by Sandy Smith
“I love you, Mum. Thank you. For everything,” I whispered into her hair.
When she finally sniffed and pulled away, I kissed her cheek and explained her new record player was at home but was a bit big to wrap and bring to the restaurant.
Nick glanced at the present, an autographed vinyl copy of Culture Club's album Colour by Numbers. “You’re a fan, I take it?” he asked.
“I listened to them every day when I was pregnant with Ky. When my parents were yelling at each other over what to do about their wayward daughter, I would put it in my Walkman and turn the volume up full. When I finally left, the Walkman and my Culture Club tape was the only thing I had time to take with me. But I… I don’t have it anymore.”
Nick smiled at her kindly, understanding there must have been more to the story but leaving it there.
When the waiter came to ask if we wanted anything else and we all shook our heads, Nick asked for the bill and the item at the hostess’s table.
I was confused for a moment until a gift wrapped in silver paper arrived. Nick handed it to Mum with a kiss on the cheek. “Happy birthday, Rhiannon.”
Mum did her normal gushing thank-you and told Nick he shouldn’t have bought her anything. Nick hadn’t said he was, and I hoped it wasn’t anything too expensive. Although the gesture was nice, Mum would feel uncomfortable with an expensive gift.
When she unwrapped it, she gasped and then looked up at Nick with wide eyes. “How on earth? I… I don’t even remember mentioning them. Oh my God.” I glanced over to see a complete set of Sweet Valley High books.
“I hope you enjoy them. I know there are newer editions, but I thought you might appreciate the original covers,” he explained warmly.
Mum wrapped her arms around him for a hug and sniffed again as she pulled away. “If Tim wasn’t so good in bed, I would seriously marry you.”
“Hey!” I complained. Just once could we have a meal without them embarrassing me?
“Hey!” Tim echoed, but then shrugged. “Actually, I’m okay with that.”
Nick’s face tensed. Not enough for Mum to notice, but I saw the muscles clench at his temple and the slight tightening of his lips. “Well, marriage is not something I’m ever going to be a part of, but I appreciate the sentiment.”
I frowned while Nick leaned forward to give Mum another quick peck on the cheek and wished her a happy birthday. As we made our way to the door, I tried to ignore Tim’s knowing gaze.
While we waited for the taxi, Mum and Nick chatted about Port Douglas, where her and Tim were headed for the week. I was shocked Tim had managed to keep it a surprise until that morning.
Tim gave me a hug and whispered, “You might not be there yet, but if that is a deal breaker, you need to talk about it now.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know if it is,” I whispered sadly.
“When I see Rhiannon sleeping next to me each morning, it isn’t the piece of paper that makes me grateful to be there.”
I nodded. As I watched the taxi pull away, Nick grabbed my hand and squeezed. “So, what’s the story with the Walkman and tape?”
I heard him, but my mind was a whirlpool of scenarios and questions with no answers running around frantically inside my head. He tugged gently on my hand to get my attention.
“Never? You’re never going to get married?” I asked instead of answering his question.
He dropped my hand, and I felt the loss as he shoved his hands in his pockets. He seemed to be thinking, inspecting the cracks in the pavement. I wasn’t going to like whatever he was concentrating so hard on working out how to say. “No. It’s not something that I am ever going to want. It’s not about the commitment. Not exactly. I… I don’t ever want someone to stay with me out of obligation or because a divorce would be messy or costly or inconvenient. And I want whoever I’m with to know that I am with them because I want to be, because I choose to be, not because of a piece of paper that has no bearing on whether I choose to be faithful or choose to even be present.”
“Whoever you’re with?”
“Sorry?” He looked up at me.
“Nothing.” I shook my head. This conversation was ridiculous. We hadn’t been together long enough for me to be thinking about us so seriously. And clearly Nick wasn’t thinking of me specifically. Just whoever. “Sorry, it was a bit of a surprise. Dinner was lovely. Thank you for that. The restaurant was amazing.”
