‘What about the mental health assessment?’
‘I’ve spoken to someone today, she took some notes, and I’ll be seeing her again tomorrow.’
‘But you aren’t really guilty. You were provoked as a result of being bullied. It’s not surprising you reacted the way you did.’
‘I should never have sought retribution after all these years. It happened when I was at school for goodness sake. I should have let the past stay where it was.’
‘But you tried to commit suicide, do you still feel the same way?’
‘I’m not sure, I don’t think I feel like I did the other night, but I’m not sure whether it’s worth living any longer.’
‘Don’t say that. I don’t want to lose you, we can get through this together.’
‘Perhaps if I’d had the courage to discuss it with you, then I would have seen sense.’
Tom didn’t know what to reply. She had touched on the subject which was troubling him most. Why didn’t she bare her soul and share her agonies with him? He would never understand that, and it cut him to the core.
‘I think that because I recognised Gina it sort of catapulted me back into my adolescent years, and I was unable to think rationally. I began to relive all the incidents, not just at school but in my home life. It was a sort of perfect storm, and I started to have flashbacks.’
‘You had a breakdown, I wish I’d been more observant.’
‘Well, I suppose I was functioning, and my interest in Gina sort of gave me a reason for living. It’s warped, I know.’
‘Don’t say warped, you aren’t well.’
‘It’s amazing how my resentment about her behaviour had stayed with me all those years. Then, when I saw the article in the local paper about her sitting on the parliamentary committee, I began to compare my humble life with hers. I think from that moment, I sort of spiralled down into a strange world.’
Tom felt out of his depth as he was incapable of analysing all Trish’s thought processes.
‘Perhaps we shouldn’t keep going over the past. We need to stay positive. When you get out of here, we can get you better. I’m going to help you.’
Trish drank some of her tea. ‘I don’t mind if you want to get rid of me, have a clean break. After all, I’m completely screwed up.’ She looked at her hands and began to pick at the skin on her arm.
‘Don’t do that, love,’ said Tom, placing his hand over hers.
‘Sorry.’
‘Well, I want to be with you. What’s happened doesn’t change the way I feel about you. You shouldn’t feel you have to shoulder all the blame yourself. And what’s more, I won’t let you.’
Trish smiled and squeezed Tom’s hand. Tears began to run down her cheeks and on to her top.
‘Here,’ said Tom, reaching in his pocket for some tissues. ‘See, I came well prepared, I’ve been crying a lot recently.’
‘Oh, Tom, I’ve made you so miserable. How can you ever forgive me?’
‘I forgive you, and I love you. Please remember that.’
Trish shook her head and blew her nose.
‘I’m sorry I never told you the true story of why I had to have the skin graft. I told you I’d tipped over a pan of boiling water, but it was because my hand was weak.’
Tom raised his eyebrows to indicate that his wife should continue. She relayed the same details as she had to the police.
‘Look, I’ve already said, that’s in the past,’ replied Tom. We all did things we aren’t proud of. Do you know I broke a window in my neighbour’s house by kicking my football and I blamed it on my brother? He got such a beating as he’d done it before, but on that occasion it was me. I still feel bad about it to this day.’
‘But what about him?’
‘Oh, he can remind me how tough he was and how he didn’t cry when my Dad gave him a good hiding. I don’t think he’s one to bear grudges.’
‘Whereas, I am one to bear grudges.’
‘I didn’t mean that. I shouldn’t have said it.’
‘Don’t worry. You can’t keep treading on eggshells all the time.’
‘No, I suppose not.’
‘I killed the squirrels. Did you not suspect?’
Tom shook his head. He felt slightly perturbed at the sudden change in subject. Trish seemed strangely detached. At times her eyes looked past him into the distance as if she was accessing a different world.
‘I got the idea from my Dad, I guess he wasn’t all bad. I found out he’d killed next door’s cat.’
‘Oh, God. When did you see that?’
