, that anger I know of his flashing in his eyes.
I shake my head slightly at him. I don’t want him involved. He doesn’t need to compromise anything for me. It’s my burden to bear, even if I didn’t ask for it.
"My turn," Layla declares with a giddy grin, playfully pushing Hugh out of the way. The way she looks at him and vice versa tells me all I need to know about how he became a part of this.
She couldn’t get what she wanted by Saul and maybe not even Eden. He may never stop something like this, but he also doesn’t participate in too directly, and she wanted someone who would. Someone hot and powerful, and Hugh must be that for her. Though I don’t see the attraction. His buzz cut and clothes scream 70s punk in the worst way, and I don’t think he wants anything out of her other than all she’s worth.
Which I doubt is much.
She'll be spat out an empty shell after he’s done. I’ve seen guys do this from the background to the pretty and popular girls over the years, choosing a new queen bee. When he’s done she’ll lose it over someone she thought was in love with her.
I promise myself no matter what happens with Jak or Saul or Eden (i.e.: nothing) it won’t be me.
I look Layla right in the eyes, knowing she hates me because she thinks I’m somehow better than her and needs to prove otherwise. It’s all the same with her type. And whatever she does, it can’t be worse than what Hugh did, right?
Wrong.
One moment I’m fine, and then her smile twists, and I can feel her...in my HEAD.
Invasive, uninvited, she digs for things, pulls up memories, though vague. Even as I fight her, she gets what she wants, and with a snap of her fingers, tears I ever wanted to shed spring from my eyes like I’m a salt fountain.
Bane of Hades (Guardian Academy Book 1) Page 7