by Cole, Jagger
His room is dark too. I push the door on his side open a bit and peek in. Through the darkness and the little light flooding in from my room, I can see him lying in bed. His eyes are closed, and he’s shirtless. His muscled, tattooed shoulders and chest rise slowly as he sleeps.
I step inside and push the door shut behind me. I take one step and then another towards him across the carpet. My pulse races, and an aching desire throbs between my legs.
I know what I want. And I want what I want.
I pull back the covers, and I slip under them, next to him. When my body presses to his, Nikolai growls and bolts awake. His hand juts for the gun lying on the bedside table. But I stop him with a finger to his lips.
“It’s just me—”
“What the fuck are you—”
My mouth crushes to his. I moan softly against his lips. I turn my body, sinking into him as I cup his face and kiss him slowly and deeply. And suddenly, Nikolai seems to come alive. He growls lowly, his big hands gripping me tightly. He groans into my mouth, kissing me back and letting his tongue dance with mine.
Heat throbs inside of me. A wild lust I’ve never known pulses in my veins. I whimper and kiss him harder. Emboldened, I push him back and slide on top of him. When I slink over to sit astride his hips, I gasp when I feel that he’s naked too. Naked, and very, very hard.
I tremble when I push my hips back and feel his swollen cock surge against my ass.
“Damnit, Belle…”
“I want this,” I groan.
In the dull light coming in from my room, I see his brow furrow. “You don’t—”
“Don’t tell me what I do and don’t want,” I snap quietly. “People have been telling me that my whole fucking life.”
I swallow, summoning all the courage I have as I look down into his eyes. I’ve been in magazines wearing lingerie and bikinis. I’ve been up on the big screen doing a strip tease in a schoolgirl outfit. But I’ve never felt as sexy or desired as when Nikolai looks up into my eyes and growls with need.
“Do you want me?” I whisper.
His jaw clenches furiously. “Belle…”
“Do. You. Want. M—”
“You know I do.”
I gasp as Niko’s mouth slams into mine. His powerful, strong hands grip me, and I whimper as he flips me onto my back and pins me to the bed.
“You know I fucking want you,” he groans.
“Then take me,” I gasp. “Because I’m all yours.”
His eyes hold mine. They burn hotly in the darkness as the words hang in the air. And then suddenly, with a growl, his mouth crushes against mine again.
I moan as he scoops my small soft body against his huge, muscled one. I feel his cock throb between my legs, and I tremble when I feel the sheer size of him. I’m nervous. But the raw lust pulsing through my core overtakes it. The need for him to take me, and make me feel what I want, how I want it, wins.
My legs spread around his muscled hips. Niko’s mouth slips from my lips, down my jawline to my neck. I moan, throwing my head back as he starts to suck and lick his way down my body. He kisses and nibbles and bites every single inch of my skin. It’s like his mouth and hands are everywhere as he moves lower.
My back arches as his mouth finds one nipple and then another. When his hand slips between my legs, I eagerly moan. He rubs my clit as his tongue teases down my tummy and then over the crease of my hip.
He drags his tongue over my pussy, like he did before in my room. Just like that time, my whole body convulses and surges for him. My hips rock against his mouth, wantonly. My back arches from the bed as I cry out in pleasure.
Niko’s tongue swirls around my clit. He sucks it between his lips, making me squeal for him. I moan into the back of my hand. I see stars, and I’m feeling things I’ve never ever felt before.
The heat in the room rises. He takes me right to the edge, and it feels like I’m about to explode.
But then he stops. I whine in protest. But when he slowly drags his tongue over my clit again, I shudder and gasp.
“What… what are you…”
“Making you ache for me,” he growls into my thigh. “Making you whimper, and tremble, and beg for me.”
“Please!”
I moan as he moves between my legs. I spread them for him, and I gasp when I feel the swollen, thick head of his cock press against my dripping wet lips.
“I don’t want to just fuck you, princess,” he growls into my ear. “I want to make you mine.”