Nick didn’t take the hint. He stepped forward, and his hands wound around my waist. “Whoever was not my way of saying ‘not you.’ If I was honest about what I see for our future, you would probably run screaming for the hills… Well, you aren’t really a screamer, but you would run for the hills mumbling stoically.”
I studied his face as he continued to look into my eyes. I wasn’t sure we were ready for that conversation yet, but the idea Nick had even thought of our future warmed me, and I leaned forward and gently rested my forehead on his.
“I’m not running anywhere,” I murmured.
Chapter Fifteen
Nick was busy Friday night, so I moped around the house and played on social media. How had I had gone from relying on my privacy and enjoying the solitude to feeling restless simply because Nick wasn’t here? I was bored, which led to porn, obviously. Damn, RopeTrainKeep’s new video was released on Monday. How did I miss that?
I had an early night.
Saturday Nick and I spent shopping, catching a movie, and then having a lazy night on the lounge in front of Netflix. But my pillow was warm and blew me when the movie got boring, so who was I to complain? Nick wanted to head home to get some stuff done before the barbeque so I headed to the gym, promising to pick him up at one o’clock.
When I arrived, he was just finishing up an email, and when he stood, I swear to God I started salivating. “Well, hi.”
“Hi yourself.”
“Umm, as much as those clothes are having an extraordinary effect on my dick, perhaps you want something more casual.”
“More casual? I’m wearing shorts!”
“Yes, but dressy shorts. And a button-up shirt.”
“There is no such thing as dressy shorts. They’re bloody shorts. They can’t by definition be any less dressy.”
“Can you jump in the pool with them on?”
He frowned. “What would you like me to wear?” Then I realized he was looking unsure. He was probably nervous about meeting my friends, and I was a dick.
“Shit, I’m sorry, Nick. It really doesn’t matter what you wear.”
“No, no. Please tell me. I don’t want to embarrass you.”
I hated he thought that was even possible. “I would never be embarrassed by you. You could turn up in a clown suit or a mankini, for God’s sake, and I wouldn’t be embarrassed by you. I’m sorry. You do look amazing—I just want you to be comfortable. Please forget I said anything.”
I offered a few creative ways to make it up to him, which had the desired result of making him smile. But when Nick excused himself to grab his overnight bag, he came back in nice board shorts and a t-shirt under a white button-up with the sleeves rolled up. I decided not to say anything while Nick switched off the lights and headed to the door. We took my car to Alex’s, parking next door at Mum’s and dropping our bags inside before walking across.
I explained on the way that Alex always hosts the footy grand final every year, but especially with the job he was on at the moment maybe needing undercover work, he thought this was a good excuse for a party. Even though it wasn’t supposed to last more than a couple of weeks and he would be home well before Christmas. When we crossed the front lawn and jumped over the small fence separating the yards, I was surprised to see David’s car in the driveway, figuring he would have run a mile at the thought of all of us in his yard. He didn’t usually stay around for the party. The front door opened just as we were walking across the lawn to the path, and David and Olivia, or Lolly, as Alex called her, walked out, each carrying a small overnight bag. I shuffled
the esky to the other hand and reached for Lolly’s bag, giving her a kiss on the cheek as I took it.
“Hi sweetie,” she greeted me before looking over at Nick.
I gave David a quick hug before making the introductions. “Nick, this is Deputy Commissioner David Hanson, my boss. Well, my boss’s boss and Alex’s grandfather. And this is Olivia Hanson. Guys, this is Nick, my boyfriend.” I felt myself puff up when I said boyfriend. Even though we had agreed on the label, I didn’t actually get to introduce him that way very often.
I mustn’t have been too subtle because Nick smirked and Olivia chuckled before they all shook hands. After a little small talk, they confirmed they were going to be staying in the city for the night. As David opened the car door for Lolly, he added, “Have fun, and no driving.”
“Of course not,” I agreed.