‘One night when I couldn’t sleep, and I heard him in the garden. He’d lied about food for the hedgehogs, and so Bella, the cat, ate the poisoned food and he buried her in the garden. Mrs Granger, the neighbour, was distraught and got her son to put up posters on lampposts about Bella. They thought she’d wandered off and all the time she was in our garden. I wanted to tell them, but I knew my Dad would know it was me and I’d get a good beating.’
‘It’s hardly any wonder you were disturbed, was it?’ said Tom, shaking his head. ‘Well, you didn’t kill your guinea-pigs, did you?’
‘No, but I did abuse them by getting them to eat Salvia divinorum, I actually rigged up a sort of contraption to get them to inhale it. A balloon containing vapour from my e-cigarette. It worked to some extent, and they started to behave very oddly.’
‘Well, they are fine, and I enjoy looking after them. They are no trouble really.’
‘I think you should rename them.’
‘I didn’t know you had named them?’
‘Eugenia and Harriet! But I didn’t tell you. Decide on some new names and tell me when you next visit.’
‘OK, I will. I suggested Pinky and Perky before!’
‘You did but perhaps something different?’
‘OK, I accept the challenge.’
Tom was relieved his wife seemed much more animated and happier than when he’d arrived. She seemed back in the present, rather than occupying a distant land.
‘It was the birthmark. That’s how I knew. If the wasp hadn’t stung her, I’m not sure I would ever have realised it was her. She’d changed so much since I knew her at school. Her accent was different, her hair, her build. She’s still short like she was at school, but that’s not enough to recognise anyone is it? Besides, she was always quite plump in her schooldays.’
Tom wasn’t really following all she was saying, he frowned. Trish hadn’t mentioned this about the wasp before.
‘At the inquiry, it was so hot and a wasp must have got in somehow. Gina has a most distinctive egg-shaped port-wine birthmark on the side of her neck, quite low down.’ Trish indicated the area on her own neck. ‘Normally, I guess it’s covered with her clothes, but I saw it when we had gym at school.’
‘So that’s what caused you to pass out, not the images of the abuse at the care home?’
‘It must have been. It was the shock which triggered the amnesia and the memories. It’s a pity I don’t have amnesia about all the events in the past but those have been laid down and the foundations are so deep they will never be uprooted.’
‘No, they won’t, but you will learn to cope with them.’
‘I did learn to cope for many years. I had loads of counselling after Dad’s death and later when Andrew was killed. A lot of people who go into my line of work have mental health issues. It’s what drives them to help others.’
‘You did help lots of people over the years, try to remember that. You were good at your job.’
‘Not with Melanie though, I missed just how depressed she was. I think that was also a factor.’
‘A factor? How do you mean?’
‘Well, she had also been bullied at school, it sort of set my mind thinking about my own experiences. Together with seeing Gina, I suppose I became totally focussed on my past.’
‘Oh, Trish, I’m so sorry.’
‘She could have killed herself. I feel guilty about that. Thank God she is
OK, now. Well, I hope she is.’ Trish paused, distracted by some shouting from another table. ‘Do you think you could ask Francine how she is doing? I’d like to know she’s OK.’
‘OK, I’ll see what I can do, but she might not be able to breach confidentiality though.’
‘Please try. It will help me to know she’s recovering.’
‘OK, leave it with me.’
‘I sent the strange items to her office as well. I wonder whether she ever worked out who it was? Can you find out?’
‘Gina’s office?’
‘Yes, her chambers in town.’
‘What items, I don’t understand.’
‘Oh, I forgot, you don’t know, do you? I sent her packages which I thought would unnerve her. An unsigned card, then one was related to school, a notebook and the mouse had some skin removed to represent my skin graft.’
Tom’s eyes widened.
‘Sorry to upset you. You must be shocked to hear how devious I was. I was trying to mess with her mind. I even sent her on a wild goose chase to look at a house which was completely unsuitable and not even available for rent.’