Just as he says it, he pushes with his hips. I cry out as I feel him start to slip into me. I bury my face in his neck, and I sink my teeth into his shoulder. But it doesn’t seem to faze him. It doesn’t make him flinch or stop him at all as he starts to sink his cock into me.
I’m so wet, and so ready for him. But just the same, I feel a moment of sharpness. Niko growls and rocks his hips though. Suddenly, he pushes in even deeper, and the feeling is gone. Suddenly, all I can feel is pure pleasure.
“Oh fuck,” I gasp into his neck. I cling to him eagerly. My hips raise, and my legs tighten around him to try and draw him deeper. He eagerly obliges. His hips rock, and I moan when his thickness pushes deeper and deeper.
He’s so big. I know I have nothing to compare him to. But it feels deliciously enormous as he sinks into me. More and more fills me, until suddenly, when I think there’s no way I can fit more, he pushes the rest in.
“Niko!” I cry out into his shoulder. His big hands hold me, and his mouth kisses and nips at my neck. He kisses up my jaw until he hungrily finds my mouth. I moan into his lips and hold him tightly as I feel my body get used to the size of him stretching me.
Then, he starts to move, and I finally understand why people are so obsessed with sex. Because holy fuck does he feel good.
Niko growls into my lips as he slides out of me. I can feel my pussy trying to pull him back, and he obliges. His muscles clench as he pushes in, burying his huge cock in my eager pussy as I kiss him.
Our bodies grind together. Skin rubs hotly and slickly against skin. My nipples are aching and tingling as they drag over the inked muscles of his chest. His huge, powerful hands grip me, grabbing my hip and my ass as he starts to pound and thrust into me.
Wet sounds fill the room as his huge cock plunges deep. I grab his hips, feeling like I’m in some sort of sexual trance as I urge him on and pull him into me. My ankles lock behind his muscled back, and his mouth bruises to mine.
Niko starts to move faster. The pleasure only grows wilder and hotter. I feel my body start to tremble and shake. I feel myself clenching at him, my walls desperately milking him as I start to lose control. His hand grip me, fingers digging into my skin hard enough to bruise. And yet it only gets me wetter. It only makes me want him to have me every which way he wants.
He starts to pound into me, kissing me as his thick cock plunges deep. I cry out into his mouth, begging for more with my moans and my body as he claims me over and over.
“Niko!” I whimper. “I—oh God please…”
“Come,” he growls against my lips. “Let me feel you come, princess. Let me feel your hot little pussy come for my big cock. Be a good girl, Belle…”
My eyes roll back in pleasure. My body begins to clench so tight.
“Be a good girl and fucking come for me.”
Nikolai sinks his cock deep inside of me. My clit grinds into the base of him, and I lose control. My arms and legs wrap tight around him, clinging onto his huge body for dear life. And then suddenly, everything is exploding inside of me.
I scream into his mouth as I start to come. Wave after wave of pleasure crashes over me. I claw at him, desperate to keep feeling this feeling I’ve never felt before. Niko’s muscles clench. His hands grip me tight enough to take my breath away. His eyes burn into mine, and he kisses me as I feel him groan deeply.
“Belle…”
His thick cock sinks so deep inside, and I feel him surge and throb. His hot cum spills deep into me, and sud
denly I’m coming again.
I’m trembling. I can barely see straight or think. My entire body is tingling, from head to toes. Slowly, gasping for air, I open my eyes. I slowly focus on his, burning into mine.
“Niko…”
“Mine,” he groans. His mouth lowers to mine, his lips brushing mine. “You’re mine, Belle…” he growls.
My mouth presses softly to his. It stays there. I stay there, wrapped in his arms, and the need for him grows again. He growls as he starts to rock in me—and he’s still so hard.
“You didn’t think we were done, did you?” He groans as his mouth finds mine again.
This is crazy. I might be crazy. But if this is nuts, I don’t want sanity every again.
10
Nikolai
Helmand Province, Afghanistan, Seven Years Ago:
“My condolences, Sergeant.”