“Oh, and you may be playing catch-up. Alex and Xander started drinking a while ago, and they are probably half baked by now. They are nowhere near as subtle as they think. Like I don’t know what weed smells like. They’re your problem now.”
I chuckled, and we headed around the side of the house, using the code on the side gate that hadn’t changed since I was a kid. So far, only a few guests were there, with people chucking bags of ice on the beers in plastic tubs and a couple of people I didn’t know in the pool. As David had said, Alex and his best friend Xander pretended to be fussing with the pool filter behind the rock wall while smoking a joint. They were randomly yelling instructions to a friend of Alex’s to get him to move or lift something just to watch his muscles flex.
After introductions, Nick and I grabbed a beer each and wandered around the yard. Alex had set up a huge outdoor screen in the shade with a projector. Beach umbrellas in various colours and lounge chairs were scattered around the pool. We found a spot amongst the tables and chairs on the decking area.
Slowly, people started filtering in, and I introduced each person to Nick and told him a little about them. There must be around fifteen or twenty people, and Nick managed to use every person’s name correctly. I don’t know how the hell he kept them all straight. We jumped in the pool a few times but spent most of the afternoon sitting around chatting. Catching up with a few friends I didn’t see very often was good, and I was so glad Nick was relaxed and seemed happy to be there.
When Nick excused himself to use the bathroom, Alex made his way over. He sat next to me and sculled the rest of my drink. “So…”
I raised an eyebrow. “So, what?”
“So can I bring Xander as my plus one?”
“You need to stop smoking weed, dude. You are making no sense.”
“Your wedding, dipshit.”
I froze. I had never even considered marriage until Nick’s announcement put it front and centre. It was a piece of paper, so why was I feeling like I had lost something I hadn’t ever considered I wanted?
Alex misunderstood my reaction. “He’s in love with you. And I’m guessing it’s mutual. You two will be married next year. Just make sure you give me some notice, okay? It will take time to plan your bachelor party.”
“Ohh, bachelor party. Can we go to Slide? Please? They have the best dancers,” Xander pleaded, clapping his hands enthusiastically.
“Jesus,” I muttered. I got up to take our bottles to the recycle bin and, more importantly, escape that conversation.
Nick walked back out in time to save me, and the conversation turned to Xander’s dance teaching. Xander was a professional dancer, and he juggled performing and teaching, so he entertained us with stories of some of the tiny tot classes. “So, we played teepees and Indians for warmup, and Christian was new to that class. You remember Christian, don’t you Alex? Redhead kid with the straight uptight dad with a stick up his arse?”
Alex nodded, and Xander continued, “So anywho, Christian was the teepee, and Sienna had just crawled through his legs when he pees everywhere. Seriously, this kid must have a bladder the size of a truck. I have never seen that much pee come out of anybody, let alone a four-year-old. If Sienna wasn’t the fastest kid you have ever seen, this would have been a far worse story.”
Everyone started laughing, and Xander waved his arm and shushed everyone. “No, no, that’s not the best bit. I walk Christian over to the door so he can go clean himself up, and his dad, Mr. all-straight-stick-up-his-arse, says, ‘Son, you’re a bit young for watersports. You at least buy her dinner first’. I nearly peed myself too!”
The laughter and the stories continued, with barely anyone glancing to the big screen to watch the game.
As the sun set, we ordered pizza and sat around complaining about co-workers and bosses from hell. Nick and I took our paper plates to the recycle bin and went inside to wash our greasy hands. Someone had stolen Xander’s seat while he was cleaning up, so he sat on Alex’s lap.
Nick glanced at them on the way back out the door. “They make a cute couple. How long have they been together?”
I snorted and called out, “Hey Xander, Nick said you two make a cute couple. How long have you guys been dating?”
He grinned at me and threw his arm around Alex’s shoulder. “Oh honey, he should be so lucky.” And he laughed.
Nick looked at me confused, and I explained. “They aren’t a couple. Xander’s straight.”