‘But how did you know about that?’
‘I’d been following her and saw her go into an estate agent. I phoned up and pretended to be her. It’s amazing how helpful people can be. I just said that I’d changed my mind about the house I was interested in, they looked up my details and started chatting all about a house and so on. It all happened so easily.’
‘Where did you get the mouse?’
‘I bought it at the pet shop, then killed it.’
Tom listened in silence.
‘I just don’t want there to be any secrets between us. Oh, there was one more thing, I sent some cupcakes to her office. There was nothing wrong with them, but I wonder if she ate them?’
‘What do you mean by nothing wrong with them?’
Trish shook her head, ‘It doesn’t matter. It’s not important.’
‘But I still don’t know the full story of what she did to you. Do you want to tell me?
‘No, not now. But I’d like to know if Gina worked it out.’
‘Trish, I don’t think I can help you with that.’
‘I’ll get James to tell the police then. I thought it might have triggered her memories, but it seems she must have managed to erase them somehow. Unfortunately, I never did.’
Tom sat for a few moments. As the afternoon had progressed the conversation had revealed some disturbing information. It was upsetting to hear how scheming his wife had been as she had waged a psychological campaign of intimidation.
‘Trish, I don’t think it’s such a good idea to tell James about the items you sent to Gina’s office, or the phone call about the house.’
‘Oh, why?’
‘Well, it won’t help you, not in my opinion.’
Trish shrugged and appeared unconvinced.
‘Is there anything else you need me to bring tomorrow? Have you checked?’
‘I don’t think so. The toiletries are very posh by the way, thank you.’
‘Enough clothes?’
‘Yes, fine, I’m not going to be going out much,’ she smiled.
‘Trish, don’t.’
‘Sorry, I can’t help it. Isn’t it better I joke about things?’
‘Well, yes I guess so.’
Tom smiled, he had to admire his wife. She was certainly putting on a brave face but how much was bravado he couldn’t really gauge.
‘What if Beth and Derek want to visit?’
‘I don’t know, not at the moment, it will be too embarrassing. I need to think about it.’
‘OK, I’ll tell them that. They’ve not asked, but I just wanted to know how you felt about it, in case they do.’
‘No, not at the moment. Just you. I’d feel it a strain having to talk to them. I put Beth through enough with my incident at the inquiry. She had enough stress, and she ended up looking after me. Then I’ve done all these dreadful things, I won’t be surprised if they never want to speak to me again.’
‘They will do, they aren’t like that. They understand.’
‘They might say that but how do you know?’
‘Let’s not speculate. We will deal with things when we have to, that’s the best way.’
‘OK, you’re right.’
The bell rang to signal the end of visiting time and Tom looked at his watch as he couldn’t believe that the time was up so soon. It had passed in a flash, and now the gut-wrenching separation would begin, and he would have the lonely drive back with only his thoughts and the radio for company.
‘You’d better go,’ said Trish. ‘See you soon.’
They hugged and tears flowed again. The remand prisoners began to file back to their cells, and Tom joined the queue to leave the room. Trish turned back and gave him a wave which he returned and blew some kisses to her.
Chapter 53
‘Hello, Melanie, good to see you again,’ said Hannah, as she greeted her client in the waiting area.
Melanie stood and walked along the corridor with her therapist to the room they usually used, and they took their seats at the small low table.
Hannah could see that Melanie looked so much better than she had upon their first meeting. Her shoulders were more relaxed, and she held her head up higher. She no longer appeared to be shrinking her body to take up the least space. Some of the worry lines on her forehead were gone, and her face looked more relaxed and less pinched.
‘So, can you tell me how you’ve been feeling in the last week?’ asked Hannah.
‘I’ve been feeling a lot better, thanks. Do you like my new hairstyle?’
‘I was just going to mention it. Really nice, it suits you.’