I nod grimly. I’m not unprepared for this day. I knew it would come. But I also knew I’d always hate it. At least I got to see him again when I was home before my deployment. At least I have that.
“Thank you, sir.”
“You’re on leave for the next twenty-four hours. Stay on base but consider your rotation on pause.”
I frown. “That’s not necessary, sir—”
“Just protocol, son.”
“Thank you, sir.”
The base commander’s jaw tightens. “I’m told the deceased was a Marine?”
“He was, sir. Gunnery Sergeant.”
“Base flags will be at half-mast for the next forty-eight.”
I look down. “He’d have appreciated that, sir.”
“Oh, and this came for you, from the deceased.” He hands me a small brown package. When I take it, he salutes me stiffly. “My condolences again, soldier.”
I salute back. “Thank you, sir.”
Back in the barracks, I sink onto the edge of my bunk. I pull the package open and smile when I see the handwritten note from Mr. Palmer.
Hey kid.
This is yours. It belonged to your mother, who asked me to hang on to it for her and give it to you when the time was right. It’s to my shame that I kept putting that off.
Full disclosure, I know what the contents are (your mom asked me to read it all when she was gone). What’s in this box is going to hurt, kid. That’s why I never wanted to give it to you, because you’ve had enough hurt already in this life. What’s inside this box is going to make you angry. What you do with that anger is up to you, though.
I’m sorry we didn’t get more of it, but the time I had with you was the time of my life, kid. Watching you grow from a scrappy kid to one hell of a man has been one of the greatest honors of my life. I’m proud of you. Your mother was so proud of you. And I hope you’re proud of yourself.
When you read what’s in this box, use what it’ll make you feel. Remember how I trained you. Remember that sometimes, the fight comes to you whether you’re looking for it or not. Your training will make you ready for it. Channel the anger, Niko. Turn your rage into a sword.
If you’re getting this, I’m gone, of course. But I’m watching you, so keep your nose clean. Oh, and I’m going to look for Ali when I get up there. And when I find him, I’m going to warn his ass that you’re coming for him. You’re ready, Niko.
All the best,
Mr. P.
Mr. Palmer once warned me not to “get weepy.” He warned me they’d chew my ass up in basic if I showed up all teary-eyed. That’s the one bit of training of his I decide to forget. I cry like a little bitch. When I’m done though, I open the box.
That’s when my sadness turns to anger. Then anger turns to rage that burns so bad it feels like I’m going to explode.
The box contains a police report, from Moscow. It describes a sexual assault that took place in a bar bathroom, where a woman was beaten and forced.
The victim was Masha Antonov… my mother.
There’s other documents in there, too. Her “leave of absence” for “medical reasons” from med school. Her visa to the US. Her application for asylum. My birth certificate. I don’t need to be a genius to do the math on the dates on that one and from the police report and connect the dots.
When I do, I throw up. I puke until I’m just spitting stomach acid and hatred for the man responsible for my conception.
There’s a single last name, no first, in the police report: Kuznetsov. But later in the report, there’s a circle in a different color ink, and a note in a different handwriting: drug politsii.
Friend of the police.
My eyes squeeze shut. My rage goes nuclear inside of me, and I start to roar. I’m still yelling when my squad comes in, looking at me like I’ve lost it. I’m still roaring when the MPs come to drag me to the psych ward for assessment.
But then I remember Mr. Palmer’s last lesson: to turn my rage into a sword. And that’s exactly what I do.
Present:
“What does this one mean?”
I have no idea what time it is. I also left “tired” behind a long, long time ago. I don’t know that word anymore, lying here next to her.
I’ve taken her four times. I’ve tasted her sweetness on my tongue another three times on top of that. At one point, after the second time, Belle jokingly murmured that she had some “catching up to do.”
I’ve made it my mission to do just that.
Last time I glanced at my phone it was one in the morning. But that was God knows how long ago at this point. Now, she’s lying in my arms, tracing a fingertip over a tattoo on my chest.