“Seriously?”
“Yep. They’ve been best friends since they were thirteen, but nothing more. I think Alex had a bit of a crush on him when they were in high school, but he never confirmed it. They are great together, though. Alex has always been an affectionate person. He wants to hug and be close, but he doesn’t trust easily, so he clings to Xander and me, but I have never really seen him date.”
“Seriously?” Nick repeated, still seemingly stuck on the whole Xander was straight thing. I shrugged.
By the time the game ended, a few of the guys were messy drunk. When a deck of cards landed on the table and Xander announced strip poker, I figured it was time to head back to Mum’s. I was pleasantly buzzed but not too drunk to take advantage of my boyfriend.
When I suggested we head off, Nick said he was happy to play if I wanted to. I knew he was a good poker player from hearing a few of his and Eric’s university stories, but I still said it was time to go. I said goodbye to the crowd, and Nick took a minute to say goodbye to each person by name.
Once I got to Alex, he threw his arms around me and hung on. He whispered in my ear, “I like him.” I squeezed him a bit harder to thank him and made him promise he would be safe if he needed to go undercover. “It’ll be easy peasy. I’ll be in and out so quick they won’t even notice me, and I won’t be far.”
I nodded, acknowledging that he was at least saying he would be working in NSW but couldn’t tell me anymore. I wondered briefly if David knew anything, but I knew better than to ask.
As we wandered back through the side gate and across to Mum’s, Nick’s hand slid down my back and rested with his fingers inside the waistband of my board shorts. “I really wouldn’t have minded staying. It’s not like I would have been naked,” he said smugly.
“Yeah, I doubt you would have cared about being naked,” I chuckled. “And Nick, I have complete faith in you, but I know Alex. I have seen him play at the casino. He was asked to leave.”
“He’s nothing like I pictured,” Nick commented as he kicked a pebble along the path.
“Alex?”
“Mmmhm. I pictured a super smart geek who could kill me with both hands tied behind his back like James Bond, MacGyver, and Sheldon Cooper all rolled into a package that looked like a MI5 agent. Not a tattooed kid that looks like he is in a punk band hiding in the back of the yard smoking drugs.”
I laughed because he didn’t see that it was exactly right. “That is exactly who he is. He wouldn’t be a good MI5 undercover agent, or AFP agent in this case, if he looked exactly like an AFP agent, now would he? How he looks to you is a complete illusion. The tattoos, the clothes, the hair, it is all one hundred percent him, but not all of who
he is all at the same time. I honestly can’t explain him any more than that.”
“How does his granddad feel about the tattoos and piercings? Doesn’t really mesh with the conservative-looking police officer image.”
“David absolutely adores Alex. He has never cared about that stuff. He knows that Alex is a good man, and that’s all that matters. I think Lolly worried that the ink could affect his work, but it really hasn’t. Where he works doesn’t have the same rules. He isn’t the sort of AFP agent that is seen by the public officially. He has told me what some of the tattoos mean, but some are a mystery. Which is exactly Alex. Some of the piercings come out if he has a meeting with people they may offend or anything official. And he has the most serious make up kit you have ever seen not owned by a drag queen. He covers the tatts if needed.”
Tim and Mum were watching Stranger Things when we got home, and we chatted briefly. Mum and I chatted about a few of my friends at the barbeque, as well as her work friends and what they got up to on girls’ night. Tim showed Nick a political tweet he thought was way funnier than I did, before they friended each other on Facebook. Once they had finished exchanging dirty memes, Tim asked me about a photo from a costume party I had been tagged in, and Nick laughed at our outfits. The photo showed the five of us dressed as the Village People as well as Ant, Giles, and Owen, who were each dressed as different phases of Britney. It was a photo from Halloween several years ago when my friends and I ran into Ant.
“Oh my god” Tim laughed “you as a cowboy!”
“Hey” I complained “I made a damn fine cowboy, thank you very much. I didn’t hear too many complaints that night”