Melanie’s hair was a good four inches shorter, now that her tresses just touched her shoulders, and she wore her hair down, rather than pinned up on top of her head. Her thick black mane looked lustrous as it shone in the autumn sunlight which crept through the vertical window blinds.
‘I went with Izzy at the weekend to a place in town. We both decided on new styles. Izzy went for something much more drastic. Sorry, I’m babbling on a bit,’ she said, self-consciously.
‘It’s OK, it’s good to hear that you are happy with your appearance. Have you felt in control of your thoughts this week?’
‘Yes, generally.’
‘Have you thought about your schooldays much?’
‘Well, I have thought a bit about them, not very much but when I have, I’ve told myself that the bullies can’t hurt me any longer. I keep looking at the letter I wrote to my bullies. I’m in control of my life now, not them.’
‘That’s really good, Melanie, well done. How about at night, do you have any bad dreams?’
‘I do sometimes, but they don’t bother me so much.’
‘Last time we talked about positive affirmations, and I gave you some sheets to look at. Did you get a chance to draw up a list which is specific to yourself?’
‘Yes, I’ve written them down. Do you want to see them?’
‘I’d like you to read them out to me, is that OK?’
Melanie seemed reluctant. ‘It’s embarrassing.’
‘There’s only me here. It’s important to think of yourself and your attributes. I’d love you to try.’
‘OK,’ she paused and appeared to take a deep breath before beginning, ‘I respect others, and I respect myself. People like me. I am an interesting person. I enjoy spending time with people. I have so much to offer, and much to contribute,’ she paused. ‘That’s all I’ve got so far.’
‘That’s an excellent start, Melanie. Now, try your breathing exercises. Relax your shoulders and let’s go through those again.’
**
Tom was driving up to Surrey to see Trish. After yesterday’s visit, he had arrived home physically and mentally drained. He wasn’t looking forward to telling her that he wouldn’t be able to visit each day, it was too much. Last evening, he had made himself some scram
bled eggs on toast and had then taken a quick shower before climbing into bed at 8 p.m., but despite his exhaustion, his sleep had been disturbed and fitful. There was so much churning around in his head that he just couldn’t relax.
Yesterday at times, Trish seemed like he’d always known her. Even tempered, fragile, slightly depressed and anxious. But at intervals, another Trish had broken through. As she seemed to drift from the present moment, she became detached and distant, and a coldness crept over her. He had been shocked as she revealed how calculating and well-planned her campaign had been. Not only that, her abuse of the guinea-pigs and the killing of the mouse had unnerved him. This was a side of her he would never have imagined existed. These thoughts had troubled him throughout the night, and in the small hours, they had been particularly disquieting. Had he never really known the real Trish at all in over twenty years of marriage?
However, once he was up and into his morning routine, those unsettling thoughts had shrunk more into the background, and he was feeling more positive. He just hoped that the trained professionals would be able to unravel the complex web of her emotions and pick through all the horrendous events of her formative years.
Chapter 54
A month later.
Gina had left the hospital after spending a couple of weeks in a rehabilitation unit. She spent most of her time in a wheelchair and was also learning to use crutches. There was a long road of recovery ahead, and a detailed plan had been developed, involving physiotherapy and counselling. It would be a couple of months before she could be fitted with a prosthesis and after that would follow more physiotherapy and training programmes.
‘You are sure you’ll be OK, this afternoon?’ asked Will.
‘Yes, fine. I’ve got everything here I need, and a taxi will take me to my physio appointment.’
Gina and Will had moved into Gwen’s bungalow in Broadstairs after only a couple of months in their rented house in Bridlegate Gardens. Under the circumstances, the letting agents had waived the normal six-month residency period. Before moving into the bungalow, they had quickly arranged some alterations, including ramps at the front and back doors, a shower stool and grab rails in the bathroom. They had replaced much of her mother’s furniture with theirs, having either discarded or donated the unwanted things to charity. Some of their items were currently in storage as there wasn’t room in the bungalow, but at least with their familiar possessions, it did feel like home.
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