“Nothing.”
She smirks and looks up at me. “You just picked any old thing off the tattoo parlor wall, huh?”
I grin back. “Yep.”
Belle rolls her eyes. “I’ve seen Eastern Promises, you know. I know it’s Russian mafia.”
I arch one of my brows at her. She’s sharp. And also, I just don’t feel like lying to this girl. About anything, actually. I know she’s an actress. I know it’s literally her job to persuade and charm people—to convince them to trust her and like her. But I know that’s not what this is.
“Da,” I growl. “It is.”
She looks up at me sharply. “Do you actually speak Russian?”
“Da, no ya ne praktikovalsya v etom.”
Belle blinks at me. I chuckle. “Yes, but I’m out of practice.”
“Even working with the Russian mob, huh?” She nudges.
I shrug. “This is the US.”
“So you just picked it up here and there?”
I frown. I don’t talk about my mother very much. But fuck it.
“My mom, actually. I was born here, but she came here from Moscow.”
“And your dad?”
My mouth thins. Hers twists as she winces.
“Shit, I’m sorry, that’s none of my—”
“My father was a rapist.”
The room grows quiet. Belle’s silent and still, and I close my eyes. Fuck, why the hell did I even mention that. But then I feel her fingers sliding into and entwining with mine.
“We don’t get to pick our parents,” she says quietly.
I nod.
“You’ve read about mine, I assume?”
I shrug. “No, I mean…” I glance down to see her smirking at me. “I might have googled you earlier.”
Belle smiles wryly. “I loved my mom, and I miss her every day. But there’s a very good chance my dad was a pimp or a John or something.”
“Can’t pick ‘em,” I grunt.
“Nope.” She frowns. “I’m really sorry, though.”
“Don’t be.” My brow furrows. I almost decide to gloss over it. But, again, it’s like I’m incapable of keeping anything from her. It’s like I don’t want to keep anything from her.
“I killed him.”
Her eyes snap up to mine. “What?”
“I’m…” I look down. “I’m not a good man, Belle.”
“Yes you—”
“You don’t know m
e,” I growl quietly. “I don’t know if I’m a ‘bad’ man, but I’m not good.”
“Niko—”
“I shot my own father, Belle. In premeditated cold blood. I concealed who I was. I lied to get close to him, just so I could pay him back for what he did to her.”
“Your mother.”
I nod. “She was beautiful. She was going to be a doctor, in Russia, and she was paying her school loans by waitressing at this nightclub. My father was an evil son of a bitch,” I growl quietly. “I mean a truly evil man. He attacked her, beat her, and assaulted her in a bathroom. He took away her dreams, her smile, all of it. After that, when she found out she was pregnant, she left everything and came to the US. He took everything from her.”
Belle’s eyes brim with tears, but she turns to brush them away on the pillowcase. She turns back and slips closer to me. He lips press to my shoulder, and then my chest. The she half climbs onto me and kisses my cheek tenderly.
I smile. “What was that—”
“He didn’t take everything. He gave her you.”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, well, then I grew up to become a killer. Not exactly out there curing cancer or inventing clean energy or something.”
She smiles. “You’re not a killer, Niko.”
“Belle—”
“You killed one man. And a man I don’t think a single person would fault you for killing.”
My chest tightens. One man. It’s more like… I truly don’t know. Easily two dozen in the Marines. I told myself to stop counting at thirty in the Bratva so that I could sleep at night.
Suddenly, my need to be transparent and totally open with her clouds. My jaw tightens. She doesn’t need that much of me. She doesn’t need to know that darkness. I frown. Or maybe I just don’t want to see that smile leave her face and that light go out of her eyes when she learns what a monster I really am.
Belle frowns and nods past me. “Your phone.”
I turn and glance at it. It’s Lev calling, but I ignore it. He’s just being Lev, calling to check in with me. But what fucking time is it? Not the time where I’m answering the damn phone, even if it’s my boss-slash-big brother, that’s for sure. I’ll call him later.